Dragon Laffs #1841


header1841

0aa3

Good Morning Campers,

Well, Christmas Day has come and gone … that was yesterday and we are marching towards New Year’s Day.  I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.  We had an interesting holiday here  at the Dragon residence.  Talked to my son and the Grand Kids, and got a chance to talk to Papa Dragon Most Senior and his wonderful wife.  That was awfully nice.  Spent the day with family.  The day before Christmas, which was my birthday, we had some friends stop by and do a wonderful thing for us.  Which we really needed since we also got some really bad news on my birthday…of course, since it’s still 2020, but that exerciseris going to bleed over to 2021 … all the way to August.  But, we keep saying God has always provided and we’ll work this out, too.  More about that another time perhaps.  Since I’m writing this on Christmas Day with my lovely wife taking a nap and Izzy Dragon doing something up in her room that is eliciting a bunch of thumps upstairs … I should really find out what that’s all about … and both dogs napping near my feet, I don’t want to go into personal bad crap right now.

There’s enough stupid shit going on in the real world.  People setting bombs off on Christmas Day.  You guys here about this dump stuff?  Nashville, TN outside the AT&T building, someone parks an RV Thursday night and about 5:30 am Christmas morning there is the sound of gunfire, although when the police investigate no evidence of gunfire.  Then at about 6:15 this RV starts announcing: “Evacuate now.  There is a bomb.  A bomb is in this vehicle and will explode.” and then starts this 15 minute countdown.

And then blows the fuck up! 

And one witness who lived across the street and had her windows blown out on Christmas morning said, “Well, they did give fair warning.”

Okay … is it just me … am I the only one who thinks that, even WITH “fair warning”, you shouldn’t be setting off bombs in people’s neighborhoods?  Or am I just wrong thinking? 

“We gonna be blowin’ your shit up, but we gonna give you fifteen minutes to move outta the way.”  And she thinks that’s okay?  Now, mind you, I’d rather get the warning than NOT get the warning, but still people…WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING????  I gotta know who’s behind this crap and what kind of friggin’ statement they were trying to make.  This is insane.

Anyway … I hope you guys had a nice Christmas at your house.  I got all kinds of wonderful Christmas messages over the BIG Christmas issue that was put out on the 24th.  That was a huge amount of fun to do, even if it took a whole lot out of me.  Don’t expect anything like that for New Year’s…first of all, I don’t have anywhere NEAR that many New Year’s cartoons and second of all, I don’t have anywhere NEAR that much time and third of all, I don’t have anywhere NEAR that much energy and third of all … no … fourth of all … damn, I lost my train of 3cathought … I lost something and don’t have enough of something else.  Let’s just leave it at that.

So, without too much fanfare or further ado, it’s time to get this issue started.  So, as we head into Boxing Day … do you know why it’s Boxing Day?  Well, first of all, Boxing Day won’t REALLY be until Monday because it’s supposed to be the first weekday after Christmas, which this year will be the 28th.  And according to wikipedia, the term Boxing Day MIGHT refer to the alms boxes set up in churches to give to the poor, but the holiday basically celebrates the fact that anyone who might, in some small way, work for you, should, could, and shall expect a small gift from you or Christmas Box.  A gratuity, if you will, for the tradesmen, postal workers, servants, and the like.  So, in-other-words, nobody friggin’ knows where the term Boxing Day came from, but it’s a damn Bank Holiday in England, so … enjoy!

ribbon404 

405

Stephanie sends us this article … which may not be that surprising to most of us.

Are Men Idiots Who Do Stupid Things? Study Says Yes

A new study shows what at least some of us might have suspected for a long time: Men are idiots and do stupid things.

Okay … I don’t know about you, but I don’t really need a study to tell me that Men are idiots that do stupid things, but the article is funny and worth reading and here is the link and thanks Stephanie, dear friend.

https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2014/12/12/370414365/are-men-idiots-who-do-stupid-things-study-says-yes

409

Does the fertilizer make my hands bigger or give me more hands?  I’m not sure I like it either way?

410

Well, there’s your explanation, right there.

408

OMG!  And here’s another great story from … wait for it … Stephanie.  Thank you dear for ANOTHER really good story.  The headline above tells you all, but like any good reporter, Stephanie chases the whole story and here it is:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/02/05/wife-crashes-her-own-funeral-horrifying-her-husband-who-had-paid-have-her-killed/

411

That is a GREAT prank!

412

Don’t blame you brother, sounds like you are running out of time.

This next one is from Papa Dragon Most Senior and has some repeats, but some new ones and all funny

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.

It’s weird being the same age as old people.

When I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.

Life is like a helicopter.  I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.

It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.

Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers.  Is that true?
Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

If 2020 was a math word-problem:  If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?

I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.”  That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.

I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.

Cronacoaster – noun:  the ups and downs of a pandemic.  One day you’re loving your bubble, doing workouts, baking banana bread and going for long walks, and the next you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast, and missing people you don’t even like.

I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.

Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you.  Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.

I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.

You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.


We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

414

415

That’s my excuse.

426

Okay, that is sad, scary, and hilarious all at the same time.

Okay, breaking news … although by the time you guys see this, it probably won’t be breaking any more, have any of you guys who live in Nashville seen this RV?  This is the first picture of what the FBI thinks is the RV that had the explosives in it.  I couldn’t find it on line after it was on the TV, so I rewinded the TV and took a picture.

427

Just figured I’d do my part to get it out there.

Back to the issue.

416

Amen

417

A ballsy move to put up this sign, but I applaud them.

418

We’re going to war!  Time to get the tanks … and stuff!

419

3915

The past few years {25 – 30} I always felt the news was spoon fed to the masses, to see what they would swallow.
It all becomes a little clearer now.
*YES, the Governor of Michigan used to work for George Soros
* YES , CALIF GOV. GAVIN NEWSOME IS NANCY PELOSI’S NEPHEW.
* YES, ADAM SHIFF’S SISTER IS MARRIED TO GEORGE SOROS’ SON.
* YES, JOHN KERRY’S DAUGHTER IS MARRIED TO A MULLAH’S SON in IRAN
* YES, Hillary’s daughter Chelsea IS married to George Soros’ nephew.
* YES, ABC News executive producer IAN CAMERON is married to SUSAN RICE, Obama’s former National Security Adviser.
* YES, CBS President DAVID RHODES is the brother of BEN RHODES, Obama’s Deputy National Security Adviser for Strategic Communications.
* YES, ABC News correspondent CLAIRE SHIPMAN is married to JAY CARNEY, former Obama White House Press Secretary
* YES, ABC News and Univision reporter MATTHEW JAFFE is married to KATIE HOGAN, Obama’s former Deputy Press Secretary .
* YES, ABC President BEN SHERWOOD is the brother of Elizabeth Sherwood, Obama’s former Special Adviser.
* YES, CNN President VIRGINIA MOSELEY is married to TOM NIDES, former Hillary Clinton’s Deputy Secretary
THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL A “STACKED DECK.”
IF YOU HAD A HUNCH THE NEWS SYSTEM WAS SOMEWHAT RIGGED AND YOU COULDN’T PUT YOUR FINGER ON IT, THIS MIGHT HELP YOU SOLVE THE PUZZLE.
This is “Huge” and is a ‘partial’ list since the same incestuous relationship holds true for NBC/MSNBC and most media outlets.
Trump has been right all along. Fake News is generated by this incestuous relationship.
YA THINK THERE MIGHT BE A LITTLE BIAS IN THE NEWS?

And here is a bunch of funny AOC … it’s also a bit scary when you think of how true it might be…

420

421

422

423

424

425

428

3916

TOP 10 REASONS WHY CYBER SEX IS BETTER
10. If the date goes bad, changing your Screen Name is easier then changing your real name.
9. Bathing, dressing, supplying atmosphere is optional.
8. If you get drunk and blackout, you only wake up next to a keyboard.
7. You can exercise your offensive habits without embarrassing yourself.
6. Viagra! Who needs Viagra?
5. Your partner could have more of a personality than your inflatable friends.
4. Three words: No shotgun weddings.
3. All guys look like George Clooney and all women like Pamela Anderson.
2. They never have to know you live in your parents basement.
1. If you catch a virus, only your computer dies.

3917

3918

Who would’ve thought one day we’d be smoking weed at a family gathering, but the illegal part would be the family gathering.

429

3919

Me:  This show is boring.

Boss:  Again, this is a Zoom conference.

3920

3921

Extraordinarily accurate analysis from a foreign country?  

 

Some people have the vocabulary to sum up things in a way that you can quickly understand them. This quote came from the Czech Republic. Someone over there has it figured out. It was translated into English from an article in a Prague newspaper.

 

 

“The danger to America is not Joseph Biden, but a citizenry capable of entrusting a man like him with the Presidency. It will be far easier to limit and undo the follies of a Biden presidency than to restore the necessary common sense and good judgment to a depraved electorate willing to have such a man for their president. The problem is much deeper and far more serious than Mr. Biden, who is a mere symptom of what ails America. Blaming the prince of the fools should not blind anyone to the vast confederacy of fools that made him their prince. The Republic can survive a Biden, who is, after all, merely a fool. It is less likely to survive a multitude of fools, such as those who made him their president.”

3922

3923

At 12:01 am on January 1, 2021, for the first time ever, Hind Sight will actually be 2020.  Thanks Lynn

3924

3925

Okay, you can’t read this, so I’m going to reprint it here:

Request Type

Inquiry Type Problem
Category Receiving Mail
Topic No Delivery/No Attempt > My Mail Was Delayed

Additional Detail:

How late was your mail:  Over 7 days

Type of Mail Piece: Package

What was the Class of Mail: Priority Mail 3-Day

Additional Information: I paid $110 for PRIORITY and it took EIGHT DAYS to get my parcel from downtown San Francisco to the San Francisco airport, a distance of 14.8 miles.  A turtle could have done that in four days.  Seriously, I looked it up.  An ordinary box turtle cruises 0.17 mph; it could make it from the Rincon Center post office to the cargo terminal of SFO in 87 hours.  The United States Postal Service took 179 hours to make the same trip.

And I had to wait in line at the post office.  There is no line at the turtle store.  I could have popped in, bought a turtle, strapped the parcel to its shell, and it would have gotten there in less than half the time.

Can I get a refund here?  A partial refund?  A complimentary box of turtle food?  Anything?

I laughed so hard at this.  I love this guy. 

3926

3927

There are allegedly around 6.5 million Finns, right?  That’s out of 7.125 billion humans.  That means Finns make up 0.0912% of the planet.

That’s not 9% – that’s point zero nine percent, less than a percent, less than a tenth of a percent.

To put it another way, 99.9% of the planet are not Finns.  How do we know this?  Government censuses.

Now, the best government censuses have a margin of error of a least 1%.  So Finns make up .0912% of the planet, plus or minus one percent.

In conclusion: there is a 50/50 chance Finland doesn’t exist. ~ Perkele

3928

3929

Yeah … me, too.

I love Christmas lights! They remind me of

the people who voted for Biden.

They all hang together, half of them don’t work, and the ones that do, aren’t all that bright.

3930

3932

Motivational6

No Student Drop Off

Nosy Cops

Who's The Boss

Why bother

Why is it

Why Yes

Why

why2

Why3

Wide Angle Lense

3933

3934

This was sent to me with the subject line: You’re stupid, but I like you anyway.  Which intrigued me … to say the least.  I am going to reprint the entire email here as an almost finale to this email so I can get it set up for tomorrow… thanks to someone named Sandy who sent it to the person who sent it to me.  I had a lot of fun going through it.

Do Not Cheat:  Answers Below:

Something for seniors to do to keep those aging gray matter cells active…not that YOU’RE that old


1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May.

What was the third child’s name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

8. What was the President’s name in 1975?

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field,

how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

 

 

 

Here are the Answers: (No peeking!)

1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May.

What was the third child’s name?

Answer: Johnny, of course.



2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

Answer: Meat



3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn’t discovered yet. [You’re not very good at this are you?]



4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.



5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer: Incorrectly



6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere.



7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

Answer: You can’t take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.



8. What was the President’s name in 1975?

Answer: Same as is it now – Donald Trump



9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.



10. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?

Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]



11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field,

how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.

 



IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1) You can’t count your hair.
2) You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can’t breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.

Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.

Ten (10) Things I know about you.

1) You are reading this.

2) You are human..

3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.

4) You just attempted to do it.

6) You are laughing at yourself.

7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.

8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.

9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.

10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

You have received this e-mail because I didn’t want to be alone in the idiot category.

 



TO ALL MY INTELLIGENTFRIENDS

Keep that brain working; try to figure this one out….


See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common.

 

1.          Banana
2. Dresser
3. Grammar
4. Potato
5. Revive
6. Uneven
7. Assess

Give it another try….
Look at each word carefully. You’ll kick yourself when you discover the Answer. This is so cool…..

REMEMBER I ONLY SENT THIS TO MY SMART FRIENDS:

No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters….
Answer is below!

Answer:
In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards,

2.          it will be the same word.

Did you figure it out?

No? Then send this to more people and stump them as well.

Then, you’ll feel better too…..!

 

 

 

      Kilroy Was Here:

 

 

3935

3936

3937

3938

And one final thought for the day …

The Difference Between Rich and Poor People

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, “How was the trip?”

“It was great, Dad.”

“Did you see how poor people live?” the father asked.

“Oh yeah,” said the son.

“So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father.

The son answered, “I saw that we have one dog and they had four.  We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.  We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.  Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.  We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.  We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.  We buy our food, but they grow theirs.  We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.”

The boy’s father was speechless then his son added, “Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are.”

Isn’t perspective a wonderful thing?  Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don’t have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

Thank you my friends.  You make it all worthwhile.  Life is too short and friends are too few.

403

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1841

  1. chuck says:

    i just wish “they” would call it the flu. which is what it is. . the numbers have never crunched.

  2. Leah D says:

    My granddaughter has covid. On Sunday, she left her daughter with her fiancés family, so she could wrap presents. On Monday, she was informed the father, who had no symptoms, went in for a covid test in readiness for surgery. He is positive, asymptomatic. Christmas day it hit her. She is very sick.
    Well, that’s a wrap on that story! Or how about She got a bum wrap? Never mind, I’ll just keep it underwraps.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s