Dragon Laffs #1837


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Good Morning Campers,

Well, Thursday is here.  And it looks like I may finally get a little time off.  It seems President Trump has given us Federal employees an extra holiday bonus this year and given us Christmas eve as a Federal Holiday.  That’s a wonderful thing.  Presidents Obama and Clinton, when Christmas Day fell on a Friday, gave us poor Federal employees half a day off on Thursday, so by my math, that makes President Trump twice the president that Obama or Clinton was. 

And if you use old math and not the new math that the kids are 407using, you’ll find that President Trump is at least twice the President that Obama and Clinton were added together.  I can even express it mathematically. 

Trump ≥ 2(Obama + Clinton)

And that, my dear campers, is old school math.

As Christmas gets closer and closer I am trying harder and harder to get into the spirit of the season.  But, it’s really hard this year, as I know it is for a lot of you guys as well.  I am going to lean heavily on you, my beloved friends, family, and fellow campers to get through this with a smile on our faces.  It’s important, if not for us, then for others who rely on us.

So, with that in mind, let’s start this issue rolling …

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Okay, so maybe that’s not the best way to start this issue with a smile, but COME ON!  You have to be a blind turnip to not see the shit that is going on in our country right now!  And for them to tell us to just shut up and take it is wrong!

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Of course you haven’t…because you’re all bought and paid for.  You’re all blind turnips.  Which is now the official Dragon Laffs Logo for anyone who refuses to see the truth. 

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Suitable for framing…

Can also be used just as a logo …

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And yes, my dear friends, feel free to copy it and paste it anywhere you like… or ignore it and never use it again.  But personally, I think it’s perfect for all the fucking lemmings out there who are blindly following along with the pack. 

Anyway … we need more laughter!!!

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Tom J sent me this really great old joke that I thought I’d share with you guys along with his little note that went along with it.

Hi Impish, I don’t know what made me think of this but I did. It’s old for me and I’m an old fart anyway. Could be that some of the younger ones haven’t heard about this poor old Italian who had a hard time at his hotel.

An Italian’s Tale

I’ma come here to a hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waiter I wanna two piss toast. He bringa me only onea piss. I tella him I wanna two piss–he say, “Go to the toilet.” I say, “You no unnerstan’. I wanna two piss ona my plate.” He say, “You better no piss ona DA plate you sonna ma bitch.” I don’t even know the man and he calla me sonna ma bitch!!

Later, I go to eata soma dinner at another restaurant. The waitress bringa spoon, Ana knife, but no fock. I say, “I wanna fock.” She tella me everbody wanna fock. I say, “You no unnerstan’. I wanna fock on the table.” She say, “You better not fock on the table you sonna ma bitch.” I don’t even know the woman an’ she calla me sonna ma bitch!

So I go back to my hotel, an’ there’s no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager an’ tell him I wanna sheet on the bed. He say, “You better not sheet on the bed you sonna ma bitch.” I don’t even know the man an’ he calla me sonna ma bitch!

So I go to check out and the man at the desk, he say, “Peace to you.” I say, “Piss onna you too you sonna ma bitch!!” I go back to Italy!

I don’t know…sounds like all the guys I used to go to school with.

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I know, right?  The naughty list is now the, “Hey, let’s try this.” List.  Right, Stephanie?  Where’s Stephanie?

And the funny thing is … the very next email I open up from Stephanie says, and I quote:

I wish I lacked critical thinking skills.  Y’all seem so happy.

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Wow!  Thanks, I needed that.

Here’s another oldie but goodie …

A man in Denver, CO. decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign which read “$10,000 a minute.” Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone. The pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God. The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Denver, Green Bay, Chicago, Milwaukee, and all around the United States, he found more phones, with the same sign, and got the same answer from each pastor.. Finally, he arrived in Texas . Upon entering a church in Fort Worth, Tx., behold, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read “Calls: 25 cents. Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor. “Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church, I have found this golden telephone and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 25 cents a call. Why?” The pastor, smiling, replied, “Son, you’re in Texas now. This is God’s country…it’s a local call.”

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From the top of the roof
To the top of the wall
Now dash away,
Dash away,
Dash away, all
Yes, even dragons like to reenact …

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All I want for Christmas is to be off the car warranty call list.

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This is wrong!  Why are we not shouting this from the roof tops?!

“Make Them Pay”: Michigan State Rep. Cynthia Johnson Instructs “Soldiers” to Go After Trump Supporters

by Patriot Outlook about an hour ago

The party of unity is putting out calls for “soldiers” to make Trump supporters pay for not signing on, mind, body, and soul to the Democratic agenda.

As first reported by the Daily Caller, Democrat Michigan State Rep. Cynthia Johnson took to Facebook live and began rallying what she calls “soldiers” to action against Trump supporters, with the agenda item being “make them pay.”

“So this is just a warning to you Trumpers. Be careful, walk lightly, we ain’t playing with you,” said Jones. “Enough of the shenanigans. Enough is enough. And for those of you who are soldiers, you know how to do it. Do it right, be in order, make them pay.”

According to the Daily Caller, Johnson did not respond to questions about her video.

Going to Johnson’s Facebook page where the video is currently displayed, you’ll notice that comments were turned off for the post and the only ones that were allowed to remain were posts cheering her on.

This can’t be interpreted as anything but a call to violence against Trump supporters. It’s a threat that Democrats should be forced to answer for, especially Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, who have been attempting to spread the idea of “unity” between the parties.

This, once again, proves that the idea of “unity” among the Democrats isn’t the unity one would typically think of, where two different sides come together out of mutual respect and willingness to cooperate. This is “unity” in the same way the borg want “unity.”

Biden and Harris should be made to answer for this. If the shoe was on the other foot, the mainstream media would be screeching from every working speaker and television screen about the violence and danger of Trump supporters, yet they’re quiet as church mice and continue to push the idea that the Democrats only what peace and togetherness as they “heal” this nation.

This isn’t pushing for healing. This is pushing for something that looks an awful lot like civil war.

This is CRAP!  I want to know why no one in the media is saying anything about this!  Because Patriot Outlook is absolutely right.  If this shoe was on the other foot the lame stream media would be screaming from every fucking rooftop! You2b2 know it, I know, and by GOD they know it too!  And why are we, the AMERICAN DAMN PUBLIC not holding them accountable!?  Cynthia Johnson, you should be ashamed of yourself!  To call yourself a State Representative!  You represent ALL of your people!  Not calling out half of them to go to war on the other half!  What kind of bullshit is that!  And Biden and Harris?  If you don’t call this Bitch out, then you are just as complicit in her bullshit as she is!  I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU TO BE A GROWN UP AND STAND UP AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.  You are supposed to be the “President and Vice-President Elect” (sarcasm added).  ACT LIKE IT!

Okay … I’m sorry I veered off track, it’s been a really crappy day for me and this essay  from Patriot Outlook really set me off.  We had our first real snowfall today and I slid off and hit a fucking light indicator pole on my way into the base this morning.  Before anyone gets too upset, there was no damage to me or the car and I just bent the little pole over at an angle, but the fucking paperwork and red tape when you damage government property is ridiculous!  Plus the overwhelming embarrassment of having a 3 mph accident and having to report to everyone about it … well … let’s just say … I’VE HAD A CRAPPY DAY!!  Just added to a crappy week, and a crappy month and a crappy … well … you get the idea.

So, on with the laughter…

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Fantasy Pic

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You guys have your “Alexia” devices that answers your questions and acts as an electronic servant.  I have Harvey … and he’s a little more … flexible than Alexia is.

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If you have baby fever, take a nap.

If you enjoyed the nap, don’t have another baby.

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I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables, but when I get home they’re just regular donuts.

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what a nice round

Yeah … I know, we’ve seen these before I think, but they were all attached, so it’s actually all one picture.

what a perfect

Yup, that one, too…so I’ll give you a few more.

what does this forbid

What has been seen

What really happened

What the government

what the hell

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You guys think 2020 is bad?

Just wait until it turns 21 and it starts drinking!

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I spent hours making a beautiful cake for my friend.  She asked what kind of cake it was and looked at me in absolute horror when I told her it was a hummingbird cake.

“But I’m a vegetarian!” she screamed at me.

I didn’t bother to explain.  Took my cake and left.

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And with that very lovely Christmas photo, I’ve got to call it quits for today.  still have work in the morning.  May you all have a much better day than I have had and make it full of laughter.

Cheers!

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1837

  1. Stephanie says:

    I appreciate the ..If you look for me….” letter. Just imagine how peaceful if we all followed His teachings. No liars, thieves, or people abandoned. Loving all and being servants to each other.
    I feel sorry about your accident, but ice slides happen. Myself and another lady were once in a wreck and neither one of us were anywhere near our cars. We were both at work.

  2. Leah D says:

    Oh, now you made me lonesome . . . for my brother, whose only swear word is crap and crappy!
    I finally got 32 gift bags made up. and with my husband’s help, wrapped three Huge and Heavy presents for the great grandchildren. The presents left, are small enough I can wrap them alone, and believe me, that speeds construction tremendously. We are almost ready to begin delivering . . . and a state wide snowstorm arrives.

  3. Dave says:

    Two Eskimos, Aput and Panuk, went out for a day of hunting. They were riding their snowmobiles out over the vast field of snow. They decided to split up and meet back here in about 4 hours. As luck would have it, Panuk’s engine let out a loud bang, squirted oil and started smoking. Panuk was the kind of mechanic that could barely tie his shoes, let alone fix an engine, so he just waited for Aput to come back. Right on time, Aput was at the meeting point, but no Panuk. So, He decided to travel the tracks in the snow to make sure his buddy was alright. “Maybe he has a moose or something big to take back and he’ll need my help”, he thought. After a short ride, he came across Aput, sitting next to his broken down snow mobile, just mumbling to himself. After a brief chat Panuk, being the local mechanic, agreed to look at Aput’s snowmobile. Aput told him, “I’m just going to eat my lunch while you check it out. After about 10 minutes, Panuk walked over to Aput and told him, “It looks like you blew a seal”, to which Aput replied, “No, That’s just mayonnaise from my sandwich”.

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