Dragon Laffs #1829


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Good Morning Campers and Happy Thanksgiving,

Today is a very special day!  A day where we take a few minutes out to remember what it is we are thankful for and I know how img10tough that might be in 2020, but I also know that if we think about it hard enough, we can come up with a couple of things.  Family, Loved Ones, Health, Happiness, Love, Laughter … there are a lot of things to be thankful for.  There are a lot of things to not be thankful for, but we are not going to talk about them today.  We have 364 other days of the year to talk about them.  Today, we are going to concentrate on the good things.  And the good things include laughter, as we always do here at Dragon Laffs, we are going to laugh.  That is our mantra … our motto … our way of coping.  So, let’s see what we can do about that with a Thanksgiving theme, shall we?

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This next one is an actual letter that has been shared over and over again and I’ve heard on the radio many times.  Thanks to John S. for sharing it here:

Dear Family,

I’m not dead yet. Thanksgiving is still important to me. If being in my Last Will and Testament is important to you, then you might consider being with me for my favorite holiday. Dinner is at 2:00. Not 2:15. Not 2:05. Two. 2:00! Arrive late and you get what’s left over.

Last year, that moron Marshall fried a turkey in one of those contraptions and practically burned the deck off the house. This year, the only peanut oil used to make the meal will be from the secret scoop of peanut butter I add to the carrot soup.

Jonathan, your last new wife was an idiot. You don’t arrive at someone’s house on Thanksgiving needing to use the oven and the stove. Honest to God, I thought you might have learned after two wives – date them longer and save us all the agony of another divorce.

Now, the house rules are slightly different This year because I have decided that 47% of you don’t know how to take care of nice things. Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the environment, but I’ll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal with.

House Rules:

1. The University of Texas no longer plays Texas A&M.  The television stays off during the meal.

2. The “no cans for kids” rule still exists. We are using 2 liter bottles because your children still open a third can before finishing the first two. Parents can fill a child’s cup when it is empty. All of the cups have names on them and I’ll be paying close attention to refills.

3. Chloe, last year we were at Trudy’s house and I looked the other way when your Jell-O salad showed up. This year, if Jell-O salad comes in the front door it will go right back out the back door with the garbage. Save yourself some time, honey. You’ve never been a good cook and you shouldn’t bring something that wiggles more than you. Buy something from the bakery.

4. Grandmothers give grandchildren cookies and candy. That is a fact of life. Your children can eat healthy at your home. At my home, they can eat whatever they like as long as they finish it.

5. I cook with bacon and bacon grease. That’s nothing new. Your being a vegetarian doesn’t change the fact that stuffing without bacon is like egg salad without eggs. Even the green bean casserole has a little bacon grease in it. That’s why it tastes so good. Not eating bacon is just not natural. And as far as being healthy… look at me. I’ve outlived almost everyone I know.

6. Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space.

7. I do not like cell phones. Leave them in the car.

8. I do not like video cameras. There will be 32 people here. I am sure you can capture lots of memories without the camera pointed at me.

9. Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the kids. I have nice things and I don’t put them away just because company is coming over. Mary, watch your kids and I’ll watch my things.

10. Rhonda, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat that has lived too many lives. I think staying home to care for the cat is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too. I can live with that. Can you?

11. Words mean things. I say what I mean. Let me repeat: You don’t need to bring anything means you don’t need to bring anything. And if I did tell you to bring something, bring it in the quantity I said. Really, this doesn’t have to be difficult.

12. Domino’s and cards are better than anything that requires a battery or an on/off switch. That was true when you were kids and it’s true now that you have kids.

13. Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas. Not showing up guarantees a card that may or may not be signed.

In memory of your Grandfather, the back fridge will be filled with beer. Drink until it is gone. I prefer wine anyway. But one from each family needs to be the designated driver.

I really mean all of the above.

Love You,

Grandma

And that, my dear friends, is the way a Grandma is supposed to sound.  And you know it all comes with a hug big enough to take your breath away.

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Okay, first and foremost, I am thankful for the love of my family and friends.  From my father, Papa Dragon most senior, to my wife, Mrs. Dragon, to my children, to my brothers, and sister, to my grandchildren, to my extended family, my Dart Family, my campers and Dragon Laffs family, my work family, my online family, my military and veteran family, the friends and family I’ve met over the years, and all the people who’ve touched my life over the last almost 62 years I’ve been on this earth.  The thousands … if not tens of thousands of people who I’ve come into contact with, interacted with, touched their lives and they have touched mine in one way or another have, at least in some small way, made me who I am today.  But, the ones whom I am truly thankful for are the ones who I mentioned above that I know I can reach out to at any time of the day or night and they know the same, that if they need, they can pick up the phone at 3 o’clock in the morning and I’ll by their side.

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Well, Tom J. gives us the continuing and bizarre adventures in Oregon…

Only in Oregon. Just thought I’d let you know, I will be celebrating the holiday with ALL my family and we say, “the governor can shove a turkey up her liberal ass!”

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It’s not often I’m speechless …. but this is pretty close.  Awwww come on.  We have to!  In celebration of the of the governor of Oregon, everyone say it with me:

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Yay!  Now, don’t you all feel better?

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So, I’m sitting here listening to 70’s rock while I’m working on this and what comes on?  American Pie.  By Don McLean.  Which leads me into the next thing that I’m thankful for.  Music.  Especially music that brings me back to a happier time.  Doesn’t have to be older music, although I do have a soft spot in my heart for 70’s rock and am a big fan of the Moody Blues, but I listen to just about everything.  Papa Dragon most Senior is a professional musician playing sax, clarinet and flute being a big fan of big band and jazz so I grew up with a lot of music in the house and my tastes run a bit eclectic.  And music that makes me FEEL is most to be thankful for.  For instance, every single solitary time before I teach a CBRN class, on the drive over from my office to the classroom, I play Burn It To The Ground by Nickelback just loud enough to not shatter the windows of the car and scare the natives.  I have a good sound system, so it sounds really good, but it gets me in the proper frame of mind to teach GIs about staying alive in crappy places and frightens the cops as I drive by the main gate.  So yeah, being thankful for music and being able to hear and appreciate good music, songs, lyrics, and allow it to get inside my head and flow with it and allow it to take me away from certain situations like it has in the past.  Mr. Blue Skies just came on and I’m going to listen for a minute while you guys continue reading.

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I am thankful for being able to read.  It has kept me sane over this whole COVID thing.  I read a lot.  I watch a lot of TV with Mrs. Dragon, but I read … A LOT.  I read because it teaches me things and allows me to escape and live in another world.  Right now I am reading a book called AS YOU WISH:  Inconceivable Tales From the Making of The Princess Bride by Cary Elwes (Westly and the Dread Pirate Roberts) and Joe Layden.  It is very well written and quite interesting, although not my usual cup of tea.  I usually read to live another life.  Think of it this way.  We are given one lifetime…but with books, we can live as many different lives as we can read books. I started reading before I went to kindergarten and haven’t stopped.  I wondered how many books I was reading.  I had to stop buying them, they got too expensive and too difficult to carry around with me.  like this last time I went to Michigan.  I was going for seven days, so I would have to bring seven books.  Eight just to be sure.  Do you know how much room eight books, even eight paperbacks take up in your luggage?  So several years ago I had to switch to digital.  Digital books are cheaper and more importantly, they take up much less room.  Anyway, back in the spring, I decided to keep track of how many books I was reading so I put an app on my phone.  Every time I finish a book, I click a button and it keeps track.  Since April first, I’ve read … let me check …  82 books.   Wow, I’ve slowed down.  82 books in 239 days.  That’s 1 book every 2.9 days.  For a while there I was at 1 book every 1.9 days.  But, I’ve been busy.  So, it looks like I’m averaging 120 books a year.  If you figure that the average paperback costs like $8.99 to $9.99 right now, that’s $1,100 a year in books!!!!  That’s an expensive habit.  I’ll bet I don’t spend a tenth of that electronically.  Anyway, that’s my next thing to be thankful for … books and reading.  Weird list, right?

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It’s not actually.  It should be 325…

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So, what else are we thankful for?  Well, my grandkids are going to be over and they are going to be doing some yard work for me while they are here … so I’m really thankful for that! 

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Something else I’m thankful for … no restraining orders in my past … that I’m willing to admit to.

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The next thing I am thankful for  … was just mentioned in the last meme.  The turkey part, too.

Happy Thanksgiving

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I Have the Honor21 (2)

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More Stuffing25 (2)

Not Christmas yet

Now, They'll Never Leave27 (2)

Once We Start29

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Thanksgiving

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What to do with Your Stuffing42

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And that’s it my wonderful friends.  And you know it’s you that I am thankful for the most!  Well, second most.  LOL!  May you all have a truly wonderful and thanks filled day.  My love to you all.

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1829

  1. Stephanie says:

    I know what you mean about the price of books. I still purchase a few every year. Stan and I go walking next to a free library a couple of times a week and I exchange many books there.

  2. Leah D. says:

    I am nominating Mr Blue Sky to be our celebratory song when covid is gone! Thanks for the mention, I hadn’t heard it or thought of it for so long. I too, am a music fanatic. I swear I could teach some world, definitely US history, just have students come to class and listen to songs.
    Like you, I read 350, and thought, no, 325! Don and I were sad the days of 30+ family members would come here for Thanksgiving, were gone. Then we made a great giant leap forward when we discovered our 10 pound turkey (just him and I), was so tender, compared to the 30 pound we used to cook. Like I always say . . There is good in everything!

  3. Sasquatch says:

    One thing from my list of things to be thankful for…. another fine edition of Dragonlaffs. All the best to you and yours.

  4. Larry says:

    I haven’t heard of the Moody Blues a long long time. Love their music!!

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