Good Monday Morning Campers,

I know that sounds a bit oxymoronic, but there you have it.  It is Monday and we need to do the best we can with that.  I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.  I had a good Sunday, I spent most of my day working on Dragon Laffs and relaxing after working on Saturday and a long week, I hope to take a little extra time off this coming week to make up for it, but I don’t have high hopes.

But, for now, let’s all sit back, grab a cup of what’s best for us and …

Oh my dear Lord!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Christopher Lowell of Honolulu, Hawaii who passed along today’s story. Officer Lowell works as a traffic investigator with the Honolulu Police Department and related this from personal experience. It seems the officer contacted a bozo who was suspected of being involved in a hit and run accident. When the bozo called Officer Lowell back it was after hours, so the bozo left the following message on police department voice mail. “Hello, this is Mr. Yamamoto. I just want you to know that I wasn’t involved in any accident and I don’t know what this is all about. Besides, after I hit the guy I didn’t notice any damage to my car…and…I mean…oh, Hell, how do I erase this….aaaaarrrrgggghhhh….>click

At what point can we just start using 2020 as a swear word?

As in:

“What a load of 2020.”

“What the 2020?”

“Absa-2020-lutely!”

The Bozo criminal for today receives the Bozo Ultimate Double-Solid-Gold Bad Timing Award. From Winston-Salem, North Carolina comes the story of a bozo claiming to be Jerry Cain who walked into a bank and tried to open an account. He had a birth certificate, social security card, even a bottle of prescription medicine with the name Jerry Cain on it. Even with all this information, the teller refused to open an account for our bozo. What he didn’t know was that of all the banks in the city, the bozo had chosen the bank that Melinda Cain worked at — she is the late Jerry Cain’s widow. The bozo had used information from Mr. Cain’s obituary to obtain his social security number and birth certificate and then he had the unfortunate luck of walking up to Mrs. Cain’s window at the bank. Incredibly, Mrs. Cain stayed calm and stalled the bozo while another employee called the cops. The bozo was still arguing with Mrs. Cain claiming to be Mr. Cain when police arrived.

COVID is hitting everywhere really hard right now.  They are talking about not letting people get together for the holidays and Leah D wrote in the comments that it is so bad where she is that for the first time they have adult patients in the children’s ICU.

I track the numbers here in Indiana as part of my job and I’ve seen a huge uptick in both state numbers and in the local numbers (the counties around where I work) but I don’t think it’s beyond our expectations.  This virus likes the cold…and the cold weather has shown up now.  So, the virus is more prevalent.  They say they have a vaccine that is supposed to 90% effective.  We’ll see.  It’s a virus, it mutates.  Just like the flu. 

Now, violence and protests erupt overnight last night in Washington after the million MAGA march yesterday.  The whole world is going to hell in a hand basket.  We need to laugh some more.  Damn, even dance class is getting tough:

And Aussie Pete is sending us translations:

Okay, that’s not right!  Bugger Off means to Rack Off and Rack Off means to Get Nicked, so does Bugger Off mean to Get Nicked?  Aussie Pete is going to tell me no.  I just know he is.

I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Amsterdam, The Netherlands, comes the story of a bozo criminal who stole the hubcaps off a woman’s car. A week later the woman received a package at her home containing the hubcaps with an enclosed note which said, “You’re lucky. They didn’t fit.” The bozo wasn’t so lucky. He put his return address on the outside of the package.

When I was little, I used to throw these really bad temper tantrums …

Yes, I know it’s been done before, but it’s such a good one.

You know you’re getting older when “Friends with Benefits” means having someone who can drive at night.

Two little boys were at a wedding when one of them leaned over and whispered to the other and asked, “How many wives can a man have?”

His friend answered, “Sixteen … four better, four worse, four richer, four poor.”

Damn!  How did a picture of my ex get in there?

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?”

“Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the person and ask them to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” I said.  “A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No,”  He said.  “A normal person would pull the plug.  Do you want a bed near the window or the door?”

Oregon sounds like an interesting place to have lunch.

Remember when people had diaries and got mad when someone read them?  Now they put everything online and get mad when people don’t.

When a male Octopus finds a mate, he rips off his penis and throws it at the female Octopus so she can inseminate herself.  Then the male grows a new penis.  If that isn’t the most epic way to tell someone to go Fuck Yourself, I don’t know what is!

And you can’t come up with the more perfectly epic place to end an issue then right there!  That’s it for me today guys, I’m outta here.  Gonna spend the rest of the day listening to the wind blow and relaxing.