Dragon Laffs #1824


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Good Morning Campers,

Today is Saturday … well, actually, today is Wednesday, but you are reading this on Saturday, therefore, today is Saturday and while you are reading rain cloudthis I am teaching CBRN Defense Training to a bunch of Air Force GIs on an Alternate Unit Training Assembly (UTA). 

Our Governor just announced that he will be enacting more lock downs, this time by county and some media outlets, including the New York times, are now describing the mounting evidence of voter fraud on a massive scale as  “factually accurate misinformation.”  Can someone please tell me what the fuck “factually accurate misinformation” is?

A well understood, and agreed upon lie?rain cloud 2

A well played collaborative fraud?

Yes, dark rainy clouds …

That’s my mood and I’m sticking with it.  So, as you can see, laughter … lots and lots of laughter.  It is sorely needed, hopefully not as much over the next couple of days as it is right now, but boy oh boy is it needed right now, so let’s see if there isn’t something we can do about that.

Let's Laugh 5

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If there is anybody alone and have no one to spend Thanksgiving with this year, please let me know.

I need to borrow some chairs.

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The Bozo criminals for this morning come from the International File. From Ishioka, Japan comes the story of two teenage would be bank robbers, a 17 year old male and his 16 year old female companion. The two enter a bank with the boy brandishing a pair of kitchen knives as weapons. At first, the boy threatened a customer, but the customer just ignored him and walked away. Our bozo then turned to the teller. Just as he begins to threaten the teller, his girlfriend starts telling him what a bad job he is doing of being a bank robber. The two lovebirds then get into a heated argument. So heated, in fact, that they don’t even notice the teller set off the silent alarm. When police arrived, our bozo robber was standing in the middle of the bank, screaming for someone, anyone, to give him some money, while his girlfriend urged him to hurry up.

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Young thug dragon

 

Impish Dragon Quote of the Day:

The reason I am old and wise is because God protected me when I was young and stupid.

 

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Really Bad Analogies Written by High School Students

  1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
  2. he was as tall as a 6’ 3” tree.
  3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
  4. From the attic came an unearthly howl.  The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30.
  5. John and Mary had never met.  They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
  6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
  7. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
  8. He was a lame as a duck.  Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame.  Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
  9. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
  10. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
  11. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
  12. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.

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Did You Know:  Hey!  You’re back!  Type O Blood was actually meant to be Type Zero Blood, due to the lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells.  It was misread and is now called Type “O” blood.  I guess you could call it a typoOh that was awful!

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Got this really nice comment from Leah D. on Wednesday’s Veterans Day issue:

Leah D

I was in my 30’s before I went to college. People tended to group with others who came from the same Country, Religion, spoke a language no one else understood . . . one of the later groups, was the Veterans.

It’s amazing how we clump together sometimes.  I’ll meet someone, hit it off with them and only find out later on that we have that one little thing in common … when it was actually pretty obvious the whole time.

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It’s B-E-F-O-R-E, not B4.  We speak English, not BINGO.

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Sometimes napping with your sweetie is the best thing to do on a warm Saturday afternoon

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The economy is bad, if the bank returns your check marked “insufficient funds”, you call and ask if they meant you or them.

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Gotta love James Woods …

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I can’t dance to save my life, but when I step in dog shit, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson.

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My sister-in-law … yeah, she’s a little on the weird side.

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You can’t truly call yourself an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes its layout.

Which mine recently did and I recently did.

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Maximum Capacity

Trailer Court

Trailer Parks

training

Transformers

Transitions

Trees

trophy wife

True Blood

True Story

truelove

true-love2

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I don’t “rise and shine”.

I caffeinate and hope for the best.

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Did You Know: IKEA is an acronym for Ingvar Kamprad Elmtard Agunnaryd, which is the founder’s name, the farm where he grew up, and his hometown. 

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2 INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT ME:

1) My penis is not as long as a foot long subway sub

2) I’m banned for life from Subway

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Some days even the devil sits back and admires my work.

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Amen!

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A bacteria walked into a bar and the bartender said, “We don’t serve bacteria in this place.”

The bacteria said, “But I work here, I’m staph.”

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Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people.

We haven’t met yet.

 

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And speaking of groceries, that’s it for me folks, cause I’ve got to run out to the store before they close cause the Dragon household needs stuff and since I’m working tomorrow and will have the car, it needs to be tonight.  So, that’s it for me for now, hope you all have a wonderful weekend.  Love and wellness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #1824

  1. Leah D says:

    Covid so bad here, for the first time, they have adult virus patients in the Primary Children’s Hospital ICU.

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