Dragon Laffs #1782


Header1782Good Morning Campers

Good Morning Campers,

It’s Saturday morning and I am writing this as most of you are reading the last one.  I have the news on and I really shouldn’t.  It’s pissing me off.  They are talking about the NFL football season, which I’m not going to watch because of the whole pandering to the kneeling thing, which, as a Veteran is wrong on SO many levels and the playing of the black anthem.  I don’t have a problem with the black anthem, but there is ONE NATIONAL ANTHEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.  PERIOD.

And just as an aside.  If we play a black national anthem, isn’t that as racist, since we don’t play a white anthem, and a red, yellow, etc.?  And don’t tell me that The Star Spangled Banner is the white national anthem because it’s not.  It’s everyone’s national anthem because it is a song about the creation of this great country that so many of you seem so intent on tearing apart.  (Yes, I’m talking to you, Democratic National Party! and George Soros!)

Okay, let me kick that soap box back under the table before I climb up on it for the next hour or so … anyway, what was I saying … oh yeah … news on the TV and shouldn’t be … we have a thing here, not sure if it’s everywhere or not … “knozone no action day”  … the heat index and the humidity and the sun divided 401by the time of day times the season and the square root of the month means that you aren’t supposed to fill up your gas tank at the gas station or mow your lawn until after 7 pm unless you are a left handed vampire in which case you can … I don’t know.  There’s so many screwy rules… but yet they are also running some Indy Ultimate marathon in down-town Indianapolis with 1500 people participating in some 6 mile obstacle run (wearing masks or maintaining their 6 foot social distancing) in weather where they say you will get burnt to a crisp by the sun in fifteen minutes or less.3a1

I’d like to raise my hand and ask a question … cause I see a little bit of a problem with this situation … sigh.

I don’t normally agree with kitties … but yup… I’m on your side kitty cat. 

Oh … and one more thing before we get started … let’s play school … spelling bee …

Moderator:  Impish your word is Hypocrite, Hypocrite …

Impish Dragon:  [Leans into the microphone] Hypocrite, that would be  … can you use it in a sentence please?

Moderator:  Certainly, A person who says one thing and does another is a hypocrite.

Impish Dragon:  Okay, thank you … um … hypocrite … yes … hypocrite …
F … A … U … C … I …  Hypocrite!

Moderator:  That is correct!

402

Does he not have a public relations guy that tells him, “Look, Doc, under no circumstances let anyone take your picture tonight at this game without a mask on.”  What a dumb ass.

Okay,  now at long last, it’s time to laugh.

Let's Laugh1

2044

2045

403

2046

2047

REMEMBER THAT TIME

REPUBLICANS RIOTED

BEAT INNOCENT DEMOCRATIC VOTERS,

DESTROYED PROPERTY

AND TORCHED AMERICAN FLAGS?

ME NEITHER.

404

405

The news is so disturbing and anxiety inducing … so to relax, my husband and I are watching The Shining.

406

407

I’ve gotten quite good at ventriloquism.

Scared the shit out of my gynecologist today…

408

409

I have no problem admitting when I’m wrong.

Like that one time I got married …

410

411

Did You Know:  (You’ve been gone for a while…)  Similar to Déjà vu, which means “already seen”, the term Deja reve is French for “already dreamed” and is used to describe the sensation that you’ve experienced something before in a dream.  (I’ve actually done that quite a bit.  I have a recurring dream … you’re really not interested at all, are you?)  (Not … not really)

413

The media is NEVER going to tell you the truth.

And this one logically follows the last one …

414

401

1952 Dodge Pickup Truck with an old-style swamp cooler mounted on the window.

The technology of an evaporative cooler was certainly simple and reliable enough: A canister with a ram tube, some kind of pad of porous material, and a reservoir of about a gallon of water to keep the pad wet. The cool air was then routed into the interior. The drier the air, the better they worked, so they were particularly popular in the southwest and not so much in the south or southeast.

There were several main manufacturers, and Thermador was one of the biggest. Firestone sold them in their chain of stores, back in the day. These swamp coolers were first made in the 1930s and finally petered out in the late 1960s or so, although one can still buy new ones for that typical overdone look, with every available and conceivable accessory that so many restored old cars sport.” (Curbside Classic, “Cold Comfort: Firestone Thermador Car Cooler (Evaporative “Swamp Cooler”)

by Paul Niedermeyer) When I was stationed at Holloman AFB in New Mexico, and lived in base housing, the houses didn’t have air-conditioning, they had swamp coolers on the roof.  There was no thermostat or adjustments, just a single light switch like on-off switch on the wall that wasn’t even labeled.  But you know what?  That house was the most comfortable house I’ve ever lived in before or since.  They work really well and they are really cheap, but they only work in places that are really dry.  It’s just a fan blowing air across water.

415

416

Man and Cockroach talking …

Man:  “My penis is ten times longer than your whole body.”

Cockroach:  “Yet I make your wife scream louder than you do.”

417

418

“You are what you eat.”

I don’t remember eating anxiety and back pain but okay.

419

420

I’m on a light diet.  I eat by daylight, I eat by moonlight, and sometimes, I eat by refrigerator light.

421

422

Tribal Wisdom

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to
generation, says that “When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.”
However, in government more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead
horses.
5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse’s performance.
10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the
dead horse’s performance.
11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less
costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
And, of course…
13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position

423

424

If you love something set it on fire, if it … no wait, is that right?  Shit!  Be right back …

426

427

Just think … somewhere out there someone is thinking of you.  Trying to figure out how to make your death look like an accident.

428

429

I think the term “Shelter in Place” came from up North.  In the South we call it “Hunker Down.”

Just so we’re all on the same page.

430

431

A woman was spending a long time looking at the greeting cards, finally shaking her head “no.”

A clerk came over and asked, “May I help you?”

“I don’t know,” said the woman.  “Do you have any ‘Sorry I laughed at your dick’ cards?”

2048

2049

coollogo_com-73072376

Beheading

Man's Perfect Breakfast

Proportionality

Prostitutes

Protect

Protective Custody

Proximity

Prudence

Psychics

Pubic Hare

Pulling Out

Pulling Out2

Pulse

Pure Fantasy

Pure Kentucky Whiskey

Purpose

push button

2050

Bozo criminal for today comes from Stamford, Connecticut where nothing went right for bozo Carlos Perez who tried to rob a Staples office supply store. Our bozo hid in the store until it closed for the evening, then donned a rubber mask similar to the one worn in the movie “Scream” and, brandishing a pistol, confronted a warehouse worker. The worker called his supervisor who came over and, thinking the whole thing was a prank, simply ripped our bozo’s mask off. This so surprised the bozo that he dropped his pistol, which was promptly picked up by the supervisor who took it and ran to his office to call the cops. Meanwhile our bozo pulled out yet another gun, which the warehouse worker immediately took away from him. The bozo then decided it might be time to get out of there and made a break for the door where he was met by the police.

Now that’s a guy who should’ve never gotten out of bed.

2052

2053

What … the … hell …???  Never in my life …

A distraught patient phoned her doctor’s office.

Was it true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the doctor had prescribed was for the rest of her life?

She was told that it was.

There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is.  This prescription is marked, ‘NO REFILLS.’”

2054

2055

DUE TO COVID-19

We are asking

RIOTERS

TO WORK FROM HOME
AND DESTROY THEIR
OWN PROPERTY.

2056

2057

DO YOU KNOW THAT AWESOME FEELING WHEN YOU GET INTO BED, FALL RIGHT ASLEEP, STAY ASLEEP ALL NIGHT, AND WAKE UP FEELING REFRESHED AND READY TO TAKE ON THE DAY?

Yeah, me neither!

2058

2060

A Wise Man Once Told His Son:

My boy, when you accumulate the understanding to know why a pizza is made round, to be put in a square box, and is eaten in triangles, then and only then will you be able to understand women. 

2061

2062

Trump could rescue a drowning child from the ocean and Democrats would accuse him of starving the sharks.

2063

2064

If she’ll be “riding six white horses when she comes,” she’s probably a little more woman than you can handle.

2065

2066

My uncle is explaining to me, a final year genetic engineering student, that preferring a boy child is not sexist because, “boys carry the most important genetic components of the family line” and “a girl’s genetic code changes when she is married off to another family.”

432

433

Masturbation is the only thing that isn’t taxed, regulated, or illegal.  That’s your “freedom”.  You’re free to go fuck yourself…

434

2067

Taylor Swift has 500 songs about guys leaving her and 0 songs about blowjobs.

See where I’m going with this?

2068

2069

So I got pulled over in the HOV lane and when the cop asked me where my passenger was, I told him due to social distancing he was in the car behind me.

435

436

And that’s it … It’s been a strange assed weekend … truly it has.  I have a few more people to thank … I don’t think I got to that today, did I?  I’m not sure.  But it’s late, this needs to go out and I’m out of time.  So good night, until we meet again, my love to you all.

Cheers! ~ Impish Dragon

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1782

  1. Leah D Hanson says:

    Regarding the AR 15 . . . is the little hole, going in, and the big hole, exiting?
    Just wondering if CSI has been lying all these years.

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