Dragon Laffs #1743


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Good Morning Campers,

So today… Tuesday…went to the dentist this morning and the tooth is so bad, with so much infection that he can’t do the extraction until Thursday, so THAT sucks.  He gave me some antibiotics and some pain pills, but since it was a three day weekend, the pharmacy was way backed up and I didn’t get them until way late … so it’s late in the afternoon now and I’m just now reaching the point of tolerance.  So, not sure how much of this I’ll get done for today.  Maybe I’ll get some knocked out for today and finish up for tomorrow, but the good news is that as you’re reading this … you’ll know.

So, I’ll keep you informed as we go through this, so let’s get some laughs in cause I sure as hell can use some.

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There really is an awful lot of fun we could be having with this … if it wasn’t so damn serious.

I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on my way home from work, but she just grunted at me.  I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

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Me too … not the least of which is … did you forget basic driver’s Ed … as in, gas right, brake left?

Sitting in a recliner, naked, watching a movie, eating ice cream and Doritos, minding my own business, and Fuckin’ Walmart calls the Cops.

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Challenge Accepted

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.”

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great.
We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”

Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”

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I was so bored, I called Jake from State Farm, yesterday,  to talk to someone.  He asked me what I was wearing…

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Point of order … that’s not a … oh never mind.

A guy goes to the massage parlor, but today, only a male is available. He shrugs, who cares? So….1/2 way through the session, he says to the masseuse, “is it common for a guy to get a hard on during a massage?” His masseuse says, “of course it is!’ The guy says, “can you get it out of my face?”

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Yeah, you had one job.

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Did You Know:

That Froot Loops are all the same flavor?

 

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Sent this to a buddy of mine who runs the base inspection team … I haven’t heard back from him … I wonder if I should take that as a bad sign.

I bought a greyhound today.  My wife said, “Are you going to race him?”

“No, he’s way faster than me!” I replied.

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So, I’ve gotten some piddly assed little pain pills that aren’t really doing the job, so I’m still in quite a bit of pain, so this sucks.  And I drank all my Jameson, so now I’m fucking stuck … damn!

When you first start on antibiotics for an infected tooth, it actually makes the pain worse, so I have that going for me.

So this is starting out as a fun night! Woo Hoo!

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Gotta love the rednecks, doncha!

Watch Out! A Giant Brood of Cicadas is Supposed To Invade the Eastern US This Spring

Growing up in South Jersey, I can remember hearing the Cicadas singing in the summer time.  You could hear them every year, but yeah, every 17 years, it was something special!

https://rare.us/rare-news/across-the-u-s-a/17-year-cicadas/

Board your windows, hide in the cellar, bring your dog Toto inside, there’s a tornado of cicadas erupting from earth this spring and it looks to be a doozy! According to TribLive, a massive brood of cicadas is set to emerge from the dirt this spring after seventeen years underground and Southwestern Pennsylvania is located right in the heart of it.

Let’s see, going back 17 years would be 2003, then it would be 1986 and then 1969 and your Favorite Blue Dragon would’ve been in the summer of his tenth year.  So yeah, I remember it quite well!  There’s a really good video that is on the website, you should check it out!

Thanks to … you guessed it … Stephanie, for sharing this one with us!

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I'll get you my pretty

Illegal Aliens

Illegal Immigrants

I'm a croc

I'm not old

I'm not

I'm sorry

Imagination

imagination2

Imitation

In China

In Hindsight

In Russia

In Soviet Russia 2

In Soviet Russia

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I love my wife!  She went to the liquor store and bought me another bottle of Jameson AND a bottle of Smirnoff Berry Vodka!  My two favorite alcohols in the whole world!  Had she gotten a bottle of Fireball, it would have been the perfect trifecta, but that’s okay.  And all I had to do was promise not to overly mix the   alcohol with the pain pills.  But as piddly as the pain pills are there’s very little chance of THAT happening, so I might end up getting some sleep tonight after all.  YAY!

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From Leah …

I had a bad day, posted to my family and close friends (that’s all I ‘friend’) on FB when I got home:  For ALL of you On The Road this morning, in the West side of West Valley City. I just want you to know how lucky you are. You could have died from a Covid Related Death.
I had to be at the old Pioneer Hospital this morning. I couldn’t eat or drink anything after midnight . . . so NO COFFEE! I keep falling off to sleep, and Don wanted to drive me. But I said no, because of Covid, you can’t go in with me. Then they inject this stuff into me that can “make you dizzy” which you can only get out of your system by drinking tons of water.
Because of Covid, the cafeteria is closed, so I have no way of getting coffee or water. I had to go to the bank, and drop mail off at the PO, before I could come home. Someone angrily honked at me once, but I was too dazed to understand what it was I had done wrong.
It’s a miracle I didn’t wreck into you, or cause you to wreck into someone else but if I had, it darn well would have been Covid Related!
Yah, I know, shut up and drink some more coffee . . . .

I did not say that!  I didn’t!  I didn’t!  But it does sound like you are darn lucky to get home! 

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If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that 1 out of 5 enjoy it?

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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

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If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

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And that’s it…short and sweet for today.

Love to you all.

Good night and bless you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1743

  1. Marsha Mastrangelo says:

    SOUTH JERSEY…..where….Jersey girl in Missouri. From Bridgeton NJ…

  2. Leah D says:

    Hey Buddy! I really do feel for you, but just have to say, “Be thankful for the pain, if you were totally paralyzed, you wouldn’t feel any pain!” No, no, that’s not right, that’s what they told me when I woke up mostly paralyzed.
    Give me a minute to shuffle my memory files . . Oh . . . Be Thankful you have a tooth that has to be pulled, ’cause that means you still have teeth!
    But truthfully, wouldn’t you be more thankful if all those idiots who made it illegal to get relief from pain, had to suffer all your pain?
    The very least they could do is buy you some Jameson.

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