Dragon Laffs #1710–Day 27


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Monday

Good Morning Campers,

So, the days are beginning to blend into one another.  I took Izzy out this morning (Sunday) on a bit of a shopping spree… no, spree is not the right word.  Shopping “spree” insinuates fun…this was nothing like that.  We hit 5 stores in two hours, EARLY.  Got there right after the first one opened and timed them to hit them as they opened if possible.  Got in, got what we needed, no lolly-gagging, got out.  The shelves were full (for the most part) found everything on our list (eventually) and it was a highly successful mission.  My theory was that Sunday morning would be the best because even though Church goers wouldn’t be going to church, they would still be at home watching on line.  And the other people wouldn’t bother getting up that early.  And I was mostly correct.  We had most of the stores to ourselves.  It was a highly successful raid.

The one item we had the most trouble acquiring?  You are never going to believe this.  Didn’t get it till our third stop and then we got the last three on the shelf.  I only had two on the list, but when you see a shortage and you know you going to need it in the future, you take advantage of what’s in front of you…

400

I know, right?  Now, I’m not a grandma, but isn’t it the Cream of Mushroom that is used in all the casseroles?  And you know what?  There was a crap load of that!  You could have built a house of cans out of the cans of Cream of Mushroom Soup!  But, Cream of Chicken?  Nope, I got the last 3.  And I was just following orders.  Mrs. Dragon says bring home 2 cans of Cream of Chicken Soup, I bring home 2 cans of Cream of Chicken Soup.  She makes out VERY specific lists.  I can add to… but never, EVER subtract from…
And if I understand things correctly, it’s for a NEW recipe…you think I’m gonna be responsible for screwing THAT up.  Ain’t no way!

Well, enough about my adventures this morning.  What do you say we get some laughter in, huh?

blank dragon14

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The most gullible chemical element is easily lead.

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So is macaroni and cheese “mac” because it’s short for macaroni … or is it because “mac” is an acronym for macaroni and cheese?

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A new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.  I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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Bill was a bit embarrassed and told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated.

The doc checked the man’s blood pressure and other vitals. Then after a thorough examination the doctor said he wanted to check with Bill’s wife.

He took her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe. Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly.

She did as instructed. He then told her to raise her arms above her head, then bend over, touch her toes and cough. Finally he said, “Ok, good. You can get dressed now, and I will go talk to your husband”

The doctor went back to the other cubicle and said to the husband, “Well Bill, you can relax, there is nothing wrong with you.  I couldn’t get an erection either.

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Stephanie got stuck in the International Foods Aisle … or website … or something… and she has a really sick sense of humor!

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Stephanie, you are one sick pussy cat!

Thanks to John S for…

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Lincoln, Nebraska where Bozo Clint Mangess tried to shoplift some shoes from an athletic shoe store. He grabbed the shoes and ran. When the clerk and the assistant manager took off after him, it soon became obvious that Clint had picked the wrong store to rob. He didn’t have a chance of escaping with these guys after him: the assistant manager is the captain of the University of Nebraska’s track team and the clerk is an Olympic class marathoner.

Yeah, probably not the best store to rob you moron

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Awesome reference for you older hipsters……

If you’re down by the school yard, steer clear of Rosie.  She’s the queen of Corona!

And I can almost FEEL the blank stares!!!

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Most useless purchase of 2019: A 2020 planner.

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That is pretty fucking confident!

I want to share this with you in all seriousness.  This goes along with something my lovely wife has been saying, lately.  We’ve been watching TV at night and keeping seeing all these TV stars and the local Indiana News Anchors and weather people and sports figures and such saying things like, “We’re all in this together” and “We’ll all make it together” and stuff like that.  And she keeps saying, “No we’re not! She and I both have so many friends and family members who are struggling through this.  And we’re not doing badly, but these idiots on TV saying “We’re all in this together” and then go home to their milti-million dollar homes being waited on hand and foot, not missing out on anything or worried about anything, how the fuck are they in this together with any of us?  And then I got this from Leah, and it goes a long way to explaining what I’m trying to say:

WE ARE NOT IN THE SAME BOAT …
I heard that we are all in the same boat, but it’s not like that. We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat. Your ship could be shipwrecked and mine might not be. Or vice versa.

For some, quarantine is optimal. A moment of reflection, of re-connection, easy in flip flops, with a cocktail or coffee. For others, this is a desperate financial & family crisis.

For some that live alone they’re facing endless loneliness. While for others it is peace, rest & time with their mother, father, sons & daughters.

With the $600 weekly increase in unemployment some are bringing in more money to their households than they were when they were working. Others are working more hours for less money due to pay cuts or loss in sales.

Some families of 4 just received $3400 from the stimulus while other families of 4 saw $0.

Some were concerned about getting a certain candy for Easter while others were concerned if there would be enough bread, milk and eggs for the weekend.

Some want to go back to work because they don’t qualify for unemployment and are running out of money. Others want to kill those who break the quarantine.

Some are home spending 2-3 hours/day helping their child with online schooling while others are spending 2-3 hours/day to educate their children on top of a 10-12 hour workday.

Some have experienced the near death of the virus, some have already lost someone from it and some are not sure if their loved ones are going to make it. Others don’t believe this is a big deal.

Some have faith in God and expect miracles during this 2020. Others say the worst is yet to come.

So, friends, we are not in the same boat. We are going through a time when our perceptions and needs are completely different.

Each of us will emerge, in our own way, from this storm. It is very important to see beyond what is seen at first glance. Not just looking, actually seeing.

We are all on different ships during this storm experiencing a very different journey.

~ Unknown author

Some of us have harder paths to follow, harder storms to sail through , than others.  Don’t assume you have the worst of it.  (And don’t condescend to me from your mansion, either all you fucking politicians, Hollywood bullshit nobodies, and Oprah!)  Okay, I’m done.

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The dung beetle walked into the bar and asked, “Is this stool taken?”.

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motivat

drunk college girls

Drunken dares

Duck Hunt

Duct Tape

Duct Tape7 (2)

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Dude is it done yet

Dude

Dude2

Earmuffs

Ears

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That is fucking evil looking!!!!

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And that’s it for today.  I need to get some chores done and can’t do that if I’m sitting behind this laptop.  So, until tomorrow.  You guys be well and enjoy yourselves.  Love to you all!

Cheers!

Impish Dragon!

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1710–Day 27

  1. Helen says:

    We live in a small town, so I call it grocery hunting, since most of the shelves are bare,oohoh

  2. Leah D. says:

    Even Utah people who are not of the faith, have become influenced by the ‘Mormon’ admonition to have a two year’s supply of food. I believe many of that church had failed to collect that much food. So when the hype hit, and the rush began they thought, “here it is, the reason we need a two year’s supply”. They wren’t buying for the week, or even the month, they were buying for two years worth!

    A lot of people have shelves loaded with cans of dehydrated foods. I’m wondering if any of them have used any of that hoard? If nothing else, this food supply shortage has made it very clear, unless you are actually starving, no one eats different than they always do.

  3. charcoal1951 says:

    Cute, as usual. But, if you were all over trying to find Cream of Chicken Soup and only needed two, but you took the last three, that wasn’t very nice, was it?

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