Dragon Laffs #1627


Header1627

Good Morning Campers,

It’s been an interesting week.

No time off, Mrs. Dragon with lots of doctor appointments and no news about anything.  I need to laff!!!!!!

2a

4814

LOL!  We definitely need this!

I talk an awful lot of smack for someone who tips over when putting on their underwear.

4815

Kids toys should come with better labels like, “LOUD AS HELL” and “NO OFF SWITCH” and “Requires 217 Batteries”

4816

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

4817

My bank has a new service where they will text you your balance.  It’s cool, I just don’t think they should add “LOL” at the end.

4818

OH man!  I use that ALL THE TIME!!!

Sober or not, if a cop ever stops me and tells me to recite the alphabet backwards, I’m just going to put myself in the backseat of his car.

yellow car being chased by police

4819

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks for old time’s sake.

He hires a prostitute, takes her up to a room and goes at it as best as he can for a guy his age.

After a couple of minutes, he asks, “How am I doing?”

The prostitute replies, “Well sailor, you’re doing about three knots.”

“Three knots?” He asks. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She says, “You’re knot hard, you’re knot in and you’re knot getting your money back.”

4820

Whiskey Wednesday!!!
It’s like Taco Tuesday, but for Badasses!

4821

Sad News –

Please join me in remembering yet another great icon of the entertainment community.  The Pillsbury Dough Boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes to the belly.  He was 71.  Dough Boy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dill Dough, plus they had one in the oven.  Services will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

4822

Before sex you help each other get naked.  After sex, you only dress yourself.  Moral of the story: “In life, no one helps you once you are screwed.”

4823

11

Nope!  Still no friggin’ news!  God, this getting so frustrating!!

4824

Old man sitting on his front porch in Coushatta, Louisiana watching the sunrise sees the neighbors’ kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

He yells out, ‘Hey boy, whatcha got there?’

The boy yells back, ‘Roll of chicken wire.’

The old man says, ‘What you gonna do with that?’

The boy says, ‘Catch some chickens.’

The old man yells, ‘You dang fool, you can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!’

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man’s surprise, he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

At the same time the next morning, the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. The old man yells out, ‘Hey boy, whatcha got there?’

The boy yells back, ‘Roll of duck tape.’

The old man says, ‘What you gonna do with that?’

The boy says back, ‘Catch me some ducks.’

The old man yells back, ‘You dang fool, you can’t catch ducks with duck tape!’

The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night, around sunset, the boy walks by coming home and to the old man’s amazement, he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

At the same time the next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. The old man says, ‘Hey boy, whatcha got there?’

The boy says, ‘It’s a pussy willow.’

The old man says, ‘Hold on, I’ll get my hat.’

4825

If we all switched to cursive and stick shift vehicles, we could cripple an entire generation.

4826

A man and his wife were driving through the country from New York to California.

Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up.

About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.

“What can I do for ya’ll?” asks the attendant.

“Fill ‘er up with high test,”replies the driver.

While the attendant is filling up the tank, he’s looking the car up and down.

“What kinda car is this?” he asks. “I never seen one like it before.”

“Well,” responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, “This, my boy, is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille.”

“What all’s it got in it?” asks the attendant.

“Well,” says the driver, “It has everything. It’s loaded with power steering, power seats, power sunroof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack, and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, an 8.8 liter V12 engine.”

“Wow,” says the attendant, “That’s really something!

“How much do I owe you for the gasoline?” asks the driver.

“That’ll be $30.17,” says the attendant.

The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change.

Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees.

“What are those little wooden things?” asks the attendant.

“That’s what I put my balls on when I drive,” says the driver.

“Wow,” says the attendant, “Those Cadillac people think of everything!”

4827

And that’s it for today.  Hope you all have a great weekend.

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1627

  1. Ginny. says:

    Sorry to hear nothing new with Mrs.Dragon and your new job being awarded to YOU! Lots of good laughs this week. Hope you have some time off this weekend to recharge your inner batteries. Prayers for Mrs. Dragon that the doctors have answers for her and all good news.
    Wishing everyone a good weekend.

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