Good Morning Campers,
It’s that time of year again when I make an unabashed plea for money. Yup, the bills coming due at the end of the month and I’m asking for your help to pay it. On the top right of the page a couple of inches down is the place where you can click to donate to Dragon Laffs.
I know it’s pretty shitty to ask for money when we’ve been so hit and miss this year, but I got to do it or the website comes to an end. So, if you’re still happy with what we are putting out then be a pal and throw us a couple of bucks.
That’s all I’m going to say about it for now, so let’s move on.
Our dear friend and fellow camper sent a memo through the Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs Corporate communication system.
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
My goal in life is to piss off at least one person a day.
So far I’m about 4 years ahead of schedule.
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like, “I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn’t”
There’s a fine line between saying too much and saying too little. I walk that line like a drunken clown at the circus.
I don’t always diet and exercise…
…but when I do, I expect the results to be instant, dramatic and spectacular.
The police pulled me over and asked me, “you know how fast you were going?” I said, “Obviously not fast enough because you caught me.”
After exercising I always eat pizza.
I don’t exercise.
Research has shown that laughing for 2 minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog.
So now I’m sitting in the park laughing at tall the joggers.
Whenever I leave a fancy restaurant I tell the people coming in, “I recommend the squirrel.”
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back until I ran out of money…I walked to the end of the driveway and back again.
It’s all fun and games until they start playing banjo music in the middle of your prostate exam.
Have you ever given the finger to a text message?
Or is that just me?
I don’t like to call it revenge…returning the favor sounds nicer.
To those of you who keep expecting me to go out of my mind at any moment, it may take a while longer as the exits are not clearly marked.
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
My goal was to lose 15 pounds this year.
Only 20 to go.
I made it from the bed to the coffee maker.
There’s no stopping me now!
My guess is that if a dead body was found in the trunk of Hillary’s car, the FBI would ask Trump why he did it.
I went for a run but came back after 2 minutes because I forgot something.
I forgot that I’m old and fat and can’t run for more than 2 minutes.
I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I’d pick up a stranger and asked, “Thanks, but why would you pick me up? How do you know I’m not a serial killer?”
I told him the chances of two serial killers being in one car at the same time would be astronomical.
The original McDonald’s had a hickory pit and served barbecued beef, ham, and pork along with chili, tamales, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
The smallest McDonald’s restaurant is only 492 square feet. It is in Tokyo, Japan.
The world’s largest McDonald’s used to be in Beijing and had a staggering 28,000 square feet. But it is no longer there. The new world’s largest is in Orlando, FL. The three-story, 19,000-square-foot restaurant is open 24-hours and features burgers, chicken sandwiches, pizza, pasta, waffles and omelets.
McDonald’s sells unique menus items in every country. For example: banana pie, chicken porridge, the McLobster roll, and the McRice Burger. In Germany, McDonald’s even sells beer.
The eggs at McDonald’s are really a mixture that includes eggs and an ‘egg blend,’ which includes a solvent found in soap and shaving cream. It also includes dimethylpolysiloxane, a silicone that can also be found in Silly Putty, and calcium silicate, a sealant used on roofs and concrete.
The McRib is a product of ‘restructured meat product’ – or a mixture of tripe, heart, and scalded stomach – which is then mixed with salt and water to extract proteins from the muscle. The proteins bind all the pork trimmings together so that it can be reshaped into a fake slab of ribs.
I’m never fucking eating at McDonald’s again.
And that, dear friends, is that again for another week.
Love you all,