Dragon Laffs #1605


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http://play.starwars.com/html5/starwars_crawlcreator/?cid=null

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Yesterday was Star Wars Day, and if that black spot above works the way I hope it does, then you will already know this…if it doesn’t, well it was just an hour or so of my time that was wasted by building it.

Anyway, May 4th…Star Wars Day…May the 4th Be With You.

What an odd week.  The week started out like the picture to the right, Spring came in more like winter than it did spring, but now, at the end of the week, we are coming in with temperatures in the 80s…so, what

I’m sitting here writing this opening on Friday morning, I took the day off because Mrs. Dragon and I are both pretty sick…with temps in the 30s over night and in the 80s in the day time, is it really any wonder?  Anyway, I’m watching TBS and they are showing the Star War movies, in chronological order, rather than order of creation.  Currently I’m watching Revenge of the Sith and next will be the original Star Wars movie, Episode IV, A New Hope.  The only way it could be better is if there were no commercials.

So, while I go back to that yesterday (for you) you campers go ahead and start laughing (tomorrow for me).

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A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get them some snacks and drinks.

As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantle. He picks it up, and as he’s looking at it, she walks back in. He says, “What’s this?”

She says, “Oh, my father’s ashes are in there.”

He turns beet red in horror and goes, “Geez, oh . . . I . . .”

She says, “Yeah, he’s too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray.”

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I love this next one.  Yes, it’s nerd humor, but if you haven’t figured that out about me by now, then it’s your problem.

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I’m still laughing.

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Three tourists were driving through Wales.

As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyll on the Welsh island of Anglesey, They started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name.

“LLan-fair-poo-wee…” said the first.

“No no – it’s llan-fair-pi-well…” argued the second.

“I think we need to ask a local about this,” the third sighed.

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They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, the third asked the blonde employee:

“Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?”

“Sure!” said the girl behind the counter. She leaned toward them and said: “Burrrrr-gerrrrr-Kinnnnng.”

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Hey!  It’s a better one than ours!  Ours is gimme three-quarters of your stuff!

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Ginny sent me this note:

“I tried the Japanese method of decluttering where you hold every object that you own and if it does not bring you joy, you throw it away.  So far, I have thrown out all of the vegetables, my bra, the electric bill, the scale, a mirror and my treadmill.”

You go Ginny!

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This is the way I wish to live my life, so that someone can write this about me…

Thanks for being the kind of friend who will laugh during the eulogy at my funeral because you knew the Real Story.

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“A Wine, Please.”

“Ma’am, this is McDonald’s.”

“Ok, a McWine, Please.”

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While sitting in the park the other day, a kid informed me that smoking was bad for you.

So, I popped his balloon with my cigar and told him so was talking to strangers.

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I just choked on an apple seed.
This is what I get for trying to eat healthy.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups don’t pull this shit.

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Some people couldn’t be nice even if a unicorn shoved a fairy wand up their ass while Judy Garland stood there singing “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.”

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I was walking in the mall and I saw that there was a Muslim bookstore.The sign outside led me to wonder just what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore, so I went in. As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk gave me the stink eye, but asked if he could help me.  I know I didn’t look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump’s book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?”

The clerk said, “Kiss my ass, get out, and stay Out!”

I said, “Yes, that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?”

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And we’ll finish up today with a special note from Mrs. Dragon…

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Oh, shit!

100d (3)

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