Dragon Laffs #1513


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campers
Well, it’s been a week.

I can’t possibly express to you how incredibly disappointed I am in Lethal’s menu for Thanksgiving. 

He says he wants us to eat like the military guys who are deployed overseas are eating. 

He says that the guys on the front lines are eating MREs.

He says that he wants to have the families over to eat MREs.

(SOB!) He says no turkey…

(weep!) He says no stuffing…

He says no ….

I can’t do this anymore…

Let’s just get on with it.! 

let's laugh

Here’s a great toy that I think we ought to give to all our police departments to play with.  Kinda like the “pit” maneuver on training wheels.

How many of you current or former LEOs out there (and I know there are at least a few) think that this is a great idea?  Let me know in the comments below.

I’m warning you now.  This next cartoon will make you…Groan

2343Now, don’t look at me that way.  Not only did I not write the joke, I warned you ahead of time!

The students at a local college were assigned to read two books, “Titanic” and “My Life” by Bill Clinton, and to write book reports. 
 
One student turned in the following book report; with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!  His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report. 
       
Titanic: Cost = $29.99 
Clinton : Cost = $29.99 
 
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read 
Clinton : Over 3 hours to read 
      
Titanic:   The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. 
Clinton:  The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe 
 
Titanic:   Jack is a starving artist. 
Clinton : Bill is a bullshit artist.
  
Titanic:   In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. 
Clinton:  Ditto for Bill 
 
Titanic:   During the ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined. 
Clinton:  Ditto for Monica’s.
 
Titanic:    Jack teaches Rose to spit. 
Clinton:   Let’s not go there. 
 
Titanic:    Rose gets to keep her jewelry. 
Clinton:   Monica is forced to return her gifts. 
 
Titanic:   Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. 
Clinton:  Clinton doesn’t remember anything. 
       
Titanic:   Rose goes down on a vessel full of sea men. 
Clinton:  Monica.. Ooh, let’s not go there, either.
 
Titanic:   Jack surrenders to an icy death. 
Clinton:  Bill goes home to Hillary; basically the same thing.

 

2346

Dragon__Earth_Dragon__You know, with the holidays coming, you’ll be seeing relatives that you haven’t seen since…well, since the holidays LAST year.  It’s the same in the dragon family.  This is a picture of my great uncle Stonewall waking up after eating the turkey last year.  He wanted to watch football on the TV.  But, I guess all of that is over now.  I can’t invite uncle Stonewall to Thanksgiving day dinner when we’re only going to have … (gulp!) … MREs!  Oh…(sob!) go on and read some more of the issue.  I can’t stand it…

2344

Health Capsules

See!  See! 10 Billion doughnuts every year!  I’m not getting anywhere NEAR my fair share! And donuts are another thing that I love on Thanksgiving morning!!!  I’ll bet we won’t have any of those, either!!  And none of the 700 million pancakes for breakfast!  This Thanksgiving is gonna SUCK!!!

2345Not near as comforting as I might have thought.

Aeronautical Quiz…

Ginny sent me this quiz and it was so interesting that I thought I’d share it with all of you.  And really, they say it’s common sense but here’s a clue: remember, that a helicopter’s blade (in cross-section) is shaped like an airplane’s wing and both catch air creating lift.  helico2So, this should actually be an easy quiz for those who have even a modicum of knowledge about aircraft.  airplane aniHowever, the answer may surprise you.  I may have a slight advantage with my Air Force experience, but… here’s the question:

”What is the primary advantage of rotary winged aircraft over a fixed wing aircraft?”

Scroll down for the correct answer.

 

arrow down 9

arrow down 5

10Yup, I got it wrong, too!

2347Ain’t that the truth!

 

Fantasy
f2010071901I don’t even want to talk about my aunt Gretta and what SHE’s like at Thanksgiving! 
2348
Movie

Okay, so this first video is GREAT!  Disco the Parakeet.  I didn’t know that parakeets could talk.  I’ve raised several over my lifetime and never had a one that talked.  This guy is good!  See for yourself.

Now this one, buddy Wheats sent me just yesterday.  Apparently, Millennials are people born after 1984.  And, at least according to this next video, they need our help!

And finally, we get a sneak peek at one of the famous Ninja Kitties in training…

 

2350

This is the honest truth.  Mrs. Dragon and I have been married for over 21 years, and although I joke around a lot here in the blog, I still open the door for her more often than not!  I hold the door for here when we go in someplace (unless it can be a “dicey” place, and then I go in first to make sure it is safe for her).  I’m currently walking with a cane and most of the time am in some degree of agony with every step I take and I STILL will hand her into the car first!

Our Izzy dragon has asked why I do it (when it’s just Izzy and I, I do the same thing for her) and my answer is that if she brings a boy home to meet me who doesn’t hold the door for her, I’ll kick his ass right out of the house.  She doesn’t really get it yet, but she’s starting to.

2351

Our dear friend and fellow camper Ginny is either very much behind and has sent us her goals for 2016 or she is very much ahead and has sent us her goals for 2017.  But, then again, when you start getting older, it’s tough to remember what the date is.

1. My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.

2. Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.

3. How to  prepare Tofu:
a.  Throw it in the trash
b.  Grill some meat

4. I just  did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

5. I don’t mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than  men who mention it.

7. Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school? Me neither.

10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.

11. I love being over 70. I learn something new every day and forget 5 others.

12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.

13. I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a  day.

14. November 6, 2016 will be the end of Daylight Savings Time. Hope you don’t forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday night.

15. Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

Yup, it’s all true.

2352

Yeah, I’m not really getting that one either.  It’s just as easy for them to put it down, as it is for us to put it up.  When I asked why we had to put it up and then put it back down again, Mrs. Dragon told me the reason…she said that when she gets up in the middle of the night and sits down on the pot and the seat is up, she dunks her butt in the water.  I told her that when I go to the toilet in the middle of the night, I turn the fucking light on in the bathroom!
She didn’t think that was very funny.

Motivate

good-eats-turkey-innuendo-demotivational-poster-1259256748

Oh gawd!!! I was gonna do Thanksgiving Motivationals, but I just CAN’T!!!  I’m going to really miss my turkey!!

Math

Like the people who work the cash register who can’t make change without using the computer.

Math2

Nope!  You’re still not getting it.

Math3

AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!  PIE!!!!!!!!!!!

Math4

YouTube Math, like Microsoft Minutes have no basis in reality.

2353

2349

That would do it.

2354

Younger kids can’t believe we ever had phones with cords.  Teenagers can’t believe we ever had phones with dials.

Last Word

For my Last Word today, I only have one thing….

5b

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1513

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    Suck it up and take one for the troops like the rest of us you big lizard baby!

    They eat MREs nearly everyday- if they are lucky enough to even get resupplied!

    You’re going to eat them ONE day to tangibly demonstrate your support.

    • impishdragon says:

      Lethal,
      You have set the bar so high, in holiday issues, that it may NEVER be reached again!
      Well, that is, until your NEXT holiday issue.
      LOL!
      My brother, that was a fantastic issue and one very much worth waiting for!
      And I did it right. Had my coffee beside me, was relaxed and enjoyed every single word. It was a true work of art!
      To all the rest of you DL&LL patrons, may you have a wonderfully blessed Thanksgiving with friends and family.
      And to you, my brother from another mother…..you know.
      Cheers,
      Impish Dragon

  2. Ginny says:

    Do you honestly think Lethal will be serving MREs? You are his good buddy, and he knows how
    you get when you don’t get Turkey with Stuffings. What a gentleman and a scholar you are to open doors for Mrs. Dragon and Izzy dragon. Nice touch for a dragon! Funny I thought the same thing with that cat and the mailman, it was one of Lethal’s Ninja kitties.

    • impishdragon says:

      Ginny,
      I didn’t think so at first, but I’ve literally searched EVERYWHERE!!! He would have had to start prepping food by now for us to have our normal Thanksgiving feast. See, I started out figuring since I beat him, finally, last year (Oh, OK! It was a draw!) that I would finally be able to get my culinary skills involved this year. Then he announced the whole MRE thing to recognize our wonderfully heroic guys in the sandbox and around the rest of the world and I agree that it is a fantastic idea, MREs aren’t my idea of the way to go. So, I figured he was yanking my chain and I thought I could have a great “Ah-Ha!” moment when I uncovered it. But, Ginny, I have literally searched everywhere, every plane of existence and to compound it all, I DID FIND a HUGE warehouse FULL of MREs.
      So, (sniff!) I can only assume (sob!) that…that…that it’s all true! (Weep!)

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