Leprechaun Laughs # 311 for August 12th 2015


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Heat Watches here because of the high temps and humidity have been a daily occurrence for over a week now. As of Saturday these Watches have become Warnings, which means they Heat Index is pushing the perceived temperature our body feels into the potentially deadly category of 110 degrees or higher.

As a result I’ve dragged Molly off with me someplace far cooler. This has made conducting my business keeping remote watch over DL/LL Digital Media Enterprises and my other concerns (to say nothing of monitoring Impish’s activities, or lack there of) somewhat problematic. I had to do all this in some level or relative comfort while hiding out from Impish who has apparently been misusing certain assets to hunt for me- no doubt so he can sob story me into allowing him to foist his issue or a large part of it off on me again. I hope he understands just how expensive drone and satellite time are, because he’s likely to be extremely displeased when they are deducted from his second pay stipend. Which I might add is about to be docked as a result of his extended stay in fantasy land.

ANYWAY I finally discovered this little gem:

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which when parked becomes this:

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and even included the motorcycle for quick jaunts to local markets for supplies (like coffee and Bass Ale for me or wine and chocolate for Molly). Having a rather modernistic well thought out interior:

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what it lacks in plushness and luxury amenities if more than makes up for by sporting a computer set up with multiple satellite connections I can run and keep track of all my interests and problems when not relaxing:

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With the dashboard activated options of 2 4 or 6 wheel drive:image

I can  go just about any place I have in mind and with a large carefully placed for easy deployment in minutes Refractive Reflective Replicating Visual Cloaking Device Sunscreen and trap overhead I can hide from the Blue one’s insistent and incessant buttinski tendencies.

Now if you’ll all excuse me I hear a skillet of hash and eggs with some campfire perked coffee and sourdough biscuits calling me. I’ll catch up with you later on after I tend to these vittles.

Oh and Impish? I read your issue. One semi decent issue doesn’t get you off the hook, with me, Personnel or Payroll you’ve been gold bricking for more than a fiscal quarter now.

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Or more accurately, other people have a problem if I’m without it!

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Now I’m not saying what the dentist did was ok or wasn’t wrong. What I am saying is that this nations perspectives and priorities are seriously screwed up and misplaced.

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The Top 5 Upsides to Being Donald Trump’s Image Consultant

Being Donald Trump’s image consultant must rank right
up there with difficult jobs like Iraq democracy
bringer and Tyler Perry movie test audience member.
Trump’s last image consultant found that out
after Trump fired him for letting Buzzfeed
publish a really unflattering profile of his boss.
Read all about it here.
That means that in this dour economy, there’s
a job opening out there somewhere and before you
make a sad face about having to work for the world’s
biggest egomaniac, considering the following…

  1. Play your cards right, and you can score an all-expense paid trip to Hawaii to double-check Obama’s birth certificate!
  2. Constantly holding a mirror for your boss to bask in is good for your triceps and deltoids.
  3. If you can make him less irritating, it will make you famous and definitely lead directly to a seven-figure endorsement deal with Preparation H.
  4. With your experience, you’ll be a shoe-in for the next opening on Kim Jong Un’s PR staff.

And the Number One Upside to Being Donald Trump’s Image Consultant…

  1. There’s no chance you’ll be accused of sucking up to the boss.

Trump: I Don’t Have Time For Political Correctness and Neither Does This Country.

Megyn Kelly calls out Donald Trump for sexist remarks from his Twitter history. “You’ve called women you don’t like ‘fat pigs, dogs, slobs and disgusting animals.'”
“Only Rosie O’Donnell,” laughs Trump, before turning serious. “I’ve been challenged by so many people and I don’t frankly have time for total political correctness. And to be honest with you, this country doesn’t have time either. This country is in big trouble.”

MEGYN KELLY, FOX NEWS CHANNEL: Mr. Trump, one of the things people love about you is you speak your mind and you don’t use a politician’s filter. However that is not without its downsides, in particular when it comes to women. You’ve called women you don’t like fat pigs, dogs, slobs and disgusting animals. Your Twitter account has several disparaging comments about women’s looks. You once told a contestant that it would be a pretty picture to see her on her knees.
Does that sound like the temperament of a man we should elect as president?
And how do you answer the charge from Hillary Clinton, who is likely to be the Democratic nominee, that you are part of the war on women?

TRUMP: The big problem this country has is being politically correct. I’ve been challenged by so many people and I don’t frankly have time for total political correctness. And to be honest with you, this country doesn’t have time either. This country is in big trouble. We don’t win anymore. We lose to China, we lose to Mexico both in trade and at the border. We lose to everybody. Frankly what I say and oftentimes it’s fun, it’s kidding, we have a good time. What I say is what I say. And honestly, Megyn if you don’t like it, I’m sorry. I’ve been very nice to you although I could probably not be based on the way you have treated me, but I wouldn’t do that. But you know what? We, we need strength, we need energy, we need quickness and we need brain in this country to turn it around. That I can tell you right now.

[The highlighting above is my own]

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If the trend showing below continues, the above is starting to look more & more possible

The jaw-dropping rehabilitation of Donald Trump’s image

By Philip Bump August 6 at 1:05 PM

For all of the focus on polling over the last weeks — a side effect of Fox News’ decision to limit its debate to the top 10 candidates in national polls — there really haven’t been that many polls since May. There have been 23 surveys, according to Real Clear Politics, which is a lot in general. But for those of us who like to obsess over the figures, there are huge gaps.

Particularly since not every poll asks every question or about every candidate. If we want to track the favorability of, say, Ohio Gov. John Kasich over time, it’s tricky to find enough poll data to be particularly useful. (Part of this is his fault: He jumped into the campaign very late, with the goal of riding his announcement bump into the debate.) (Which worked.) Other people are left off of polls because asking about the favorability of 17 candidates — only, say, four of whom anyone has ever heard of — gets a bit tedious. But it’s worth tracking.

After all, you’ve probably seen this graph, which is the Real Clear Politics polling average over time. The dark red line on there is Donald Trump, who wasn’t even included in the RCP average at the beginning of May, leapfrogging everyone with great relish.

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That’s interesting. But what’s more interesting is what’s happened to his image. We pulled a series of recent polls back to May (listed at the bottom of this post) to see how each of the 10 main debate participants’ net favorability — those who view them favorably minus those who view them negatively — has shifted in the past few months.

And without further ado, this is Donald Trump’s staggering chart.

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That’s … amazing.

He’s still not viewed as favorably as many of the other candidates, mind you. He has a fervent core of support which has grown and pulled up his favorability — and with it, his overall favorability.

But no one else looks like that. Nearly everyone else, shown below, has stayed relatively flat both among Republican voters and all voters.

See the rest of the candidate’s charts here: The jaw-dropping rehabilitation of Donald Trump’s image  or watch the highlights of his comments right now.

Donald Trump Debate Highlights

 

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With the previously mentioned Heat Advisory going on and the triple digit temps going into their second week now you can bet that cooking smart so as to create as little heat and spend the minimum amount of time required in the kitchen is the order of the day here at Camp Shamrock. Even grilling outdoor has lost its appeal. I mean seriously who want to step outside into feels like 110  degrees in the shade and stand near something even hotter?

So this weeks recipes focus on eating good while making as little heat as possible while cooking it.

Individual Key Lime Pies

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Total Time: 2 hr. 50 min
Prep: 40 min
Inactive: 2 hr.
Cook: 10 min
Yield:1 2 servings
Level: Easy

 

 

 

 

Ingredients

Lime Curd:

1 cup lime juice
2 cups sugar
2 sticks unsalted butter
14 eggs

Crust Layer:

1/3 cup sugar
12 whole graham crackers
1/3 cup unsalted butter, melted

Topping:

1 1/2 cups whipping cream
1/2 cup powdered sugar
Lime zest, for garnish

Directions

For the lime curd: Combine the lime juice, sugar and butter in a medium saucepan and cook on a low flame until the butter melts. Beat the eggs, add to the saucepan and stir until combined. Bring to a simmer. Stir constantly and cook until the mixture is a thick and creamy consistency, 5 to7 minutes. Pass through a mesh strainer. Chill for 2 hours in the fridge.

For the crust: Add the sugar and graham crackers to a food processor. Pour in the melted butter and pulse to combine.

For the topping: Whip the cream with the sugar until stiff.

To assemble, layer the crumb mixture into the bottom of a serving cup, followed by the lime curd. Top with the whipped cream mixture and garnish with lime zest.

Frozen Mojito

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Total Time: 15 min
Prep: 15 min
Yield:2 servings
Level:Easy

 

 

 

 

 

Ingredients

1/4 cup simple syrup (equal parts sugar and water boiled together until sugar melts)
2 limes, juiced
12 fresh mint leaves, plus mint sprigs for garnish
4 ounces white rum
2 cups crushed ice

Directions

Combine simple syrup, lime juice and mint leaves in a blender and blend until combined. Add the rum and crushed ice and blend until frothy. Pour into 2 rocks glasses and garnish with mint sprigs.

4-Ingredient Slow Cooker Salsa Verde Chicken

This 4-Ingredient Slow Cooker Salsa Verde Chicken is super easy to make, full of flavor, and can be used in all sorts of recipes

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Prep: 5 mins

Cook: 4 hours

Total: 4 hours 5 mins

Ingredients:

  • 6 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
  • 2 cups salsa verde
  • 1 bottle beer*
  • 2 teaspoons cumin
  • salt and black pepper
  • (optional: 1 jalapeno, stem removed and diced, leaving the seeds in for extra heat if desired)

Directions:

Add chicken to the slow cooker. Top with salsa verde and beer, and sprinkle with cumin and season with a few generous pinches of salt and a pinch of pepper. Use a pair of tons or a spoon to turn the chicken so that both sides are coated. Cover. Cook for 3-4 hours on high heat, or 7-8 hours on low heat.

The chicken is ready when easily shreds with a fork. Shred the chicken in the slow cooker, and toss with the juices. Then remove the chicken with a slotted spoon and serve warm. Or, store the shredded chicken in a sealed container in the refrigerator for up to 5 days, or in the freezer for up to 3 months.

*If you want to make this gluten-free, you can either use gluten-free beer. Or replace the beer with chicken broth.

Salsa Verde is just Spanish for ‘green salsa’. It’s made with Tomatillos as opposed to tomatoes hence the green color. You can very easily substitute regular salsa for Salsa verde which is in fact what we normally do here. If you want something more BBQish or spicier, try a bottle of Heinz 57 and the beer.

Also you can easily substitute pork of beef for the chicken, I use boneless pork or chuck roast both cut into large chunks to make the cooking faster and the shredding easier. The Heinz 57 and pork version is a favorite sandwich filling for college footballs season around here.

There is no limit to what you can do with this, Tacos, burritos, salad topping, pita pockets, sandwiches, beside rice & beans, atop nachos or mac & cheese

Slow Cooker Orange Chicken Recipe

I’ve made lemon chicken a few times in the slow cooker, and was impressed with the results. I tested out the same recipe with orange juice instead of lemonade, and guess what? Instant orange sauce, without ingesting tons of deep-fried grease.

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The Ingredients.

1 1/2 pounds boneless chicken, cut in 2-inch chunks
1/2 cup flour (I used Pamela’s Baking Mix)
olive oil, for browning the chicken
1 tablespoon kosher salt
6 ounces (1/2 can) frozen orange juice concentrate, thawed (I’d opt for little-to-no pulp. The pulp can taste a bit bitter when cooked)
3 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
3 tablespoons ketchup

Optional:
1 bunch scallions/green onions sliced on the bias
1 clove garlic chopped
1 pinch of red pepper flakes to taste

NOTE: If you are using iodized or table salt, 1 teaspoon of salt will be too much. Kosher salt doesn’t taste as “salty” as regular salt, and since the granules are larger, you don’t get as much in the tablespoon as you would with regular salt. Adjust accordingly.

The Directions.

Use a 4 quart slow cooker for best results. Dredge the chicken pieces with the flour, and shake off the excess. Go ahead and throw away any remaining flour, we won’t need it. Heat olive oil in a large skillet on the stove and brown the chicken on all sides. There is no need to fully cook it, just sear it enough for the flour to stick and get a nice coating.

Plop the chicken pieces into your slow cooker. In a small mixing bowl, combine the orange juice concentrate, brown sugar, balsamic vinegar, salt, and ketchup. Taste. If you’d like the chicken to be a bit sweeter, add a touch more sugar. Pour sauce mixture evenly over the chicken, and toss gingerly to coat.

Cover and cook on low for 6 hours, or on high for 3 to 4. Serve over white or brown rice.

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You want to know what matters? LAW AND ORDER matters! JUSTICE matters! TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR ONE’S ACTIONS matters! POLICE LIVES matter! PROTECTION FROM THE CRIMINAL ACTIONS OF EVERY BLACK THAT TAKES IT IN THEIR HEAD THAT THEY ARE ABOVE THE LAW AND ARE OWED YOUR MATERIAL POSSESSIONS matters!

NEARLY EVERY ONE OF THESE “BLACK LIVES MATTER” SITUATIONS WERE THE RESULT OF SITUATION AND CONFRONTATIONS INSTIGATED BY THE BLACK PREPATRATOR OF A CRIME!

They occurred because the unspoken flip side of “Black Lives Matter” is “Blacks Don’t Have To Obey Laws, Listen To Police Or Pay The Price For Doing The Crime!”

We do owe Michael Brown one debt of gratitude however, he’s clearly demonstrated to the entire Black Community at large that John Wayne knew what he was talking about when he said

Life’s hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid.’

as well as for proving that the Duke’s words were color blind.

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I can’t believe I have to do this again! I hate my job! I’m going to hate myself for this I’m SO going to wind up going to some Liberal run hell for this and be forced to sit between Hillary and Jimmy Carter for this! Ladies and Gents once again I, most reluctantly find my self in the rapidly moving from awkward to totally disagreeable position of (President Regan forgive me!) being forced to publically admit that Ralph Nader has an extremely spot on point and a damned fine idea.

Please believe me when I tell you it hurts me far more to have to admit that and publish this than it does for you to read it.

Ralph Nader: Sending citizens summons to members of Congress

There are many issues affecting you and your communities that need to be addressed by members of Congress. Over the years, it has become increasingly difficult to reach the legislators in Washington, DC and when they return to their districts and states, they often only attend public events and ceremonies where they do little more than shake hands and smile.

The diminishing number of in-person town meetings by members of Congress are often stacked and controlled. The locations, attendees, and even sometimes pre-screened questions fail to provide citizens an opportunity to make their case to their legislators. Politicians crave predictability; they are control freaks.

Our five hundred and thirty-five Senators and Representatives need to be reminded that they were sent to Washington, DC by voters back home who entrusted them with the well-being of their communities and country. Many of these lawmakers then become indentured to corporate campaign cash that they must constantly beg for, often compromising with what is in the best interest of their constituents. For all this corporate campaign cash, these corporations want something in return – government contracts, giveaways, tax loopholes, weak corporate law enforcement, and other privileges and immunities, especially for giant multinational corporations that have tightened their grips of crony capitalism on Washington.

So what happened to your votes and your trust in your elected representatives? They were nullified and replaced with ungrateful politicians who have forgotten that the authority lies with the people.

It is time, during this August recess, for “We the People” to shake up the Congress and shake up the politics across the land. If anyone is skeptical of this possibility, they should recall August 2009 when the Tea Party noisily filled the seats of some town meetings called by Senators and Representatives in a Congress run by the Democrats. That is how the Tea Party movement came to public visibility, with the daily help of Fox News.

My proposal of a Citizens Summons can begin the process of showing your elected legislators who is truly in charge, as befits the Preamble to the Constitution – “We the People.” I am including below a draft Citizens Summons to your Senators or Representative. It covers the main derelictions of the Congress, under which you can add more examples of necessary reforms.

Your task is to start collecting signatures of citizens, members of citizen groups, labor unions, and any other associations that want a more deliberative democracy. The ultimate objective is to reduce inequalities of power.

Shifting power from the few to the many prevents the gross distortions of our Constitution and laws, our public budgets, and our commonwealth, that currently favor the burgeoning corporate state.

May you give your lawmakers a memorable August recess; they deserve to be shown the workings of what our founding fathers called “the sovereignty of the people.”

[Bold font is my doing.]

Citizens Summons to Members of Congress

Whereas, the Congress has tolerated the expansion of an electoral process, corrupted by money, that nullifies our votes and commercializes both congressional elections and subsequent legislation, creating a Congress that is chronically for sale;

Whereas, the Congress has repeatedly supported or opposed legislation and diverted the taxpayer dollars to favor the crassest of corporate interests to the serious detriment of the American people, their necessities, and their public facilities – such as access to safer consumer products, health care, and other basic social safety services. It has opposed raising the inflation-ravaged minimum wage and fair taxation, allowed endemic waste, fraud, and abuse by contractors, and authorized massive corporate welfare subsidies and giveaways;

Whereas, the Congress has narrowed or blocked access to justice by millions of Americans, leaving them unprotected and defenseless in many serious ways, while giving business corporations preferential treatments and allowing them full access to influence the three branches of government;

Whereas, the Congress has imposed trade treaty despotisms over our democratic institutions – the courts, legislatures, and executive departments and agencies – subordinating our domestic branches of government’s abilities to preserve and enhance labor, consumer, and environmental standards to the domination of global commerce’s “bottom line” and endorsed the usurpation of our judicial process by secret tribunals under the WTO, and other similar invasions of U.S. sovereignty;

Whereas, the access to members of Congress has increased for corporate lobbyists and decreased for ordinary citizens, Therefore, the citizens of the [INSERT state (for Senators) or the congressional district (for Representatives)] hereby Summon you to a town meeting(s) during the August recess (ending September 7, 2015) at a place of known public convenience. Your constituents will establish an agenda of how Congress should shift long overdue power from the few to the many, both in substantive policy and through the strengthening of government and civic institutions;

We deem this Summons to be taken with the utmost seriousness as we gain grassroots support throughout your congressional district (or state for Senators). We expect to hear from you expeditiously so that the necessary planning for our town meeting can take place. This Peoples’ Town Meeting reflects the Preamble to the Constitution that starts with “We the People” and the supremacy of the sovereignty of the people over elected representatives and corporate entities;

Be advised that this Summons calls for your attendance at a Town Meeting run by, of, and for the People. Please reserve a minimum of two hours for this serious exercise of deliberative democracy.

Sincerely yours,

The names of citizens and citizen groups

The only forgotten item is to actually insert the location of the meeting.

Actually upon reflection, this seems to be something I have been saying for quite some time, that Congress and all our elected officials are ignoring the will of WE THE PEOPLE. I don’t think anyone here will disagree that our interests have been sold out to the corporations by professional politicians who only care about us when its election time and immediately suffer a rather complete case of Constitutional Amnesia on November 12th lasting until the next election cycle rolls round. Nader just used his lawyer’s education to put it in words the politicians will notice and understand

http://www.registercitizen.com/opinion/20150724/ralph-nader-sending-citizens-summons-to-members-of-congress

 

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Impish sat with his coffee trying to figure out how fast he could crank out a minimally acceptable issue or how to trick Lethal into helping by providing him with the graphics for 1/2 the issue like he did last Saturday and again forget to give him any credit. His problem was it couldn’t look like he’d done either. His concentration was suddenly broken by the sound of tapping on the glass of his private patio’s French Doors. Since the patio was a full 400 feet up the unscalable side of the mountain, he simply called out “Screw you Lethal! You want to talk to me don’t send a drone you come do it face to face, sneak little shit to Dragon. I’m busy so you’d better make an appointment with my new secretary too.”

Brutus rouses briefly from his pretend reverie surveillance at the noise of the tapping and Impish’s voice to regard the silhouette at the patio door before growing more animated.  “Merow? Merll Broow!” Suddenly papers go flying as Brutus dashes the depth of Impish’s desk, leaping onto the arm of Impish desk chair and climbing up the backrest before launching himself recklessly at the French Doors curtains, which via ample application of his famous big sharps he,  much to Impish’s horrified consternation scales expertly while purring loudly tail thrashing excitedly all the while.

The tapping grows louder now and more rapid as if the person outside was attempting to convey his annoyance with being kept waiting for admission to Impish’s office. A card is pressed against the glass by a very large red stone finger which is in turn attached to an even larger red stone hand. Impish manages to tear his vision away from the shambles Brutus is making of his curtains in his efforts to reach the person outside the doors long enough to notice the card is an ID for a D.R.A.G.O.N Management level agent.  The ID reads Mr. Red P.I.T. Resolution Department.

As Impish opened the door Brutus flips onto Impish’s shoulder then launches himself at the figure obscured by the wide brimmed hat and huge duster coat both of which are well worn. Mr. Red immediately transfers Brutus to one impossibly broad shoulder where he commences rubbing himself all over Mr. Red’s cheek and jaw purring loudly while his very animated tail thrashes on the duster.

“Hey dere kiddo! Heard you got a little big for your tail and let your ego write a check your 5 lives couldn’t cash huh? Told you those claws weren’t going to get you out of every situation!”

“Meh? Pffft! Mernoo. PURR!”

“My red tailed ass! The way I hear it you got lucky!”

“Mmelll… maow.” Brutus hangs his head slightly and begins kneading this shoulder under him.

“Yeah! About what I thought! Seems to me we had an agreement about this very sort of thing when I first talked SC & Chai into this arrangement.” Brutus pointedly turns  away from Mr. Red and intently studies the scene outside the French Doors.

“OK play it like that then. I guess I’ll just have to eat all these Norwegian Sardines I brought along by myself then.”

“MAOW?! Misshes?” Brutus once again begins rubbing against Red’s jaw line and finger emphatically before losing all pretense of dignity, flopping on his side, grabbing the proffered finder with all four paws and pulling it in to scratch his belly.
“So we’re in agreement then? No more ill considered field work for you then right? Cause next time I’ll bring Liz and you know how she gets when one of you gets hurt right?”
Brutus looks totally serious, or at least as serious as a cat rolling on its back all four paws in the air while getting its belly scratched can when he responds “Mep! Purr! Missshes? Mernow?”

“No I got bidnz with dis Impish guy first then we have lunch”

While this exchange has been going on Impish figures to capitalize on Red’s distraction by taking the opportunity to grab and examine  the ID card still in Red’s other hand reasoning such a card might well come in handy at some point. If he knew what one looked like then he could probably Photoshop up a decent fake and have a few of the print shop dwarves with a lucrative forging side business they didn’t think anyone knew about make him one in exchange for his continued silence. just as he manages to get his hand on the card and is about to yank it from Red’s grasp a red barbed tail come whipping out from under the coat to slap his hand sharply. It then stations it self momentarily between Impish and the ID card waving back and forth briefly in a no-no gesture before disappearing back under the duster as fast as it appeared.

“OW! What the HELL was that? A barbed tail? Only demons have those!
Who are you? How did you get on my Patio? It’s 400 feet up an unscalable mountain side!
For that matter why are you even here?
I have half a mind to call Security right now and have them throw you back off the patio so you better start explaining!”
Impish begins edging back away from Mr. Red towards his desk and it’s hidden panic button.

“Well at least we agree on something! That’s a start.”

“What that I should call security?”

“Nope. I agree you have half a mind…at best right now. But I’m here to fix that for you Mr. Blue.”

WHO are you exactly? Fix WHAT? What is the ‘P.I.T. Resolution Department’? It’s never been mentioned in any of my briefings.” Impish is still making for his desk as surreptitiously but swiftly as possible while deeply regretting that Lethal wasn’t in his office next door.

“Like the ID says, I’m Mr. Red. I’m new to D.R.A.G.O.N.  as is the P.I.T. Resolution Department. P.I.T. stands for Problems, Issues and Trouble. I’m responsible for the resolution of any affecting D.R.A.G.O.N. I specialize in troubleshooting, or to put it another way I shoot trouble until it no long Trouble a Problem or even an Issue for us.
But let me answer the question you are really asking in the hope it will make my visit here go more smoothly.”

He doffs the wide brim hat that has been obscuring most of his features from Impish, places Brutus gentle inside and then sails the hat onto Impish desk much to Brutus’ apparent delight. Opening the duster he tucks the sides into the back of his belt displaying to very large holsters as well as several pouches.

“You know me now Blue?”

“You…you’re…YOU’RE HIM… HELL BOY!”

Hey! Icknsae on da Nameska dere pal! Remember da rulz.”

“Oh right…my bad…sorry!”

“In fact how about if you don’t mind you just concentrate on keeping your teeth together and ears open and this will go a whole lot faster ok?”

Impish teeth chattering loudly in apprehension just nods.

“Ok maybe we’ll settle for your just not talking and doing a lot of listening. Them chattering teeth are really annoying.

Look, relax, it ain’t so bad. See here’s the deal, dat earring you got from the Ninja kitties didn’t get installed quite right and as a result only works some time. Plus it wasn’t ever meant to operate as a single on something as large and magical as a dragon.
Dis is a problem and dat problem? Well its starting to be an issue because its making trouble, you see? So I’m here to fix all dat by correcting the install on duh one you got and install it’s matching partner in your other ear. Bada-bing, Bada-boom no more P.I or T and I go home and you get on with your day.

Now dere ain’t no reason dis can’t go really quick and easy, but I see the apprehension in your eyes so let me just say dat I promise you one way or another dis problem gonna be resolved before I leave here today, get my meaning? OK you talk now.”

“What if I refuse? I mean how do I know this is on the up and up? This is the first I’m hearing of any of this. Hell I didn’t even get consulted about the first earring and I let it slide so now there’s going to be two earrings? What’s next a nose ring? Maybe a Prince Albert? <both of them shudder in a moment of male solidarity>

“Yeah I hear you on the being uninformed but that was sort of a tactical decision once they figured out what the problem was. Apparently it worked pretty well the first time, aside from not being seated fully so they didn’t want to give you a chance to try and weasel out of it or run and hide this time either. As for refusing, that’s not an option that’s on the table for you.”

“Just a damned minute now! Ok you might be Hel…HIM, but hey- dragon here! You might want to keep that in mind because I think ol’ Big Blue might have a lot to say about all of this!”

“See you weren’t entirely listening and paying attention when I explained who and what I was before. You still don’t quite get it, I’m a troubleshooter. That means you’re a good little cuddly form dragon, co-operate by doing this the easy way and I’m gone in 5 minutes or..”

“OR WHAT?!” Impish’s voice deepens as he starts looking angry and his eyes begin to darken and glow, sure signs of an impending appearance by Big Blue.

Impish suddenly finds himself staring down the over and under double barrels of the biggest handheld weapon he’s ever seen close up. One barrel is firmly and uncomfortably lodged in is right nostril, while the second points directly at his right eye. Impish is so startled by the weapons appearance and huge size his transformation stops immediately leaving him Impish rather than Big Blue.

“Or. I. Shoot you. and/or Big Blue. For being. Trouble.  Repeatedly. Dat’s what.

Now that we’ve cleared that up,” Red thumbs back the hammer on the weapon “what’s it going to be Blue? You wanted a choice? Ok you got one now. Not much of one if you ask me but it’s a choice. Choose wisely.”

Impish faints and drops to the floor with a thud.

Red chuckles, bending over the prostrate Impish and rolling him on his side to get to the earring “You have chosen wisely. I just love it when they suggest the super easy way.”

Brutus leaps from the desk to Red’s back and wanders up to watch the proceedings. True to his word Red’s work is done in under 5 minutes. He stands up grabs his hat and closes the duster. He crosses to Impish desk and uses his tail to open drawers searching a moment until he locates Impish’s hidden stash of Lethal’s cigars and generously helps himself. Lifting Brutus off his shoulder he scratches chin for a moment before saying-

“Time for me to go kiddo, but I’m sure we’ll see each other again soon. I hear the new HQ has a mouse problem that needs attention. We both know who that problem will fall to.”

He places Brutus carefully on top of Impish’s desk and slides the half full cup of coffee precariously close to the edge over Impish’s head.

“Gimme 5 minutes then push that coffee cup over on him and wake him up will ya? Thanks little buddy!”

“MEH! Meee! Mrisssh?”

“Did you really think I’d only bring sardines for the two of us? SC & Chai would have tail shredding teams after me if I did that! I left a whole case of tins with the chef in the kitchen. Told him to hold back 4 cans for Greenie, so he can have a nice sardine and pickled red onion sandwich. that leaves 20 cans for the Ninja Kitties. After you wake sleeping ugly there go find the clan spread the word and take credit for the score. That should blow a little of the tarnish off your reputation that  your fall caused. Probably better you weren’t around when he woke up anyway, too many questions you’ll have a hard time answering.”

“Merrow! Purr!”

“Back at ya furball”

Red pulls a Blackberry out and taps a couple keys. “Greenie…Yeah its me. Its done. Send the car up and you owe me $10. Nope. Yup I pulled it. Showed it too him up close and he got really co-operative. As in fainted dead away. Tell Chitty to step on it. We want my exit to be as mysterious as my entrance. OK. OK. Good.”

Red steps back out onto the balcony, closes the doors then worms his tail under them at the gap to relock them from the inside. walks over to the railing climbs it, steps off and disappears with a slight shimmer. As soon as this happens, Brutus head butts Impish’s coffee cup off the edge of the desk upending it all over his head. As Impish rolls over sputtering Brutus leaps for the softest landing spot available to him hitting Impish in the pit of the stomach before dashing under the desk and out his cat door to spread the news of the Clan’s windfall bounty by his actions.

Meantime someplace not easily explainable or definable to non-schizophrenic humans and or non role playing gamers,  Mr. Gray pauses a moment in his task suddenly, cocks his head listening intently for several seconds before breaking into a wide grin and sighing deeply in satisfaction . Fingering his gray earring momentarily he returns to the task at hand while starting to hum the opening bars of Simon & Garfunkel’s “The Sound of Silence”.

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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5 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 311 for August 12th 2015

  1. Ginny says:

    Outstanding issue considerating you are truly suffering with extreme heat. Recipes look yummy and easy to make.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Trust me very little is going on here at Camp Sweatty Shamrock.
      Only the absolute minimum neccessary. I made a trash run last night as 11:45 because the mercury had finally dipped below 90.
      Only 3 things working hard around here (aside from us at our respective jobs) are the Fridge, A/C & Crock Pot
      Molly is even remote starting the car 10 minutes before she leaves work so it cools off enough for her to get
      in and not pass out from the heat and she parks in the shade!

      Even my coffee maker is getting a rest- I’m drinkiing cold coffee!

      • Ginny says:

        Camp Sweaty Shamrock….clever, but me thinks your are starting to melt. I love my coffee, but iced coffee doesn’t make it with me I’ll drink ice tea though.

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Darlin’ I don’t melt- I just sizzle in my own fat like a whole slab of bacon!

        I actually drink both. I stop coffee about 3 or so and switch to Ice Tea (brewed fresh each morning and chilled)
        as its Molly’s drink of choice for summer and tea is her prefered winter beverage. Down here its handy to like Iced Tea
        as in most resturants Iced Tea refills are free while other bevrages (besides water) are not.

      • Ginny says:

        Your wit seems to be sharper in that horrendous heat Also, I loves bacon.

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