D.R.A.G.O.N. Application For Employment
A Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs Enterprises Subsidiary Company
100 Dragon Mountain Road, Mythological Realm and United Mythological Creatures Nations
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer and fully subscribe to the principles of Equal Employment Opportunity. Applicants and/or employees are considered for hire, promotion and job status, without regard to race, color, religion, creed, sex, marital status, national origin, age, physical appearance, mythological status, realm of origin, deity worshiped, size or magical weapon.
Name: Impetuous Familurous Family Name: Draconious Nick Name: Impish Dragon
Address: 1 Craggy Mountain Realm: City: Jersey City
Primary Means of Communication: P Cell Phone 1Carrier Pigeon 1Smoke Signals 1USPS 1Telepathy
1Other (Please Specify) I eat carrier pigeons and mail men before they can deliver and I make too much of my own smoke to read smoke signals and telepathy doesn’t work with dragons.
1. General Information:
Are you able to perform the essential job functions of the position for which you are applying with or without reasonable accommodation? XYes 1No If no, turn in application at this time and leave quietly.
Have you ever done anything that was considered a felony (or equivalent to your realm)? XYes 1No There was this one time… hurmph! You haven’t left enough space for me to answer properly…see attached wanted poster for more details.
If no, turn in application at this time and leave quietly.
Have you ever been convicted of any felony (or equivalent to your realm) in the past 7 years?
1Yes XNo If yes, turn in application at this time and leave quietly. No convictions if not caught.
Do you consider yourself any of the following: Liberal, Leftist, Obamaite, Hillarian, Hard Core Democrat? How dare you even ask such a thing of me? I refer you again to the wanted poster attached to this application.
If you answered yes to any of the above, please put down your writing utensil and accompany the security personnel who will escort you to level six for a more in-depth and personal interview. List next of kin here: _________________________________________
2. Education, Skills & Training:
Please list last Guild Training Academy Attended: I ate a whole guild academy once. I had to, they started it! Last school attended was Hiram Fire Breath High School (Go Wyrms!) Skill Level: GED (Generally Educated Dragon)
Please list Specialized Training: (Use additional sheet if necessary) Fire Breathing, Village Razing, Gold Hording, Military Tactics, Algebra, Home Economics
Weapons Specialization: (Use additional sheet if necessary) Fire Breath, Tail, Claw, Body, Talon
Innate Abilities due to race, creature status, etc: (i.e. Dragon Breath, Vampire Glamour, Basilisk Gaze, etc.) Dragon Breath, shape changing (3 forms), Magical Creature Irritation, Flying
Any additional skills or education that you feel would help you in attaining the position to which you are applying? Please feel free to list any and all additional talents you think might help us in our decision making process: Virgin Eating, Knight Peeling, I seem to have this innate ability to irritate leprechauns (might be a species thing),
3. Personal Information: Disclaimer: positions and employment will not be denied due to answers in this section, but due to the specialization of many of the positions here at D.R.A.G.O.N. it must be understood that some personal information must be asked:
Type of Magical Creature or Mythological Persona: Dragon – Draconius Maximus
Any mixed breeding (such as half-elf, half-kobold, gnomish ogre, etc) Are you trying to bad mouth my momma??!!
Any special heritage (Son of Thor, Child of Superman and Poison Ivy, Last living specimen, etc) Well, I can honestly say that there ain’t no one else like me!
For Dragons only, please list color and alignment: Blue – Chaotic Good.
For Dark Elves (Drow) only, Are you a friend of or related to Do’Urden: XYes 1No 1Who? If who is checked, please turn in your application and leave quietly and quickly, with your head down and without looking any other individual in the eye. I know I’m not one of the Drow, but Do’Urden and I are old pals!
Any other creature or description: Not sure where else to put this, but I have three forms, my ancient Blue Dragon form, of course, but also my small blue “Impish” Dragon form and my human form.
Special Note: If you are unable to fill out any of the boxes in this section, then you are obviously non-magical/mythical. If you believe you can fulfill one of the very few pure human occupations (i.e. unbelievably sexy, overwhelmingly busty or endowed, technology geek of unheard of talent) please report to the attendant your belief and if she agrees, you will be sent to the office of Mr. Leprechaun who will conduct a private interview.
Position Applying For: Owner/Operator, Secret Agent, Spy, Liberal Lambaster, and Side-Kick If unknown check here 1 turn in application and leave quietly. If you don’t know why you’re here, you’re obviously in the wrong place.
Salary Expected: Sparklies, lots and lots of Sparklies (Xhourly, Xweekly, Xmonthly, Xsalary, X per job) It doesn’t matter, we’ll tell you what you will be paid and you will be duly compensated.
Hours Available: XAny and all hours 1Any other answer (please turn in your application and leave quietly)
I do solemnly swear, under penalty of level 6, that all the above statements are true and have been made of my own free will, without reservation or coercion of any kind. I also attest that I have not been given any assumptions of employment and no promises have been made to me. I promise I am not a liberal democrat, welfare scumbag capable of working, just not bothering to or any other horrendous type person such as anti-police, anti-military and that I don’t believe I am entitled to anything from any person or government entity that I haven’t, myself worked for. So help me Tiamat the Magnificent (Fill in deity’s name here)
Signature, Mark or Chop Here: Impish (Ice Blue, Agent 40DD) Dragon
Insert Finger, Paw or Talon Print Here:
Insert Drop of Blood Here: