D.R.A.G.O.N. Application For Employment
A Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laughs Enterprises Subsidiary Company
100 Dragon Mountain Road, Mythological Realms and Creatures Embassies
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer and fully subscribe to the principles of Equal Employment Opportunity. Applicants and/or employees are considered for hire, promotion and job status, without regard to race, color, religion, creed, sex, marital status, national origin, age, physical appearance, mythological status, realm of origin, deity worshiped, size or magical weapon.
Name: Seamus Phibber Family Name: McGee Nick Name: Lethal Leprechaun, Mr. Kelly Green
Address: One Keebler Towers /Castle Blarney, Government House CFO’s Suite, Penthouse Stonehenge Hotel
Realms: Mundane, Lepreconia & Fae Cities: Houston & Cork/ Cobblers City/ Stone Circle City
Primary Means of Communication: [X ] Cell Phone [X] Carrier
Pigeon Dragon [ ] Smoke Signals [ ] USPS [ ] Telepathy
[X] Other (Please Specify) Strong Arm-n-Big Hammer Bonded Troll Secure Carrier Service &/or Carving Branding them on the dead bodies on Minions of those who annoy me then having them delivered to said annoyance.
1. General Information:
Are you able to perform the essential job functions of the position for which you are applying with or without reasonable accommodation? [X]Yes [ ] No If no, turn in application at this time and leave quietly.
Have you ever done anything that was considered a felony (or equivalent to your realm)? [ ] Yes [X] No
If no, turn in application at this time and leave quietly. I never shit where I eat. My realm has no extradition agreements with any other realm. Why screw up a perfectly god realm wide safe house? I commit felonies in other realms then return home if it looks like I’ll get caught and can’t get out of it. Rule #3 of successful bad guys- always have an exit strategy.
Have you ever been convicted of any felony (or equivalent to your realm) in the past 7 years?
[ ]Yes [X] No If yes, turn in application at this time and leave quietly. In no other realm[s] either, nor any client represented by me or my Law firm
Do you consider yourself any of the following: Liberal, Leftist, Obamaite, Hillarian, Hard Core Democrat? There’s no room for the lengthy and profane answer this question deserves
If you answered yes to any of the above, please put down your writing utensil and accompany the security personnel who will escort you to level six for a more in-depth and personal interview. List next of kin here: _________________________________________
2. Education, Skills & Training:
Please list last Guild Training Academy Attended: Oxford Law School w/ Post Grad at Harvard Skill Level: Sr. Grandmaster Grifter
Please list Specialized Training: (Use additional sheet if necessary)
- Manipulation & Machination
Legal and Illegal Finance
Creative Accounting and Money Laundering
Machiavellian/Mafioso Style Networking
Influencing of the Politically Powerful Utilizing Rasputin’s Methodology
Ingraining and Integration of Self To/With Those In Positions Of Power &/Or Authority
Intelligence Gathering Analysis and Dissemination,
Influence Brokering and Peddling
Arms Intelligence, Information and Technology Dealership,
Cyber Security- White/Black Hat Hacking Spying and Securing
Stock and Financial Market Swindling/Manipulation For Fun and Profit
Minion & Lackey Leadership Motivation and Manipulation
Inciting Inquisitions & Witch Hunts
Skewering with Sarcasm.
Defense Against the Dark Arts &/or Liberal Logic.
Post Graduate Level Training in Application of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War & The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries to Business Practices
- Connoisseurship of but not limited to: Food, Beer & Ale, Irish & Bourbon Whiskey, Fine Cigars & Red Headed Women
Weapons Specialization: (Use additional sheet if necessary) The written word, My rapier like wit and acidly aserbic tongue, Finance, The Legal System. Edged, Bladed, Missile and Melee weapons Magical or Mundane, Cats, Firearms, Poisons, Drones and Robots, Proprietary Weapons of my Own Design (Tesla Gun, Rifle, Man Portable Cannon), Dragons, Shelligh/Cudgel Close Quarters Combat
Innate Abilities due to race, creature status, etc: (i.e. Dragon Breath, Vampire Glamour, Basilisk Gaze, etc.) I can smell an opportunity to make/steal/transfer ownership of a gold piece at 3 miles, Con you out of your money w/o ever seeing you and make you thank me for it,
I can make you the worlds greatest fitting pair of shoes or a pair that the World Court would fine to be a device of unspeakable torture.
Full Diplomatic Credentials currently good in 20 realms.
Billy Gates and Donny Trump come to me for loans. I know the secrets of Portal Creation & Navigation. Currently have access to 148 safe houses spread over 30 realms.
Capability to more Money Manpower and Material on a Commercial Scale Internationally as well as Interdimensionally.
On a first name basis with half a dozen Elder Gods &/or Fae plus a like number of Younger gods
Any additional skills or education that you feel would help you in attaining the position to which you are applying? Please feel free to list any and all additional talents you think might help us in our decision making process: Did I mention I have access to a Dragon as well as understand their use[s] and employment for maximum effect in any given situation? How about the fact that I maintain a small force of both Cyborgs and Ninja Cats? Or that you come to me for your gadgets, gizmos and weapons? Lastly, how about that I put up 1/3rd of the funds necessary for this organizations start up or that your secret HQ is on lease from me? Post Graduate Work in the fields of Managed Mayhem & Controlled Chaos. Master Rank Dragon Keeper & Trainer
3. Personal Information: Disclaimer: positions and employment will not be denied due to answers in this section, but due to the specialization of many of the positions here at D.R.A.G.O.N. it must be understood that some personal information must be asked:
Type of Magical Creature or Mythological Persona: Leprechaun
Any mixed breeding (such as half-elf, half-kobold, gnomish ogre, etc) Only in your parentage not mine
Any special heritage (Son of Thor, Child of Superman and Poison Ivy, Last living specimen, etc) Hereditary Keeper and Wielder of the Magical Dancing Shellighi of Knockonyamore, Current hereditary position holder of Schencial of Blarney Castle.
For Dragons only, please list color and alignment: Mine is Blue and Chaotic Good with Neutral Good leanings and Nucking Futz tendencies
For Dark Elves (Drow) only, Are you a friend of or related to Do’Urden: 1Yes 1No 1Who? If who is checked, please turn in your application and leave quietly and quickly, with your head down and without looking any other individual in the eye. I may not be Drow, (dragons actually think Leprechauns are shoe elves) but Drizzit Do’Urden is a personal friend, client and sometimes subcontractor of mine.
Any other creature or description: Sorry, name dropping is against my ethics and bad for confidential business dealings.
Special Note: If you are unable to fill out any of the boxes in this section, then you are obviously non-magical/mythical. If you believe you can fulfill one of the very few pure human occupations (i.e. unbelievably sexy, overwhelmingly busty or endowed, technology geek of unheard of talent) please report to the attendant your belief and if she agrees, you will be sent to the office of Mr. Leprechaun who will conduct a private interview.
Position Applying For: Overlord of you all, but will accept Chief of Field Operations Position
If unknown check here 1 turn in application and leave quietly. If you don’t know why you’re here, you’re obviously in the wrong place.
Salary Expected: 20% of the gross plus position of first choice on all confiscated/recovered magic and tech items per job (hourly, weekly, monthly, salary, per job) It doesn’t matter, we’ll tell you what you will be paid and you will be duly compensated. No you won’t, my salary requirements are non Neogoatable.
Hours Available: [X] Any and all hours [ ] Any other answer (please turn in your application and leave quietly)
I do solemnly swear, under penalty of level 6, that all the above statements are true and have been made of my own free will, without reservation or coercion of any kind. I also attest that I have not been given any assumptions of employment and no promises have been made to me. I promise I am not a liberal democrat, welfare scumbag capable of working, just not bothering to or any other horrendous type person such as anti-police, anti-military and that I don’t believe I am entitled to anything from any person or government entity that I haven’t, myself worked for. So help me Dagda (Fill in deity’s name here)
Signature, Mark or Chop Here: S. Phibber McGee C.P.A,. Esq. D.Q.M. a.k.a Lethal Leprechaun or Mr. Kelly Green
Insert Finger, Paw or Talon Print Here: Not on your life! That’s admissible evidence for Intent to Commit Conspiracy.
Insert Drop of Blood Here: OH BLOODY HELLS NO! Not only is that of Evidentiary value but Magical value as well!