Dragon Laffs #1432


4e

Good Morning Campers,

I’m kinda going with a new idea this episode, where I’m really going to have opening comments and we will visit Lethal and Impish and the stories of D.R.A.G.O.N. in a minute.  Not sure if it will stay this way, but I did want to have some say at the beginning and not just jump right into the frying pan, as it were.

Spring has finally sprung here at Casa de Dragon…at least in my front yard
4d

Izzy and her little friends have been gardening the last couple of springs and moving bulbs around the house and this is one of their batches from two years ago.  The ones from last year wont look as good this year, but they are all starting to pop up and look great. 

I’d like to public thank Lethal Leprechaun for all his help with this issue.  See, I’m a little short on time right now.  My last day off was April 4th and my next scheduled day off is May 10th…so, he has really been instrumental in this issue not only getting out, but for much of the quality as well.  Thanks bro, it’s nice to know you got my back.

 

Now, let’s see what kind of trouble Impish has gotten himself into this week.

 

01

Lethal is escorting Impish through some less than inviting looking definitely institutional halls. Impish does not appear any too pleased about what ever it is Lethal is taking him to do.

 
But why do I have to sit through a post mission debriefing Let…ah…Mr.Green? I spent longer on writing and revising the after action report after you’d read it than I did on the entire mission!
 
Because Mr. Blue its protocol and procedure. I know you think that this business is all thrills, chills, guns, gals, martinis and mayhem, but the reality is there is a lot of tedious boring work that makes up 85% of an agents work day. This is one of those things. Call it a necessary and sometimes annoying evil. One you have to endure if you expect to continue as a field agent
 
<Impish grumbles under his breath and appear to be about to whine more>
 
Hey look! If you’ve decided this isn’t to your liking Mr. Blue you’re not too far in yet not to change your mind and go back to being a civilian. I for one certainly will not be holding it against you and I know your pal Mr. Leprechaun will back you fully with all his resources should you decide to do that.
 
Impish sighs deeply as they approach a door before squaring his shoulders and preparing to enter the interrogation room for his debriefing.
No I got this. This is the business I’ve chosen and  I’m not a quitter.
 
As he places his hand on the door Mr. Green speaks one last time but in a much lower tone as he hands our beloved dragon a manila envelope from inside his coat.
 
I said Mr. Blue you had to submit to this. I never said you had to give them your full co-operation or not make them wish they hadn’t insisted on this or that you shouldn’t try to persuade them not to subject you to these de-briefings in the future.
 
He looks pointedly at the envelope he’s given Mr. Blue
 
Now Mr. Blue would be an excellent time to determine the contents of that envelope. Perhaps it will make my meaning more clear to you.
 
As Mr. Green spins about on one heel and swiftly strides back the way he came a seriously puzzled Mr. Blue undoes the clasp on the envelope and peers inside momentarily only to start chuckling loudly.
 
Thank You Lethal where/who ever you are!
 
Impish turns the knob and enters the room muttering under his breath ‘Show time! I am so going to enjoy this after all!’
 
Q: State your name.
A: Seriously? How many other dragons, blue or otherwise have you been fortunate enough to recruit?
Q: For. The. Record. Please. State. Your. Name.
Impish glares at the Interrogator a moment before responding while imitating Curly from the 3 Stoogies.

“Oh! A wise guy huh? Nuck! Nuck! Nuck!” <Switches to his Sean Connery accent> “Blue. Ice Blue.” He tosses the manila envelope on the table in front of the interrogator.

Q: What’s this? <He reaches for the envelope> Something to be entered into the official record?

A: Those are my briefs, the ones I was wearing during the mission. I mean this is a de-briefing right? I don’t mind giving them to you for the record, as long as I’m reimbursed for them since I have to buy them special for the missions as Dragons generally prefer to go commando, but I’ll be damned if I’m letting a bunch of  voyeurs watch me take them off so they can play pocket pool. Also I’m admittedly more than a little confused why you apparent bunch of panty sniffers want them in the first place.
 
The interrogator shoves the envelope as far away from himself as possible and with great distain. Pinches the bridge of his nose, sighs and says:
 
Q: So this is how you want it to be? I assure you I have all day and all night and you will answer all of my questions and to my satisfaction before you walk out of here Mr. Blue. Your lack of serious regard for the work will only prolong this interview.
A: I assure you Harry.. he scowls or is it Harriet Hardass, glancing at the one way mirror at the far side of the room as he sits down, on the contrary I take the work very seriously, its you and this nest of nitpicker and no-no nellies I don’t take serious >(Quoting Monty Python and in his best John Cleese)< Ask your questions 3 bridge keeper I am not afraid!
 
 
Q: Why didn’t you wait for Mr. Green to contact you and kit you out  prior to embarking on your mission?

A: HULLOOO! Have you ever SEEN Mr. Green in a minimal caffination condition/situation? This was a serious dire emergency!Those that run D.R.A.G.O.N. were in danger of possibly falling asleep at their posts or possibly being kidnapped by hipster liberal loonies working for A.S.S.!

Besides unless D.R.A.G.O.N. has memberships for Sam’s Club, Cosco or some other buyers club I already had everything I needed the second the necessary finances hit my debit card.
 
Q: How were you armed?
A: 2 forearms & wings with foreword & aft talon spike. Horns. Big ass tail.
 
Q: NO! NO! I mean what weapon(s) did you take on the assignment?
A: (Imitating a cliché Mexican bandito [or the SNL killer bees])
Weapons? I am a dragon I don’t need no stinkin’ weapons!
incinerates setting off smoke detectors and sprinkler system>
Would you care to see what happens if I decide to hock a loogie on you Mr. Pinstripe Paper-pusher?
<smashes table with tail>
Or slap you upside your phi beta crappa head and bad toupee with my tail?
 
Q: Why did you chose to use the sidecar equipped motorized unicycle designated Dragon 3?
A: 1.) Dragon 1 is an air vehicle wasn’t particular suited to the mission or very blending in.
    2.) Dragon 2 (aka Chitty Chitty Bang Bang) isn’t done being overhauled and upgraded after 30 years in storage.
    3.) Flying as myself wasn’t an option with all that stuff to carry and the bus route means I’d have been impossibly package laden and on vulnerable waddling foot for 1/2 a mile both ways.
    4.) They don’t make blade skates in my size (not that WalMart would let me in with them on anyway) and I can’t skate board worth a shit.
    5.) Being a secret mission Uber wasn’t really an option and besides its really had to get an Uber ride when you’re A DRAGON!
 

Q: But why did you take Dragon 3 into the WalMart then?

A: Because there is no locking hard top to the side car and because they wouldn’t give me a key to the scooter thingie my first time in there.

The coffee makers are all the way in the back, plus there were no carriages handy and I was going to have a lot of items. I’ve got a question for you now since you’re going to peruse this line of questioning. Why wasn’t I issued some sort of vest of many pockets or between the wings pack or even saddle bags as part basic kitting out?

Q: AH er…that’s not really my department. Now if I could…
A: I mean not even a lousy old smelly bag of holding? You cheap tight assed bean counters couldn’t even pop for that?
 

Q: Why did you throw only $10 at the cashier? You had to know the stuff you were taking and the damages were more than that!

A: You ever try to pull a $100 bill out of your wallet while operating a motorized unicycle w/ side car in a WalMart on a Friday night at 40 mph? No?

Well if you had you wouldn’t be asking me these dumb questions Mr. Flannel suited broom stick someplace the sun won’t ever been seen shining!

It wasn’t like I could just leave my debit card and yell <switches to Schwarzenegger imitation from Terminator>I’ll be bach’ now was it?
 

Q: Can you explain why you doubled back when you realized you had passed the donuts instead of just going to the Krispy Cream drive thru down the road?

A: (imitating Joe Peschi as Leo Getz)

Can I give you a friendly piece of advice?
Don’t ever go up to the drive-through.  Okay ? Always walk up to the counter.
You know why? Okay, okay, okay.  Let me tell you,
They fuck you at the drive-through, okay?
They fuck you at the drive-through. They’ll give you stale donuts and figure you’ll be too far away when you find out.
They know you’ll be miles away before you find out you got fucked, okay.
They know you’re not gonna turn around and go back.
And they don’t care!

<reverting to Impish’s voice> 

Also I knew  from my prior expert experience in pastry purloining my shot at finding an Enterman’s truck to steal at that hour as substitute was zilch.

Anymore questions Mr. I can’t handle field work but I can nit pick those that do it? Cause I got to warn you I’m starting to feel a little peckish.
 
Q: You mean you can’t handle answering a few simple questions regarding your methodology without feeling picked on and I should feel sorry for you?
A: I said peckish dumb ass not picked on. Impish leans across table whispering so the interrogator leans in to hear what he’s saying. See the difference is
when I feel peckish, I‘m the one doing the picking on someone or something living. Picking on. On as in snacking.
 

A flaming loogie is hocked at room’s camera and blood a curdling scream is heard before things go momentarily quiet.

Impish can suddenly be heard belching loudly then the sound of his clearing a path (probably through the recently tail smashed broken table’s remains) with his tail.

He can faintly be heard muttering and sounds like he’s mocking the nasal voice of the now deceased interrogator ‘No! NO! I mean how were you armed? Pulease! DRAGON HERE!” Another loud sound, this time of breaking glass as the reinforced one way mirror in the room shatters.

The last thing you hear is Impish roar ANY ONE ELSE in here got any more DUMB TEDIOUS QUESTIONS or are we through? Because truth be told he was pretty scrawny and tasted like vegetables so I’M STILL FEELING PECKISH!

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1374

How Experts Ask for a Raise

An Austrian maid asks the wife who employs her for a pay raise.

The wife became very angry about this and decided to talk to her about this raise.

She asked, “Now Anna, why do you think you should get a pay increase?”

Anna: “Well, Madam, there are tree reasons why I wunt the increaze. The 1st is that I do iron better than you.”

Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”

Anna: “Your husband he say so.

Wife: “Oh yeah?

Anna: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.

Wife: “that’s a lie, who said you were a better cook than me?”

Anna: “Your hozban he did.

Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?”

Anna: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”

Anna: “No Madam… The gardener did.

(A moment of silence passes…)

So, how much do you want?

 

 

5

 

 

The next time you hear someone bad-mouthing the cops, show them this video!

5a2

 

This one is truly amazing.  Even though it’s a jewelry commercial for Mother’s Day, it’s a beautiful video.

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Me and my nanny when I was a bitty dragon.

 

5a

1375

 

5a1

Dragons and Leprechauns most especially operate under the exact same idea.

 

1376

 

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Sister Mary Punishment.  The detention monitor.

 

100

 

1377

 

This one is from Grumpy.  Hi ya Grumpy!  You still talk to the other seven dwarves?  Anyway, after reading this, I believe that Grumpy is aptly named, and a member of my peer group.  Way to go Grumps!

POTUS  
In recent American history, the president of our once-great nation has been identified by the acronym “POTUS”, which of course stands for President Of The United States.

However, during the current presidency, a subtle change in meaning has come about with that term.​

The occupant of the Oval Office is still referred to as the POTUS, but the term has become much more descriptive of the man holding this once revered position. POTUS now means:
​ ​

                 Piece Of Totally Useless Shit

Put obligatory picture of dumbass Obama here….
Okay
5b (1)

 

1378

 

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Time for more of these great pictures…
8q

Ought to really be Plan A. 

 

8r

The stork delivers babies.

 

8s

And receive they shall!  If the government ever gets their heads out of their collective asses and does something!

 

8t

LOL!  There’s more truth to this than you know.  And you gotta love the “birth-control-glasses” the dude’s wearing!

 

8u

Probably flying to a Navy base somewhere…even though it IS an Air Force aircraft.

 

8v

The “pilot attitude” starts so young.

 

And lastly, and this is also the last one for the series (unless I get more sent to me, hint! Hint!)

8w

 

This next one is too good not to share.  Thanks to K2 and a warning from me.  Those of you out there who think this is just tongue-in-cheek had damn well better think again…

4a

As you know, my dear people, the last year for me has been an annus horribilus. The Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi–in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails. 

Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you the people. For the next seventeen months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Mart and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land sharing your poverty and needs with you.

How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor we had to remove thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given just enough for us to scrape by.

During those difficult times we had to cut back when our daughter was married. We only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding and I remember our hopes as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. So as I travel across our land to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then when the time for the royal election comes I know you will crown me as your rightful monarch so that we can all live happily ever after.

And now, an important message from Obama

4f

1380

 

 

Hey, let’s jump into my favorite part of the show!
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admit it

Coincidence

dark humor

depression for dummies

finally spring

 

You can thank Lethal Leprechaun for this one.  He is actually the one who called my attention to this
4

Happy birthday, Hubble!

25 years ago yesterday (Friday), the Hubble Space Telescope was launched aboard the Space Shuttle Discovery. We love the unprecedented perspective on the universe its array of sensors have provided. We love it so much, in fact, that we could hug it. NASA has put together a breathtaking gallery of Hubble’s Top Shots over the years, which you can go visit in a minute. If you go now, I’ll never get you back.

Wow!  You really need to click on the link in the above paragraph “breathtaking gallery of Hubble’s Top Shots”.  It is awesome!!!

 

It was reported today that an anti-Hillary website was only be able to raise $12,000.

 
When asked why, Bill Clinton said, ‘That’s all I had’.

 

1381

This one is beautiful.  Thanks Dad!

 

As we get closer to the 2016 election year, US citizens must remember
that they cannot trust   Hillary Clinton to create   American jobs.
The last time she had a meaningful job, she outsourced it to
Monica Lewinsky. …

 

 

And Monica blew it.
1382

 

A man is sitting in a saloon in Paso Robles, California and was far from home when Barack Obama came on TV. The man looked at the TV and said, “Obama is a horse’s ass.”

 
Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the face, knocking him off his bar stool, then stomps out. The man got back up, rubbed his cheek and ordered another beer.
 
Shortly after, Michelle Obama appears on the TV. The man looked at the TV and said “ She’s a horse’s ass too!”
 
Out of nowhere, another local punches him in the other side of the face, knocking him off his bar stool again.
 
The man gets back up and looks at the bartender, “I take it this is Obama country?”
 
“Nope, replies the bartender, “Horse country.”

 

1383

 

 

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I’ve seen this article and this listing before and I’ve done research on it when I’ve previously seen it.  Not sure this is the EXACT same list, but I’m sure it’s close enough that I’m willing to publish it here.  Now listen people.  These are all verifiable facts.  Mr. Clinton was not just some smiling goof who got a blowjob in the Whitehouse.  And his wife, the Benghazi Bitch, is just as bad and I would warrant, even worse.  Those of you who still think she would make a good president of our United States need to beware…

 

This is what happens when you mess with the Clinton’s!!

In case you have forgotten all the other bodies this witch has  left in her wake……Just a quick refresher course ‘lest  we forget’ what has happened to many “friends” of the Clintons.

1-James McDougal – Clintons convicted Whitewater partner  died of an apparent heart attack, while in solitary  confinement. He was a key witness in Ken Starr’s investigation.

2 – Mary Mahoney – A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown .. The murder happened just after she was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House.

3 – Vince Foster – Former White House councilor, and colleague of Hillary Clinton at Little Rock’s Rose Law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the head, ruled a suicide.

4 – Ron Brown – Secretary of Commerce and former DNC  Chairman. Reported to have died by impact in a plane crash. A pathologist close to the investigation reported that there  was a
hole in the top of Brown’s skull resembling a  gunshot wound. At the time of his death Brown was being investigated, and spoke publicly of  his willingness to cut a deal with prosecutors. The rest of  the people on the plane also died. A few days later the air  Traffic controller committed suicide.

5 – C. Victor Raiser, II – Raiser, a major player in the Clinton fund raising organization died in a private plane crash in July 1992.

6 – Paul Tulley – Democratic National Committee Political Director found dead in a hotel room in Little Rock , September 1992. Described by Clinton as a “dear friend and trusted advisor”.

7 – Ed Willey – Clinton fundraiser, found dead November 1993 deep in the woods in VA of a gunshot wound to the head. Ruled a suicide. Ed Willey died on the same day his wife  Kathleen
Willey claimed Bill Clinton groped her in the oval  office in the White House. Ed Willey was involved in several Clinton fund raising  events.

8 – Jerry Parks – Head of Clinton’s gubernatorial  security team in Little Rock .. Gunned down in his car at a  deserted intersection outside Little Rock. Park’s son said  his father was building a dossier on Clinton He allegedly  threatened to reveal this information. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his  house.

9 – James Bunch – Died from a gunshot suicide. It was reported that he had a “Black Book” of people which contained names of influential people who visited prostitutes in Texas and Arkansas.

10 – James Wilson – Was found dead in May 1993 from an apparent hanging suicide. He was reported to have ties to Whitewater..

11 – Kathy Ferguson – Ex-wife of Arkansas Trooper Danny  Ferguson, was found dead in May 1994, in her living room  with a gunshot to her head. It was ruled a suicide even  though there were several packed suitcases, as if she were  going somewhere. Danny Ferguson was a co-defendant along with Bill Clinton in the Paula  Jones lawsuit. Kathy Ferguson was a possible corroborating  witness for Paula Jones.

12 – Bill Shelton – Arkansas State Trooper and fiancée of Kathy Ferguson. Critical of the suicide ruling of his fiancée, he was found dead in June, 1994 of a gunshot wound also ruled a suicide at the grave site of his fiancée.

13 – Gandy Baugh – Attorney for Clinton’s friend Dan Lassater, died by jumping out a window of a tall building January, 1994. His client was a convicted drug distributor.

14 – Florence Martin – Accountant & sub-contractor for the CIA, was related to the Barry Seal, Mena, Arkansas, airport drug smuggling case. He died of three gunshot wounds.

15 – Suzanne Coleman – Reportedly had an affair with Clinton when he was Arkansas Attorney General. Died of a gunshot wound to the back of the head, ruled a suicide. Was pregnant at the time of her death.

16 – Paula Grober – Clinton’s speech interpreter for the deaf from 1978 until her death December 9, 1992. She died in a one car accident.

17 – Danny Casolaro – Investigative reporter. Investigating Mena Airport and Arkansas Development Finance Authority. He slit his wrists, apparently, in the middle of his investigation.

18 – Paul Wilcher – Attorney investigating corruption at Mena Airport with Casolaro and the 1980 “October Surprise” was found dead on a toilet June 22, 1993, in his Washington DC apartment. Had delivered a report to Janet Reno 3 weeks before his death.

19 – Jon Parnell Walker – Whitewater investigator for Resolution Trust Corp. Jumped to his death from his Arlington , Virginia apartment balcony August 15, 1993. He was investigating the Morgan Guaranty scandal.

20 – Barbara Wise – Commerce Department staffer. Worked closely with Ron Brown and John Huang. Cause of death unknown. Died November 29, 1996. Her bruised, nude body was found locked in her office at the Department of Commerce.

21 – Charles Meissner – Assistant Secretary of Commerce who gave John Huang special security clearance, died shortly thereafter in a small plane crash.

22 – Dr. Stanley Heard – Chairman of the National  Chiropractic Health Care Advisory Committee died with his  attorney Steve Dickson in a small plane crash. Dr. Heard, in  addition to serving on Clinton‘s advisory council  personally treated Clinton’s mother, stepfather and brother.

23 – Barry Seal – Drug running TWA pilot out of Mena Arkansas, death was no accident.

24 – Johnny Lawhorn, Jr. – Mechanic, found a check made out to Bill Clinton in the trunk of a car left at his repair shop. He was found dead after his car had hit a utility pole.

25 – Stanley Huggins – Investigated Madison Guaranty. His death was a purported suicide and his report was never released.

26 – Hershell Friday – Attorney and Clinton fundraiser died March 1, 1994, when his plane exploded.

27 – Kevin Ives & Don Henry – Known as “The boys  on the track” case. Reports say the boys may have stumbled  upon the Mena Arkansas airport drug operation. A  controversial case, the initial report of death said, due to  falling asleep on railroad tracks. Later reports claim the 2 boys had been slain before being placed on the tracks. Many linked to the case died before their  testimony could come before a Grand Jury.

THE FOLLOWING PERSONS HAD INFORMATION ON THE IVES/HENRY CASE:

28 – Keith Coney – Died when his motorcycle slammed into the back of a truck, 7/88.

29 – Keith McMaskle – Died, stabbed 113 times, Nov, 1988

30 – Gregory Collins – Died from a gunshot wound January 1989.

31 – Jeff Rhodes – He was shot, mutilated and found burned in a trash dump in April 1989.

32 – James Milan – Found decapitated. However, the Coroner ruled his death was due to natural causes”.

33 – Jordan Kettleson – Was found shot to death in the front seat of his pickup truck in June 1990.

34 – Richard Winters – A suspect in the Ives/Henry deaths. He was killed in a set-up robbery July 1989.

THE FOLLOWING CLINTON BODYGUARDS ARE DEAD

35 – Major William S. Barkley, Jr.

36 – Captain Scott J . Reynolds

37 – Sgt. Brian Hanley

38 – Sgt. Tim Sabel

39 – Major General William Robertson

40 – Col. William Densberger

41 – Col. Robert Kelly

42 – Spec. Gary Rhodes

43 – Steve Willis

44 – Robert Williams

45 – Conway LeBleu

46 – Todd McKeehan

Quite an impressive list!

The public must become aware of what happens to friends of the Clintons!

HILLARY  FOR PRESIDENT?

…SURELY YOU JEST!

The part that gets me, is that no official investigation of these coincidences has ever been done?  I’m a bit of a paranoid pessimist…it goes with the job of spending all day trying to think of the worst thing that could ever happen and then come up with a plan to defend against that.

But one suicide is sad, two is a tragedy, three is really stretching a coincidence but eleven?  One of which supposedly shot herself in the back of the head???

And one decapitation that was ruled natural causes???  Damn!  I had no idea that our heads could just fall off!  Where’s my duct tape!!!

Nothing.

No where.

The ONLY place you’ll read about this list is on the internet.  The news articles are easy enough to find, but nobody puts them all together.

People, mind your vote!  It’s important!

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1432

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    Always got your back Dude- just as long as there is no rubbing, washing, lotion applying or scratching of it involved. You go see Ginny and Diaman for those things. I’m strictly a sage words of counsel, alibi, mental/moral support, cover your 6/issue and back up kind of guy.

    • impishdragon says:

      Ewwww! I don’t want your hands rubbing, washing, lotion applying anything like that to my back…although, if you could take your shillelagh and just scratch right about…Ow! Shit! No! Ow! Stop it! Ouch! I take it back! I take it back! Stay the hell away from me with that thing!!

      But seriously dude…I know it and right back atcha!

  2. maggie culligan says:

    I love this site,,, so many of the thoughts and opinions here are similar to mine. I would be willing to follow Mr BLUE and Lethal at their request Keep up the good work fellas!!!!!

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