As you enter the Conference Room Lethal has his back to you and is talking on what appears to be a new phone.

No we’re secure. Yes it arrived Monday and I got it up and running Tuesday, I’m using Android now now more Apple. Right because I can encrypt the calls and files.

No everything is good on this end and back to normal. No I don’t think he suspects anything as yet. Well he really doesn’t have reason to now does he?

Hey now just wait one damned minute! We got the coffee pot and the supplies for it, he got a test run and Shade & Specter accomplished the other thing unnoticed and so far undiscovered while all eyes were on him so I don’t see where there is a down side here. Yes his methodology was a wee unusual but I warned you from the get-go that would be the case didn’t I? Oh plueeze! Weird(er) shit happens in Wal-Mart everyday have you never seen all those Walmatian photos? We managed to discover 4 of their operatives in the process to say nothing of turn over leads to the local LEOs on the gang of kids burglarizing all the cars in the mall lot.

Hey watch your mouth! He might be biddable, gullible, overzealous and eccentric to the point of toeing the line of bat shite crazy, but I’m NOT and he’s still MY FRIEND!  You’d do well to keep that in mind!  I didn’t like any of this to start with, but you were right when you pointed out they picked him we didn’t, so I agreed to go along provided he wasn’t hurt or made the patsy for anything.

Just remember that might be a good natured easy going dragon but its still an becomes a 5 ton Fire Breathing Pissed Off Saurian as well as the fact it is the Draconian Ambassador! Yes Tiamat signed off when I explained it to her, but her provisions were the same as mine.  As far as the costs go, the 5 Benjamin’s to the Wal-Mart Mgr & his Head of Store Security to figure out what we had, how it worked on its own and how best to employ it was cheap tuition.

Beside now that they think they know who we’re fielding they’ll be watching me and him and not looking for anyone else for a while so you got your wish in the long run tough nuts if you don’t like how it was delivered.

Lethal notices you folks with a start.

Hey my location is no longer secure I have to go. NO we will NOT be discussing this more later. You take what you get and like it or I’m out which means he’s out as since we’re both out that means you now longer have accommodations here either physically or professionally from me. I don’t do lackey, you want one of them get a Limey in a Morning coat they make damned fine lackeys. We ever have to have this sort of HR conversation again it will be more than just a bloody coffee pot that gives up it’s ghost we clear?

Lethal hangs up the phone and marches over to the podium.

Ah-hem morning folks. Just conducting a little uh…Mythical Diplomatic Missions Mall to the Mundane business while I waited for you. No need to bring anything you might have heard up in conversation with anyone, unless that is you’ve a hankering to join the Wild Hunt or find yourself being interrogated in Gitmo ok?

What’s that? Oh! The issue Banner! No worries plenty of coffee here for you guys. Yeah its been a heck of a week here first my iPhone 4S starts acting all schizophrenic on me, doing weird stuff and requiring several restarts a day. Then Thursday night my beloved Mr. Coffee with the thermal carafe decides its time to give up its ghost right in the middle of a T-storm while brewing a pot! Granted it had lived a good and full life being over 12 years old and working 7 days a week to crank out at least 2 pots or more.

Fortunately I was able to obtain a new a new pot with upgraded capacity and an all steel double walled vacuum carafe at an excellent price and very swiftly from Amazon. By moving up from 8 (measly 5 oz.) cup capacity to a full 12 cups I hope the need to run the pot will be reduced.

As for my phone I wasn’t due for a new one until October so we had to pop for the early upgrade thing. With the 30 payment plan this new one will be done just about the time my next contract would come up. On the up side I’m no longer running a generation to 1.5 generations behind I right up current with the technology. I ditched Apple and went Android so I can pass information cross platform between my tablet and phone much more easily. It looks like Impish may well follow my lead and get the same phone when his is up too.

I have to say however I never realized just how much of my life and business was on that thing until it came time to start figuring out how to move the information! My adjutants were all better looking but I think my phone does a better job of keeping me organized and on time provided I remember to feed it all the information it wants.

Speaking of which I still have a ton more to reenter so why don’t you guys enjoy the issue and I’ll catch up later with you. Remember, you heard nuthink! NUTHINK!

It’s Time You Cleaned Your Coffee Machine

Because it shouldn’t be that color on the inside

March 24, 2015

It’s Time You Cleaned Your Coffee Machine

Because it shouldn’t be that color on the inside

Name one thing you use daily–sometimes twice daily–but always forget to clean.

(OK, maybe we should have phrased that differently.)

We’re talking about your coffee machine. Your beloved salvation in the morning. Your beacon of hope. Well, it’s overdue for a scrubbing.

Take a look at this video for a simple way to do it.

Mine lasted as long as it did in part I’m convenience because I did this religiously, once a month and always used filtered water because the water down here is hard enough to give you a concussion if I throw a glass of it at you. Seriously! Once a month we have to clean toilets a second time with CLR (a calcium line & rust/iron remover) and soak shower heads in it, then pour the stuff from soaking the shower head down the drain and let it sit 10 minutes before flushing with water too.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto  are camping in the desert.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
‘Mmm Kemo Sabe, look to sky, what you see?
‘The Lone Ranger replies, ‘I see millions of stars.’
What that tell you?’ asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
‘Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

  Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

  Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter Past three in the morning. 

  Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
  Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

  What’s it tell you, Tonto?’

“Mmm you dumber than an Obama voter. It means someone stole the tent”

There that’s my contribution to the golf jokes for Poppa Dragon Most Senior!

Ringo Starr being inducted into Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

By The Associated Press Posted: 04/18/15, 11:37 AM EDT

Ringo Starr poses for a portrait at The London Hotel, in West Hollywood, Calif. Already a member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as a Beatle, Starr will be inducted in April 2015, as an individual, joining John, Paul and George with that distinction. (Photo by John Shearer/Invision/AP)

CLEVELAND >> Ringo Starr was always behind the other Beatles.

Bobbing his head as he sat at his drum kit, Starr kept the steady backbeat for Paul McCartney, John Lennon and George Harrison, a once-in-a-century group that conquered the music world. Starr got fourth-billing, the adored and yet overlooked sideman to his more celebrated bandmates.

John, Paul, George … and Ringo.

Once he stepped from their shadows, Starr proved he could hold his own.

Forever a Beatle, Starr will enter the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as a solo artist on Saturday, inducted along with an eclectic class of musicians.

Starr, who was previously enshrined with the Beatles in 1988, will be honored along with pop punks Green Day, soul singer-songwriter Bill Withers, underground-rock icon Lou Reed, bluesy guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts, The Paul Butterfield Blues Band and The “5’’ Royales.

When the Beatles split at the height of their fame, Starr decided to take a shot at being a frontman and surprisingly flourished with a string of radio hits, including “It Don’t Come Easy,” ‘’Photograph” and “You’re Sixteen,” singles that earned him new-found respect and popularity.

He wasn’t the artistic one, but Starr was the first of the “Fab Four” to have commercial success upon going solo.

Starr will be inducted by McCartney, who pushed for the drummer’s enshrinement after learning Starr was the lone Beatle not to be honored for his individual music. McCartney told Rolling Stone magazine that he and Lennon began writing songs for Starr because fans were so fond of him.

“We wrote the line, ‘What would you do if I sang out of tune?’ for him,” said McCartney, referencing the opening line to “With A Little Help From My Friends.” ‘’When you think about it, how many people in rock and roll can sing? But Ringo can deliver a song.”

So how does the famed drummer [who turns 74 July 7th] feel about finally being acknowledged by the hallowed Hall?

“Well, it’s about time,” Starr told ABC News with a laugh. “I think it’s beautiful. I do. I really think it’s beautiful, and it’s something for me to look forward to.”

Starr revealed that it was McCartney who informed him that he was getting the honor.

“He called, and he said, ‘They want to induct you into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and I’ll induct you. And will you accept?'” Starr recalled. “So I said, ‘Sure. Sure. We can have a night out.'”

The Top 5 Signs You’re About to Get an IRS Audit Notice

1. Last year, they sent a picture of your check to your bank. This year, you sent a picture of the money.
2. The number of exemptions you claimed exceeded the IRS’ “Duggar Threshold”.
3. You watched the IRS guy fill out the audit forms, and heard him telling his wife about it in bed that night (NSA employees only).
4. You thought you could take a charitable deduction because your “masseuse” is named Charity.

And the Number One Sign You’re About to Get an IRS Audit Notice…

1. H&R Block put you on the Do-Not-Resuscitate list.

Aromatherapy: A scent that can ease anxiety, reduce stress, while at the same time promote the sensation of security, calmness, and well being.

Yup I get a huge happy every time I smell burnt gunpowder!

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, with a warning
from the Mother Superior not to get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this, the two nuns decide to lock the door of
the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked…

In the middle of the project, there’s a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” calls one of the nuns.

“Blind man,” replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, both deciding that no harm
can come from letting a blind man into the room. They open the door.

“Nice boobs,” says the man. “Where do you want the blinds?”

Yesterday was the anniversary of the first photo snapped of Impish and my dear friend, Nessie or as some of you might know her the (alleged) Loch Ness Monster. In honor of the day Google make a nice little thing which I find far more likely than dear Nessie ever allowing her self to be caught on camera while skinny dipping in the Loch (she’s very proper and quite shy even with those of us who know her)

Spring has (more or less) sprung. That means graduations, bridal/baby showers and picnics are all right around the corner. Here 3 awesome recipes to add to your dessert arsenal sure to make you a welcome guest at any summer event.

Carrot Cake with Marshmallow Fluff Cream Cheese Frosting

Ingredients

1/4 cup melted unsalted butter, cooled, plus more for buttering pan
1 cup crushed pineapple, drained
3 large eggs
1/2 cup canola oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 pound carrots, peeled and grated on the small holes of the grater (about 3 cups, lightly packed)
2 teaspoons freshly grated ginger
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups organic cane sugar
1/2 cup lightly packed brown muscavado sugar
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/8 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
1 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup finely diced crystallized ginger
3/4 cup coarsely chopped toasted pecans

Cream Cheese Marshmallow Frosting:

8 ounces cream cheese, slightly softened
1 stick unsalted butter, slightly softened
1 pound organic powdered sugar, sifted twice
2 cups Fluff
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter and flour 2 (8-inch) round cake pans and line the bottoms with parchment paper. Butter the parchment well too.
Pulse the pineapple in a food processor fitted with a metal blade until it is finely chopped. Put the eggs in a bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Beat the eggs for 10 seconds. Add the oil, 1/4 cup melted butter, vanilla, carrots, chopped pineapple and grated fresh ginger and mix until combined.

Whisk together the flour, sugars, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg and salt in a bowl until combined. Add the wet ingredients and beat on low speed just until combined. Remove and fold in the crystallized ginger and pecans. Divide the batter between the 2 pans.

Bake until the tops are a very golden brown and a tester inserted in the center comes out with a few moist crumbs, 40 to 55 minutes. Let the cakes cool in the pans for 15 minutes, then invert them onto a wire rack and let them cool completely. Remove the parchment from the bottoms of each cake. Cool completely before frosting.

Frosting

Combine the cream cheese and butter in the bowl of the mixer and mix until light and fluffy. Add the powdered sugar and mix on low until combined. Increase the speed and whip until light and fluffy. Add about 2 cups of Fluff and the vanilla and whip until combined. Refrigerate for 15 minutes if too soft to use as frosting.

Chocolate Pound Cake

Ingredients

1 cup (2 sticks) butter, room temperature, plus more for greasing the pan
3 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup cocoa
1/2 cup vegetable shortening
3 cups sugar
5 large eggs, room temperature
1 cup milk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Vanilla ice cream, for serving

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a 10-inch tube pan with butter.
Sift the flour, baking powder, salt and cocoa together. Set aside.
With an electric mixer, cream the 1 cup butter, the shortening and the sugar until fluffy. Add the eggs one a time, beating well after each addition. With the motor running, add the flour mixture and the milk alternately, beginning and ending with the flour. Add the vanilla.
Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake for 1 hour. Check for doneness by inserting a toothpick into the cake; it should come out clean. Cool the cake in the pan for 30 minutes before turning it out onto a wire rack to cool completely.
Slice the cake and serve topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Hummingbird Cake

Ingredients

Unsalted butter, for greasing
2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting
1 cup pecan pieces
3 ripe bananas, chopped
1/2 cup finely chopped fresh pineapple
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1 1/4 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 large eggs, at room temperature
1 3/4 cups granulated sugar
1 cup vegetable oil

For the Frosting:

2 packages cream cheese (8 ounces each), at room temperature
12 tablespoons unsalted butter, cubed, at room temperature
2 cups confectioners’ sugar
1 tablespoon finely grated lemon zest
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

Make the cake: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter two 8-inch round cake pans and line with parchment paper. Butter the parchment and dust with flour.
Spread the pecans on a baking sheet and bake until fragrant and toasted, about 8 minutes. Let cool slightly, then roughly chop. Toss with the bananas, pineapple and 1/2 cup flour in a small bowl.
Whisk the remaining 2 1/4 cups flour, the cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, baking soda and salt in a bowl. Beat the eggs and granulated sugar in a separate bowl with a mixer on high speed until thick and light, 5 minutes. Gradually beat in the vegetable oil.
Sprinkle the flour mixture over the egg mixture, then gently fold to make a thick batter. Fold in the pecan-fruit mixture, then transfer the batter to the prepared pans. Bake until the cakes are firm and a toothpick inserted into the middle comes out clean, 50 to 55 minutes. Cool in the pans on a rack, 25 minutes, then invert the cakes onto the rack to cool completely.
Make the frosting: Beat the cream cheese in a large bowl with a mixer until fluffy, then gradually beat in the butter until combined. Sift the confectioners’ sugar over the cream cheese mixture and beat until smooth. Add the lemon zest and vanilla and beat until light and fluffy.
Place one cake layer on a serving plate. Spread about half of the frosting on top, then cover with the other cake layer. Spread the remaining frosting over the top and sides of the cake.

Personally I got to say I’m thinking as long as were going cream cheese frosting here there’s no point to stopping half way. Might as well move right on to the Marshmallow Fluff Cream Cheese one from above!

Jam Shortbread

Quick, Easy, Only Five Ingredients, Done in an hour keeps well outside or on a buffet & tastes good, what more can I say?

Total Time: 1 hr.
Prep: 20 min
Cook: 40 min
Yield: 9 servings
Level: Easy

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup sugar
Pinch of salt
10 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature
6 tablespoons preserves (any flavor)

Directions

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Line an 8-inch-square baking dish with aluminum foil, leaving an overhang. Whisk the flour, sugar and salt in a bowl. Work in the butter with your fingers to make a crumbly dough.

Refrigerate 2 tablespoons of the dough for topping. Press the remaining dough into the baking dish; freeze until firm, about 10 minutes.

Bake the crust, 15 minutes. Spread the preserves on top, leaving a 1/2-inch border; crumble the reserved dough on top. Return to the oven and bake until the edges are golden brown, 25 more minutes. Let cool 20 minutes, then lift out of the pan and cut into squares.

Double batches would not appear to be a problem with the correct size pan. Personally I’d use those tin foil 8×8 brownie pans for easy of transport, storage, serving & clean up.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail: 3 Questions

This notice just in from Ginny, who says she got the heads up from her ‘computer guru’. Funny, I thought I was her computer guy! 

I have yet to get any calls or hear any chatter about this social engineering scam from my peers but that could simply be because it hasn’t made it this far south as yet, or Texans are just plain smarter than Jerseites (I offer Impish as proof of this theory), either way you’ve been warned!

A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of
  a LS460 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

  The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a
  look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage,

“Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?

  The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working.
  The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this
  engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged,
  and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it
  that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7 million when you and I are doing basically
  the same work?

  The cardiologist paused, leaned over and whispered to the  mechanic,
“Try doing it with the engine running.”

When last we left our hero(?!) he was frustrated over and Enchanted Forest Board Meeting and displeased that more white stuff was falling from the sky.

Dragon Diaries Part Five

Got letter from aunt Kayath in Londonium, inviting me for a visit. Said yes, of course. Always wanted to travel. Great opportunity to meet new and different sorts of people and see how they taste!

Visiting aunt Kayeth. Went to Londonium bridge today. Ated troll underneath. Was told it was local delicacy. Not seeing it.

Just flew home from Londonium, and seriously dragon-lagged. Happy to be sleeping on my own hoard. Sparkly, sparkly, sparkzzzzzzzzzzz…

Cat told me it was SPRING! and went bouncing out the door looking for birdies. Then: Horrible Shriek. Came back covered in snow. Wake me in June. Zzzzzzz…

Just chatting with elf neighbor about awful snow in May weather. He said it could be worse. I ated him with extreme prejudice.

Woke up from dream about ateding a Tiamat’s Witness to find one knocking on door. Did logical thing. Ated him and went back to bed. Hoping to dream about entire troop of trollscouts…wearing chocolate.

Feeling very piraty today, put on eye patch and ated a frigate and three jolly boats. Delicious and nautical!

Timat’s witnesses at door. Started their spiel. BAM! The ground opens up underneath them and they’re sucked down into the Earth. May 21 = Best day ever!

Flying over forest and spied bridal party. Elvish maidens in sequins! Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly! Horde them? Ated them? Tough call…

Apparently it is election season. Several politicians have knocked on my door recently. Ated them. You’re welcome.

Woke up to find knight errant banging on door and demanding I come out and face him. Toasted and ated him. Self-delivering midnight snack FTW!

Stupid knights. Always give me heartburn if I don’t peel ‘em before ateding ‘em, but the shells are so deliciously crunchy.

So nice and round and fully packed… what a Kishka eh Impish?

QUIET IN THE PERVERTS GALLERY!

She’s got an admittedly fine kabanza

“Who Stole the Kishka?” (originally spelled “Who Stole the Keeshka?”) is a traditional polka tune, composed in the 1950s by Walter Solek and recorded and played by various bands. One popular version was familiar to American radio audiences from a 1963 recording by Grammy award-winning polka artist Frankie Yankovic.

A portion of the song includes three of various lyrics having to do with Polish foods, depending on who performs the song:

You can have my shinka
Take my sweet krusczyki
Take my plump pierogi
You can even have my serniczki
Take my long kielbasa

The verse ends with the pleading refrain “but please bring back my kishka.” Shinka is ham, while serniczki refers to cheesecakes.