Leprechaun Laughs # 254 for July 9th 2014


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A semi confused Impish Dragon stands at the podium as you wander in and make your way to the craft table to obtain your free caffeine and sugar fixes before finding a chair.

Impish: “Anyone happen across Lethal on your way here? No? How about you in the back with the half mast fly? Obviously you’re just out of the restroom or a pervert. Since I’m know to eat perverts will assume the former for the moment. Any chance he’s still in there? No? Empty when you left you say?” Well I’m not sure what’s doing exactly folks. I got a note on my breakfast virgin from him saying that his issue was all set and that when you were all here if he wasn’t I should push the big green button on the podium. I dunno what good that’s going to do us but here goes”

Impish pushes the button. The lights start to dim whirring noises can be heard as behind him a screen begins to drop, curtains to either side of it part to revel speakers and in the back of the room a projector drops from one of the ceiling tiles.

The screen lights up with snow and static is heard from the speakers. Then a blinking message appears “Syncing to satellite please wait” it blinks several times then shifts from red to orange repeating as it shifts orange to yellow and finally then to green.

Suddenly you see the picture above and hear Lethal’s somewhat wind swept voice.

Lethal: Greetings from no Impish I’m not telling you where. I’m currently aboard one of my yacht’s toys a Catamaran called the ‘Sultry Selkie’. Sorry about the view but the satellite is so low on the horizon were so in the middle of nowhere that I had to climb the main mast with my sat phone to get a signal! Still with those 4 beauties lounging down there the view isn’t all bad right?

Oh! Speaking of those beauties, Impish I forgot to mention I borrowed a few of your virgins for companionship. I’ll return them in about a week an nice and browned up and tasting of coconut and ginger.

Anyhow- After 3 issues in a week for Memorial Day and another 3 in a week for Independence Day, hustling all weekend for the Independence Day BBQ while listening to Impish constantly whine about Sister Mary Stigmata whom we flew in from Our Lady of the Blessed Shroud Orphanage to ride heard on him so you folks could get something to eat and drink I decided I need a getaway from it all break. Something to recharge my green batteries as it were. I’m taking a few days off but I will see you next week at our regular time.

Mean time if you’ll push the blinking yellow button on the podium Impish everyone can get started on the issue. That’s all from- yeah you WISH I’d tell you Impish!

As the screen dissolves back into snow a blinking red message appears “Video signal lost”. A split second after a distantly heard Lethal yelling at the top of his lungs “CANNON BAAAAALLLLL!!!!!” is heard fading out there is a loud pop and the screen no shows two lines alternating the second reading “audio signal lost”.  Impish waddles back to the podium grumbling under his breath about how unfair it is that Lethal wouldn’t tell him where he is so that he could join him. He fumbles about a bit then grunts in apparent satisfaction when suddenly the lights start to come back up and the A/V equipment begins retracting. A few of you get up to freshen your coffee and discover the craft table appears to have been licked clean.

When the sudden surprise wears off you turn around to see the last of Impish’s tail hurriedly disappearing through the door.

 

LEt's Roll 25

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Party has been over since sundown on Sunday! You stragglers got until noon to clear out before I declare you all  party leftovers and set Impish loose on you! He’s already complained that Sister Mary Stigmata [ok that’s her second mention this issue plus once for Impish on Saturday, anybody care to take on that gratuitous movie reference in the comments?] limited him to 3 helpings of everything all weekend.

Capture u

Besides that I’m pretty sure he’s about had it with being asked to flame broil burgers and such for you people. He’s cranky hungry and not too particular about who/what he’s dining on today. So lurk at your own peril!

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Otis Redding – (Sittin’ On) The Dock Of The Bay

 

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Bryan Adams – Summer of 69

 

Mail

This week I got one of the best submissions I’ve gotten from a reader in a good long while. It’s comes from Gailwynds331 who writes:

okay my friend, I know you don’t want me to send political stuff but you have to listen to this woman.  she’s awesome

Click here: Ozzie Saffa: I bet she regrets asking her question

OUTSTANDING! She is indeed awesome! I wish more Muslims and disgruntled immigrants got taken to [old] school publically like this. Slapped down hard with facts, pointed at the nearest border and sped on their way with the help of a boot applied energetically to where they sit!

 

Limerick 2

While certainly (slowed) down for a while due to her post accident injuries Diaman is by no means willing to be counted out! She sends us these Limericks for your enjoyment.

There was a young lady named Hilda
Who went driving one night with a builda.
He said that he should
That he could and he would,
And he did and it pretty near killda.
*****
I have been on dozens of larks;
I like it indoors, not in parks.
You feel more at ease,
Your ass doesn’t freeze;
And strollers don’t make snide remarks.
*****
A broken-down lecher named Tupps
Was heard to confess in his cups:
“The height of my folly
Was diddling a collie –
But I got a nice price for the pups.”
*****
There was a young fellow named Lancelot
Whom his neighbors all looked on askance a lot.
Whenever he’d pass
A presentable lass,
The front of his pants would advance a lot.
*****
There was a young harlot from Kew
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
“If they pay to get in,
They’ll pay to get out of it, too.”
*****
There was a young fellow named Bliss
Whose sex life was strangely amiss,
For even with Venus
His recalcitrant penis
Would seldom do better than
t
h
i
s.
*****
There was a young fellow named Skinner
Who took a young lady to dinner.
They started to dine
At a quarter past nine –
And at twenty to ten it was in ‘er.
The dinner? No, Skinner.
Skinner was in ‘er BEFORE dinner.
*****
There was a young fellow named Tupper
Who took a young lady to supper.
They sat down to dine
At a quarter to nine,
And at twenty to ten it was up ‘er.
Not the supper – not Tupper –
it was some son-of-a-bitch named
Skinner!
*****
There was a young plumber named Lee
Who plumbed his girl down by the sea;
Said the lady, “Stop plumbing!
I hear someone coming.”
Said the plumber, still plumbing, “That’s me.”
*****
A newlywed couple from Goshen
Spent their honeymoon sailing the ocean.
In twenty-eight days
They screwed eighty ways –
Imagine such fucking devotion!
*****
There once was a nervous young Finn,
Who had barely begun to get in
To a lady he knew,
When her husband said “Boo!”
And he damned near jumped out of her skin.

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From what I can see of it dat’s one heck of a beauty holdin’ dat beer too!

!cid_1_475451615@web36902_mail_mud_yahoo

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Folks I’m doing something I rarely do, other than to Molly- I’m offering you a personal Leprechaun Apology for leading you astray. For about as long as I have been doing Independence Day Special Issues I have been pushing a PBS program known as ‘A Capitol 4th’. I will be doing this no longer and apologize to you all for having promoted it and thereby possibly subjecting you to some of the worst PBS programing it has ever been my misfortune to come across.

Barry Bostwick hosted during several consecutive years prior to 2006, when Jason Alexander hosted. The following year, Tony Danza served as host, and Jimmy Smits hosted for the following four years. However since that host of what I term Stupidity TV  grinning moron Tom Bergeron took over in 2012, its gone down faster than Congress’ approval rating.

It was the 200th Anniversary of the adoption of the Star Spangled Banner as our National Anthem and the best they could muster was a near to death lackluster Frankie Valli who put on a performance that was (embarrassment wise at least) on par with the Stones Super Bowl performance of several years ago. The trade mark falsetto was even false in its attempts.

The remaining  acts were all unknowns. No representation by the Congressional of Executive Branch, Military presence as compared to years past was subdued almost to the point of being cursory with not a single Flag Rank Officer present. One should think, that given the fact it was written about the Shelling of a US Coastal Defense Installation that some level of Senor Ranking Officer should/would be present.

They cut 1/2 an hour from it so they glossed over the Fireworks with music and singing having them in the background 1/2 the time. This is not the quality production one has come to expect from PBS at all. Miscues were readily evident everything felt unpolished and rushed. You hardly saw anything of the fireworks and the entire pyrotechnic portion was severely disappointing. in fact It was so bad we elected to bail on it and switched to the Macy’s New York Celebration.

Ladies and Gentleman, I would like to offer my sincere honest and heartfelt apology to those of you who watch ‘A Capitol 4th’ for causing you to waste an hour and a half of your lives you can never get back.

The Boys of Summer by Don Henley

 

bacon-1-600x1504

Uh huh. So it turns out that ‘bacon is bad for you’ is the kitchen equivalent of ‘global warming’… all bullshit. Color me surprised <= (last line is in the yet invented sarcasm font)

ham string pull

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Yup dat’s muh mitt. Yup I bought and ate dat. Damned Skippy it was good! Salt & Pepper grilled shrimp bacon lettuce tomato onion warm home style flour tortilla  grilled slightly crispy after painting it w/ a little melted garlic butter. To think some people say food trucks are all bad!

ANYWAY!- Molly has been watching a lot of a show called The Hungry Girl recently and has gotten interested in using Eggroll wrappers in place of pasta. Last year we did a feature on egg roll wrapper lasagna cups and recently a chicken pot pie one. I thought I’d feature a few more innovative uses/recipes

Apple Pie Egg Rolls

Like McDonalds Hot Apple Pies? These are cheaper and way better for you!

Yield: 12 Apple Pie Egg Rolls

Apple Pie Egg Rolls

Ingredients

    Filling

  • 3 cups apples, peeled and diced (approx. 3 apples)
  • 4 tablespoons sugar
  • 4 teaspoons flour
  • 3/4 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1 teaspoon lemon juice

    Other

  • 12 Egg Roll Wrappers
  • Oil for Frying

Instructions

  1. Combine all filling ingredients and mix well.
  2. Place 2 heaping tablespoons of filling in the center of each wrapper. Fold in the sides and roll the wrapper tightly. Use a dab of water to secure the tip of the wrapper.

    Note: It is important to make sure the sides of the wrapper are tucked in holding the ingredients in. If they leak, it can cause splattering.

  3. Preheat oil to 350 degrees. Fry each egg roll for about 4-5 minutes or until browned and crispy.
  4. Sprinkle with powdered sugar and serve warm.

 

Italian Egg Rolls

Italian Egg Rolls

1 lb ground turkey sausage
1 medium onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
10 oz box frozen spinach, thawed and drained
1/4 t freshly ground nutmeg
Salt and pepper
1 15 oz container of part-skim ricotta cheese
1/2 C freshly shredded Parmesan 
1 C shredded mozzarella
1 package egg roll wrappers
1 egg, beaten (used for the “glue” on the egg rolls)
Canola or vegetable oil for frying
Grated Parmesan cheese for topping
Marinara sauce, warmed
Heat a skillet over medium heat. Add sausage and onion and cook for a few minutes. Add the garlic and spinach; stir and add nutmeg, salt and pepper. Sauté until sausage is cooked through. Remove from heat and cool. Stir in ricotta, mozzarella and Parmesan.
Heat the oil for frying in a skillet. Meanwhile, start filling your wrappers.
Place about 1/4 cup of filling on a wrapper with a corner facing you. Use the beaten egg as the glue for the egg rolls and “paint” it on the top sides.
Fold the bottom corner up and the side corners in.

Roll up the egg roll and place on a baking sheet or plate. Repeat for all egg rolls. Place 3-4 egg rolls in the pan of oil at a time. It is important to not place too many in the pan at a time. Cook them for 3-4 minutes or until golden brown. Remove with tongs and place them on a plate covered in paper towels to drain. Immediately sprinkle with grated Parmesan so it will stick. If cutting in half, allow to cool first.

Heat the marinara sauce; serve.

 

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His first hint should have been when I said ‘I can set up up’ not ‘I can hook you up’. As for the beard he’s just mad hers is better looking then his (she braids it) and not salt and pepper (mostly salt).

SIGH!

Good thing he never learns though or I’s be out half my jokes!

Summer Love – Grease

 

J.K. Rowling pens short story about grown up Harry Potter

The story finds a 33-year-old Potter attending the Quidditch World Cup final with some of his old Hogwarts classmates.

By Veronica Linares   |   July 8, 2014 at 9:50 AM   |

LONDON, July 8 (UPI) –J.K. Rowling has written a new short story about the adventures of a grown up Harry Potter.

The narrative was posted to Rowling’s website Pottermore as a Daily Prophet piece writhed by gossip journalist character Rita Skeeter.

The story finds a 33-year-old Potter attending the Quidditch World Cup final with some of his old Hogwarts classmates. Rowling, 48, has been posting a series of Quidditch World Cup pieces on her website ever since the FIFA World Cup began in Brazil in June.

The new tale also features other beloved characters from the seven-book saga like Ron Weasley, his wife Hermione Granger, Potter’s wife Ginny Weasley and both couples’ children.

Users have to be logged into Pottermore.com to read the story.

You’ll probably want to set down someplace comfy with a nice Bubble or Pumpkin Juice, Butterbeer or Gillywater and catch a Quidditch Match rerun of your favorite  house’s team while you wait to be allowed in once you sign up. It took me almost 2 hours to get my confirmation email as they are quite swamped with sign ups at the moment

radass-daily-027

radass-daily-118

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WATCH OUT BOYS & GIRLS! Someone lit my (short) fuse with a flamethrower!

Veteran dies in VA hospital cafeteria, waiting for ambulance to ER

A veteran who collapsed in an Albuquerque Veteran Affairs hospital cafeteria 500 yards from the emergency room, died Monday, June 30, 2014, after waiting 30 minutes for an ambulance, officials confirmed Thursday. Officials at the hospital said it took a half an hour for the ambulance to be dispatched and take the man from one building to the other, which is about a five minute walk.

http://www.registercitizen.com/general-news/20140704/veteran-dies-in-va-hospital-cafeteria-waiting-for-ambulance-to-er

I’m not going to reprint the article, follow the link if you wish to read more, my stomach and blood pressure can’t stand much more of this subject and then I’d have to go to the VA and they’d have a shot at killing me too.

What I will do is state that IMO:

There is absolutely NO acceptable reason/possible justification WHATSOEVER for this blatant case of depraved indifference.

A veteran obviously one in need of serious and immediate medical help reached the Medical Facility, he by right of his military service, was entitled to use with the reasonable expectation of receiving competent care and reasonably timely attention to his medical needs….. and then he was the victim of wanton neglect by the VA staff.

The fault however this time does not lay solely with the VA staff but also with the responding (at least they were SUPPOSED to be responding) ambulance service as well.

VA spokeswoman Sonja Brown said “Staff followed policy in calling 911 when the man collapsed on Monday, she said. “Our policy is under expedited review,” That policy is a local one, she said.

Well (pardon me ladies) SODDIN’ BLOODY WELL PISS ON THAT! Bullocks to an ‘Internal Review’- that’s political speak for blame shifting and white wash!

What is needed here is an independent full investigation on multiple levels Local (possibly) but certainly at a minimum State and Federal. levels 

LAWS, CODES OF ETHICS & RULES OF CONDUCT (to say nothing of the Hippocratic Oath) WERE BROKEN HERE PEOPLE!!

The State of New Mexico has a Department and within that Department an Office whose sole responsibility is the management and oversight of Ambulance Services- both Commercial and Volunteers EMTs and Paramedics. The exact department and the name of the office vary state to state I know in Connecticut when I was involved there it it was the State of Connecticut Department of Emergency Management and Public Protection as it is now know and the Office of Emergency Medical Services specifically within that Department. There are maximum response time requirements and strict guide lines about what to do in the event you cannot met those requirements. These appear to possibly have been ignored .

Politicians are quick to to appoint Investigative Committees, Special Judicial Panels, Special Prosecutors, Task Forces and Czars for what ever they deem in their best interest[s]. WELL ITS BLOODY WELL HIGH TIME THEY APPOINTED ONE BECAUSE ITS IN THE BEST FECKING INTEREST OF ALL THE AMERICAN MILITARY VETERANS!!

There are serious questions here that are simply beyond the scope and permissibility of an ‘In House Review’

1) Why did it take 20 minutes for an Ambulance to respond? Was it not phoned in/dispatched as an Emergency? With which side does the fault lay and with whom exactly?  Is/are that/those Person[s] guilty of depraved indifference or culpable negligence? IF there is reasonable evidence there is than it should be presented to a grand jury. If it is the Ambulance Service’s fault then those responsible for not passing the call to a less busy service need to be disciplined by the State of New Mexico with regard to licenses and certification regardless of any criminal or civil charges.

2) Why was the patient not kept where he could be monitored and observed instead of sent to the Cafeteria of all places? I have NEVER EVER heard of an Ambulance Service picking up their transfer/transport patient in the HOSPITAL’S CAFETERA !!

Had he been where he SHOULD have been and monitored by medical personnel knowledgeable  regarding his case they could have made a determination that other movement/transport options needed to be utilized and saved his life!

3) What exactly are these Albuquerque Veteran Affairs Hospital’s ‘local policies’ and in whose best interest are they? The Patient’s or the VA’s?

UNLESS THESE AND OTHER QUESTIONS ARE ASKED AND SATISFACTORY ANSWERS OBTAINED BY PEOPLE OUTSIDE TO THE DEPARTMENT OF VETERAN AFFAIRS THIS SORT OF INDIFFERENT TREATMENT WILL ONLY CONTINUE!!

You know when I was going over what I was going to say here in my head over the holiday weekend I had a bit of an epiphany. The choice of graphic for todays Parting Shot header reflects that revelation.

You see I understand now why the Military has been disarmed on US bases, why these known whack jobs are allowed to run around on bases until they kill service personnel, but on the flip side Janet Napolitano can call honorably Veterans ‘Home Grown Terrorists’ and a threat to the Nation, why the VA is disrespecting our Dead & their families at their cemeteries to say nothing of using their medical facilities to kill us off and put us in those cemeteries.

See its quite simple, as much as the Liberals will tell you otherwise they are extremely aware that Politicians govern us only at our sufferance and that we can remove them and in fact dismantle the entire government should we so desire!

DON’T YOU GET IT YET?! The Government (read that liberal socialists in power and pulling the strings behind the scenes like George Soros) ARE in fact AFRAID OF THE PEOPLE particularly the Military and former Military which is to say the Veterans and future Veterans!

THAT is why the restriction on Assault Rifles & high capacity magazines!

THAT is why the military has been disarmed on US soil.

THAT is why Veterans are receiving substandard care is dirty ramshackle facilities with out of date equipment.

THAT is why it currently takes 18 months to two years to process an application for VA benefits!

BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT IS TRYING TO RENDER US A NONTHREAT TO THEM BECAUSE THEY UNDERSTAND THAT WE WOULD FORM THE CORE OF ANY SIGNIFICANT THREAT TO THEIR DISTRUCTION OF THE CONSTITUTION, MISUSE OF EXECTUIVE ORDERS AND OTHER OPPRESSIVE BIG BROTHER (think NSA PRISM spying) BEHAVIORS designed to force us into a socialist form of government! 

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{This Reminder Brought to You by Special Reader Request]

Obama's Enemy List

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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One Response to Leprechaun Laughs # 254 for July 9th 2014

  1. justin says:

    a great issue once again Lethal, the parting shot was awesome, to bad your so right about the
    government being scared of the Veterans, its because of the way the government is being run
    now days

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