Dragon Laffs #1335


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Good Morning Campers!
After a crazy, crazy week, I’m finishing this up at the last minute.  And by last minute, I really mean that the posting time is in less than two hours.
Now, don’t let the fact that this is at the beginning of the post make you worry.  It’s all about 90% done, I just have to kind of put the icing on the cake.
Have you ever made a cake?
The cake is the easy part, isn’t it?
Yeah, the tough and time consuming part is …?
Right!
The icing.
So, whadda ya say we get these puppies iced!
Oh…
Sorry.
I guess I shouldn’t have used the words puppies.

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Today I had to go to the Drug store. As I approached the entrance,

I noticed a driver looking for a parking space.

I flagged the driver and pointed out

A handicap parking space

That was open and available.

 

The driver looked puzzled,

Rolled down her window and said,

“I’m not handicapped!”

Well, as you can imagine, my face was red!

“Oh, I’m sorry” I said. “I saw your Obama bumper

Sticker and just assumed that you suffer from a mental disorder.”

She gave me the finger and screamed

Some nasty names at me.

Boy! Some people don’t appreciate it when

You’re just trying to help them out!

5

Okay, this one is SOOOOOO cool…if you like this sort of thing, which I, your intrepid host, find most interesting…. Let’s take a look at the …

25 Creepiest Places On Earth
 
Creepiness can be hard to define. Although the dictionary definition would be something along the lines of “annoyingly unpleasant” if you ask a hundred people you’ll most likely get a hundred different explanations. Keeping that in mind get ready to embark on a journey to some of the more spine tingling (or annoyingly unpleasant) corners of the globe. These are the 25 creepiest places on Earth.

But of course, if you are trying to watch this video on the email side, you’ll never see this GREAT show.  So, Instead, go to http://dragonlaffs.com and view it there!  Now, you’re getting it!

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When the white missionaries came to Africa, they had the Bible and we had the land.  They said, ‘Let us pray.’  We closed our  eyes.  When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the  land.
              ~ Desmond Tutu

I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I’m a  billionaire.
~ Howard Hughes

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same  box.
~ Italian proverb

You know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t.
~ Jeff Foxworthy

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
~ Prince Philip

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
~ Emo Philips.

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
~ Harrison Ford

The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree.
~ Spike Milligan

Lawyers believe that a man is innocent until proven broke.
~ Robin Hall

Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror.
~ Jean Rostand.

Having more money doesn’t make you happier.  I have 50 million  dollars but I’m

just as happy as when I had 48 million.
~ Arnold  Schwarzenegger.

We are here on earth to do good unto others.  What the others  are here for, I have no idea.
~ W.H. Auden

In hotel rooms I worry.  I can’t be the only guy who sits on  the furniture naked.
~ Jonathan Katz

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the  impersonators would

be dead.
~ Johnny Carson

I don’t believe in astrology.  I am a Sagittarius and we’re  very skeptical.
~ Arthur C. Clarke

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by  a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
~ Steve Martin

Home cooking.  Where many a man thinks his wife  is.
~ Jimmy Durante

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind –  every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
~  John Glenn

If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on  their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat?
~ Steven Wright

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to  anyone.
~ George Roberts

If God had intended us to fly, he would have made it easier to get  to the airport.
~ Jonathan Winters

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for  it.
~  Robert Benchley

7

Okay, here’s another GREAT video.  One of my favorite groups (Heart) is covering one of my other favorite groups (Lead Zeppelin) with one of my all time favorite songs (Stairway To Heaven).  The really cool part is that the original Lead Zeppelin guys are in the audience.  Even cooler yet?  It’s in the Kennedy Center while they are honoring Lead Zeppelin.  One of the uncool parts is the Obama’s in the audience, having fun while the country melts down.  Mr. President, don’t you have work to do?

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15And they vote!  God almighty, they vote!

400

Continuing on with movie night…or …um… morning or whatever.  Continuing on with movie time.  Yeah, that’s it, movie time.  You all know that I am Air Force through and through and the Thunderbirds, to me, are the premier flying team in the world.  But, I know that there are others out there, rightfully so, that believe that there are other flying teams that are as good or better than my dear Thunderbirds.  Well, here’s a short video of one of them, the Navy’s Blue Angels.  These guys are pretty good, too.

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puppies

quiet
sense
shoe

unbelievable!

401

A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm. After a while, they came
upon a small cabin. God is faithful, they both agreed, and they prepared
to go to  sleep. There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the
floor but only one bed.

Being a gentleman, the priest said, “Sister, you sleep on the bed. I’ll
sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag.” Just as he got zipped up in the
bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said “Father, I’m cold.”
He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got the blanket and put it on her.

Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to
drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, “Father, I’m cold.” He
unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got into
the sleeping bag once again.

Just as his eyes closed, she said, “Father, I’m sooooo cold.” This
time, he remained there and said, “Sister, I have an idea. We’re out
here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let’s
pretend we’re married.”

The nun said, “That’s fine by me.” To which the priest yelled out, “Get
up and get your own stupid blanket!”

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There was a group of women at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.
The women were asked, “How many of you love your husbands?”
All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”
Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn’t remember.
The women were then told to take their phones and send the following text: “I love you, sweetheart.”
Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.
Here are some of the replies:

1.    Who is this?

2.  Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?

3.  I love you too.

4.  What now?  Did you crash the car again?

5.  I don’t understand what you mean?

6.  What did you do now?

7.  ?!!???

8.  Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

9.  Am I dreaming?

10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed we would not to drink during the day.

12. Your mother is coming to stay, isn’t she??

402

 

A minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips.”

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me too. I didn’t know we had a choice.”

403

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FBI agents searched under a house north of Detroit Monday when they got a tip that Jimmy Hoffa was buried there. The feds never learn. About every four years a guy in Michigan wins a bar bet that he can get a swimming pool hole dug in his back yard for free.
Mexican elections which are set for July include citizens
protesting by trying to nominate a cat, donkey, chicken
and a dog for political office. Or as we call those candidates
in the U.S., “overqualified.”
The right of ownership to the song “Happy Birthday To You”
is being contested in court. Which means one of these days
you might have to bail out your six year old after the birthday
party they are at is busted for copyrightinfringement.
You know, to me, it’s admirable that our federal government is always striving to do the right thing whenever it gets caught.

404

When a woman wears leather clothing
A man’s heart beats quicker
His throat gets dry
He goes week in the knees
And he begins to think irrationally

Ever wonder why?

Because she smells like a new truck!!!

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Last Word4Okay, so what has pissed us off this week.  Man.  What a list that is.

The Government Spying on innocent Americans!

The Bullshit Sequestration!

The Bullshit Furloughs!

The IRS Scandal!

The Benghazi LIES!

Michelle’s $3,000+ a night hotel room.

The Obamas playing the Beverly Hillbillies with our money at the same time that I’m taking a 40% cut in pay!  (Did I mention the bullshit Sequestration and Furloughs?)

Gun Control!

Gun Control!

Gun Control!

Money to terrorists and rebels!

Money to other countries when Americans are starving and homeless!

A welfare state of 50%!

Freedoms disappearing!

Americans NOT acting like Americans!  We don’t need someone to take care of us!  REAL AMERICANS take care of themselves and work for what they want!

A revolution is coming, my friends.  It must.  What kind of a world are we leaving for our children and our grandchildren?  It’s time for real Americans to stand up.  We are looking for some leaders! 

Act NOW!

Be warned you takers and fakers, your end is near!  REAL Americans are NOT going to take it for much longer. 

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1335

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    DUDE! The Band’s name is spelled ‘LED’, it’s name is LED Zeppelin!!!
    The only ‘Lead’ involved is between your ears!
    For this grievous sin, their Stairway to Heaven never shall you climb.
    Beat upon with clubs will you be by John Bonham like his drums during
    the 10 minute drum solo in No Quarter.

    • impishdragon says:

      Okay, so look. I was tired. And confused. And, and…
      Okay, I got nothin’

      • Nancy J says:

        He must be one of those unforgiving people associated with the Food Network – they won’t ever let anyone make a mistake that they made years ago without punishing them for it – not problem Impish – there are those out there who would forgive you of anything because you make us laugh – and we need more laughter!!

  2. Nancy J says:

    I agree with all your comments on the spy thing and long list of other things….and thank you for all you do….I appreciate your newsletter very much….I agree with your views I think on every issue. Americans need to wake up and we do need a Revolution….otherwise we are doomed.

    Thanks for your service and all you do….it is appreciated.

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