Leprechaun Laughs # 187 For April 3rd 2013


Ugh! It’s NEVER going to end!

The Season of Special Days is in full swing and its starting to look like I have to survive until Memorial Day before I’m not talking about some special occasion or other every issue. If I wasn’t the resident Celtiphile I might have been able to get away with it this week, in fact I was planning on it until some crazy bear hunting hairy red gorilla with an nearly unintelligible accent came stumping into my office sporting a peg leg, wearing a plaid dress and (with the aid of an accent translator) asked me “Wut argh ya doin’ wee mahn for Tartan Day eh?”

Seem the Scot’s long jealous of their more advanced and personable neighbors the Irish and our ‘world  wide success’ at exporting our heritage, products, holidays (trust me only the Scots and the rest of the world see that for more or less everything but our food and drink- we Irish see it as shameless theft & in the case of the church-copyright infringement) and making them the brunt of OUR jokes, that they were feeling left out and wanted to jump on the band wagon with their own St Patrick’s Day like holiday. Something to be celebrated by their diaspora where ever they may be and in doing so increase the export and familiarization of the world with all things Scottish.

So you guessed it, we’ll be taking a (somewhat cursory) look at at what is apparently the latest ethnic specific holiday Tartan Day in today’s issue.


Opening Logo 17


The jovial doctor had finished giving his female patient a quick physical.”Well,” he said cheerfully, “your heart, your pulse, your lungs and blood pressure are all fine.  Now, let’s have a look at that cute little pink thing that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.”

At that, the young woman started to unzip her skirt.

“No! Wait” the doctor said quickly.  “Keep your clothes on, it’s your tongue I want to see.” 


Unless your so hungry you could eat the ass end out of a cow anyway (or you’re an unparticular Dragon),  then its all good regardless!



The National Holiday for All Scottish & Scottish-Americans

Americans of Scottish descent have played a vibrant and influential role in the development of the United States. From the framers of the Declaration of Independence to the first man on the moon, Scottish-Americans have contributed mightily to the fields of the arts, science, politics, law, and more. Today, over eleven million Americans claim Scottish and Scotch-Irish roots — making them the eighth largest ethnic group in the United States. These are the people and accomplishments that are honored on National Tartan Day, April 6th, the date on which the Declaration of Arbroath was signed in 1320 at Arbroath Abbey.

This historical occasion sowed the seeds of modern day democracy and may have been used as a partial basis for the American Declaration of Independence.

An ad hoc event was held in New York City in 1982, but the current format originated in Canada in the mid 1980s. It spread to other communities of the Scottish diaspora in the 1990s. In Australasia the similar International Tartan Day is held on July 1, the anniversary of the repeal of the 1747 Act of Proscription that banned the wearing of tartan.

The Tartan Day Scotland Festival takes place at the beginning of April each year. The Festival is a 10 day program of parades of pipe bands, Highland dancing and other Scottish-themed events which commemorate all that is best about Scotland and the Scots, home and away.

I don’t claim to know too much about lifesaving…

But if anyone is going to bring this guy back to life, my money is on the girl on the right…


I’ll bet they STILL call him a stiff!

  Introspection Outside the Box

Marriage:  finding that one special person you can annoy the rest of your life.

  With that definition of marriage in mind then…

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text:

“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!”

The husband sent her a text back, typically nonromantic, saying,

“I am on the toilet, what should I send you?”

Personally, I suspect that divorce papers & air freshener were the first two things that came to her mind.

6 April 1320 – the Signing of the Declaration of Arbroath

Tartan Week celebrates all that is great about Scotland and its people, but one of its most important focuses is the Declaration of Arbroath. Signed at Arbroath Abbey on April 6 1320 – during the Scottish Wars of Independence – it took the form of a letter from the Scottish nobles to the Pope.

In it, they declared Scotland to be an independent nation with the right to live free from rule or oppression by other countries. It also claimed that Scottish independence was the right and responsibility of the Scottish people, not the King – and that the nobles would choose another king if they had to.

It is probably best known for the passage:

“…for, as long as but a hundred of us remain alive, never will we on any conditions be brought under English rule. It is in truth not for glory, nor riches, nor honours that we are fighting, but for freedom – for that alone, which no honest man gives up but with life itself”

The Declaration of Arbroath is famous not only because of its role in shaping Scottish national identity, but also because of its international influence.
In particular, it is believed that its ideas about independence, kingship and the rights of the people formed the basis of the American Declaration of Independence – many of the signatories of which were Scottish or had Scottish ancestors. For this reason, Tartan Day is held on April 6 each year, when the Declaration of Arbroath is celebrated all around the world.

Scotland: “Scotland the Brave” — John McDermott’s version

Ok while not the ‘official version’ of Scotland’s National Anthem, this is still a damned fine one. Besides at least when John McDermott sings THIS version you can bloody well understand what he’s going on about!



Participating in a gun buy back program because you believe that the criminals have too many guns is like having yourself castrated because you believe that the neighbors have too many kids.

gun control2




Cat found stuck in truck during oil change



A routine oil change turned into a cat rescue operation.

An Iowa man drove 45 miles to get his oil changed an had no idea that he had an extra passenger — under the hood.

“The opened up the hood and there was a cat with its head sticking through a little hole,” said Mike Kerkman, the owner of the vehicle.

The cat was stuck near the washer fluid, and the staff at GM Auto Center in Norfolk, Iowa, jumped into action to save the cat.

Operation Kitty Rescue took about 90 minutes. Luckily, one of the auto center employees had worked for a veterinary clinic. A local veterinarian was also able to give the cat a sedative to so she could be rescued safely.

The cat was returned to her home a few hours later and was chasing mice and basking in the sun.

 Now you might wonder what makes this exceptionally commendable in nature since this sort of thing happens fairly often, people going out of their way to save animals who have gotten stuck or trapped. 

If you go to the page from the link about and watch the video you’ll find out that the Chevy Dealership charged the man NOTHING for rescuing the cat despite having 2 technicians doing some fairly extensive work to the car for 90 minutes. THAT earns them our Congrats! Thumbs up!


The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.  Eventually little Johnny’s turn came. Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.   Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was.  “It’s a period,” reported Johnny.  “Well I can see that,” she said, “but what is so exciting about a period.”  “Damned if I know,” said Johnny, “but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.


The Thistle – National Emblem of Scotland

The thistle may only be a humble weed, but it is both beautiful and the emblem of the Scottish nation. The prickly-leaved, pink or purple-flowered ‘Scotch’ Thistle is, along with tartan, perhaps the most identifiable symbol of all things Scottish. But how did the thistle earn its place in the proud hearts of the Scots?

Common throughout the highlands, islands and lowlands of Scotland, the prickly purple thistle has been Scotland’s national emblem for centuries. This proud and regal plant, which grows to a height of five feet, has no natural enemies because of the vicious spines that cover and protect it like a porcupine.


There are several different legends that tell how the thistle became Scotland’s symbol, but most date from the reign of Alexander III and in particular the events surrounding the Battle of Largs in 1263.

It is often forgotten, that for hundreds of years much of Scotland was part of the Kingdom of Norway. By 1263 however, Norway seems to have had little interest in their former territory.  However, that was until King Alexander III proposed to buy back the Western Isles and Kintyre from the Norse King Haakon IV. The thought of relieving King Alexander of some of his riches and territories appears to have re-kindled Norse interest in Scotland.

Late in the summer of 1263 King Haakon of Norway, now intent on conquering the Scots, set off with a sizeable fleet of longships for the Scottish coast. Gales and fierce storms forced some of the ships onto the beach at Largs in Ayrshire, and a Norwegian force was landed.

Legend has it that at some point during the invasion the Norsemen tried to surprise the sleeping Scottish Clansmen. In order to move more stealthily under the cover of darkness the Norsemen removed their footwear. But as they crept barefoot they came across an area of ground covered in thistles and one of Haakon’s men unfortunately stood on one and shrieked out in pain, thus alerting the Clansmen to the advancing Norsemen.

His shout warned the Scots who defeated the Norsemen at the Battle of Largs, thus saving Scotland from invasion. The important role that the thistle had played was recognized and so was chosen as Scotland’s national emblem.

The first use of the thistle as a royal symbol of Scotland was on silver coins issued by James III in 1470.

It is said that the Order of the Thistle, the highest honour in Scotland, was founded in 1540 by King James V who, after being honoured with the Order of the Garter from his uncle King Henry VIII of England and with the Golden Fleece from the Emperor of France, felt a little left out. He resolved the issue by creating the royal title of Order of the Thistle for himself and twelve of his knights, ‘…in allusion to the Blessed Saviour and his Twelve Apostles’. He set up the arms and badges of the order over the gate of his palace at Linlithgow.

The common badge worn over the left breast by the knights is a cross surmounted by a star of four silver points, and over this a green circle bordered and lettered with gold, containing the motto “Nemo me impune lacessit”, “No-one harms me without punishment” but more commonly translated in Scots as “Wha daurs meddle wi me”, in the centre is the thistle



Sean Connery- Patron Saint of Scottish-Americans & James Bond Fans. Nobody dares meddle with him either!

John McDermott – Loch Lomond (By Yon Bonnie Banks)

A song arguably as closely associated with Scotland as “Oh Danny Boy’” is with Ireland.


thistle divider

New pill…

Since his indiscretions have come to light, several of Tiger Woods’ sponsors have dropped him. However, Pfizer has decided to sponsor him.

They are making a new drug called “Tiagra”.   It’s good for 18 holes.



A couple was on their honeymoon, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to her husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.”

The husband replies, “That’s no big thing this day and age.”

The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.”

“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”

“Tiger Woods.”

“Tiger Woods, the golfer?”


“Well, he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed
with him.”

The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

“What are you doing?” asks the wife.

The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”

“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.

“Now what are you doing?” she asks.

“I’m still hungry, so I was going to get room service to get something to eat.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”

“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

“He’d come back to bed and do it again.”

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife a third time.

When they finish, he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”

“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods, to find out what’s par for this damn hole.”



Scotland’s National Anthem


Scotland the Brave Lyrics

Hark when the night is falling
Hear! Hear the pipes are calling,
Loudly and proudly calling,
Down thro’ the glen.
There where the hills are sleeping,
Now feel the blood a-leaping,
High as the spirits of the old Highland men.

Towering in gallant fame,
Scotland my mountain hame,
High may your proud standards gloriously wave,
Land of my high endeavour,
Land of the shining river,
Land of my heart for ever,
Scotland the brave.

High in the misty Highlands,
Out by the purple islands,
Brave are the hearts that beat
Beneath Scottish skies.
Wild are the winds to meet you,
Staunch are the friends that greet you,
Kind as the love that shines from fair maiden’s eyes.

Towering in gallant fame,
Scotland my mountain hame,
High may your proud standards gloriously wave,
Land of my high endeavour,
Land of the shining river,
Land of my heart for ever,
Scotland the brave.

Far off in sunlit places,
Sad are the Scottish faces,
Yearning to feel the kiss
Of sweet Scottish rain.
Where tropic skies are beaming,
Love sets the heart a-dreaming,
Longing and dreaming for the homeland again.

Towering in gallant fame,
Scotland my mountain hame,
High may your proud standards gloriously wave,
Land of my high endeavour,
Land of the shining river,
Land of my heart for ever,
Scotland the brave

I still think John McDermott’s lyrics are better !

The Highland Bagpipe

The Highland bagpipe, widely considered ‘Scotland’s national instrument’, is one of the most recognized icons of traditional music in the world. It is also among the least understood. However, since the bagpipe’s unprecedented surge in public visibility and scholarly attention since the 1990s, a greater interest in the emic has led the consideration of both the globalization of Highland piping and piping as rooted in local culture.

As we all know, the great highland bagpipe is the Scotland’s national musical instrument. It holds a significance role, together with tartan, kilt and whisky in Scotland’s symbol. But why and is it true that the bagpipe was originally ‘born’ in Scotland?


Actually, the 1st form of bagpipes was not found in Scotland, but in Egypt  by 2500 B.C, the name is shawm. In the past, pipes were used as the instrument of war in Europe since they produce aggressive sound. In Scotland, bagpipes settled in Highland in about 1400. The 1st version only had single drone. In sixteenth century, they added the second drone and later, the three drone bagpipes become the version of nowadays great highland bagpipes. This shows that the bagpipes evolved in Scotland.


The earliest versions of Scottish music are Gaelic singing and harp playing. The harp (clarsach) was the former national instrument and had been taken over by the Highland bagpipes by the 15th century. There are separations between music of Scottish Highland and Lowland. Highland music seems to have differed considerably from music in Lowlands; the bagpipe-playing achieved greater sophistication and the folk-songs had Gaelic words.

1. Lowland Pipers

Lowland pipers are town pipers, they worked for a town. But, in the Reformation era, the Calvinist banned the musical instruments playing because it is considered as a sin, so that the pipers ran to the Highland to be able to play their bagpipes freely

2.  Highland Pipers

The highland clans maintained the piping tradition for over the centuries. The professional pipers are owned to the chieftain of clan. The pipers awakened the clan every morning, play in special occasion and play gathering tunes for clan meeting. In 1500s, bagpipe has the same popularity as harp, but in 1600 the harps were no longer famous so that the Highland elevated bagpipes as their choice of favorite musical instrument (Celtic Instruments, 2005).

Clan pipers’ title held much esteem and highly respected. Some of the most popular are (Hermansson, 2008):

–       MacCrimmons, pipers to MacLeod of Dunvegan

–       MacAuthurs, pipers to MacDonald of the Isles

–       MacKays, pipers to the MacKenzie

–       Rankins, pipers to MacLearn of Duart

In 1500, the Highland bagpipes originated in Gaelic clan society in Western Highland. Even though the clan pipers were ‘servants’ to their sponsor, they were considered as an important part for the political power and warfare of the clans’ chief. Their role was to entertain their clan chief at home or abroad, also included military service (Collinson, 1975). By the end of 15th century, a piper was no longer serve a lord or clan chief, but to a town (Baines, 1979).


There was a disastrous rebellion in 1745 by almost all of Highland chiefs (Kay, 1998). The government assaults the economic, political and social structure of the Highland since they are considered to be dangerous. Every tie between clan and chief was diminished by the government to make the Highland become more likely as Lowland.

Facts: The clans always went to the battle with bagpipes. After Prince Charles Edward Stuart lost the battle to British at 1746, the Act of Parliament in 1747 consider the bagpipes as the instrument of war/weapon (Myles, 1996). Therefore, the bagpipe was banned and also kilt, tartan, swords and any kinds related to Scotland.

Although the bagpipes almost died in Britain, in Isle of Skye there was piper family; MacCrimmons who still creatively composed for the Highland bagpipe repertoire – Piobaireachd. The Disarming Act in 1782 brought the bagpipes back to community, but as a social instrument.


Safety lesson:


I know, I saw it right away too…. No safety glasses or hearing protection!!!
(or gloves)








Canadians Warn US Not to Fall for National Registration of Firearms Lie

Brian Lilley gives an important warning to his American friends: Registration of firearms will lead to the confiscation of firearms.


  [Highlighting and underlining in the letter is my editorial emphasis]

Joshua Boston’s Letter to Dianne Feinstein

Senator Dianne Feinstein,

I will not register my weapons should this bill be passed, as I do not believe it is the government’s right to know what I own. Nor do I think it prudent to tell you what I own so that it may be taken from me by a group of people who enjoy armed protection yet decry me having the same a crime. You ma’am have overstepped a line that is not your domain. I am a Marine Corps Veteran of 8 years, and I will not have some woman who proclaims the evil of an inanimate object, yet carries one, tell me I may not have one.

I am not your subject. I am the man who keeps you free. I am not your servant. I am the person whom you serve. I am not your peasant. I am the flesh and blood of America.

I am the man who fought for my country. I am the man who learned. I am an American. You will not tell me that I must register my semi-automatic AR-15 because of the actions of some evil man.

I will not be disarmed to suit the fear that has been established by the media and your misinformation campaign against the American public.

We, the people, deserve better than you.

Respectfully Submitted,

Joshua Boston

Cpl, United States Marine Corps



Finn McCool Sig

Theme In Glory by the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards

Arguably the most popular recessional played on the bagpipe. It’s actually a religious theme. But still makes a fine exit.

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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2 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 187 For April 3rd 2013

  1. Dawn says:

    I don’t see how to play the songs in this newsletter, any of them. What am I missing? Dawn. PS, this is my favorite e-mail, to open each day, fun and music, can’t beat that combo!

    Sent from my iPad

    • impishdragon says:

      Hi Dawn,
      Them most important thing to remember to get full functionality from our Ezine, is to view it online. The email you receive was only designed as a reminder to visit the website. All the videos play perfectly there. The address, in case you don’t remember it, is http://dragonlaffs.com
      Thanks for the kind words.
      Impish Dragon

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