October already! Boy how time flies when you’re always working under a deadline.
Between work, school (yes even I’m not too old to learn a few new things as it turns out), homework, helping Molly with her writing projects and the blog it seems like I’m forever rushing to meet the next deadline. My phone is so full of deadline reminders that it whimpers every time I pick it up and the little ditty it plays to remind me of the next looming deadline has taken on a pathetic wheeze. Just making the ‘dreadline’ for each weeks LL often is requiring literal midnight oil burning.
I told Impish about 6 weeks ago I had started collecting graphics for a Halloween issue but that’s about as far as that has gotten in the last 6 weeks. The way it stands now I’d give you 8:5 odds against there being a special issue for Halloween. At the rate things are going I’m going to be lucky to get out a Christmas special if I start now.
OK I’ve lots to do still today and miles to go before I sleep. Unfortunately however the section of Texas I’m in has no woods lovely dark and deep. SIGH! I miss fall in New England!
A Wrong Answer
While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband’s help.
“The word is eight letters long and starts with m, and the clue is ‘tiresome sameness.’”
“Monogamy,” he answered.
3 Funny Conversations Overheard at Dinner
Guy: Your glasses can’t be bad—you just got them!
Girl: Yeah, but I cheated on the eye exam, so it’s really my own fault.
Guy: That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
Girl: I’m very competitive.
Girl: Why would he say that I was not educated?
Friend: Well, that’s not exactly what he said, now, was it?
Girl: No. He said I was tapid and voided of thought.
Friend: Vapid and devoid of thought.
Girl: Same thing.
Girl #1 (picking up box of baking soda): I didn’t know soda was baked.
Girl #2: Thank God it’s not fried! Do you know how many extra calories that would be?!
Overheard in New York
From The Unbearable Whiteness Of Being
Business-casual guy: Damn, that bitch was fine!
Business-casual girl: Oh, shut your pimp hole, Jerry
Those Who Can’t Remember the 1980s Are Doomed to Hear About Them
Mom: The strap on my Swatch watch is broken again.
Daughter: You have two Pateks and a Rolex. Why do you give such a crap about that Swatch watch?
At A Meeting Of the United Underminers’ Union
Loud girl: Okay, so what the hell did you do to your eyebrows?! They’re so sparse and choppy! I don’t even know how to get eyebrows to look like that! All I know is that they certainly didn’t look like that yesterday. I mean, did you take scissors to them or something? I can’t stop staring at them.
Meek girl, frantically scrambling for mirror in purse: I… don’t know, I mean I plucked them a little! Oh my God!
Loud girl: No… they look great, relax.
Overheard at the Office
2PM Still Doesn’t Explain the Waistcoast and Plumed Hat.
Female #1: I really want to get some new boots for winter.
Female #2: Me too. But I think I’m too short and stocky to wear them. I don’t want to end up looking like Puss In Boots!
9AM Okay, Here’s One and a Bonus Slap Upside the Head.
Man: Let me have $5 worth of Powerball tickets.
Woman behind the machine: The tickets are now $2 each.
Man: Okay, give me $3 worth then
4PM That’s Your Answer to Everything!
Sales manager: The hardest meal during Passover is breakfast. No toast, no muesli, no cereal… it’s impossible.
Colleague: What about bacon and eggs?
1PM And Surprisingly Spicy
Senior processor: My husband tastes like sausage…
Senior processor: What!? He’s Polish!
9AM …Um, and How We Miss You Here
Officemate, calling coworker on the other coast:
Hola, mamacita! Oh nothing, just eating some tuna and I thought of you…
( I fervently hope is was fresh sushi grade tuna!)
Well apparently you guys like this feature as the potential subject material just keeps rolling in. Also I seem to be having an effect on SOME of you with my cajoling you to check these crazy claims before sending them to me . The person who sent this several days later sent their own disproof of the myth apparently in an attempt to proved that my admonishments had not gone unheeded. Now if they had only gotten the part where I said check them BEFORE you forward them we’d be golden. Ah well better checked and called BS on late than not at all I guess.
For those of you who do not know who Ann Coulter is the female version of Rush Limbaugh. She is even further to the right than Limbaugh, brags about it & how much money her views have made her.
After all that is said and done according to the following bit that’s making its way around, it looks like the lady isn’t even really a true lady but more likely a transsexual, hemorphidite or has been gender reassigned (think Chaz Bono). All these things would be ultra repellant to the ultra conservatives she preaches to if any were true!
In other words the basic premise of the e-mail is: “Dat shim is a sham!”
Is Ann Coulter really a chick?Ann Coulter claims to have been born on December 8, 1961 in Connecticut but there is no birth record for a person with that name on that date nor for three years before and three years after that date. Coulter has never married, has never even been engaged, has given birth to no children, hasn’t even been seen around kids, and did not indicate whether male or female on the voter registration form. A computer analysis of Coulter’s writings concluded that the writer was male rather than female. Take a look. Coulter is six feet tall, has no female body fat but does have an Adam’s apple that looks like Coulter is swallowing a golf ball.
Now you tell me – and I am sure some of you will.
It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them that they have been fooled.
Check out the photos on these other pages:
Ok I got to admit on the surface these photos ARE fairly compelling and I was largely due to lack of anything I was able to find to the contrary ready to claim this myth as undetermined and ask anyone who came in physical contact with Mz. Coulter to take one for the team and do a little exploratory groping so we could get a definitive answer on at least 2 of the 3 possibilities.
Now granted this doesn’t begin to address the issue of not being able to find a birth certificate on line for her but then again I KNOW my sister was born in the US I KNOW exactly WHERE in Connecticut and WHEN and under precisely what name and her’s is not locatable on line either. Digitizing their decades old records is not really a high priority for many of the smaller New England towns so not being able to sit in a chair someplace comfortably and search on-line for something is not definitive proof it doesn’t exist IMHO.
Then from the same source the original piece came to me I got this about 4 days later:
Thanks to Nancy for finding this info.
WHAT THE F*CK IS ANN COULTER?!
Monday, October 27th, 2008
Ted Newsom looks at our “favorite” neocon from a medical vantage point.
Okay, motormouth pinup girl for the forces of evil? Sure. Braying, soulless ice queen?
Yes, yes. Devious toady for the repressive Right? Yeah, we can agree on that too.
But is this lanky creature a woman? A man? A transvestite, a transsexual, an odd
variation thereof, or is the high-profile blonde what old-time carnival barkers called
freaks like Zip the Pinhead: “Whatzis”?
Many opponents place the commentator’s sexuality at the mutant end of the spectrum.
Before we toss these insults into the wastebasket, remember that sexual definition
is a bell curve, with extreme male and female examples on either end…and a lot of
combinations in between. The dictionary defines hermaphrodite as a being—animal or
human—with the genitalia of both genders.
Putting aside for a moment whether or not Ann Coulter can be classified as a “human
being,” many observers wonder if her chromosomes are arranged in the right order.
That would make her more guy than girl—intersexed, to be precise, the new catchall
term for unfortunates with scrambled sex genes.
Another strange hormone malfunction is Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (AIS). To
put it simply, people with this screwed-up chromosome combination look like women,
but on their basic, chemical level are men, with the XY chromosome rather than XX,
like 100% of women. Let’s go through the medical diagnosis and see if Ann Coulter
looks like a good candidate.
AIS sufferers typically have a female appearance and genitalia. They are usually,
notes a medical report on the condition, “larger in all body measurements, although
with a tendency to a slim body.” Another report cites “slight masculinization of
the skeleton, with proportionally longer legs and arms, and larger hands and feet
than the average XX woman.”
Standing around six feet tall, Coulter is as skinny as Karen Carpenter after an Auschwitz
vacation, with spidery hands that could spread across five octaves of a piano. It
sounds like we’re on a roll.
One study reported that AIS women were often found “in occupations that pay high
salaries for attractive female appearance such as modeling, acting or prostitution.”
Looks like another hit: Coulter whores out to the tune of $25,000 per appearance
to vomit her chunky-style invective.
Although AIS women have a vagina, they’re missing ovaries, a cervix and a uterus;
the standard female innards just aren’t there. Instead of ovaries, the AIS person
has undescended or partly descended testicles. Translation: They literally have balls.
Of course, it’s not as if the lack of a womb makes a woman useless. The “drawbacks”
of AIS sometimes turn out to be benefits. California ob/gyn Vikki Huffnagel studied
the history of the condition, stating, “In the old West, women with AIS were reportedly
popular among the ranks of prostitutes. … They were tall, lean…and couldn’t get pregnant.”
So, because of the hormone imbalance, AIS victims were as barren as burros, but well
suited for screwing dusty saddle tramps upstairs in a frontier saloon.
Coulter gives various conflicting birth dates, but she’s definitely fortyish, has
never been married and has never had children. This is looking solid.
Then there’s that pesky Adam’s apple. Okay, any emaciated wretch has sharp corners
in places most women have curves, and it could be that the frog-sized lump in Coulter’s
throat might well disappear if the annoying neocon actually ate more than twice a
week without throwing it all up
This would tend to point to a reasonable medical condition as being responsible not only for her appearance but for the rumors as well. Unfortunately that first link has been truncated beyond retrieval and despite my best efforts to figure out what it was to I came up empty. My best guess is it was to something dealing with AIS as I could not locate anything on YouTube dealing with Ann Coulter’s ambiguous sexuality.
Working it Out
One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.”
“If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend.
“I’d like to lose another 15 pounds first.”
Manhole- The Disappearing Roadblock Prank
I suspect more guys with their heads in manholes are going to get prodded in the butt now after this!
A word to rioting Muslims
Well there was SUPPOSE to be a video here by a well known video blogger who has been featured before in both DragonLaffs & Leprechaun Laughs with his response to the Islamic Idiocy over the Anti Mohammad YouTube video. This was supposed to be a sort of continuation and update of the events post my Guest Rant in DragonLaffs 2 weeks ago as you can see though there is a slight problem with that. I’m going to have to remove the video since Impish swiped my thunder but I’m going to leave the rest of the comment and update I already had. Hopefully it will still make sense.
By the way you turbaned terrorist twerps I’m STILL waiting for that death threat, fatwa and a bunch of you- because you’re only brave in mobs to arrive at my door and
get shot to death get your shot at Paradise. The joke is on you jackassed jerks however as Paradise is a small town in Wise County, Texas and the virgins there are Texas farm girls who will happily stomp your butts and reproductive organs into the clay soil for messing with the USA then bury you face down in a pile of farm yard organic byproducts or leave you scrawny sand flea ridden behinds in the tree line as food for the feral hogs. That’s right you towel headed twits you’ll be feed for pigs!
We don’t care if you’re offended, and we never will. Get used to it.
Turkish PM thinks Islamophobia is a crime against humanity
From where I sit Islam is the true crime against humanity!
SPEAKING of crimes and criminals here’s a development on that hate mongerer who went out of his way to deliberately engineer the entire situation
Man behind anti-Muslim film ordered jailed in California
Though not exactly for the reasons one might expect or hope.
By The Associated Press
LOS ANGELES — The surrounding mystery of the man behind the crudely produced anti-Islamic video that sparked violence in the Middle East took a strange turn after he appeared in court and gave yet another name in a string of aliases.
Arrested on Thursday after authorities said he violated his probation from a 2010 check fraud conviction, Nakoula Basseley Nakoula told a judge his real name was Mark Basseley Youseff. He said he’d been using that name since 2002, even though he went by Nakoula in his fraud case.
The full story about Nakoula and the video “Innocence of Muslims” still isn’t known more than two weeks after violence erupted in Egypt and Libya, where Ambassador Christopher Stevens and three others were killed in Benghazi. Violence related to the film has since spread, killing dozens more.
Citing a lengthy pattern of deception and the potential to flee, U.S. Central District Chief Magistrate Judge Suzanne Segal ordered Nakoula to remain in prison without bond until another judge can hold a hearing to determine if he broke the terms of his probation.
“The court has a lack of trust in this defendant at this time,” Segal said.
Prosecutors noted Nakoula had eight probation violations, including lying to his probation officers and using aliases. He could face new charges that carry a maximum two-year prison term.
After his 2010 conviction, Nakoula was sentenced to 21 months in prison and was barred from using computers or the Internet for five years without approval from his probation officer, though prosecutors said none of the violations involved the Internet. He also wasn’t supposed to use any name other than his true legal name without the prior written approval of his probation officer.
Three names, however, have been associated with Nakoula this month alone.
The movie was made last year by a man who called himself Sam Bacile. After the violence erupted, a man who identified himself as Bacile spoke to media outlets including The Associated Press, took credit for the film and said it was meant to portray the truth about Muhammad and Islam, which he called a cancer.
The next day, the AP determined there was no Bacile and linked the identity to Nakoula, a former gas station owner with a drug conviction and a history of using aliases. Federal authorities later confirmed there was no Bacile and that Nakoula was behind the movie.
Some of the false statements in Nakoula’s alleged probation violations had to do with the film, Assistant U.S. Attorney Robert Dugdale said. Nakoula told probation officials his role was just writing the script, and denied going by the name Sam Bacile in connection with the film, Dugdale said.
Before going into hiding, Nakoula acknowledged to the AP that he was involved with the film, but said he only worked on logistics and management.
Nakoula, a Christian originally from Egypt, then went into hiding after he was identified as the man behind the trailer, which depicts Muhammad as a womanizer, religious fraud and child molester. He met with federal probation officials two weeks ago, led out of his home in suburban Cerritos in the middle of the night, flanked by Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies and cloaked in heavy clothing to protect his identity.
Nakoula’s attorney Steven Seiden sought to have the hearing closed and his client released on $10,000 bail. He argued Nakoula has checked in with his probation officer frequently and made no attempts to leave Southern California.
Seiden was concerned that Nakoula would be in danger in federal prison because of Muslim inmates, but prosecutors said he likely would be placed in protective custody.
Lawrence Rosenthal, a constitutional and criminal law professor at Chapman University School of Law in Orange, said it was “highly unusual” for a judge to order immediate detention on a probation violation for a nonviolent crime, but if there were questions about Nakoula’s identity it was more likely.
“When the prosecution doesn’t really know who they’re dealing with, it’s much easier to talk about flight,” Rosenthal said. “I’ve prosecuted individuals who’d never given a real address. You don’t know who you’re dealing with, and you’re just going to have very limited confidence about their ability to show up in court.”
Enraged Muslims have demanded punishment for Nakoula, and a Pakistani cabinet minister has offered a $100,000 bounty to anyone who kills him.
First Amendment advocates have defended Nakoula’s right to make the film while condemning its content. And federal officials likely will face criticism from those who say Nakoula’s free speech rights were trampled by his arrest on a probation violation.
In arguing that Nakoula is a possible flight risk, Dugdale said Nakoula couldn’t even reveal something as fundamental as his real name.
“He’s a person who simply can’t be trusted,” he said.
Apparently just not film makers, other religions and those opposed to their morally ambiguous religious code.
Scene: A conversation between two of my friends.
Friend #1: Are you visiting us tomorrow? Do you need directions?
Friend #2: I’m all set. I have the address, a GPS, and a GPS override.
Friend #1: What’s a GPS override?
Friend #2: My wife
Animusic HD – Resonant Chamber
3 Ways It’s All in a Name
If your name is on the building, you’re rich;
if your name is on your desk, you’re middle-class;
if your name is on your shirt, you’re poor.
One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway;
it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.. They all grabbed a shovel and began
to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried
horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what
he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel
dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and
happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well
is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out
of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.
Free your mind from worries – Most never happen.
Live simply and appreciate what you have.
Enough of that crap . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock..
MORAL FROM TODAY’S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
You have two choices…smile and close this page, or pass this along to someone else to
spread the fun.