Dragon Laffs #1293


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adult2Pink ribbon tinyGood Morning Campers!Young thug dragon Pink Ribbon
As many of you know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and as you all should know, that is very important to this particular dragon.  There is a great website called The Breast Cancer Site and by going there (their hyperlink is imbedded in the words “Breast” and “Cancer” two lines above and also the link is a permanent part of the blog site in the column to the right) you get a chance to click, once a day, to help provide free mammograms to women (and men) who need it.  When you go there, at the top of the page you will see this:
6bAnd all you must do is click the pink box and you’ve just helped someone get a free mammogram. 

So, let’s start with a redux of an old favorite…

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina state line.

When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Savannah to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn’t want to be late.

The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn’t give him a ticket.

The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle.

The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the
juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car.

A drunk good old boy, from S.C., got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The Trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there’s no way in hell I can pass that test.”

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This either reminds me of yet another recycled oldie, or it’s one that I’ve heard recently and thus makes me think it’s been around for awhile…regardless, it’s still funny…

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present. “Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?” Five small voices answered in unison. “Okay, dad, you get the toy.”


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DragonPapa1 (188)
A woman from 2008 interviews herself from 2012.  Funny and poignant.  This is excellent.  http://videos2view.net/herself.htm 

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Madonna stood onstage at her concert in Washington D.C. and told the crowd
she will strip completely naked onstage if American voters re-elect President
Obama. The next morning the betting line in Las Vegas moved nine points.
She just elected Romney.


Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires all citizens to prove they are
insured, but doesn’t require them to prove they are citicens.


There’s a man who actually went to high school with Mitt Romney and later
went to law school with President Obama. When asked how going to school with
two presidential candidates made him feel, he said, “Uh, bad about my job at Arby’s.”


Ann Romney says if Mitt is elected her biggest concern “obviously would just be
for his mental well-being.” Well, gosh, good thing he’s not going for
a high-stress kind of job


Madonna told concert goers in D.C. Monday how great it is to have a Black
Muslim as president. The Obama campaign said nothing. This close to the election
it’s the standard White House policy to ignore anything that a half-dressed
woman says about the president.

Hillary Clinton admitted the attack on the U.S. embassy in Libya was done
by al-Qaeda and not by mobs angry over an anti-Muslim video who happened to
be heavily armed. It was preposterous that she’d have ever believed it. Hillary never
acknowledges that a president has lied to her until the DNA tests come
back and there’s no way to deny it.


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f2009052007

 

Hey Lady, wanna buy a bridge???

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Poetry1

There’s a tavern in London that’s staffed,
By a barmaid who’s tops at her craft:
In her striving to please,
She serves ale on her knees,
So the patrons get head with their draft.
 
There was an old pirate named Bates
Who was learning to rhumba on skates
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.
 
A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, with which, and to whom.
 
There was old guy named Lee,
Who was stung in the balls by a bee,
He made oodles of money,
By oozing pure honey,
Every time he attempted to pee.

 

Police

Hey!  We got a new section!  This one will be fun.  All things cops…and maybe even some firemen stuff….we’ll see as the weeks go by.
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Do you remember the Ventures and Babbitt the drummer who played “Walk Don’t Run”?Do any of you remember the USAF Four Star General George Babbitt from Tacoma, WA? Anyone who thought the military is all spit and polish and discipline?Pretty interesting. General Babbitt was a drummer at one time for the Ventures.This is cool. Watch it. You will love it if you like rock n’ roll.Some of you probably don’t remember the Ventures. Those that do, enjoy the clip. It should bring a smile to your face.
http://www.stumptownblogger.com/2012/04/what-a-cool-video.html?cid=6a010536b86d36970c0163050cd62f970d

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Yeah, I know, it’s been done before, but my dad sent it and it’s funny!!!!

The Queen’s Riddle

Barack Obama met with the Queen of England.

He asked her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well,” said the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Obama frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around are really intelligent?”

The Queen took a sip of tea.. “Oh, that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.”

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. “Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?”

Tony Blair walked into the room and said, “Yes, Your Majesty?”

The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister.  Who is it?”

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, “That would be me.” 

“Yes! Very good,” said the Queen.

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden the same question. “Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?” 

“I’m not sure,” said Biden. “Let me get back to you on that one.” He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

Finally, Biden ran in to Sarah Palin out eating one night. Biden asked, “Sarah, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?” 

Sarah Palin answered right back, “That’s easy, it’s me!”

Biden smiled, and said, “Thanks!” Then, he went back to speak with Obama. “Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Sarah Palin!” 

Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, “No! You idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”

AND THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT’S GOING ON AT THE WHITE HOUSE!!!

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Dragon Rant2

Okay folks, here’s a rant, premade, and ready to go.  I couldn’t have written any of this any better…okay, well maybe a little better at the beginning… but you get the idea.  I shared this list with Mrs. Dragon and by the end we were both so pissed off that the little dragonette wouldn’t come in the room!  I’m sure that most of you will feel the exact same way.  If you don’t, what the hell is wrong with you?
If you are a Christian or a Jew and you vote for Obama in November you will be voting for the most Biblically Hostile President in the U.S. of A.’s history.  The way that the Democrat’s Party denied God three times, like Peter denied Jesus, it became a Godless Party and if you are a Christian or a Jew and a member of that party, you are like a black man being a member of the KKK.  As the U.S. Catholic Bishop stated…Christians need to get out of the Democrat’s Party… just like Moses said three thousand years ago… “Let my people go”!  If you are not convinced, the following is a chronology of what this President has said and done since he became center stage.  Please send this list to any person you know that may have the slightest tendency to vote this evil person back into office in November.

When you see it all together, it’s frightening – and this was during his FIRST term!!!

Check it out…..

Claiming to be a Christian and acting like a Christian are not the same thing.

David Barton of Wallbuilders.com has come out with a list explaining why Barack Obama is possibly the most Biblically hostile President of all time. While most of these stories have been seen before, seeing them all laid out in one list is pretty astonishing.

1.) Acts of Hostility Toward People Of Biblical Faith:

a. April 2008 – Obama speaks disrespectfully of Christians, saying they “cling to guns or religion” and have an “antipathy to people who aren’t like them.”

b. February 2009 – Obama announces plans to revoke conscience protection for health workers who refuse to participate in medical activities that go against their beliefs and fully implements the plan in February 2011.

c. April 2009 – When speaking at Georgetown University, Obama orders that a monogram symbolizing Jesus’ name be covered when he is making his speech.

d. May 2009 – Obama declines to host services for the National Prayer Day (a day established by federal law) at the White House.

e. April 2009 – In a deliberate act of disrespect, Obama nominated three pro-abortion ambassadors to the Vatican; of course, the pro-life Vatican rejected all three.

f. October 19, 2010 – Obama begins deliberately omitting the phrase about “the Creator” when quoting the Declaration of Independence – an omission he has made on no less than seven occasions.

g. November 2010 – Obama misquotes the National Motto, saying it is “E pluribus unum” rather than “In God We Trust” as established by federal law.

h. January 2011 – After a federal law was passed to transfer a WWI Memorial in the Mojave Desert to private ownership, the U. S. Supreme Court ruled that the cross in the memorial could continue to stand, but the Obama administration refused to allow the land to be transferred as required by law and refuse to allow the cross to be re-erected as ordered by the Court.

i. February 2011 – Although he filled posts in the State Department, for more than two years Obama did not fill the post of religious freedom ambassador, an official that works against religious persecution across the world; he filled it only after heavy pressure from the public and from Congress.

j. April 2011 – For the first time in American history, Obama urges passage of a non-discrimination law that does not contain hiring protections for religious groups, forcing religious organizations to hire according to federal mandates without regard to the dictates of their own faith, thus eliminating conscience protection in hiring.

k. August 2011 – The Obama administration releases its new healthcare rules that override religious conscience protections for medical workers in the areas of abortion and contraception.

l. November 2011 – Obama opposes inclusion of President Franklin Roosevelt’s famous D-Day Prayer in the WWII Memorial.

m. November 2011 – Unlike previous presidents, Obama studiously avoids any religious references in his Thanksgiving speech.

n. December 2011 – The Obama administration denigrates other countries’ religious beliefs as an obstacle to radical homosexual rights.

o. January 2012 – The Obama administration argues that the First Amendment provides no protection for churches and synagogues in hiring their pastors and rabbis.

p. February 2012 – The Obama administration forgives student loans in exchange for public service, but announces it will no longer forgive student loans if the public service is related to religion.

2.) Acts of Hostility From The Obama-Led Military Toward People Of Biblical Faith:

a. June 2011 – The Department of Veterans Affairs forbids references to God and Jesus during burial ceremonies at Houston National Cemetery .

b. August 2011 – The Air Force stops teaching the Just War theory to officers in California because the course is taught by chaplains and is based on a philosophy introduced by St. Augustine in the third century AD – a theory long taught by civilized nations across the world (except America).

c. September 2011 – Air Force Chief of Staff prohibits commanders from notifying airmen of programs and services available to them from chaplains.

d. September 2011 – The Army issues guidelines for Walter Reed Medical Center stipulating that “No religious items (i.e. Bibles, reading materials and/or facts) are allowed to be given away or used during a visit.”

e. November 2011 – The Air Force Academy rescinds support for Operation Christmas Child, a program to send holiday gifts to impoverished children across the world, because the program is run by a Christian charity.

f. November 2011 – The Air Force Academy pays $80,000 to add a Stonehenge-like worship center for pagans, druids, witches and Wiccans.

g. February 2012 – The U. S. Military Academy at West Point dis-invites three star Army general and decorated war hero Lieutenant General William G. (“Jerry”) Boykin (retired) from speaking at an event because he is an outspoken Christian.

h. February 2012 – The Air Force removes “God” from the patch of Rapid Capabilities Office (the word on the patch was in Latin: Dei).

i. February 2012 – The Army orders Catholic chaplains not to read a letter to parishioners that their archbishop asked them to read.

3.) Acts of Hostility Toward Biblical Values:

a. January 2009 – Obama lifts restrictions on U.S. government funding for groups that provide abortion services or counseling abroad, forcing taxpayers to fund pro-abortion groups that either promote or perform abortions in other nations.

b. January 2009 – President Obama’s nominee for deputy secretary of state asserts that American taxpayers are required to pay for abortions and that limits on abortion funding are unconstitutional.

c. March 2009 – The Obama administration shut out pro-life groups from attending a White House-sponsored healthcare summit.

d. March 2009 – Obama orders taxpayer funding of embryonic stem cell research.

e. March 2009 – Obama gave $50 million for the UNFPA, the UN population agency that promotes abortion and works closely with Chinese population control officials who use forced abortions and involuntary sterilizations.

f. May 2009 – The White House budget eliminates all funding for abstinence-only education and replaces it with “comprehensive” sexual education, repeatedly proven to increase teen pregnancies and abortions. He continues the deletion in subsequent budgets.

g. May 2009 – Obama officials assemble a terrorism dictionary calling pro-life advocates violent and charging that they use racism in their “criminal” activities.

h. July 2009 – The Obama administration illegally extends federal benefits to same-sex partners of Foreign Service and Executive Branch employees in direct violation of the federal Defense of Marriage Act.

i. September 16, 2009 – The Obama administration appoints as EEOC Commissioner Chai Feldblum, who asserts that society should “not tolerate” any “private beliefs,” including religious beliefs, if they may negatively affect homosexual “equality.”

j. July 2010 – The Obama administration uses federal funds in violation of federal law to get Kenya to change its constitution to include abortion.

k. August 2010 – The Obama administration cuts funding for 176 abstinence education programs.

l. September 2010 – The Obama administration tells researchers to ignore a judge’s decision striking down federal funding for embryonic stem cell research.

m. February 2011 – Obama directs the Justice Department to stop defending the federal Defense of Marriage Act.

n. March 2011 – The Obama administration refuses to investigate videos showing Planned Parenthood helping alleged sex traffickers get abortions for victimized underage girls.

o. July 2011 – Obama allows homosexuals to serve openly in the military, reversing a policy originally instituted by George Washington in March 1778.

p. September 2011 – The Pentagon directs that military chaplains may perform same-sex marriages at military facilities in violation of the federal Defense of Marriage Act.

q. October 2011 – The Obama administration eliminates federal grants to the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops for their extensive programs that aid victims of human trafficking because the Catholic Church is anti-abortion.

4.) Acts Of Preferentialism For Islam:

a. May 2009 – While Obama does not host any National Day of Prayer event at the White House. He does host White House dinners in honor of Ramadan.

b. April 2010 – Christian leader Franklin Graham is dis-invited from the Pentagon’s National Day of Prayer Event because of complaints from the Muslim community.

c. April 2010 – The Obama administration requires rewriting of government documents and a change in administration vocabulary to remove terms that are deemed offensive to Muslims, including jihad, jihadists, terrorists, radical Islamic, etc.

d. August 2010 – Obama speaks with great praise of Islam and condescendingly of Christianity.

e. August 2010 – Obama went to great lengths to speak out on multiple occasions on behalf of building an Islamic mosque at Ground Zero, while at the same time he was silent about a Christian church being denied permission to rebuild at that location.

f. 2010 – While every White House traditionally issues hundreds of official proclamations and statements on numerous occasions, this White House avoids traditional Biblical holidays and events but regularly recognizes major Muslim holidays as evidenced by its 2010 statements on Ramadan, Eid-ul-Fitr, Hajj, and Eid-ul-Adha.

g. October 2011 – Obama’s Muslim advisers block Middle Eastern Christians’ access to the White House.

h. February 2012 – The Obama administration makes effulgent apologies for Korans being burned by the U.S. military, but when Bibles were burned by the military, numerous reasons were offered why it was the right thing to do.

Many of these actions are literally unprecedented – this is the first time they have happened in four centuries of American history. The hostility of President Obama toward Biblical faith and values is without equal from any previous American president.

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Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple nice cold beers. The day was really quite beautiful, and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics. Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the Nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a  guy getting kicked in the nuts. Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that  question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “it might be nice to have another child.” On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.”
I rest my case.


 

 

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Here’s a really horrible groaner from Molly…yup. Lethal’s Molly.
Why did the hipster burn his mouth when he bit into the pizza?
Because he didn’t wait until it was cool!


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I asked my friend what sign he was born under and he said he was conceived under the “No Parking” sign.
 
Does the career advice, “Come early on your first day” apply in the porn business?
Did you hear about the game show contestant who mooned the camera? His ass was in Jeopardy!
 
Why is being in the military like a blow job? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
 
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? A scrotum pole!
 
What is worse than a piano out of tune?  An organ that goes flat in the middle of a piece.

 

When I’m stoned I get a little boulder.

There is a new household cleaner being test marketed in the Midwest called “Bachelor.” I thought it seemed like a strange name for a soap until I saw the slogan being used. “It Works Fast, And Leaves No Ring!”
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
 
Love is a complicated machinery. But sometimes all you need is a good screw to fix it.
 
I never knew whether Elizabeth Montgomery was a real witch or not, but she had both Dick York and Dick Sargent play her husband on Bewitched. How many mortal women do you know with two dicks?

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Even if you weren’t in the service you can appreciate this one.
A US Air Force C-130 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland, at midnight during a winter month. During the pilot’s preflight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.
The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the aircraft only to find that the latrine pump-truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as not to risk criticism later.
As he’s leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, ‘Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late and I’m going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded but punished.’ Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands tall and says, ‘Sir, with all due respect, I’m not your son; I’m an Airman in the United States Air Force. I’ve been in Thule, Greenland, for 11 months without any leave, and reindeers’ asses are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe; it’s 2:30 in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero, and my job here is to pump shit out of an aircraft. Now, just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?

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Nevermind
note to self
nuff
Obligations

Airport Screening Results
July Statistics On Airport Screening From The Department Of Homeland Security:
Terrorists Discovered
0
Transvestites
133
Hernias
1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases
3,172
Enlarged Prostates
8,249
Breast Implants
59,350
Natural Blondes
3
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
It was also discovered that 535 members of Congress had no balls.

The epitome of an “oh shit!” moment…
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1a_thumb_thumb_thumbIt is generally understood that most breast cancer is first found by a self exam (or found by your partner).  Therefore, learning to perform a self examination should be of highest priority for women.  (and men, but more about that in a later issue.)  Breast cancer mostly effects women over the age of 50, however, breast self examination should begin much earlier.  When I questioned the local breast expert, to find out at what age a woman should begin, Mrs. Dragon told me that it is not ridiculous to begin at the onset of puberty.  Having learned to NEVER disagree with Mrs. Dragon, I would take this as gospel.  Thinking about it as common sense, it makes perfectly common sense to begin as young as possible.  That allows a woman to notice any changes. 
Here then, is a short instructional message on how to perform a breast self examination.
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Breast self-examination (BSE) is a method of finding abnormalities of the breast, for early detection of breast cancer. The method involves the woman herself looking at and feeling each breast for possible lumps, distortions or swelling.

BSE was once promoted heavily as a means of finding cancer at a more curable stage, but randomized controlled studies found that it was not effective in preventing death, and actually caused harm through needless biopsies and surgery.

  1. The self-exam is performed by standing in front of a mirror with the torso exposed to view.
  2. The woman looks in the mirror for visual signs of dimpling, swelling, or redness on or near the breasts. This is usually repeated in several positions, such as while having hands on the hips, and then again with arms held overhead.
  3. The woman then palpates her breasts with the pads of her fingers to feel for lumps (either superficial or deeper in tissue) or soreness. To be effective, this process needs to cover the entire breast, including the “axillary tail” of each breast that extends toward the axilla (armpit). This is usually done once while standing in front of the mirror and again while lying down.
  4. Some guidelines suggest mentally dividing the breast into four quadrants and checking each quadrant separately. Finally, women that are not breastfeeding gently squeeze each nipple to check for any discharge.

The 7 P’s of Breast Self Examination (BSE)

  1. Position: Inspect breasts visually and palpate in the mirror with arms at various positions. Then perform the examination lying down, first with a pillow under one shoulder, then with a pillow under the other shoulder, and finally lying flat.
  2. Perimeter: Examine the entire breast, including the nipple, the axillary tail that extends into the armpit, and nearby lymph nodes.
  3. Palpation: Palpate with the pads of the fingers, without lifting the fingers as they move across the breast.
  4. Pressure: First palpate with light pressure, then palpate with moderate pressure, and finally palpate with firm pressure.
  5. Pattern: There are several examination patterns, and each woman should use the one which is most comfortable for her. The vertical strip pattern involves moving the fingers up and down over the breast. The pie-wedge pattern starts at the nipple and moves outward. The circular pattern involves moving the fingers in concentric circles from the nipple outward. Don’t forget to palpate into the axilla.
  6. Practice: Practice the breast self-exam and become familiar with the feel of the breast tissue, so you can recognize changes. A health care practitioner can provide feedback on your method.
  7. Plan: Know what to do if you suspect a change in your breast tissue. Know your family history of breast cancer. Have mammography done as often as your health care provider recommends.

For premenopausal women, BSE is best done at the same stage of their period every month to minimize changes due to the menstrual cycle. The recommended time is just after the end of the last period when the breasts are least likely to be swollen and tender. Older, menopausal women should do BSE once a month, perhaps on the first or last day of every month.


   
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