Leprechaun Laughs #142 for 05/16/2012


 But first, a Legal Disclaimer from our legal advisors the Esteemed Law Firm of Dewy, Cheatum & Howe


Thank You Impish for that intro- though I have to say your Ed McMahon imitation needs a LOT of work.

Sheesh! Not even into my opening remarks and already a Legal Disclaimer! You’d think I owned the firm or something. If I’m offending that many people Liberals to need a  disclaimer I must be doing or saying something right!

Been a rough week for your poor leprechaun since last we chatted. Not only did we have heavy rains, some prolonged violent Thunderstorms and some very rough weather with extremely high possibility of tornado activity, but the weather has brought me 2 additional problems as well.

The rising water table is forcing Fire ants to seek shelter apparently…in my apartment!  For those of you that do not have them ( you’re very lucky!) or are not familiar with them, they are very small ruby red and their bites leave painful burning itching welts and they travel in mobs. I’ve applied poison to them twice now and the Complex has allegedly had Terminix deal with them twice. All this has done is cause them to move the mound entrance over 3 feet so far.

The second thing is thanks to all the pollen in the air and spring here in Texas being in full swing I’m turning into an Allergy meds zombie! 3 to 4 Benadryl per day have left me barely able to think and function at times! When I sleep its more like a coma than sleep and when I wake up Molly calls me catatonic until after at least 1/2 a pot of coffee. Sunday night she had to rewind the DVR twice during a movie because I nodded off and missed important things.

So quite understandably I nodded off at my desk Monday after my early morning allergy tablet, that is until I heard the sound of what I took for the worlds largest hot saw…..

Lethal: HEY! IMPISH! Your snoring woke me from my own office nap and you’re drooling on the paperwork!

impishdragon: Huh? What? Oh, sorry.

Lethal: Ooooo! I see the virgins decided to play dress up while you were asleep! <Mockingly> Very nice make up! Emo-Goth makes you look…so like a graphic novel illustration….like something out of a Robert E. Howard Conan pulp novel from the 30’s! Very…becoming.

impishdragon: Huh? < Impish’s standard look (of confusion) crosses his face >

Lethal: <snickering> Never seen Krylon spray paint used as make up before.  I have to say a few of those virgin should be culled out of the harem and sent off the to our Graphics Department some of them show serious talent and lord knows our opening banners could use a new infusion of fresh ideas and talent.

impishdragon: Nice. Thanks bunches. You’ll get yours…one of these days…eventually…someday…maybe…I hope…If there is any justice in the multiverse… and hopefully before I die so I get to see it.

Lethal: Hey! It’s NOT like I am responsible ( for once)! We don’t even HAVE any spray paint…that I know of that is, in the offices!

impishdragon: Yup whatever Dude. Going to spend the rest of the day in the hot pools. Soak the “makeup” off.

Lethal: <Starts giggling inanely & rapping as he heads back to his desk> “Virgin Girls! Virgin Girls! Watchca gonna do? Watchca gonna when they paint you? ” Dude that’s KRYLON PAINT, its Enamel based, Hot water…short of a power washer and some muriatic acid ain’t taking that off!. <Lethal does a double take, points at Impish’s lower gut and collapses into a proximal fit of alternating giggles and guffaws while holding his sides and beating his heals on the floor>

impishdragon: <frowning a this uncharacteristic behavior> Yeah, but I figure I’ll give it a couple hours before I try something else. Maybe see if any of the girls would like to come down to the pools to “scrub” my hide. Your welcome to join us if you can manage to unchain yourself from your desk.

Lethal: <Lethal stops laughing long enough to listen, TRIES to speak and collapses into uncontrolled laughing>

impishdragon: <frowning at Lethal rolling around in such an undignified manner in obviously uncontrollable laughter> What was so funny about that? You been taking hits on that tank of Nitrous Oxide again? You’d better share! Remember the office rule! No Bogarting!  Huff-Huff-Pass!

Lethal: Oh holy mother of us all, me sides! Dude artfully stenciled in International Orange about your vent is the Warning” DANGER! MICRO Bio-weapon with ultra sensitive hair trigger & SHORT fuse! <another round of giggling ensues>

impishdragon: Really nice. Sheesh.

Lethal: No thanks! I’ll pass on the communal bath! Your “bio-weapon” might wind up with shelleigh envy and then you’d just be more embarrassed and depressed than you already are!

impishdragon Okay. Talk to you later. I’m going to soak, sandblast and polish myself. <Starts to waddle out of the office.> Console myself with pies THATS what I need to do! This definitely will hurt less after a pie eating binge!

Lethal: <Suddenly starts howling with laughter while crying over the pain in his ribs> Nice ‘Wide Load” and “Explosive! Stay back 50 feet” signs on your haunches Dude! & that tribalized Bio-hazard symbol at the base of your tail…pure artwork! Don’t go yet! <panting to catch his breath> I…need … <pant> pictures… <pant/snicker> for viral blackmail…posterity and evidence! CLEARLY you have been defaced in an act of nap time vandalism! < more snickering>

impishdragon: Make sure you get some good pictures. I might need to sue somebody to recover the costs off all the pies its going to take to make me forget this. And if you don’t take the time to write this up for Lep Laffs for the readers to laugh about at my expense you’re crazy.

Lethal: Ahhh….JUST finishing the Parting Shot and issue IS pretty long. I can CC&P to you so you can do a Rodney Dangerfield- “I Don’t Get No Respect” type of thing if you want. Already took 2 light pokes at you…don’t want to hear wailing, gnashing of teeth and whining the mention of buses running you over.

impishdragon: No worries. Poke away. But you know, come to think of it, I haven’t taken a poke at leprechauns in quite some time.

Lethal: We’re too hard and small a moving target and we take our revenge more seriously than Sicilian Mafia Dons that’s why

impishdragon: You may have a point there. <exits to a chorus of outer office snickers and guffaws while muttering under his breath calculating the number and kinds of pie its going to take to compensate his bruised ego for this current indignity it has suffered>

<Lethal watches a few moments as his friend exits and checks to make sure the elevator doors close before turning to his secretary>

Lethal: Geeze Friday! When you said you were annoyed with Impish and going to help his virgins punk him I thought maybe shaving cream topped pies, redoing his private restroom in Barney motif or his Bedroom in Hello Kitty or something but DAYUM GIRL!

Friday: <Pausing filing her nails and looking up through her eyebrows at Lethal> I told you I was fed up with his “accidental” tail swats in the butt. You wouldn’t let me shorten the thing with my axe so what’s a poor demi-god girl from Valhalla to do? <She breaks down into uncontrolled giggles taking Lethal with her>

Lethal: OH GOD MY RIBS! Stop already or I’m going to need medical treatment! If he sees the one between his eyes that reads “Vacancy Inside” and mocks the Intel Logo before I get them wrapped I might break one laughing! Come on lets get out of here! I need to buy a couple Ace Bandages and some Ibuprofen… as much for me poor head as for me ribs. I’ll even buy you lunch you very naughty vengeful little thing!

Ok enough with the pre-issue giggle stories, we’ve a lot to cover today so lets get this wagon train loaded up and move ‘em out!

Opening Logo 16 


Yeah Obama you TRY taking away Impish’s or my coffee- I DOUBLE DEAD LIBERAL’S DOG DARE YOU! You’ll be back in Kenya picking the beans for it so fast you think the White House was a day dream! JUST YOU TRY IT BUB! I’m packing a caffeine addicted dragon and I’m NOT afraid to use him!

The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.
She says, “Father, I never wear panties under my habit.”
The priest thinks a while and says, “That’s not so serious. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers and do six cartwheels on your way to the altar.”


txt6   txt5 

txt3  txt4

 txt2   txt1

New Mayan calendar: World not ending in 2012

Good news for those looking forward to Christmas, the world’s not ending in December 2012!

Archaeologists not working for some lame cable TV program have discovered a new, but really old Mayan calendar that extends our purchasing power into George Jetson territory.

The Mayans, best known for crackpot misinterpretations of their Mesoamerican scribbling, were obsessed with time, and some had theorized the ancient culture, who had not predicted Spaniards, had somehow predicted The End of Time.

Not so, says someone really smart about this sort of thing.

“The Mayan calendar is going to keep going for billions, trillions, octillions of years into the future,” said archaeologist David Stuart of the University of Texas, who worked to decipher glyphs found in 2010 in the ancient Maya city of Xultun in northeast Guatemala.

The calendar, the oldest Mayan one ever discovered, features stacked bars and dots that count lunar cycles. It was likely drawn up in the 800s, about the time Pope Leo III (who used the more accurate Julian calendar) crowned Charlemagne Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire in Saint Peter’s Basilica in Rome.

The original article on the discovery appears in Science magazine. LiveScience.com has a good write-up online.



Donald ‘Duck’ Dunn dies at 70; soul music bassist

  • Donald “Duck” Dunn
    Musician. Born Memphis, November 24, 1941.
    Died Tokyo, May 13, aged 70

Booker T and the MGs

Soul rockers Booker T. and the MGs are seen in this January 1970 file photo, from left: Al Jackson Jr., Booker T. Jones, Donald “Duck” Dunn and Steve Cropper. (Associated Press / May 14, 2012)

DONALD “Duck” Dunn, the bassist who helped create the gritty Memphis soul sound at Stax Records in the 1960s as part of legendary group Booker T and the MGs, has been remembered as one of the best session musicians in the business.

Dunn died on Sunday while on tour in Tokyo. He was 70.

He contributed to In the Midnight Hour, Hold On, I’m Coming and Sitting on the Dock of the Bay.

He also worked with John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd’s Blues Brothers as well as The Band’s Levon Helm, Eric Clapton, Neil Young and Bob Dylan.

His friend and fellow musician Steve Cropper, who was on the same tour, said Dunn died in his sleep.

Dunn was born in Memphis, Tennessee, in 1941, and was nicknamed after the cartoon character by his father who did not want him to be a musician.

“He thought I would become a drug addict and die,” Dunn said. “Most parents in those days thought music was a pastime, something you did as a hobby, not a profession.”

By the time Dunn was in high school, he was in a band with Cropper.

Cropper left to become a session player at Stax, the Memphis record company that would become known for its soul recordings and artists such as Otis Redding, Sam & Dave, Isaac Hayes and the Staples Singers.

Dunn soon followed Cropper and joined the Stax house band, also known as Booker T and the MGs.

It was one of the first racially integrated soul groups, with two whites (Dunn on bass and Cropper on guitar) and two blacks (Booker T. Jones on organ and Al Jackson on drums), and was later inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

The group had its heyday in the 1960s as backup for Stax artists. Dunn played on Redding’s Respect and Sitting on the Dock of the Bay, Sam & Dave’s Hold On, I’m Coming and Wilson Pickett’s In the Midnight Hour.

Booker T and the MGs had its own hits, including Hang ‘Em High, Soul-Limbo and, before Dunn joined the band, the 1962 instrumental Green Onions. In the 70s, the group’s members drifted apart.

Cropper and Dunn reunited when they joined Aykroyd and Belushi’s Blues Brothers band and appeared in the 1980 Blues Brothers movie. Dunn also did session work for Clapton, Young, Dylan, Rod Stewart, Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty, his discography notes. He received a lifetime achievement Grammy in 2007.

He is survived by his wife, June, a son, Jeff, and a grandchild, Michael, said Michael Leahy, Dunn’s agent.

Carroll Shelby, Car Builder Who Added Muscle to American Racing, Dies at 89


Carroll Shelby, a Texas chicken farmer turned hot-rodder who went on to build innovative sports cars like the Cobra that challenged Europe’s longtime dominance of road racing as well as high-performance versions of production cars like the Ford Mustang, died on Thursday in Dallas. He was 89.

His death was announced by his company, Carroll Shelby International.

In the 1960s, Shelby raised the profile of American racing machines on the international sports-car circuit by packing powerful Ford V-8 engines into lightweight British roadsters, and by developing racing cars for Ford.

His Shelby Cobras proved worthy competitors to the likes of Ferrari, Maserati and Jaguar and became prized collector’s items. Today they command six- and seven-figure prices.

“Carroll is sort of like the car world’s Mickey Mantle or Willie Mays,” Jay Leno, who owned three Shelby cars, told The New York Times in 2003. “Unlike so many racers, he didn’t come from a rich family, so he signifies that Everyman, common-sense ideal. When I was a kid, American cars were big, clunky things, until Carroll used his ingenuity to make them compete with European cars.”

In 1959, Shelby became the second American-born driver to win the 24 Hours of Le Mans, the brutal endurance race in France, co-driving a British-made Aston Martin.

But a heart ailment forced him to quit driving, and he founded Shelby American in 1962. It became one of the most successful independent sports-car builders of the era.

Shelby began building his Cobras in 1962 using the chassis and body of a two-seater from AC Cars of England.

Early prototypes broke apart because of stress on the fragile frames. “When you try to put 300 horsepower in a car designed for 100, you learn what development means,” Shelby recalled in a 2002 interview with Sports Illustrated. But the Cobra with the high-powered Ford engine proved a formidable racer, celebrated in pop culture when the Rip Chords recorded “Hey Little Cobra” in 1964.

The Cobra captured the United States Road Racing Championship series of the Sports Car Club of America in 1963 and won the Grand Touring world championship in the large-engine category in 1965.

Soon after Lee A. Iacocca of Ford introduced the Mustang in 1964, he asked Shelby to help create a high-performance version for racing. In January 1965, the first Shelby Mustang, the GT350, made its debut. Shelby also developed the Ford GT40, and the Shelby GT500 and GT500KR (the KR stood for King of the Road).

Carroll Hall Shelby was born on Jan. 11, 1923, in Leesburg, Tex., where his father, Warren, a rural mail carrier, became a car buff, making his rounds in a 1928 Whippet.

Shelby served as a flight instructor in the Army Air Forces during World War II, then worked in Texas oil fields and became a chicken farmer. One Sunday in 1952, as he told it, a wartime buddy drove up “in a little ol’ English car called an MG” and invited him to take a ride. He soon envisioned a world beyond his farm chores.

He entered his first race in 1952, driving in a quarter-mile drag meet, then won road races in the Southwest. But he was still working on his farm and practicing in striped bib coveralls because he did not have time for a change of clothes. They became his trademark outfit.

His fortunes took a turn in 1954 when he came to the attention of the Aston Martin team. He drove for the team that year at Sebring, Fla., and in Europe. In November 1957, driving a Maserati single-seater, he won a 100-mile race at Riverside, Calif., after spinning out on the first lap and then going to the back of the field. He was one of America’s leading sports-car drivers by then.

The Shelby-American team’s Ford GT40 won the 24 Hours of Le Mans in 1966 and 1967. Those victories ended a winning streak by Ferrari that began in 1960, the year after Shelby teamed with Roy Salvadori of Britain to win in their Aston Martin.

Phil Hill, co-driving a Ferrari, was the only American-born racer to have won at Le Mans before Shelby, capturing the race in 1958. (Luigi Chinetti, who won in 1949, was an American citizen but was born in Italy.)

“Carroll desperately wanted to beat all the Europeans at Le Mans,” C. Van Tune, a onetime Shelby employee who was later editor in chief of Motor Trend magazine, told The Dallas Morning News in 2001. “He wanted to show all those fancy, highbred Euros in their slick racing suits that a chicken farmer from Texas could beat them at their own game.”

Shelby was a distinctive figure on the European racing scene of the late 1950s. “My wife was at Le Mans when he won,” David E. Davis, the founder of Automobile magazine, once told Vanity Fair. “And she said he was just the epitome of America — the overalls, the colorful language, the big mop of curly hair.”


You might be a liberal if . . .
You think that if someone is getting richer, someone, somewhere, must be getting poorer.

You might be a liberal if . . .
You think that protestors outside nuclear power plants are dedicated activists, but protestors outside abortion clinics are dangerous zealots interfering with a legal activity.

You might be a liberal if . . .
You believe that more federal regulations will make your life better.


You might be a liberal if . . .
You believe that even though the top 20 percent of taxpayers pay 80 percent of income taxes, that the rich are not paying their “fair share.”

You might be a liberal if . . .
You think that Rush Limbaugh’s listeners are mindless “dittoheads,” but you have never doubted anything that you heard from Michael Moore.


You might be a liberal if . . .
You believe in global warming today just as firmly as you believed in global cooling back in the 1970s.

You might be a liberal if . . .
You believe that the network news is a better indicator of what “real” news is than talk radio, Internet news sites, and blogs.

You might be a liberal if . . .
You believe that there was never, ever a problem with biased news coverage until Fox News went on the air.

You might be a liberal if . . .
You believe that Mikhail Gorbachev deserves more credit for losing the Cold War than Ronald Reagan deserves for winning it.

You might be a liberal if . . .
Your parents gave you an acre of preserved rain forest for your first birthday.


You might be a liberal if . . .
You cannot name a single NASCAR driver.


You might be a liberal if . . .
You mentally subtract 100 points from someone’s IQ if the person speaks with a Southern accent.

You might be a liberal if . . .
You think that Dan Rather got a raw deal.

You might be a liberal if . . .
You panic if you discover that you’re out of chick peas.

You might be a liberal if . . .
You think that the phrase “separation of church and state” is in the Constitution.

You might be a liberal if . . .
You pride yourself on your global awareness, global sensitivity and global outlook, but can’t name your state legislator or school board representative.


You might be a liberal if . . .
You are dedicated to helping the poor, the downtrodden and the less fortunate, but you have never given blood.

You might be a liberal if . . .
You have not seen “The Passion of the Christ,” and you don’t know anyone who has seen it.

You might be a liberal if . . .
You believe that a woman should make it on her own, without depending on her husband (except for Hillary Clinton).

You might be a liberal if . . .
You believe that professional, working women should never be judged on their appearance (except for Katherine Harris).


You might be a liberal if . . .
You believe that rich people should not be allowed to contribute so much money to candidates for office (except for George Soros).

You might be a liberal if . . .
You believe that government should make a special effort to hire members of traditionally oppressed groups, such as African-Americans (except for Clarence Thomas, Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice).

You might be a liberal if . . .
You feel a deep sense of common cause with oppressed groups, such as Hispanic immigrants (except for Cuban Americans fleeing Castro).

You might be a liberal if . . .
You believe that a mother’s wishes for her child, especially a mother’s last, dying wish for her child, should outweigh the wishes of a father who had long before deserted his family (unless the child is named Elian Gonzalez).



Running around the World


On the Subject of What Needs Fixing & What You Want to See From Us

Steve says:

Thanks so much for another great mailing. I so look forward to them. I read every article as it’s not often I find those with the same beliefs.

Joseph says:

A note to Lethal, I personally wait with great anticipation for your posting of recipes. I love to cook and have printed and tried many of yours. Please continue, I am always looking for new ideas. My wife is from Colombia, so if I want American food, I have to cook it myself.

lethalleprechaun says:

Thanks Joe that makes 2 of us make cooks, well OK 3 if you can count what Impish does as “cooking”. I’ll probably not dump the feature entirely, just throttle it back to a once a month thing unless more people speak up about it. <<== HINT!

Ginny says:I didn’t missed your point, I like the mix of jokes, recipes, funny animations and videos. What is making you think a change is required?

lethalleprechaun says:

Well Ginny its like this, when you finish a performance time after time and largely hear nothing but the crickets you start to think your act has gone stale and you need to change and/or update it.

For the most part the words that I would use to describe the largest portion of our readership are ambivalent & apathetic. There are 426 people who follow the blog via e-mail (UGH! REALLY? Still? Grr!) and if you take the 3 day window of Wednesday-Thursday-Friday this week (which is how I generally gauge the blog hits for an issue- the day of and following 2 days) I had a very very good week and we can add another 315 readers to that total for a grand total of 741 readers. If just 5% of those readers commented that would be 37 comments. ONE PERCENT would be 7 or 8 comments. The issue despite a very high number of hits garnered NO COMMENTS! Exactly NO COMMENTS on a Parting Shot dealing with changing our system of Taxation, overhauling the Tax Code and proposed changes to the drains on our tax revenue. Not a single peep. Nothing but crickets. Hell, we didn’t even get booed by the Democrats or Liberals lurking in the shadows over it!

We have had 90,885 views of 444 posts at the time I write this since we first switched to the blog format. Yet we have had only 1112 comments in that time and probably a full ONE THIRD of those are from Impish or myself! IN POINT OF FACT THE TWO OWNERS ARE THE MOST ACTIVE COMMENTERS ON THE BLOG!! Now if this was YOUR blog and you were looking at THOSE results and returns, wouldn’t YOU think something was seriously wrong with it and required fixing and/or change?

We see other blogs where every post garners 10 or 12 comments on the topic(s) in the post and a rousing discussion of the presented issues, then we look at ours, wonder what we are doing wrong or what we need to change to achieve this in our blog. So far we have been unable to achieve the sort of success, notability and participation levels we have been shooting for since day one. NONE of these things are even at the levels they were before we moved to the blog format which is far more flexible, easier and quicker for us to create posts in and (allegedly) possesses the potential to reach a far larger audience because its not a closed group.

In truth had this remained a Yahoo e-mail group we would never be having this discussion because it took too long and was too difficult to create each issue and get it to appear the way we wanted to. Moving to the blog format helped save the publication as did the moving to a 2 day a week delivery. Our numbers are not near what they were in the Yahoo days and in fact have DECLINED from the beginning numbers post switch over despite us trying various new things.

If you were looking at all this staring you in the face Ginny wouldn’t YOU be asking what needs changing too?

Regarding Impish’s Last Word Last Week in DragonLaffs # 1273

Lloyd says:

Guys, you’re really not impressing me with your examples of injustice in your epilogue. I was a cop for 30 years and I can tell you from long first hand experience that our system of Jurisprudence has absolutely nothing to do with justice. What is has to do with is LAW. All kinds of law. Old English common law, Statutory law, Law of precedence, and whatever the judge thinks is law on any given day. What it amounts to is simply this; if your attorney is better read and sharper than the prosecutor then you will walk. If you are depending on a public defender, before you go to court pack your toothbrush and some Vaseline. I’m reminded of a joke from the 1960′s civil rights era. A young man is arrested for rioting. He has only one call so he calls the most expensive attorney in town. The attorney meets with him and tells him; “Now right up front Mr. Wilson, I want to assure you that under our system of justice; race, color, background and political affiliation make no difference at all, We are all equal under the law.” “Now, just how equal can you afford to be?” In the final analysis the courts always operate under the Golden Rule. He who has the gold, makes the rules. I have seen first time offender shop lifters get the max while kidnapper-murderers are made to write on the blackboard: “I was a bad boy and i promise not to do it anymore.” 100 times. Okay, so I’m exaggerating the last just a little but I think you get the point.

lethalleprechaun says:

Sadly Lloyd I am force to agree with you on one point, justice has become a purchasable commodity. One mainly about hype spin and marketing where the process is more about picking a jury that will get you the verdict you desire than uncovering the truth and guilt behind the matter. I also think the the criminals have more rights than the victims.



Ignore him when he talks at your own peril! 

important msg

There see? Now its Official- PAY ATTENTION!

FBI issues warning on hotel Internet connections

FBI says malware lurking in hotel room connections, particularly overseas

The FBI today warned travelers there has been an uptick in malicious software infecting laptops and other devices linked to hotel Internet connections.

The FBI wasn’t specific about any particular hotel chain, nor the software involved but stated: “Recent analysis from the FBI and other government agencies demonstrates that malicious actors are targeting travelers abroad through pop-up windows while they are establishing an Internet connection in their hotel rooms.

The FBI said typically travelers attempting to set up a hotel room Internet connection were presented with a pop-up window notifying the user to update a widely used software product. If the user clicked to accept and install the update, malicious software was installed on the laptop. The pop-up window appeared to be offering a routine update to a legitimate software product for which updates are frequently available.

The warning was issued through the FBI’s partnership with the Internet Crime Complaint Center’s (IC3) and comes on the heels of a number of other warnings.

The FBI recommends that all government, private industry, and academic personnel who travel abroad take extra caution before updating software products through their hotel Internet connection. Checking the author or digital certificate of any prompted update to see if it corresponds to the software vendor may reveal an attempted attack. The FBI also recommends that travelers perform software updates on laptops immediately before traveling, and that they download software updates directly from the software vendor’s website if updates are necessary while abroad.”

Lethal here- As usual the Feds are a day late, a dollar short and left there ‘get a clue’ card in their other cheap ill fitting black suit. This is malware delivery system is WELL established in the US already. It is more prevalent along both borders, but you can easily find it (though I don’t know why you would WANT to) in any major tourist area.



The Legend of Onestone- The Indian With One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was ‘Onestone’. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,’ If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!’ The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, ‘Good morning, Onestone.’  

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird’s cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, ‘Good to see you, Onestone.’

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn’t die!

Why ???

OH, come on… take a guess !!!

Think about it !

You’re going to love this !!!

Everyone knows…

You can’t kill Two Birds with OneStone!!!

Groaners LabelOh! Wait! Was that warning sign supposed to go BEFORE the joke? My Bad! 

Guy explains to his doctor,
“Doc, when I got up this morning, I put on a pair of white gloves and started calling my wife Minnie. Then on the way to work I
couldn’t help singing ‘Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It’s off to work I go’, and when I got there I started calling everyone Happy, Grumpy, Dopey
and so on. What’s the matter with me?”
“That’s easy,” replies the doctor. “You’re having Disney spells.”


Must be North Korean Scientists!

Introspection Outside the Box

Drafting Guys Over 60

I am over 50 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts!

I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry.’ We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10 am . Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell.

Besides, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however… I’ve been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl.

He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty, rotten, coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50…in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes?? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!  If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They’ll have it secured the first night!



Man how times have changed! Now Impish get hollered at for bringing Wizards home, bounded, gagged and rolled up in a carpet!



Investigating the IRS: Why it gives billions to illegal immigrants!


Why are many illegal immigrants getting a bigger tax refund than you? Blame it on the IRS and a massive tax loophole that’s now being exposed by Eyewitness News.

13 Investigates has found the IRS is giving away your tax dollars to illegal workers and people who don’t even live in the United States – and the problem is costing billions!

We want you to see exactly where your money is going and why the IRS is allowing it to happen. From the homes of illegal workers in Indiana to the headquarters of the Internal Revenue Service in Washington, investigative reporter Bob Segall takes you behind the scenes of his three-month investigation to get answers.


While that may have seemed like a good idea, it’s now backfiring in a big way.

Each spring, at tax preparation offices all across the nation, many illegal immigrants are now eagerly filing tax returns to take advantage of a tax loophole, using their ITIN numbers to get huge refunds from the IRS.

The loophole is called the Additional Child Tax Credit. It’s a fully-refundable credit of up to $1000 per child, and it’s meant to help working families who have children living at home.  

But 13 Investigates has found many undocumented workers are claiming the tax credit for kids who live in Mexico – lots of kids in Mexico.

“We’ve seen sometimes 10 or 12 dependents, most times nieces and nephews, on these tax forms,” the whistleblower told Eyewitness News. “The more you put on there, the more you get back.”

The whistleblower has thousands of examples, and he brought some of them to 13 Investigates. While identifying information such as names and addresses on the tax returns was redacted, it was still clear that the tax filers had received large tax refunds after claiming additional child tax credits for many dependents.

“Here’s a return right here: we’ve got a $10,3000 refund for nine nieces and nephews,” he said, pointing to the words “niece” and “nephew” listed on the tax forms nine separate times.

“We’re getting an $11,000 refund on this tax return. There’s seven nieces and nephews,” he said, pointing to another set of documents. “I can bring out stacks and stacks. It’s just so easy it’s ridiculous.”

20 kids = $30,000

WTHR spoke to several undocumented workers who confirmed it is easy.

They all agreed to talk with WTHR investigative reporter Bob Segall and a translator as long as WTHR agreed not to reveal their identity.

One of the workers, who was interviewed at his home in southern Indiana, admitted his address was used this year to file tax returns by four other undocumented workers who don’t even live there. Those four workers claimed 20 children live inside the one residence and, as a result, the IRS sent the illegal immigrants tax refunds totaling $29,608.

13 Investigates saw only one little girl who lives at that address (a small mobile home). We wondered about the 20 kids claimed as tax deductions?

“They don’t live here,” said the undocumented worker. “The other kids are in their country of origin, which is Mexico.”

He later explained none of the 20 children have ever visited the United States – let alone lived here.

So why should undocumented workers receive tax credits for children living in a foreign country, which is a violation of IRS tax rules?

“If the opportunity is there and they can give it to me, why not take advantage of it?” the worker said.

Other undocumented workers in Indiana told 13 Investigates the same thing. Their families are collecting tax refunds for children who do not live in this country. Several of the workers told WTHR they were told it was legal for them to claim the tax credit for a child who does not live in the United States. [Undoubtedly by liberals and Tax Advisors working for C.R.E.E.P. ]

IRS was repeatedly warned

“The magnitude of the problem has grown exponentially,” said Russell George, the United States Department of Treasury’s Inspector General for Tax Administration (TIGTA).

And he says the IRS has known about the problem for years.

George has repeatedly warned the IRS that additional child tax credits are being abused by undocumented workers. In 2009, his office released an audit report that showed ITIN tax filers received about $1 billion in additional child tax credits. Last year, the inspector general released a new report showing the problem now costs American tax payers more than $4.2 billion.

“Keep in mind, we’re talking $4 billion per year,” he said. “It’s very troubling.”

What George finds even more troubling is the IRS has not taken action despite multiple warnings from the inspector general.

“Millions of people are seeking this tax credit who, we believe, are not entitled to it,” said the inspector general. “We have made recommendations to [IRS] as to how they could address this, and they have not taken sufficient action in our view to solve the problem.”

Other information obtained from the TIGTA audits include:  

· Claims for additional child tax credits by ITIN filers have skyrocketed during the past decade, from $161 million in 2001 to $4.2 billion in tax year 2010.

· Undocumented workers filed 3.02 million tax returns in 2010. 72% of those returns (2.18 million) claimed the additional child tax credit.

· In 2010, the IRS owed undocumented workers more in claimed additional child tax credits than it collected from those workers in taxes.

Agency responds – sort of

What does the IRS have to say about all this?

The agency sent WTHR a statement, defending its policy of paying tax credits to illegal immigrants.

Full statement to WTHR from the Internal Revenue Service

The law has been clear for over a decade that eligibility for these credits does not depend on work authorization status or the type of taxpayer identification number used. Any suggestion that the IRS shouldn’t be paying out these credits under current law to ITIN holders is simply incorrect. The IRS administers the law impartially and applies it as it is written. If the law were changed, the IRS would change its programs accordingly. The IRS disagrees with TIGTA’s recommendation on requiring additional documentation to verify child credit claims. As TIGTA acknowledges in this report, the IRS does not currently have the legal authority to verify and disallow the Child Tax Credit and the Additional Child Tax Credit during return processing simply because of the lack of documentation. The IRS has procedures in place specifically for the evaluation of questionable credit claims early in the processing stream and prior to issuance of a refund. The IRS continues to work to refine and improve our processes.

George disagrees with that position and believes the IRS should be doing more to prevent undocumented workers from getting billions in US tax dollars.

“The IRS is not doing something as simple as requesting sufficient documentation from people seeking this credit,” he said. “Once the money goes out the door, it’s nearly impossible for the IRS to get it back.”

Over the past month, WTHR has tried to ask the IRS more questions about its efforts to prevent abuse involving additional child tax credits.

Despite repeated phone calls, e-mails and a visit to IRS headquarters in Washington, the agency said none of its 100,000 employees had time to meet with 13 Investigates for an interview. An IRS spokeswoman said all staff were too busy because of the tax filing deadline in mid-April.

Apparently, the IRS doesn’t have time to respond to some tax preparers, either.

Last year, our whistleblower noticed dozens of undocumented workers had used phony documents and false income to claim tax credits. He reported all of it to the IRS.

“These were fraudulent, 100% fraudulent tax returns, but I got no response; absolutely none. We never heard a thing,” he said. “To me, it’s clear the IRS is letting this happen.”

The IRS tells WTHR it can do nothing to change the current system unless it gets permission from Congress. In other words, according to the IRS, closing the loophole would require lawmakers to pass a new law specifically excluding illegal immigrants from claiming additional child tax credits.

The big questions now: Is Congress willing to do that?

Lawmakers looking for a fix

“We’ve got to deal with it,” he said. “I knew this was a problem, but until hearing what you found, I didn’t know it was this severe.”

Rep. Burton and dozens of other House Republicans have co-sponsored a bill that would essentially authorize additional child tax credits only for US citizens. House Resolution 1956 would require tax filers to provide a valid social security number to receive an additional child tax credit.

The IRS provides illegal immigrants with an ITIN (individual taxpayer identification number) so they can file tax returns, but most undocumented workers are not eligible to receive a social security number.

HR 1956 has sat idle in the House Ways and Means Committee for almost a year.

However, language from the bill is now included in a package of proposed budget savings measures that House lawmakers are expected to consider in May. While the budget package may have enough support to pass the House, it is expected to die a quick death in the Democratic-controlled Senate.

“This should not be a partisan issue because we’re all concerned about saving taxpayer dollars and not wasting them on fraudulent things like this,” said Rep. Burton. “But I don’t think Democrats want to deal with this with right now.”

Not all Democrats are opposed to limiting additional child tax credits to US citizens.

Last fall, Senator Claire McCaskill (D – Mo) sent a letter to IRS Commissioner Douglas Shulman asking him to stop the agency’s payments of additional child tax credits to undocumented workers. “This is deeply problematic and must be remedied,” the senator wrote.

But few other Democratic lawmakers have voiced support for eliminating the child tax credits for undocumented workers.

Republicans plan to keep pushing the issue forward.

“This rampant abuse of hardworking taxpayer dollars is just wrong,” said Rep. Sam Johnson (R – Tex), who authored HR 1956. “It’s time we close this tax loophole and put a stop to the child tax credit sham.”

Rep. Burton agrees.

“I’m a taxpayer, and the thought of me paying for 24 people who are living in one trailer boggles my mind, especially when you tell me most of them are still living in Mexico. That’s unconscionable.” he said.

“Who’s going to help?”

Many undocumented workers see the issue very differently.

“It’s not taking advantage. I’m very thankful to this country for the help it gives me,” said an illegal immigrant in central Indiana, who decided to talk with 13 Investigates as long as we agreed not to reveal his identity.

The worker has lived in the United States for 14 years. He owns a home in Indiana, pays taxes and is raising three children who are all honor roll students. This year, he received a $9,000 tax refund that includes additional child tax credits – not only for his children who live in Indiana, but also for four nieces and nephews in Mexico.

The tax credits help him care for his young family members south of the border, and he says attempts by Congress to revoke the credits could have dire consequences.

“Who’s going to help them if they’re not eligible … to avoid them ending up in the drug mafia, begging in the street, being raped? What happens when they get sick?” he asked. “There’s a lot of things that could happen to them if you don’t help … When you come here [to the United States], to your family down there, you are their hope.”

Taking additional child tax credits away from undocumented workers would also have an impact on millions of children legally living in this country. Children of illegal immigrants who are born in the US are legal US citizens and, in many cases, those children would no longer be eligible to receive the tax credits under proposals like HR 1956.

But the inspector general insists refundable tax credits were never intended for illegal immigrants – let alone people who’ve never stepped foot in the United States.

“It’s being abused by people who are not entitled to use it, and that’s problematic,” George told Eyewitness News.

“It’s cheating the American taxpayer,” agreed Burton. “We all believe in humanity and humanitarianism, but we’ve got a $15 trillion national debt. We can’t subsidize the whole world.”

What can you do?

Congress may be voting on a budget measure in the coming weeks, and a budget reconciliation package now being considered in the House of Representatives contains language that would limit additional child tax credits to US citizens with a valid social security number. If you feel strongly about this issue – one way or another – now is a good time to let your lawmakers know


This proves to us we as a nation cannot afford to be divided any longer. We must unite. Congress knows there is a problem but they are not doing anything about it…FIRE EVERY INCUMBENT! Simply vote them out of office and send every new public servant to Washington with a mission. Fire every IRS agent that knew about this and did nothing. If we as a nation will not unite, it is all over except for the division of your possessions. COME ON AMERICA, WAKE UP!!!! The alarm clock is ringing and sleepy America just keeps on sleeping. It reminds me of a Proverb…Proverbs 6:9-11 in fact, here it is in the New King James Version: “How long will you slumber, O sluggard? When will you rise from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, A little folding of the hands to sleep—So shall your poverty come on you like a prowler, And your need like an armed man.”

This makes me sick!!!!!!! I work my butt of week after week pay thousands of dollars in taxes, struggle paycheck to paycheck and I’m “lucky” if I get a $200 refund. I may decide to become an illegal immigrant. I can use the extra money. Instead of paying I could be collecting.

The Flat tax/Fair Tax is the answer. Everybody pays their fare share, no deductions, no loopholes. Middle Income America would finally be able to stop supporting the country. (and getting raped by the liberals to do under the table shit like this we would not stand for above the table!)

Its not completely the ignorant voters, its also the Millions of potential (LEGAL may I add) voters who do NOT go vote as well….The Illegals ARE voting and who do you think they want to have in office those who let them come here and do what they do or those who will try to stop them? Easy answer right! Well then who should your vote be for? Another easy answer!!! GO VOTE!!! If you don’t vote, you don’t have the right to complain!!! Do something to make changes!!! It will take ALOT of us to stop this, so we all need to vote tomorrow!!!

2012-55367612929 And clean out his rat-bastard liberal commie giving my taxes away friends and czars too!

How come the article fails to mention that this is not a “loophole” as much as it is knowing TAX FRAUD? In order for children to be qualified for the Child Tax Credit (and the Additional Child Tax Credit) each child must pass ALL SEVEN of these tests:

1. The child must be a son, daughter, stepchild, foster child, brother, sister, stepbrother, stepsister, or a descendant of any of them (for example, your grandchild, niece, or nephew),

2. Was under the age of 17

3. Did not provide over half of their own income.



6. Did not file a joint return for the year


This is not a “loophole”, it is not a “mistake.” It is knowing, willful FRAUD. Fine. Pay out legitimate credits for dependents of illegals living here, but drop the hammer on those claiming dependents out of country (or not theirs in the first place). Fraud is fraud, and I’d be put in prison for claiming a dependent that wasn’t mine or did not live with me. LORD KNOWS if you or I tried this the IRS would be on us faster than I can fleece Impish at poker! WHY THEN is the IRS not taking their MANDATED PROPER PROCEEDURES against these people?

At LEAST require of these people an AUDIT even an amended return out of those whom they CAN actually pin down would save BILLIONS potentially! This is just another way of Redistributing the Wealth of the U.S.A. it is One world government stuff, You know the Socialist Utopian dream of Obama and his gang. I can hear all you whiney azzed liberal now tuning up to cry-

 “Unfair! Unjust! It’s NOT Obama’s fault it was going on LONG before he got here!” 

I’ll agree with that, to a point, it WAS going on before he got into office. HOWEVER it was discovered and became an issue and the apparent monumental proportions of the problem have it would seem been know for MOST OF HIS PRESIDENCY if one looks at the date on some of those reports. Yet he’s done nothing about this, no direction to Congress to fix this, no “Mandate by Executive Order” action NOTHING!



(BLESSING NOT VALID FOR: Democrats, Liberals, Bleeding Hearted Illegal Aliens Lovers, Actual Illegal Aliens, the Lame Stream Media, Barrack Obama, Joe Biden, their entire combined staffs and the Obama/Biden Cabinet)

Finn McCool Sig

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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7 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs #142 for 05/16/2012

  1. Hank says:

    This is the type of Government we have today

    Ineptocracy (in-ep-toc’-ra-cy) – a system of government where the least
    capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and
    where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or
    succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated
    wealth of a diminishing number of producers.

  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    Well so much for our verbal equivalent of the WWF!

    Nobody gonna want to read my comments now!

    Can I still pick on Spammers?

  3. lethalleprechaun says:

    No name calling? No mud slinging? Oh I get it! You’re tying my hands to make it a fair fight!

    FOr a second there I thought you were talking election reform!

  4. lethalleprechaun says:

    Differing views & discussion ARE encouraged Rick PROVIDED its not backed with HYPE and BULLSHIT. We prevent views backed by hard fact and demonstrable evidence to support what we say. To date what we have been offered to counter our views are RARELY IF EVER met the same standards.

    Don’t expect to come in here and debate me with smoke mirrors, lies and distorted 1/2 truths or quotations that are incomplete or taken out of context and expect to NOT get slapped about for taking us for fools and wasting you time exposing your facts for the manure pile they actually are.

    We have repeatedly warned and even made a graphic which we have gone so far as to place on a coffee mug telling you not to attempt pissing on our heads and trying to pass it off as rain!

    If someone isn’t smart enough to get that message & heed the warning as serious, then they are probably not smart enough to debate here either.

    Thanks for the comment. Enjoyed and appreciated the opportunity you offered me to point that out. Never thought about putting that in my original comments but probably should have.

    • impishdragon says:

      Wow, and taking Rick’s sentiment just a little further, does that mean that all of our readers don’t have the intestinal fortitude to bandy words with us? Or maybe every single one of them agrees with us? or maybe even worse, every single one of them DISAGREES with us, but doesn’t have the facts to back themselves up. Hmmm.

      Yes Rick, we encourage opposing views, and they can even be expressed as opinion (meaning there are no facts to back them up, it’s YOUR opinion) if it can be expressed eloquently, without name calling or mud slinging.

      Thanks for the great response Lethal!

  5. Rick says:

    A ‘discussion’ implies that differing views are encouraged. Does the lack of comment just reflect a bit of prudent wariness?

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