Dragon Laffs #1274


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Adult-Content-1_thumb1_thumb_thumb_tGood Morning Campers!  What an issue we have put together for you today!  Lots of funny stuff, a couple of letters and comments from readers, stuff to make you laugh, stuff to make you mad, stuff to make you want to stand up and shout.  But, most importantly, we hope there is stuff here to make you want to put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, and send us back some comments, feedback, or rants of your own.  We look forward to hearing from you.

The poor dragon is working again this weekend.  I can’t remember the last time that I had a day off, but I’ve got a dozen irons in the fire and I guess someone’s got to take care of them all.  I keep telling myself, it’s a damn good thing I love my job.  I’ve said it so many times I’ve about got myself convinced.

Lethal Leprechaun needs to hurry up and win the lottery so he can afford to  hire me away from my current employer (The Dept of Defense) and we can afford to do this full time!

Ahhh, the things that dreams are made of…

And speaking of dreams, let’s get this dreamy issue on the road…

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10 Political and Economic Imponderables that Should Drive You Crazy

2. Only in America could people claim that the government still discriminates against black Americans when we have a black President, a black Attorney General, and a federal workforce that is roughly 18% black when the black population is only 12%.

3. Only in America could we have had the two people most responsible for our tax code — Timothy Geithner, the head of the Treasury Department and Charles Rangel who once ran the Ways and Means Committee — turn out to be tax cheats who are in favor of higher taxes.

4. Only in America can we have terrorists kill people in the name of Allah and have the media primarily react by fretting that Muslims might be harmed by the backlash.

5. Only in America would we make people who want to legally become American citizens wait for years in their home countries and pay tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege while we discuss letting anyone who sneaks into the country illegally just become American citizens.

6. Only in America could the people who believe in balancing the budget and sticking by the country’s Constitution be thought of as “extremists.”

7. Only in America could you need to present a driver’s license to cash a check or buy alcohol, but not to vote. 

8. Only in America could people demand the government investigate whether oil companies are gouging the public because the price of gas went up when the return on equity invested in a major U.S. oil company (Marathon Oil) is less than half of what a company that manufactures sports shoes and apparel (Nike) makes.

9. Only in America could the government collect more tax dollars from the people than any nation in recorded history, still spend a trillion dollars more than it has per year for total spending ($7 million PER MINUTE), and complain that it doesn’t have nearly enough money.

10. Only in America could the rich people who pay 86% of all income taxes be accused of not paying their “fair share” by people who don’t pay any income taxes at all.

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I was in a pub last night and saw two “girls of size” (as
Political Correctness now requires us to say) by the bar.
They both spoke with a very strong brogue accent, and making
assumptions about their origins I said,
“Hello, are you two girls from Scotland ??”
One of them screamed, “It’s WALES you freaking idiot!!”
So I immediately apologized and said……..
“Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ??”
I don’t remember too much after that !!

And although we try very hard NOT to pick on fat people, (two reasons mostly, #1 because it’s quite impolite to pick on anyone because of a physical difference and #b, because I myself am quite the fluffy dragon) but we use any and all ammunition at had to chastise stupidity!

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And I hear that song in the background….
”Me and Mrs…Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones, Mrs Jones…
We got a thing…
Going on…”

This is great!  Lots of fun.  How to survive the coming robot uprising.
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/how-to-survive-a-robot-uprising/

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Stuff that you didn’t know, that you didn’t know

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
(now get this…)


The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
$ 16,400

The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair..

The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades – King David
Hearts – Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds – Julius Caesar

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.

Q.. If you were to spell out numbers,
how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter ‘A’?

A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?
A. All were invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn’t spoil?
A. Honey


Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father’s Day

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readers comments
Today’s reader’s comments come from Tom, a long time reader of Dragon Laffs and one who is incensed enough to sent us his rant.  Take it away Tom:

I just heard the liberals pissing and moaning as usual. This time about abortion and what a good thing it is. They say abortion is a right and America needs it. A woman should have the choice.

Did I forget something? I think a woman does have a choice and so does a man. The unborn legalized murder victim has no choice. If you are old enough to Fuck, you are old enough to know what happens. I think it’s called reproduction and it wasn’t invented by liberals nor should it be aborted by them. If you can’t keep your legs together, or your dick in your pants, go to the doctor or pharmacy and get something called a contraceptive and shove it in, up, or over the right place. It just might prevent the killing of an unborn human and keep you from getting a disease that you probably are asking for anyway.

If you think abortion is such a good thing, ask your parents why they didn’t do it to you. Maybe they should have and you wouldn’t be thinking of spawning only for your own pleasure and destruction of life.

While I’m here I only want to ask one more question. If the Obama plan of spreading the wealth around is so good and working to improve America, why are 110 % more people on food stamps now and the country is broke? Okay that could be two questions. See it’s even affected my math skills. Awful ain’t it?

Tom, to start, let me say that I agree with you.  Whole-heartedly.  Although I do agree with a woman’s right to have a choice, the only times that I can see her exercising the abortion choice is for criminal or medical reasons.  To be more blunt, if she is raped, which produces a child or her life is in danger to continue the pregnancy, then she should have a choice in whether or not to allow the child to gestate to birth.  The original choice has been taken from her. Otherwise, she’s made her choice, by having sex and needs to accept the responsibilities of that choice.
But, the abortion battle, like the gay marriage (as we see it as a hot topic now) discussion will always be a hot topic around election time.  And you can bet that the side of the fence that one (a political one) falls on will have more to do with how many votes it will bring him, then it will with how he (or she) actually feels about it, not to mention what is truly right or wrong.
It is enough to make a sane person screw up simple math skills.
Thanks for the rant and thanks for writing in.

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German Chancellor Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Charles de Gaulle  Airport.

“Nationality?”, asks the immigration officer.

“German”, she replies.

“Occupation?”

“No, just here for a few days.”

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This little thought was passed on to us by Danny M.  He said he is a friend of the author and this is one of his best little pieces:

I gave 20 years – the prime of my life – and it was a privilege. Can you give me and the other vets two hours? I went places I did not want to go, and did things I did not want to do – and did it all, not for $2.00/ gal gasoline, nor big screen tv, nor luxury SUV, or whatever – we did it to support and defend the Constitution of the United States.

This is an election year. If you really want to support our troops, take two hours and read the Constitution before you vote. We gave a lot, some gave all – can’t you give two hours and read the damn thing?
Please?
· Scott Wasmer

What a great idea Scott!  You are amongst brethren here!  What if everyone spent the two hours prior to voting reading the Constitution of the United States?  Even if, like some of us, you’ve read it several times before?  It could make a wonderful difference.

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My Dad sent this to me, and although I can’t say that I lived through and did ALL of these things, I can claim a majority…and I know for a fact, that there are several of you out there who can say the same, or more.

They like to refer to us as senior citizens, old fogies, geezers, and in some cases dinosaurs. Some of us are “Baby Boomers” getting ready to retire. Others have been retired for some time. We walk a little slower these days and our eyes and hearing are not what they once
were. We have worked hard, raised our children, worshiped our God and grown old together.

Yes, we are the ones some refer to as being over the hill, and that is probably true. But before writing us off completely, there are a few things that need to be taken into consideration. In school we studied English, history, math, and science which enabled us to lead America into the technological age. Most of us remember what outhouses were, many of us with firsthand experience. We remember the days of telephone party-lines, 25 cent gasoline, and milk and ice being delivered to our homes. For those of you who don’t know what an icebox is, today they are electric and referred to as refrigerators. A few even remember when cars were started with a crank. Yes, we lived those days.

We are probably considered old fashioned and out-dated by many. But there are a few things you  need to remember before completely writing us off. We won World War II, fought in Korea and Viet Nam . We can quote The Pledge of Allegiance, and know where to place our hand while doing so. We wore the uniform of our country with pride and lost many friends on the battlefield.

We didn’t fight for the Socialist States of America ; we fought for the “Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.” We wore different uniforms but carried the same flag. We know the words to the Star Spangled Banner, America , and America the Beautiful by heart, and you may even see some tears running down our cheeks as we sing. We have lived what many of you have only read in history books and we feel no obligation to apologize to anyone for America .

Yes, we are old and slow these days but rest assured, we have at least one good fight left in us.  We have loved this country, fought for it, and died for it, and now we are going to save it. It is our country and nobody is going to take it away from us. We took oaths to defend America against all enemies, foreign and domestic, and that is an oath we plan to keep. There are those who want to destroy this land we love but, like our founders, there is no way we are going to remain silent.

It was mostly the young people of this nation who elected Obama and the Democratic Congress. You fell for the “Hope and Change” which in reality was nothing but “Hype and Lies.”

You have tasted socialism and seen evil face to face, and have found you don’t like it after all. You make a lot of noise, but most are all too interested in their careers or “Climbing the Social Ladder” to be involved in such mundane things as patriotism and voting. Many of those who fell for the “Great Lie” in 2008 are now having buyer’s  remorse.

With all the education we gave you, you didn’t have sense enough to see through the lies and instead drank the ‘Kool-Aid.’ Now you’re paying the price and complaining about it. No jobs, lost mortgages, higher taxes, and less freedom.

This is what you voted for and this is what you got. We entrusted you with the Torch of Liberty and you traded it for a paycheck and a fancy house.

Well, don’t worry youngsters, the Grey-Haired Brigade is here, and in 2012 we are going to take back our nation. We may drive a little slower than you would like but we get where we’re going, and in 2012 we’re going to the polls by the millions.

This land does not belong to the man in the White House nor to the likes of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid.  It belongs to “We the People” and “We the People” plan to reclaim our land and our freedom. We hope this time you will do a better job of preserving it and passing it along to our grandchildren. So the next time you have the chance to say the Pledge of Allegiance, Stand up, put your hand over your heart, honor our country, and thank God for the old geezers of the “Grey-Haired Brigade.”

Footnote:
I am another Gray-Haired Geezer signing on. I will circulate this to others all over this once great country. Can you feel the ground shaking???

It’s not an earthquake, it is a STAMPEDE.

Thanks, Dad!

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Some really outstanding pictures of the ground from the air.  Some pictures higher than others.
http://www.theatlantic.com/infocus/2012/04/images-of-earth-from-above/100283/ 

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Pun Queen

Wow, just realized how long it’s been since Diaman has sent us some of her delicious puns…sweetie, hope you’re doing alright.  Anyway, I dug these out from an older email.  And because it’s been so long, you get a double dose!

A good mystery is bound to have a novel ending.

Dental care in Panama is called a route canal.

Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

I find that movies about submarines always go down well.

Riding the escalator is a step up from always walking on the same level.

A man at the watchmakers convention made a motion, but it died for lack of a second.

A lot of farmers have been starting online blogs and writing about their wheat. They’re cropping up everywhere.

A Golfer’s Diet: Live on greens as much as possible.

If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, stop exaggerating!

It rained so hard here last night our whole town flooded.  The entire city was taken by storm.

A person who would make a banking joke is of no account.

The invention of a shirt fastener after the button was a snap.

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I think this is an EXCELLENT idea!  I want one, too!
3b

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Humanity is loosing its Geniuses.

Aristotle died,Newton gone, Tagore,

Gandhi passed away
   Einstein  died,
    And today i’m not feeling well…. 

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apple

coffee

Damn Right

Dude

earth

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18
How’s that again?
19
yup, that’s what I thought you said.  Wonder why that is…
20
Well, when all else fails…

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3al

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3am

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987

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3an

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Okay, so I gave you lots to get excited about today.  I know that the abortion topic got me and Lethal talking quite a bit.  To the point that we are both looking forward to continuing the conversation when we have the chance.  But, you see, he and I enjoy spirited conversation between two peers who can agree and disagree on multiple of topics without resorting to name calling or getting angry with each 0ther.  And believe it or not, we enjoy it so much that we want you to get involved with us!

That’s not really hard to  understand, is it? 

Well, maybe it is…

It seems we have a difficult time getting you guys to get  involved, so consider this your invitation on a silver platter
silver platter

So, what other excuses do you have?

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8 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1274

  1. paul says:

    It’s very sad that: “10 Political and Economic Imponderables” are all too true

  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    Lethal here Deborah~

    Glad to hear it and happy to be of service.

    While we DO discuss may unsavory, weighty and decidedly unfunny topics here we also try to do so with at least a wryly humorous bent. Both of us have had ( a currently have) very serious jobs with a great deal of responsibility and pressure so we know well the importance of laughter and occasionally cutting loose and cutting up.

    Love and laughter might well be arguably the 2 most precious gifts one can give freely.

  3. Deborah says:

    I really like Dragon Laffs! Especially the one today. I have shared it with my sons and one of them wants to subscribe also. You are helping add years to my life by making me laugh. Thank you!

  4. lethalleprechaun says:

    Lethal here-

    Dude stop! You’re making my ribs ache again!

    Lighten up? Seriously? How long you been reading us?

    You should have seen me BEFORE I retired, got married and Molly ground the rough edges off me and put a choke chain on me!

    I spent 22 years protecting and defending what these morons are spending into bankruptcy and turning into a communist country.

    There is NOTHING ‘light’ about that to a Marine!

    GREAT point on the government intervention hypocrisy thing though! That’s why we’re Centrists becasue we see things like that also.

    • impishdragon says:

      Don and Chris, thanks for the comments. Chris, I agree, it should be the woman’s choice and I also agree that I don’t want my money paying for it, but I also don’t want my money paying for ANYONE else’s medical bills. I have a job that provides me insurance, I pay for my and my family’s medical issues (and believe me when I say that my medical expenses are probably significantly higher than the norm) and is it wrong for me to expect others to do the same. Now, I’m not blinded enough to expect everyone to be able to support themselves, but I do believe that the level that we are supporting in our country right now is ludicrous! No way in hell that the amount of people on support can’t do something to help support themselves. Anyway, before I wonder completely off target, I agree with my esteemed colleague that we tend to operate from a more centrist point-of-view. It looks like we bash the left more than the right mostly because the left is in charge and causing most of the trouble right now.

      Thanks again for the comments.

  5. Chris says:

    Really like your blog (I have no idea what a blog is – and don’t want to know) You have the most original material I have found on the internet. Humor is outstanding, My advice to Lethal is to lighten up a bit..you seem way to sarcastic and bitter. We are all here, make the most of it.

    On the abortion discussion… there should be a choice and it is the woman’s choice. My issue is I don’t want any of my tax dollars paying for any of it.

    I do find the hard right positions to be as ridiculous as the far left. How can one say I don’t want government intervention on registering guns or any gun control, but I do want government intervention in a women’s right to choose.
    Chris

  6. Don says:

    I wish people would wake up and realize that it doesn’t really make any difference who is president. He doesn’t make the laws and outrageous spending bills. Concentrate on the 535 morons in congress ! The president is only going to be around for 8 years maximum. The other guys can be around for a lifetime. They have one thought and one thought only. REELECTION ! That way they’ll get to feather their nest some more and the hell with the general public. I just read this morning about a congressman from the south that got a contract awarded to one of his large contributors to make drip pans for army helicopters at $17000.00 apiece. Now I realize that these are more than a simple drip pan that you would shove under your car, but another company makes some for another helicopter for $2500. This is just one case for one congressman. If people would get off their butts and go vote out EVERY incumbent at every election, after a few elections maybe the message would start to sink in even for the greedy, unethical, crooked politicians. I’m old and I’m pissed !

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Lethal here Don~

      I’ve being ‘telling it from mountain’ for YEARS that the Founding Fathers never envisioned serving in Congress as a career and never meant it to be!

      If I recall correctly what I have read (been a while) they figured 2 terms was enough for anyone! I figure its high time ‘We the People’ start agitating for an addition to the 22nd Amendment so that it no longer covers just Presidents but ALL Federally elected officials! If you word it to say not more than 2 terms in any one office that still gives these professional politicians plenty of wriggle rooms. As I have said before their pay increases should be limited to an automatic COLA when the difference in more than 5%
      and subject to review by ‘WE THE PEOPLE’ come their election time.

      As for the issue of the President being the target (I’m presuming that’s your point and your the Don who likes to complain when we get heavy handed with the Obama criticisms) I guess we’re going to split that one. While it IS true as the public face of the government he has traditionally taken the heat for all the short comings during his tenure, he’s also SUPPOSED to be boss of his political party while he’s the President and issue them their marching orders. Now granted that doesn’t ALWAYS work but I have to ask if he cannot even get the people on HIS side to follow him who’s fault is that exactly?

      However I’d have to say that during the last couple of Presidents Congress has begun to be held accountable for its own failings more and more separately from the President and if not separately than in addition to him. However in the case of Obama, a man who has made it a practice of doing end runs around Congress and using the Presidential Directive more than any other President in history, he deserves the criticism he’s getting for his actions deeds and words 100%.

      Now as to your being old & pissed, well ain’t much Impish or I can do about that, though I DO have a one word tongue in cheek suggestion for your problem…Depends!

      Thanks for taking the time to express the thoughts.

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