Dragon Laffs #1221


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Good Morning Campers!  How is everyone this morning?  Good I hope.
I’m very appreciative of Lethal Leprechaun covering for me on Saturday.  I went to a wedding on a day that I was supposed to be working.  Well, in order to do that I had to get things set up on Friday for Saturday and I ran out of time.  I’m sorry for not sending in my issue for Saturday, but not only because I missed talking with you guys…. my back and tail are killing me.2
What does that have to do with Saturday’s issue you ask?
Well, I’ll tell you:
Whenever LL covers for me, I end up getting thrown under the bus/truck/train or in the case of Saturday’s issue, a little Winnebago by him in the issue he is covering for me on….and sometimes, the issue after that, also.  It’s all in good fun, but my vet is wondering how I keep getting these tire marks and dirt stains up and down my tail. 
It’s embarrassing! 
 
So, I’ve got a plan.
The next time I have to have Lethal cover for me, I’m wearing my new, Stainless Steel Underwear and tail cozy.  Then I’ll derail anything that he sends my way!  Hee, Hee, Hee!  I can’t wait!
Now, on with the laughs!

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works best!

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I had a Trivia competition won until the last question which I got wrong.
The question was Where do women have the curliest hair??
Apparently the correct answer was someplace in Africa

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Here’s two similar pictures on the same theme….some poor lizard getting hacked!
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Don’t let aging get you down, it’s too hard to get back up!

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Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

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The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.

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You know….we’ve asked for your help with a lot of charities, special interests and other things.  You have come through with prayers, clicks, money and your good will.  Here again, we’re reaching out to you, our loyal readership to dig a little deeper and help out with this, truly worthy cause:  (Thanks to K² for drawing our attention to this VERY SPECIAL problem!)

Can You Help???

ATTENTION:

Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, floods, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.

Hundreds of Professional Football players in our very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren’t bad enough they could be deprived of their life giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

For only $27,080 a month, about $902.75 a day (that’s less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NFL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it’s a start, and every little bit will help!

Although $900 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a football player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, nine hundred dollars is nothing more than a month’s rent, a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a football player, $900 will partially replace his daily salary.

Your commitment of less than $900 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio .

HOW WILL I KNOW I’M HELPING?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples’ suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I’M HELPING?

Your NFL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won’t know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

Remember, a lifestyle is a horrible thing to waste…

———————————————————
YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a locked out NFL player. My preference is (check below):

[ ] Offense [ ] Defense [ ] Special Teams [ ] Entire team

Please charge the account listed below $902.75 per day for the duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player and my very own Roger Goodell (NFL Commissioner) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).

Your Name: ____________________Telephone Number: ___________________
Account Number: __________________Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: ______________________

p.s. If you have a little extra, please enclose for the cheerleaders. Contrary to public opinion, cheerleaders are people too

p.p.s. If you are really considering donating to this “worthy” cause, I’ve got an even better cause you can donate to by clicking on the link at the top of the right side of this web page….
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Girls Volleyball

Motivational Chaotic Good

Motivational Classic Rock

Dear congress,
You’re doing it wrong.
 
Dear O.J.,
Thanks for the advice!

 

 

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Ghost Productions
Celebrating 15 years in Medical Animation Excellence
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=xMYjfb_M9wM&vq=large

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A special offer for Dragon Laffs readers only.  Thanks to our dear camper friend Lynn for this special offer:

 

If you are interested in getting an iPad I can get hold of them through a contact. These are straight, not “off the back of a truck” – they are from a cancelled Hospital contract due to the Government cutbacks.

The numbers are limited he has twenty iPads going for less than half price – so it’s first come first served.

He has already sold one (pic is attached below so you can see what you are getting).

Get back to me as quick as you can if you want one.

Full spec as below………..

 

 

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Has a light bulb been burning continuously since 1901?  You ain’t gonna believe this one: http://www.snopes.com/science/lightbulb.asp

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A new theme song for Dragon Laffs?

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Lethal Leprechaun was thinking of buying a coffee maker, but was concerned it might be too complicated to operate.
The salesman assured him it was easy to use. “You simply put in the coffee and filter, fill the reservoir with water, slide the switch to auto and go to bed. When you wake up you can enjoy a steaming hot cup of coffee.”
A few weeks later Impish asked his friend, “Lethal, old buddy, how are you enjoying your new coffee maker?”
“I had to take the stupid thing back,” said the Leprechaun. “Every time I fancied a cup of coffee, I had to go to bed.”

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Okay, to say I’m completely wowed by this would be the understatement of the year!

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Here’s some special laughs from Kim! They made myself and Mrs. Dragon laugh so hard that I just had to feature this as a Last Word.  I hope you have the same fun with it as we had.  Thanks Kim!
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Okay, those were terrific fun. Still laughing hard at that one.

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1221

  1. toni says:

    count me in for the NFL bailout – provided the welfare checks come in on time.

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