Leprechaun Laffs #89 for Wednesday 07/13

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Some of you may be getting this twice. Its late I’m tired and finishing up this issue, primarily the Last Word took way longer than I had anticipated and I screwed up the banner and totally forgot an opening.

Now I have Impish’s headache which he has apparently kindly forwarded to me. So in the interest of getting me to my rack faster let me just say that if the extremely thin skinned dragon thinks chainmail skivvies are going to help him he’s neglected to factor in electric trains and the all powerful third rail!


Now Let’s Snicker Because Laughing Hurts My Head!


And four Extra Strength Tylenol please!

Pecans in the cemetery

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

‘One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,’ said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, ‘One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me…’

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

‘Come here quick,’ said the boy, ‘you won’t believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!’

The man said, ‘Beat it kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk.’ When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, ‘One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.’

The old man whispered, ‘Boy, you’ve been tellin’ me the truth. Let’s see if we can see the Lord…?

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, ‘One for you, one for me. That’s all. Now let’s go get those nuts by the fence and we’ll be done…?

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.


DL Introspection Header

Whoa, baby! Texas mom delivers 16-pound newborn

LONGVIEW, Texas (AP) — A Texas mom expected a big baby, but nothing like this: 16 pounds, 1 ounce (7.3 kilograms).

Janet Johnson on Monday remained in an East Texas hospital after giving birth to what her doctors called one of the biggest newborns they’ve ever seen. She was awaiting word on whether her son, JaMichael Brown, ranked among the biggest births in state history.

“Everybody was amazed that he was so big,” Johnson, 39, said. “I don’t think too many people have heard of having a 16-pound baby.”

JaMichael was born Friday at Good Shepherd Medical Center in Longview. Johnson has gestational diabetes, which results in bigger newborns for many mothers. Doctors had estimated JaMichael would be around 12 pounds (5.44 kilograms) prior to the cesarean birth.

The hospital has asked the state’s vital records department whether JaMichael is big enough to approach any Texas newborn records, said Victoria Ashworth, a hospital spokeswoman. He is certainly the biggest in the history of the Longview hospital and was born, Ashworth said, almost two years to the day after the hospital delivered its smallest baby ever, who weighed just 15 ounces.

Guinness World Records says the heaviest newborn ever recorded weighed 23 pounds (10.43 kilograms), 12 ounces (340 grams), born to an Ohio woman in 1879.

Ashworth said JaMichael, whose father is 6-foot (1.83-meter)-7 inches (17.78 centimeters), was likely to be transferred Monday from the neonatal intensive care unit and into the regular nursery. Johnson said she hoped to get her son home later this week — and return his newborn clothes that won’t fit.

Not to mention, Johnson said, get her son out of the spotlight finally.

“It’s gotten overwhelming,” Johnson said. “But if I had heard of someone having a 16-pound baby, I would probably want to have heard about it, too.”


This proves true two adages about Texas.

  1. Everything IS bigger in Texas. (Including our babies… and by extension therefor our baby making “equipment” <wink>)
  2. Don’t mess with Texas is sound advice because not only will we shoot you and stomp you into the ground with a herd of cattle &/or illegal immigrants our babies can beat up your babies….just by rolling over on it!


A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn’t told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what
was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily — if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, ‘Get well soon . from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.’
Kinda brings tears to your eyes doesn’t it.




Politically correct wacko’s strike again

A Seattle teenager said she was told while volunteering at an elementary school to refer to her Easter egg treats as “spring spheres.”

The 16-year-old private school student, who asked to be identified only as Jessica, said she was volunteering at a public school, which she declined to identify, and prepared plastic eggs filled with treats for a third-grade class, MyNorthwest.com — KIRO Radio & TV, Seattle, reported Wednesday.

Jessica said she was concerned about the “abstract behavior rules” at the school so she checked with a teacher before bringing the eggs to the class.

“I went to the teacher to get her approval and she wanted to ask the administration to see if it was okay,” Jessica explained. “She said that I could do it as long as I called this treat ‘spring spheres.’ I couldn’t call them Easter eggs.”

The teenager said she presented the “spring spheres” to the class, but the students were not fooled.

“When I took them out of the bag, the teacher said, ‘Oh look, spring spheres’ and all the kids were like ‘Wow, Easter eggs.’ So they knew,” Jessica said


I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. (Thomas Jefferson)


Sitting together on a train was Obama, a Texan, a little old lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.. When the train emerges from the tunnel, Obama has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks.

The old lady thinks:
Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped him.

The blonde girl thinks:
Obama must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped him.

Obama thinks:
The Texan must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

The Texan thinks:
I can’t wait for another tunnel, so I can slap the shit out of Obama again.




What Lutherans do with their booze bottles

Performance by the St. Luke’s Bottle Band, St. Luke’s Lutheran Church, Park Ridge, Illinois, May 6, 2007. http://www.bottleband.org

Enter video caption here



Dear Impish,

My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and lets our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest. Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he’s with Muslims. Finally, the last straw. He’s demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It’s just so horribly creepy! Can you help?

Lost in DC


Dear Lost:

Stop whining, Michelle. You’re getting to live in the White House for free, travel the world, and have others pay for everything for you. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with him for two more years!


Impish Dragon


Do you know what happened 160 years ago last fall…. Back in 1850?


California became a State.
The people had no electricity.
The State had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.
So basically, nothing has changed except then
the women had real tits and the men didn’t hold hands.
That, my friends, is the history lesson for today!





Dl - Hazmat Groaner

A motorcycle enthusiast complained that he couldn’t decide whether to buy a bike with high top speed and poor acceleration, or one with lots of torque and fast acceleration, but a poor top speed. Eventually he decided on the second one, because it cost a lot less. After all, torque is cheap!


Three men were sitting on a bench in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said “I died of cancer.”
The second man said, “I died of tuberculosis.”
The third man said “I died of seenus.”
The first two men said, “No, you mean sinus.”
The third man said “No, I mean seenus. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!


Mike and Chuck are talking about their boss’s upcoming wedding. Mike says, “It’s ridiculous, he’s rich, but he’s 93 years old, and she’s just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?”

Chuck says, “Well, we have a name for it in my family.”

“What do you call it?”

“We call it a football wedding.”

Mike asks, “What’s a football wedding?”

“She’s waiting for him to kick off!”



















We’ll finish this up with Part Three on Friday.


all Important

He must have AT&T U-verse too!

DL LAst Word simple

As you may or may not be aware there has been a controversy raging over Texas and it’s application of the death penalty for the past week. For those of you for whom we are the only source of news allow me to recap.

Stay rejected for girl’s Mexican killer

Texas Board of Pardons and Parole denies request for 180-day reprieve, spurning international clamor


Texas thumbed its nose at the White House and the United Nations on Tuesday as it cleared the way for Thursday’s execution of Humberto Leal Garcia Jr., a Mexican national who was denied access to his nation’s consulate after being arrested for a San Antonio rape-murder.

The Texas Board of Pardons and Parole’s 4-1 rejection of Leal’s bid for a 180-day reprieve marks the second time in four years that Texas has resisted national and international calls that it observe the U.N.’s Vienna Convention on Consular Relations, which guarantees foreign defendants contact with their governments’ representatives.

His fate now rests with the U.S. Supreme Court, which is considering a stay of execution request from the Obama administration.

Leal, 38, was sentenced to die for the May 24, 1994, murder of 16-year-old Adria Sauceda who was killed in a gruesome attack in which her head was bashed with a 30- to 40-pound piece of asphalt and she was raped, strangled, bit and then left nude on a dirt road with a piece of wood stuck in her.

A reprieve for Leal, if granted by the Supreme Court, might give Congress time to act on a bill introduced by Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., chairman of the Senate Committee on the Judiciary, that would provide for federal review of capital cases involving foreigners denied consulate contact.

About 100 convicted killers nationwide would be eligible for such reviews.

Leahy’s bill is an outgrowth of a 2004 U.N. world court decision, stemming from a Mexican lawsuit against the United States, that hearings be held for dozens of inmates to determine if their cases had been hurt by their inability to contact their consulates.

Not first time in spotlight

Last week, three members of the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals – which rejected a separate Leal plea for a stay – suggested that the paroles board and Perry might act in the killer’s behalf even though the court could not.

If the Mexican-born Leal, who has lived in the United States since age 2, is executed, it will mark the second time in four years that Texas has defied international demands that it observe the Vienna Convention.

In August 2008, the state executed Mexican citizen Jose Medellin for the 1993 strangulation of two Houston teenagers, Jennifer Ertman and Elizabeth Pena.

“Texas is not bound by a foreign court’s ruling,” Cesinger said. “The U.S. Supreme Court ruled in 2008 that the treaty was not binding on states and that the president does not have authority to order review of cases of foreign nationals on death row in the U.S.”

O.K. My points one and two for the moment;

  1. Obama is once again kissing another foreign country’s ass as well as the U.N’s and putting their wants ahead of a states rights. Basically Obama and his justice department have no legal ground to have their nose9S) stuck in this or be telling Texas what to do in this case. None. This isn’t my opinion, this is cold legal FACT as decided by the Supreme Court as shown above. Obama wanted a reprieve so that he could rush a bill through Congress usurping Another of our states rights, the right to determine the criminal’s punishment for a crime committed in a state’s domain.
  2. “Mexican-born Leal, who has lived in the United States since age 2”  This guy is about as authentically Mexican as the food at Taco Bell! He sure as hell knows the laws o the US and the penalties for breaking them apparently having been educated on our dime in the US schools system where such things are generally taught. One would have to presume that given the fact he has been here since 1975 and was arrested in 1994, that in nineteen years as a kid growing up, he learned to speak and understand English at least as well if not better than he does Spanish. One also has to figure that he should have known and been reminded often that as a foreign National living outside his own country in the event of problems with the police he needed to contact his embassy. Especially since that generally means free legal representation and much closer scrutiny of your case and much faster. If he did not then his family should have known so and one has to wonder why they did not contact the Embassy on his behalf. We spoke here at both Dragon Laffs and Leprechan Laffs just a couple days ago about you knowing your legal rights and how the police were not obliged to advise you of anything more than your Miranda rights. Since none of the appeals seemed to focus on Miranda issues I have to conclude that this was done properly and never contested. Why is it incumbent therefore for police to treat someone who has been living in the US for the majority of his life as a special case and give him advice and counseling that US citizens do not get because of his foreign birth?

Mexican gov sends lawyers to stop Leal execution

© 2011 The Associated Press July 7, 2011, 3:04PM

MONTERREY, Mexico — The governor of Humberto Leal’s birth state has sent lawyers to try to halt the scheduled Thursday execution of the Mexican national.

Nuevo Leon Gov. Rodrigo Medina says he also wrote a letter to his Texas counterpart, Rick Perry, asking him to stop the execution.

Leal’s relatives visited the Nuevo Leon statehouse on Wednesday to request the governor’s help. The 38-year-old convict was born in Monterrey and moved to the U.S. as a child.

He was sentenced to be killed for the 1994 rape-slaying of a 16 year old from San Antonio.

Ok Point Three;

3. This is the second time (Arizona’s Immigration Act being the first) Mexico has presumed to send their lawyers into the US to instruct us on OUR laws and how to enforce them in effect interfering in largely internal matters. Mexico. The running joke of North America and arguable the choicer of the two places where you would insert the enema nozzle were you intent of giving this country one (The other being Washington DC).

This is the same country that cannot control its citizenry, its boarders, its law enforcement and allows Drug cartels to wantonly run entire areas and they would presume to instruct the US on its own laws??!

Mexico has a hair across its national ass regarding our death penalty and does not have one of its own. I submit it is because of this and because so many of Mexico’s criminals escape to our side of the border that we have the crime problems we do and why Mexico is such a foul shithole!

This is just proof that the distain for America evidenced in the attitude of all the illegal immigrants and groups like National Council of La Raza (NCLR) extends all the way up and well into the Mexican government.

Mexican national executed in Texas

By Bill Mears, CNN Supreme Court Producer July 7, 2011 9:30 p.m. EDT

By ARIANE DE VOGUE (@Arianedevogue) WASHINGTON, July 6, 2011

“I am sorry for everything I have done,” Leal said at the Huntsville facility before he was executed. “I have hurt a lot of people. Let this be final and be done. I take the full blame for this.”

Leal then shouted “Viva Mexico,” followed by “I’m ready warden, let’s get the show on the road.”

What made Leal’s conviction unusual was that he was not informed about his right to contact the Mexican consulate upon his arrest — a right guaranteed under a binding international treaty. Leal’s appellate lawyers argued such access could at the very least have kept Leal off death row.

“The violation of the Vienna Convention in Mr. Leal’s case was no mere technicality,” said Sandra Babcock, who serves as Leal’s lead counsel. “The Mexican consulate would have provided experienced and highly qualified attorneys who would have challenged the prosecution’s reliance on junk science to obtain a conviction and would have presented powerful mitigating evidence at the penalty phase, including expert testimony regarding Mr. Leal’s learning disabilities, brain damage, and sexual abuse at the hands of his parish priest.”

Mexico strongly condemned the execution, saying it violated an International Court of Justice ruling ordering the United States to review capital convictions of Mexican nationals.

The Supreme Court justices split 5-4 along conservative-liberal lines in denying a stay of execution. In an unsigned opinion by the majority, the court refused to delay the execution until Congress could pass pending legislation giving federal courts the authority to hear similar claims from foreign inmates.

“We decline to follow the United States’ suggestion of granting a stay to allow Leal to bring a claim based on hypothetical legislation when it cannot even bring itself to say that his attempt to overturn his conviction has any prospect of success,” said the majority.

The Supreme Court noted that it could not grant a stay to allow for the possible passage of the Leahy bill. “Our task is to rule on what the law is, not what it might eventually be,” the court ruled.

The court also discounted arguments that “grave international consequences” may follow Leal’s execution.

“We have no authority to stay an execution in light of ‘an appeal of the president’ presenting free-ranging assertions of foreign policy consequences, when those assertions come unaccompanied by persuasive legal claim

Points Four through Seven

4. Well what do you know I find it amazing that these mitigating circumstances, including the excuse de jure sexual abuse at the hands of his parish priest are just coming out now when all the anti death penalty activists picked up on the case. Brain damage? According to press accounts he works as a mechanic. He was found competent to stand trial. Learning disabilities? Seriously? The man was able to learn to be a mechanic a task FAR harder than learning right from wrong! Its NOT like we are talking grey areas here, we are talking capitol felonies RAPE and MURDER!

5. “I am sorry for everything I have done,” Leal said at the Huntsville facility before he was executed. “I have hurt a lot of people. Let this be final and be done. I take the full blame for this.”  Gee wiz, all that “junk science” and we convicted the right guy who was playing the system and letting liberal anti death penalty activists and lawyers make him the cause celebre because it was costing him nothing.

6. “Mexico strongly condemned the execution”  Shit, that is about as surprising and news worthy as me electing to get my first cup of coffee in the morning before switching my computer on!  Mexico as a matter of policy condemns every execution of one of its citizens at our hands with blatant disregard for the fact that in general they have committed the most heinous crime possible against a US citizen. Not only that but I’m guessing roughly HALF of those we do execute had criminal histories in Mexico and like as not fled Mexico to escape arrest coming here to continue their criminal acts. Mexico ought to be apologizing and offering to pay for the incarceration of all these scuzzballs that they cannot seem to police themselves.

7.  ‘an appeal of the president’ presenting free-ranging assertions of foreign policy consequences” Would those be the same “consequences” that Texans crossing the border have been subject to for years with out any appreciable redress by either the US or Mexican governments? The systematic robbery, beating, kidnaping. extortion and abuse of US citizens by MEXICAN LAW ENFORCEMENT PERSONNEL? THOSE “consequences”? What about the “consequences” of Zeta drug cartel members firing across the border into the US on civilians? MAYBE Mexican officials should take notice of Texas’s attitude toward Mexican criminals who come here and commit crimes against her citizens and get the message straight instead of pulling that “No hablo inglés” bullshit:

“If you commit the most heinous of crimes in Texas, you can expect to face the ultimate penalty under our laws,” Perry spokeswoman Katherine Cesinger said a day after convicted killer Humberto Leal was put to death in Huntsville.

IMHO Mexico lives in what one might in the politest of circles call the worlds largest glass house. They first need to clean up their law enforcement act and gain control over their country and their borders before looking to point fingers anywhere else. Granted our system of justice may not be perfect and mistakes of “protocol” may occasionally happen though I would debate hotly where the blame for these mistakes lays and just how it was divided.

There was a time that we extended them all the niceties of a civilized law abiding nation. for this we routinely got our National face slapped and our citizens treated like shit. Texans have a long memory down here they still remember Pancho Villa and the Alamo. They see the attitudes and behavior of all the illegal immigrants the weight of which we stagger under daily while Obama and the Democrats seek to make this an even more attractive place for them.

We’re sending a clear message about not concern for the safety of the citizens of Texas but with the inactions of both the Mexican and US governments to do anything meaningful about it while we simultaneously throw Obama a Bronx cheer and a Lone Star Salute for trying to usurp yet another of a states sovereign rights.

Leprechaun Laffs Close 1

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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5 Responses to Leprechaun Laffs #89 for Wednesday 07/13

  1. Dan- NYC says:

    Sorry Impish but I have to disagree on one point. Obama & Co. isn’t us. I am as tired of attempts to have me feel like I owe somebody an apology as I am unashamed by the choices and actions of others. If they are nasty asswipes then they are nasty asswipes all on their own.

    For example, my family never owned slaves or was involved in the slave trade but some folks think I should accept “my part” in the slave trade and kiss their ass and act like I’m their whipped puppy who owes them free everything.

    There are debts I owe. I owe a lifetime of respect and gratitude to those who work hard and sacrifice much to keep America free and the shining city on a hill that we are. I don’t owe a damn thing short of my disgust and revulsion for those that despise and sell out the very ideals that make America the greatest country that has ever stood on this earth.

  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    Cloie you got my point exactly but I realized last night that we are not taking the entire situation regarding Mexico and their butting into sovereign US National and State affairs far enough.
    More on what occurred to me after I hit post last night on Friday either in a reader response segment of as a continuation of this Last Word.

    Jack~ I say hanging is too good for him…or at least it WAS as was lethal injection he got since it wasn’t DRAINO being pumped in his veins. DO they honestly think his peaceful painless death makes up for 1% of the pain and suffering that girl went through before she died or the pain and suffering of her family for all this time?.

    IMHO he should have had his punishment mirror his crime. His victim’s head was bashed with a 30- to 40-pound piece of asphalt and she was raped, strangled, bit and then left nude on a dirt road with a piece of wood stuck in her. Would have been OK with me in view of his “Viva Mexico” last words if that dirt road were actualyl an open ditch full of raw sewage on the Mexican side of the border.

    I like the way you think though, now if we can just get you to convert to real whiskey! LMBO!

    • impishdragon says:

      The part that pissed me off the most…and there was a LOT about this story that pissed me off…is the fact that Obama sided with the rapist/murderer instead of the victim. He is supposed to be our representative to the world. I would’ve felt better had he just kept his fucking mouth shut (although that would’ve been wrong, also) but to openly ask for a stay of execution for a sleez-bag…..I’m ashamed of him…and by extension, us.

  3. Jack Daniels says:

    Texas should hold an old-fashioned public hanging for Garcia, thus thumbing their nose at Mexico, the U.N. and Obama.

  4. cloie says:

    What about the rights of the young girl , that was killed by is man? You do the crime you pay the price. The Mexician goverment should stay in their country and work on their problems of which there are many. If an American conmitted this crime in their country there would be no questionsd as to what would happen to him. The USA needs to wake-up and stand by the laws of this country, they have worked for a few hundred years so far. Clean out Washington DC in 2012 let them go form a country of their liking elsewhere am tried of the BS.

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