Dragon Laffs #1208


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01_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[1]Warning_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[1]Warning_thumb2_thumb_thumb_thumb_thuGood Morning Campers!  Hope all is wonderfully well with everyone this Tuesday Morning. 

Thank you to everyone who sent congratulations on baby Riley.  Mommy and baby are doing well and are home now.

Now, we’re just waiting on the next grandbaby to appear, which should be in just a couple of days!

Welcome home to Robbie, who’s now back with is daddy!  I can’t wait to see all of them!

Enough with the dragon family stuff, on with the laughter!

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Cheap Flights
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/cheap-flights/


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DragonPapa1 (124)

Here’s a very nice comparison, thanks to K²:

So Simple a Caveman could Understand It

Why did Bernie Madoff go to prison? To make it simple, he talked people into investing with him. Trouble was, he didn’t invest their money. As time rolled on he simply took the money from the new investors to pay off the old investors. Finally there were too many old investors and not enough money from new investors coming in to keep the payments going.

Next thing you know Madoff is one of the most hated men in America and he is off to jail. Some of you know this. But not enough of you.

Madoff did to his investors what the government has been doing to us for over 70 years with Social Security. There is no meaningful difference between the two schemes, except that one was operated by a private individual who is now in jail, and the other is operated by politicians who enjoy perks, privileges and status in spite of their actions.

Do you need a side-by-side comparison here? Well here’s a nifty little chart.

BERNIE MADOFF

SOCIAL SECURITY

Takes money from investors with the promise that the money will be invested  and made available to them later.. Takes money from wage earners with the promise that the money will be invested in a “Trust Fund” and made available later.
Instead of investing the money Madoff spends it on nice homes in the Hamptons and yachts. Instead of depositing money in a Trust Fund the politicians use it for general spending and vote buying.
When the time comes to pay the investors back Madoff simply uses some of the new funds from newer investors to pay back the older investors. When benefits for older investors become due the politicians pay them with money taken from younger and newer wage earners to pay the geezers.
When Madoff’s scheme is discovered all hell breaks loose. New investors won’t give him any more cash. When Social Security runs out of money they simply force the taxpayers to send them some more.
Bernie Madoff is in jail. Politicians remain in Washington ..

“The taxpayer: That’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination. “

“If you put the Federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert , in five
Years there’d be a shortage of sand.”

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And now… under the category of “True American Hero”
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Soldier home on leave thwarts Fla. bank robbery

Army staff sergeant says he sprang into action when his two young sons were threatened

An Army staff sergeant home on leave in southwest Florida chased down a suspected bank robber and held him until authorities arrived.

Eddie Peoples was at a Bank of America branch in Sarasota with his two young sons Tuesday when a man walked in with a handgun and demanded cash from the tellers, officials said.

Peoples told the Sarasota Herald-Tribune he sprang into action after the man, identified as 34-year-old Matthew Rogers, threatened his sons.

“The only thing that went through my mind was, ‘Don’t let them get hurt,'” Peoples told the paper.

Rogers went to each of the four bank tellers at the branch and instructed them to put money in a recycled grocery bag, and told them to leave out dye packs or any other trackers, according to the Herald-Tribune.

He waved his gun toward Peoples, who is black, and warned that “the big black guy” shouldn’t try to stop him. Before fleeing the bank, he pointed the gun at Peoples’ kids, Ikaika and Kioni. “The kid will get it” if anyone messed with him, Rogers said, according to the Herald-Tribune.

“I could not let that pass,” Peoples said.

As the robber tried to make his getaway, Peoples left his sons inside the bank and ran to his rented van, which he used to block Rogers’ car in the parking lot. Rogers drove his Honda into the van, trying to bust through it. When that didn’t work, he got out and pointed his gun at Peoples, who twisted the man’s arm, stripped away the gun and slammed him to the ground.

“I’ve been through five deployments. I’ve fought the Muqtada militia, everybody you can think of, so weapons getting pointed at me, it doesn’t really bother me anymore,” Peoples told FOX News in Tampa Bay. “I took the weapon away from him and put him on the ground and the rest was history.”

Sarasota Sheriff’s deputies arrived and arrested Rogers, who is charged with armed robbery. The gun turned out to be a realistic toy.

“Every time I get deployed, I always tell my children I’m going to fight the bad men. When I walked back in the bank, my oldest boy said ‘Did you get the bad men?’ and I said ‘Yep, I got the bad men’ and everyone applauded,” Peoples told FOX.

‘Piece of cake,’ soldier says 
The sergeant is home on leave because his father-in-law is ill, reported the Herald-Tribune. He will return to work later this month.

Compared to being in a war zone in the Middle East, thwarting the bank robber was “a piece of cake,” Peoples said.

Sarasota County Sheriff Tom Knight presented Peoples with a certificate of recognition at a press conference on Wednesday.

“For Staff Sgt. Peoples to not only be on leave, hopefully relaxing, but with his two young children — to still take action to protect everyone in that bank is commendable,” said Sarasota County Sheriff’s office spokesperson Wendy Rose.

She said that while the sheriff “certainly does not recommend the average citizen spring into action like [Peoples] did, it was clear that he had this situation under control.”

Sheriff Knight was so impressed with Peoples, he offered him a job.

“The sheriff asked him what his future plans were, and said please contact us when you’re exploring coming back to this area,” Rose told msnbc.com.

County commissioners as well as other staff members from the sheriff’s office, mostly former military members themselves, came to the press conference to express their gratitude to Peoples, Rose said

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Okay, I have got to ask…am I the ONLY one who thinks this picture is fake?
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I have lost track of how many people have sent this to me saying how well they 2b1sleep at night because of this picture… well, if 1/6 scale 2b2model figures help you sleep, then by all means, rest easy.  But folks, these are plastic figurines.  Granted, much better than the G.I. Joes that I grew up with, but they are still friggin’ toys!  How many seal team members do you 2b3know that have plastic arms?  Or little wire bundle ties instead of flexi-cuffs?  Geez.

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These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos: well, since I’ve heard these told about just about every law enforcement agency in the country, I can’t say that they are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers, but I will say that, having heard several of them live, I do know that they are actual statements made by SOME troopers.

1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”

2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”

3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.” (My Favorite)

4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.” (LOVE IT)

6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”

7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”

8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”

11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

12. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.” ( National Crime Information Center )

13. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”

14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”

15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”

AND THE WINNER IS….

16. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”

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TV in Iraq

The biggest loser

Socializing

Not sure if this is a true story or not… but I sure hope so!… okay, wait… I take that back….

IT IS TRUE: http://www.digtriad.com/news/watercooler/article/178031/176/Florida-Homeowner-Forecloses-On-Bank-Of-America

Bank of America Gets Pad Locked After Homeowner Forecloses On It

Written by

Kelly Heffernan-Tabor

Collier County, Florida — Have you heard the one about a homeowner foreclosing on a bank?

Well, it has happened in Florida and involves a North Carolina based bank.

Instead of Bank of America foreclosing on some Florida homeowner, the homeowners had sheriff’s deputies foreclose on the bank.

It started five months ago when Bank of America filed foreclosure papers on the home of a couple, who didn’t owe a dime on their home.

The couple said they paid cash for the house.

The case went to court and the homeowners were able to prove they didn’t owe Bank of America anything on the house. In fact, it was proven that the couple never even had a mortgage bill to pay.

A Collier County Judge agreed and after the hearing, Bank of America was ordered, by the court to pay the legal fees of the homeowners’, Maurenn Nyergers and her husband.

The Judge said the bank wrongfully tried to foreclose on the Nyergers’ house.

So, how did it end with bank being foreclosed on? After more than 5 months of the judge’s ruling, the bank still hadn’t paid the legal fees, and the homeowner’s attorney did exactly what the bank tried to do to the homeowners. He seized the bank’s assets.

“They’ve ignored our calls, ignored our letters, legally this is the next step to get my clients compensated, ” attorney Todd Allen told CBS.

Sheriff’s deputies, movers, and the Nyergers’ attorney went to the bank and foreclosed on it. The attorney gave instructions to to remove desks, computers, copiers, filing cabinets and any cash in the teller’s drawers.

After about an hour of being locked out of the bank, the bank manager handed the attorney a check for the legal fees.

“As a foreclosure defense attorney this is sweet justice” says Allen.

Allen says this is something that he sees often in court, banks making errors because they didn’t investigate the foreclosure and it becomes a lengthy and expensive battle for the homeowner.

CBS News

 

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This one is pretty bad…. you can blame it on Diaman

There was a real estate agent in our town who had trouble finding homes to sell. So he switched to selling undeveloped property. Now he has lots.

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Here’s a good bad one from Zack:

Once upon a time an evil king captured a virgin princess and held her
captive in his high tower.
Though she was very beautiful he forced her to wear a disgusting and
smelly burlap dress.
“You’ll never get away with this,” she cried. “Some brave knight will
rescue me!”
“Not in that thing,” the evil king replied.
She waited day and night, but it was just as the king predicted. Every
knight that saw her in the window of the high tower was scared away by
her dress, which, as I’ve mentioned, was very disgusting.
After many months the princess broke down crying and the evil king
taunted her, “You see? I told you no knight would rescue a damsel
in this dress!”

 

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The question was asked, what did Lethal and I answer to the following question:

University aspirants should be asked to answer this: “If a girl faints, we must first feel her pu_s_
Those who write ‘Pulse’ become doctors while those who answer ‘Purse’ become investment bankers, lawyers and professional thieves. The rest are considered normal, and good enough to go straight into adult life…

Well, Lethal answered “Purse” and I answered … um … something else.

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One of my favorite jokes of all time, and who hasn’t this happened to, where you just can’t seem to remember the most ordinary word in the world…maybe not your wife’s name, but still….

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great… I would recommend it very highly.’
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’
The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know… The one that’s red and has thorns.’
‘Do you mean a rose?’
‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’

WTF
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I’m not sure who this woman is….
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but apparently, she knows the democratic party…. sorry…. couldn’t help myself.  It was just too easy to slam Lethal that I thought I’d get someone else.

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I don’t have a Last Word for today…. sorry.  Not that I can’t think of plenty of stuff to rant about, congress alone offers enough on a daily basis to offer up months worth of Last Words.  Nope, my main problem right now is a different government entity…The Dreaded Compliance Inspection….

Ours starts this week and well…. I just can’t seem to get fired up over regular ass-wipes when I get my own special ass-wipes to deal with.

Sorry.

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1208

  1. toni says:

    The groaners are getting worse and worse which is better and better!

  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    Impish its quite clear to me what that woman is indicating is the size of your dragon’s horde or how close she came to actually getting any of its quite clear to me what that woman is indicating is the size of your dragon’s horde or how close she came to actually getting any of the lunch buffet with you in attendance!

    It’s either that or she is demonstrating the TRUE size of congressman Wiener’s wiener!

    Lastly even were she describing the size of

      any

    Leprechaun’s “Lucky Charms”, we Leprechauns STILL get more than you do because our “Lucky Charms” are magically delicious!

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