Leprechuan Laffs #71 for Monday 06/06


Leprechaun Laffs 6

It's Monday- Garfield

It’s also about the…(checking) yup 6 day in a row that we’re facing temps in the upper 90’s or better. Yesterday topped out at 103 plus a 4 point Heat Index. It gets any hotter and I’m going to have to see if a Mr. Iced Tea can brew iced coffee for first thing in the morning! I also recently in talking with an old timer heard about something called “concentrated coffee syrup” which he swore was (or at least used to be) as good as perked coffee. I’m thinking I’ll locate some of that possibly and just mix it into a half gallon of half and half to the correct strength and do iced shooters of that all day long to avoid the heat.

On the plus side all this heat has gotten the Gulf Moisture pump primed finally and we’re due a little rain which we desperately need. The last day I can see us getting anything even close to half an inch or rain was March 14th and some places near Houston are beginning water rationing. For you that are not familiar with this little weather phenomenon, the high heat  and strong sun combine to pull moisture in off the Gulf starting shortly after sunrise and continuing all day. Then, as soon as the sun starts seriously going down in the afternoon, (say 3:30 of just about the start of  Rush Hour) what has gone up all day must come down again. Of course down is much easier and generally accomplished much faster than the up portion. Usually it comes down so hard and so fast that very little of it soaks in, we get all those spectacular street flooding scenes on the News ( usually showing the tail lights of at least one moron who has lived here all their life but just HAD to try the really deep looking water anyway. Most of these rain events wind up lost to run off and erosion

Rainy, Dark, Stormy with the potential for seriously nasty T-storms and possible tornado activity, now I ask you, can you think of better weather and conditions for a Monday Morning Attitude?

Ok its rumbling pretty decent at the moment and the lights have flickered 3 times already as I wrote this so I’m going to quit grousing so I can get this posted before I find myself sitting here in the dark.

On With the Laughing Already!

Warning Give Me the Coffee

 

Rodney Carrington – Tips On Marriage

 

It Is Time!

How do you know when it is time to “hang up the car keys“?
I say when your dog has this look on his face!
A picture is worth a thousand words!

image_thumb51

Impish’s Dog Bailey has that expression every time he gets in the car! Come to think of it so does everyone riding with him!

 

Church Ladies With typewriters…..

They’re Back!
Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins
or were announced in church services
:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
————————–
The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
————————–
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
————————–
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
————————–
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
————————–
Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.
————————–
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
————————–
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
————————-
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So
ends a friendship that began in their school days.
————————–
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
————————–
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early
and listen to our choir practice.
————————–
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to
the deterioration of some older ones.
————————–
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be
used to cripple children.
————————–
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
————————–
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
————————–
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
————————–
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
————————–
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing
in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
————————–
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning
at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
————————–
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
————————–
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
————————–
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
————————–
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large
double door at the side entrance.
————————–
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’

image_thumb2[1]

This should get your heart pumping!

Click here: JSUPT Video

image_thumb2

 

A man walks up to the drugstore counter and asks for some
condoms. The man behind the counter tells him to go see Edna in
aisle 4.
So the man finds Edna. Edna grabs him by the crotch, then gets on
the PA system and says, “Medium condom. Medium condom.”
Well the man is very embarrassed, but goes to the counter to get
his condoms.
Later, a second man goes up to the counter to get some condoms.
The druggist tells him to go see Edna in aisle 4.
Same thing happens, Edna grabs his crotch, gets on the PA and
says, “Large condom, this man needs a large condom.”
The man is quite pleased, and goes to pick up his condoms.
Next a teenager goes into the drugstore to buy some condoms for
the very first time. He’s told to go see Edna is aisle 4.
Edna grabs his crotch, gets on the PA and says,
“Clean-up in aisle 4, clean-up in aisle 4.”

 

image_thumb37

THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J. SIMPSON
“Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs.”
“Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”
“Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘sir’ without adding, ‘you’re making a scene.”
“Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.”

image_thumb39

“If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
“Don’t let Krusty’s death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night.”
“Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.”
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.”

image_thumb41

“Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. ‘Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'”

“To alcohol! The cause of – and solution to – all of life’s problems!”

“I want to share something with you – the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, ‘cover for me.’ Number two,’oh, good idea, boss.’ Number three, ‘it was like that when I got here.'”

 

image_thumb18

The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.
“We’ve been trying for months now, Doctor, and I don’t seem to be able to get pregnant,” she confessed miserably.
“I’m sure we’ll solve your problem,” the doctor reassured her. “If you’ll just take off your underpants and get up on the examining table…”
“Well, all right, Doctor,” agreed the young woman, blushing, “but I’d rather have my husband’s baby.”

image_thumb81

After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at the Air Base with my eight siblings and me — all under age eleven. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area.
A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, “Ma’am,” he said, “do all these children and this luggage belong to you?”
“Yes, sir,” my mother said with a sigh. “They’re all mine.”
The customs agent began his interrogation. “Ma’am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?”
“Sir,” she calmly answered, “if I’d had any of those items, I would have used them by now.”
The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase.

 

dl you-aint_thumb2_thumb1

image_thumb111

 

Copyright right?

When you write copy, you own the right of copyright to the copy you write, if the copy is right. If, however, your copy falls over, you must right your copy. If you write religious services, you write rite, and own the right of copyright to the rite you write.

Conservatives write Right copy, and own the right of copyright, to the Right copy they write. A right-wing cleric would write Right rite, and owns the right of copyright to the Right rite he has the right to write. His editor has the job of making the Right rite copy right before the copyright can be right.

Should Reverend Jim Wright decide to write Right rite, then Wright would write right rite, to which Wright has the right of copyright. Duplicating his rite would be to copy Wright’s Right rite, and violate copyright, to which Wright would have the right to right.

Right?

DL Larder Header

I made this for the graduation party this weekend since the hostess didn’t have a recipe and was not entirely sure of what went in it. This is a combination of several recipes I found on-line and received rave reviews. I cannot stress the need for this to sit and meld over night. Also make sure you use a non reactive bowl to mix and/or store it. It fits comfortably in a a gallon ZipLoc bag for this purpose and that allows you to only dispense as much as you need at a time

Black Bean Salsa

Prep Time: 15 Min  Ready In: 8 Hrs 15 Min
Servings 40  Original Recipe Yield 5 cups

Ingredients

    3 (15 ounce) cans black beans, drained and rinsed
    1 (11 ounce) can Mexican-style corn, drained
    2 (10 ounce) cans diced tomatoes with green chili peppers, partially drained
    2 tomatoes, diced (I used canned fire roasted chopped up and 1/2 the juice) 
    2 bunches green onions, chopped
    1-3/4 teaspoons minced garlic
    2 tablespoons and 3/4 teaspoon lime juice
    1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
    Cilantro leaves, for garnish

Directions

    In a large bowl, mix together black beans, Mexican-style corn, diced tomatoes with green chili peppers, tomatoes, lime juice, garlic, vinegar and green onion stalks. Garnish with desired amount of cilantro leaves. Chill in the refrigerator at least 8 hours, or overnight, before serving.

Hint: The more of the juice you leave in from the Tomatoes & Green Chilies and the more Cilantro used the hotter and more peppery it will be.

If you want fancy, you can substitute Mango for the corn and Avocado for the Green Onion, or you could always add either or both in addition. If you are using the Avocado toss it well with the lime juice separately before adding to the salsa and this will help keep it from turning black. Nutritional Info does not account for the Mango or Avocado

Nutritional Information

Black Bean Salsa

Servings Per Recipe: 40  Amount Per Serving 1oz.   Calories: 13

    Total Fat: 0.1g       Cholesterol: 0mg       Sodium: 85mg
    Total Carbs: 3g           Dietary Fiber: 0.7g       Protein: 0.5g

 

image

Head on up to Rothbury, Michigan, From June 30-July 2 for the Electric Forest Festival

See the Life Size Mousetrap Game.

Yes, the board game…well, kind of.
For Life Size Mousetrap, the old-school board game favorite is turned into a life-sized spectacle; “A colorful assemblage of kinetic sculptures fantastically handcrafted into a giant 25-ton Rube-Gold-berg machine!”  
This classic yet up-sized contraption comes to life on site at Electric Forest, with a vaudevillian style road show featuring dancing mice and live music by Esmerelda Strange. Also on the crew are well-dressed “Clown ‘engineers” who endeavor to achieve a chain reaction using Newtonian physics and bowling balls.  And, just like the board game, the action culminates with the spectacular dropping of a 2-ton bank safe from a 30 foot crane!
http://www.electricforestfestival.com/news/mousetrap-electric-forest

image

coollogo_com-10333745

DL Campaign Bumper 2

I’m still playing a bit of catch up from 2 busy weekends in a row so the Last Word today is short and sweet. Besides Fridays Last Word ran a bit long so this will even things out.

Back to my “a picture is worth a thousand words” philosophy. Here is two thousands words then.

image

 

image

DL Closing Credits

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s