Leprechaun Laffs #72 for Wednesday 06/08


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hump day blues

Well its Hump Day again. Note all the enthusiasm that I mustered for that statement (<<heavy sarcasm font). I understand now why here in Texas they offer a cut of Beef you find nowhere else in the US called Texas Broil. The reason being in Texas by the time you buy it, get it to and in your car then drive it home its been broiled to a medium doneness.

Ok enough with the chit chat. Impish didn’t post a Last Word yesterday so I don’t feel bad skimping on today’s opening… It IS Hump Day after all.

 

Let’s Laugh

Garfield - Coffee

Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?

This is for all the germ conscious folks who worry about using cold water to clean.
John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John’s grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking,
‘Are these plates clean?’
His grandfather replied,
‘They’re as clean as cold water can get ’em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!’
For lunch the old man made hamburgers.
Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,
‘Are you sure these plates are clean?’
Without looking up the old man said,
‘I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!’
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass.
John yelled and said, ‘Grandfather, your dog won’t let me get to my car’.
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted!
‘Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!’
Meet Coldwater!
Coldwater

DL PSA Header

Best and Worst Things to Buy in June

June is the month with the longest daylight hours of the year, meaning you have more time to shop. But the urges that drive your purchasing — the summer heat, vacation time, Father’s Day and maybe even a wedding present or two — don’t always take you in the direction of saving money. Want those fancy dishes that are on your cousin’s registry? Don’t bet on the “sale” price being anywhere close to the lowest point in the year. So what should you buy now and what should you avoid? We searched through dealnews’ extensive archives of deals to sort out fact from fiction when it comes to getting the best deals in June.

Father’s Day
The only shopping event of note in June is, of course, Father’s Day (we only count Flag Day as a run-up to the 4th of July). Luckily for Dad, the National Retail Federation says that this year’s spending will be the highest in eight years. There are a few bargains to be had, mostly on tools. So if your patriarch is a fix-it guy, you can count on sales at Lowe’s, Sears, Home Depot, Walmart and even Meritline (for accessories like tool bags and multi-tools), starting right at the beginning of the month. You’ll also find low prices on dress shirts, particularly Jos. A. Bank Men’s Stays Cool Shirts, which actually went on sale at the end of May. For something a little different, consider that you can find geek chic items like T-shirts with funny messages and favorite cartoon characters at places like Tanga and cafepress, plus ThinkGeek regularly offers coupons and clearance items.

Adventure
June is a month when people start to think about visiting nature, and the National Parks have been making it easy by giving out free admission to parks (this year on June 21. You can also get various free museum deals (some ongoing, like Bank of America’s first weekend of the month deal). Also, you can book a trip. Look for discounts from Spirit, in particular, to heat up in June, and keep an eye out for the Air France summer sale. Deals to the Caribbean during hurricane season, which officially kicked off on June 1, also abound (some come with free travel insurance, but be sure to read the fine print.)

Movie Tickets
Finally, there’s something to watch. With Memorial Day comes the release of the first wave of summer movies, and we’re definitely looking forward to the new X-Men, Green Lantern and Cars 2. But what could be better than a summer popcorn flick? A cheap one. Watch for movie theater ticket deals. Regal has $1 weekday movies for kids, and AMC will likely follow suit, if last year is any indication. But for the hard stuff, there’s always Fandango deals and other daily specials from Groupon and its clones.

TVs
There’s a lot of advice out there that June is one of the best times to buy an HDTV because it’s at the end of the Japanese fiscal year and manufacturers are pushing out old models. We say baloney. We’ve always seen the lowest prices on TVs in November and December. And even if the June advice had once been true, it’s certainly not going to be the case this year, with the Japanese production system upended by natural disasters. The only caveat to this is that last year, we noticed a steep slide in prices for 55″ 3D TVs that started in June when they dropped below $2,000 and kept going down from there, hitting a low of $1,200 in May 2011. For this June, we predict that prices on 55″ 3D sets will keep going down and will hit bottom around Black Friday, and other sized models will follow suit. But if you see one of these models in June for under $1,200, you can consider that the best deal around for now. If you don’t want to miss out, just set an alert and we’ll email you when the price drops.

Video Games
Conventional wisdom says that winter is the best time to buy video games, and that is generally true. But summer is when kids of all ages have the time to become one with their controllers. So you can bet that even if you thought ahead and stocked up on games in December, you’re going to need something new to satisfy the troops. What can you expect price-wise? You’re not going to find too many sales on video games, with the notable exception being Walmart’s frequent video game bundle deals. Amazon also has video game deals of the day.

Blu-ray Players
The same sort of logic applies to Blu-ray players as video games. December may be the time to find the lowest price, but summer may be when the machine gets its biggest workout. So there are going to be a lot of people out there searching for Blu-ray players at the last minute, and that means that retailers are going to jump at the chance to put a few attractively-priced models in front of them (a nice-looking price is not exactly the same thing as a best price). In fact, prices are currently on an uptick. We saw deals as low as $64 in April, but the lowest in May was $80. There is one caveat to this: 3D Blu-ray players are at close to an all-time low price. If you’re in the market for one of these and see the next deal for $100 (like this LG from Paul’s TV, be sure to snag it.

Sunglasses
If you do happen to pry yourself away from a screen and get outside into the sunshine, you’re probably going to want some sunglasses to keep out the glare. But if you didn’t buy in May when deals were more plentiful, your future isn’t looking too bright. We found just 37 deals on sunglasses in June 2010, compared to 65 last month. But what happens if you lose your shades on your first beach trip of the season and need to resupply? Your best bet for a discount will be a sale at the Oakley Vault or 6pm, but we did just find this really sweet pair of mirrored aviator sunglasses for just $4.

Summer Shoes
If shopping for sneakers and sandals was once a seasonal affair, the advent of discount web shoe sites has made that distinction moot. Shop any time you want at sites like 6pm, Shoebacca and the like, and you’ll find in-season and out-of-season shoes of all kinds. The only specific discounts that are likely to come around in June will be Nordstrom‘s Half-Yearly sale for Men (not to be confused with the ones for Women and Children in June and the yearly anniversary sale in July) and a Lands’ End clearance event, which is not something unique to June.

 

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Impish Dragon, not being in the best physical condition, asked the trainer in the gym,……
“I want to impress that beautiful girl.
Which machine should I use?”
The trainer replied…
“Use the ATM machine outside the gym!”

 

Stop being lazy and old fashioned and get to the blog so you can see rthese funny clips! Http://dragonlaffs.com or quitchabitchin already!

 

DL Introspection Header

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it. -Mark Twain

I used to wonder too, then the Liberals, Pelosi and Obama to power. We had (and continue to have) idiotic Congressional sex ‘scandals’, then there was the whole 11th hour stare down on the federal budget and Donald Trump pulled his “I’ll have fun with the Republicans and keep my face in the press a while” possible candidacy. I don’t have to wonder any more I KNOW the world is run by idiots on both sides and at all levels!

Ehhh that one was a short introspection and I’m feeling especially cranky towards Democrats and Obama today so here’s a couple more quickies:

Q: How do you starve an Obama supporter?

A: Hide their food stamps under their work shoes.

 As you may recall in yesterdays blog Impish did sort of a mini rant about that alleged photo of Seal Team 6. While he attacked the photo itself and very effectively I having different resources from Impish took another track and got the White House Communications Office on the horn and asked about the photo.  The White House Communications Office says it’s just as accurate as the birth certificate.

Ok now I feel a little better!

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The Israelis and Arabs alike finally realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world. So they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath. This “duel” would be a dog fight. The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.

The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it the best food and killed all the other puppies. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine. After the 5 years were up, they had a dog that needed steel prison bars on its cage. Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty and ferocious beast.

When the day of the big dog-fight finally arrived, the Israelis showed up with a very strange-looking animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long! Everyone at the dogfight arena felt sorry for the Israelis. No one there seriously thought this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against the growling beast over in the Arab camp. All the bookies took one look and predicted that the Arab dog would win in less than a minute.

As the cages were opened, the Dachshund slowly waddled toward the center of the ring. The Arab dog leaped from its cage and charged the giant wiener-dog. As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast whole in one bite. There was nothing left but a small puff of fur from the Arab killer dog’s tail floating to the ground. The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies and media personnel let out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise.

The Arabs approached the Israelis, muttering and shaking their heads in disbelief. “We do not understand,” said their leader, “Our top scientists and breeders worked for 5 long years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans, Rottweilers and Siberian wolves, and they developed an incredible killing machine of a dog!”

The Israelis replied, “Well, for 5 years, we have had a team of Jewish plastic surgeons from Beverly Hills working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.”

I’ll bet it was one of those Long Island Jewish Alligators too!

—-

The female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.

“No way! No needles. I hate needles” the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.
“I can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on suffocates me!”
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
“No objection,” the patient says. “‘I’m fine with pills.”
The dentist then returns and says, “Here’s a Viagra.”

The patient says, “Wow! I didn’t know Viagra worked as a painkiller!”
“It doesn’t” said the dentist, “but it’s going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.”

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Government Sends Wildfire Aid To Mexico, Not Texas

Former FEMA director outraged, but local counties say they’re getting Federal money.

Thursday, May 12, 2011  By JOE GOMEZ  http://www.ktrh.com/cc-common/news/sections/newsarticle.html?feed=121300&article=8562418#ixzz1MBxclx3f

Just last month the U.S. sent two Air force cargo planes to help Mexico battle back wildfires in the northern part of it’s country, fires that burned 386 square miles. It’s a move that West Texas Congressman Francisco Canseco (R-Fort Stockton) thinks is a hypocritical one by the Obama administration as Texas has requested the same sort of federal aid but has been denied it.

“386 square miles pales with the 2.5 million acres of land that have been burned and scorched beyond recognition,” says Canseco.

And Former FEMA Director Michael Brown thinks that a “snub” like this reeks of politics as he believes Texas deserves a similar response from the federal government.

(Snub my ass! Hell Obama is telling Texas go to hell for disagreeing with his Immigration plans!)

“I think what’s going on is we see the Chicago style politics.  I’m amazed that he’s put FEMA in this awkward position of not allowing federal assistance,” says Brown.

According to the Obama Administration however federal assistance has been flowing to Texas by way of grant money, of which several counties are in the process of applying for.

“We have already qualified for the federal mutual aid grant which will help local volunteer fire departments recover up to 75 percent of the funds that they utilized during the fire, so that was correct in that stand point,” says County Judge David Nicklas of Palo Pinto County, an area ravaged by the wildfires.

So far Texas has spent an estimated 70 million dollars combating the states wildfires.

So THAT’’S how it works! Obama punishes Republican strongholds that refuse to bow and kiss his ass over immigration reform that has no basis in realism. You give away our tax dollars to the MAJOR CAUSE of our immigration and state economic issues to fight a fire ONE TENTH THE SIZE of the one in Texas while Texas,  one of the 50 states has to get wrapped up in red tape and jump through bureaucratic hoops to APPLY for grants (which can be turned down and/or refused plus are NOT immediately forth coming but require an approval process) to aid a disaster instead of receiving Federal disaster relief and aid in an emergency!

!cid_X_MA1_1302715057@aol

Here is a bit of sound advice for you Obama, put it on a teleprompter where you can see it often and pray you remember it and take it to heart, cause failure to start heeding it is going to cost you dearly in the next election I promise!

DOn't Mess with Texas

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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2 Responses to Leprechaun Laffs #72 for Wednesday 06/08

  1. Don Schindler says:

    The White House shot back Tuesday at Texas Republicans accusing the president of treating the state unfairly when it comes to disaster assistance.

    “This administration has been extremely responsive to the state of Texas’ requests for fire management assistance grants,” press secretary Jay Carney said aboard Air Force One, as President Barack Obama headed to El Paso to talk about immigration and border security.

    At last count, all 25 of the state’s requests for such grants – a subset of federal disaster aid – have been approved, he noted. But Texas officials want a declaration of a “major disaster,” which would unleash even more aid.

    “In each case, the federal government, the federal taxpayer is paying 75 percent of the cost of fighting these fires in Texas,” Carney said, noting that the president has signed plenty of disaster declarations, when warranted, for states that voted Republican in 2008. “There is no discrimination here between red and blue states.”

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Once again Don you’re only quoting the parts that make your Messiah look good and conveniently not citing your source to hide the fact. The article you quote continues at some un-Obama-flattering length:

      “I will not rest until this assault on Texas is rectified,” said Rep. Francisco “Quico” Canseco, R-Texas, whose district covers a huge swath of West Texas. He called it “unconscionable” to ignore impact on acreage bigger than Rhode Island and Delaware combined.

      Texas Gov. Rick Perry and Texas Sens. John Cornyn and Kay Bailey Hutchison, all Republicans, have pressed Obama to tour the Texas wildfire damage, hoping to persuade him to reverse the Federal Emergency Management Agency’s rejection of requests for major disaster aid.

      Perry also sought a meeting with Obama, to press the case both for more wildfire aid and for another 1,000 National Guard troops along the border, a longstanding demand.

      Both the White House and governor’s office say Perry was offered a short meeting on the tarmac in El Paso. Perry spokesman Katherine Cesinger said that was too far to go for limited face time.

      “We invited him to meet with the president, and he declined the invitation,” Carney said. “We have also in the past offered him a National Security Council briefing (on border security). He declined that as well.”

      (c) 2011, The Dallas Morning News. Visit The Dallas Morning News on the World Wide Web at http://www.dallasnews.com/. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services
      http://www.bostonherald.com/news/us_politics/view/20110511no_bias_in_texas_wildfire_aid_decision_white_house_says/

      That’s the SECOND time you’ve tried the “Obama Obfuscation” maneuver on us here and second time you’ve pissed on our leg, this time telling us it was ” wild fire suppressant”. Third time will get your comments permanently moderated for excessive bullshit and Democratic deception.

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