Dragon Laffs #1205


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01_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[1]Warning_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[1]Warning_thumb2_thumb_thumb_thumb_thuYou heard it!  He put it in writing yesterday!  Twice actually.  Even if he were to go back and delete the posts, I’ve got it copied now.  I have the original!  He said it!  He said it!  He said it!  Wooo Wooo! Here it is again, quoted from yesterday’s Dragon Laffs:

I’ll even go so far as to say yours combining the issues and links you did was masterful, I never would have considered linking it all into one.
“Masterful!”  Lethal Leprechaun said it was “masterful”!  bowdown LOL!
Okay, all kidding aside, the back and forth on this topic between Lethal, myself and you campers has been fantastic.  Lots of good comments on- and off-line.  This is the way that REAL change is going to happen.  People need to get involved.
I’m sorry, what’s that?  Why am I using Obama’s catch phrase of change?
I’m not talking about Obama’s change.
I’m talking about the changes that must be made in our country to recover from his “hopes and changes”.
I’m talking about changing our country back to the America we knew, not the United Socialist States of America that so many seem to be trying to make it.

Okay, enough of that!

It’s Saturday…

It’s a LONG weekend (for most of us, anyway)…

Let’s start having fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
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Look at the two little ones in the background.  Tell me they’re not going to be traumatized for the rest of their lives. “Mommy?  Why are we eating grandpa?” “Shut up and eat your cake!”

Okay, this is an old one, but still funny enough to bring back around…

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes.

“Boy, I’d give anything to sink this putt,” the golfer mumbles to himself.

Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, “Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?”

Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen so he says, “Sure,” and sinks the putt.

Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, “Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one.”

The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, “Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?”

Shrugging, the golfer replies, “Okay.” And he makes an eagle.

On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, “Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?”

“Definitely,” the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle.

As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks alongside him and says, “I haven’t really been fair with you because you don’t know who I am. I’m the Devil, and from this day forward you
will have no sex life.”

“Nice to meet you,” the golfer replies, “I’m Father O’Malley.”



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DragonPapa1 (121)

Optical illusion awards

http://www.salon.com/books/neuroscience/index.html?story=/ent/movies/feature/2011/05/25/optical_illusion_awards&source=newsletter&utm_source=contactology&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Salon_Daily%20Newsletter%20%28Not%20Premium%29_7_30_110

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Ahh, the good old days of Dungeons and Dragons.  I swear, if I could find a group of people here who would be willing to play once a week, I’d get another party started and play the old fashioned, paper and pencil D&D again.  Sigh.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed,

“My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or
a politician.
And to tell the truth, there’s hardly any difference!”

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For the longest time, this was “supposedly” the Only Known Picture of our security chief, No-name.  But, that’s just not the case.  There are no pictures of No-name.  This picture is though, a picture of his second or third cousin, on his mother’s side.  They are considered the runty side of the family.  No real muscle mass.  Weaklings. 

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno

  • President Obama told Queen Elizabeth that he likes the tea parties in England much better than the ones in the United States.
  • They drive on the other side of the road there, so Obama had to switch sides — kind of like Mitt Romney is doing over here.
  • I don’t want to say Tim Pawlenty is boring, but Joe Biden is accusing him of identity theft.
  • 375
    That was awful!

    Groaner Zack

    On day three of the corporate conspiracy trial, the star witness began to recant his story. “Were you aware that both the FBI and the IRS intended to investigate this CPA, starting ASAP?” the judge asked.

    “Not initially,” was the reply.

    376

    write-to-us422

    377

    I believe we’ve run this one before, but it is so good that it is well worth running again…

    This Japanese Beer commercial is incredible, detailed w/fantasia
    Seriously, this Japanese beer ad is like watching an adventure movie.
    You’ll be pausing and rewinding to catch things as there is SO much going on.
    CLICK BELOW TO VIEW-TURN UP SOUND

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    it always does

    Motivational Buffy

    Motivational Burning sensation when you piss

    Oh Dear Lord. Watch this…
    Good Morning America: Caught on Tape: Driver Survives Tornado’s Wrath, Tractor Trailer Destroyed

    378
    This one is bloody awful!

    A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor.

    “Is Fred home?” he asked the woman who answered the door.

    “Sorry,” the woman replied. “Fred’s gone for cotton.”

    The next day the collector tried again.

    “Is Fred here today?”

    “No, sir,” she said, “I’m afraid Fred has gone for cotton.”

    When he returned the third day he humphed, “I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again?”
    ashamed zack
    “No,” the woman answered solemnly, “Fred died yesterday.”

    Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and investigate the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred’s tombstone, with this inscription:

    Gone, But Not for Cotton

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    a4

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    a6

    In a recent interview of Lethal Leprechaun by ARMPIT Magazine (you remember that ARMPIT is the Association of Retired Mythical Persons and Imaginary Things) Lethal was asked a question and actually gave a truthful answer.  Which, as we all know, when talking of his personal life, our dear Leprechaun has a great deal of difficulty with.  Let’s listen in…

    ARMPIT: What do you do now that you’re retired?

    LL: Well…I’m fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whiskey into urine. It’s rewarding, uplifting, satisfying and fulfilling. I do it every day HitHead2and I really enjoy it.”

    We’ll come back to more excerpts from that ARMPIT interview later.

    379
    Bumper Stickers….some old, some new, all fun.  Thanks Stephanie!

    I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.
     
    Keep honking while I reload.
     
    Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either!
     
    Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
     
    5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it’s an amusement park.
     
    EARTH FIRST! We’ll strip-mine the other planets later.
     
    Your child may be an honor student, but you’re still an idiot.
     
    If you drink, don’t park. Accidents cause people.
     
    If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
     
    Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
     
    Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
     
    My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her …or something like that.
     
    Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
     
    Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive.
     
    If we are what we eat, I’m cheap, fast, and easy.
     
    Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!
     
    You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
     
    I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy it!
     
    If ignorance is bliss … Then you must be orgasmic.
     
    I got a gun for my wife … Best trade I ever made.
     
    So you’re a feminist … Isn’t that cute?
     
    Earth is the mental ward for the Universe.
     
    As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
     
    Hang up and drive!
     
    Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
     
    Warning! Driver only carries $5.00 worth of ammunition.
     
    Sometimes I wake up grumpy … Other times I let her sleep.
     
    I want to die like my Grampa – in my sleep. Not yelling and screaming like his passengers …..
     
    Montana – at least our cows are sane!
     
    I did NOT fight my way to the head of the food chain to be a vegetarian!

    380

    Okay, look….even I apologize for this one.  It’s rude, crude and socially unacceptable … hey! that’s just how I like my women, too….but I digress….this it truly awful and on behalf of the entire Dragon Laffs staff, I’d like to say, I’m really, really sorry.
    Now that you have been warned….
    Crime_scenePolice Tape
    Awful

    Q. What Do You Call A Female Police Officer With Her Pussy Shaved?

    A. Cuntstubble!

     

     

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    t20

    t21

    If I had only known!
    I always used my shampoo to wash the rest of my body while in the shower. It was just easier to lather up my hair and use the extra suds on my body instead of soap. Then I saw the words printed on my shampoo bottle for extra volume and fullness. No wonder I can’t lose weight! Now I’m using my dish soap in the shower. It’s guaranteed to remove fat and other unwanted deposits that other soaps leave behind!

    381

    Two men were talking. “My grandson asked me what I did during the Sexual Revolution,” said one.

    “And what did you tell him?” asked the other.

    “I told him I was captured early and spent the duration doing the dishes.”

    382

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    Today’s Last Word is going to leave the realm of the soapbox shouting political rant and move over to the humorous.  At least …. I hope it will be humorous.  It’s the weekend, and it’s a long, special weekend and we need a good laugh to round out our morning.3a

     

     

    So…..why is it they were stopped by the police?

    3b

    3c3d3e3f3gOh, I see… She’s not wearing a helmet…well… the law is the the law, after all.

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    One Response to Dragon Laffs #1205

    1. lethalleprechaun says:

      Yo Dragon!
      I’ve still got most of my AD&D Tomes, my polyhedral dice stored in a well tanned leather pouch made from a Dragon’s scrotum (ok in reality its a Buffalo’s scrotum because all my dice wouldn’t fit in a Dragon’s scrotum being as small as it is) and 3 well dogged eared character sheets from my 3 favorite characters.

      Move down here where the weather is saner and lets get playing…if you dare!

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