LeprechaunLaffs #66 for Monday 5/23


DL - Leprechaun & Tomes

LeprechaunLaffs with the

 

  The  LethalLeprechaun

 

   Celtic, Crass, Comedic

It's Monday- Garfield

Someone asked what went through our minds first thing in the Morning. While I cannot speak for Impish (either what goes through his mind or if he even HAS one) this is what scrolls down the inside of my eyeballs starting about 15 seconds after I roll over, sit up, stop sounding like a box of Rice Krispies someone just poured a quart of 2% milk into and get my glasses on my face. This holds particularly true for Mondays when everything seems to start out/up begrudgingly.

Leprechaun Boot Up 1

 

LET’S SLURP IT IF YOU GOT IT AND LAUGH!

Regular vs Decafe

Church Social

The minister announced that admission to a church social event would
be six dollars per person.

“However, if you’re over 65,” he said, “the price will be only $5.50.”
 
From the back of the congregation, a woman’s voice rang out, “Do you
really think I’d give you that information for only fifty cents?”

DL Introspection Header

imageCDC prepares for Zombie Apocalypse: tips on how to survive

Nope your reading that right, The Center of Disease Control is providing tips on surviving the impending Zombie Apocalypse (my guess is this refers to the mass migration of brainless mindless liberal lemmings to the polls to re-elect Obama)

imageIt’s been Zombie Awareness month in May, but the impending Rapture distracted us from our duty in informing the public on what they should do in the event that zombies attack.

Thankfully, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, yes the government-run CDC, has stepped up to remind us all: we need to prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse. By Melissa Bell http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/blogpost/post/cdc-prepares-for-zombie-apocalypse-tips-on-how-to-survive/2011/05/19/AFHPqD7G_blog.html

 

Prepared for a #zombie apocalypse? If so, you’re prepared for any emergency. Learn how: CDC PH Matters blog http://t.co/8DwUCVd

That’s so like our government to leave a job half done. OK, I admit, it IS surprising that the CDC, a governmental agency, has apparently come out to warn of an impending invasion by mindless liberals and democrats with only two things on the “minds”- spending your money and getting Obama re-elected. However isn’t it typical that they fall short and fail to warn us of the all ready in progress Vampire invasion of blood sucking entitlement minded freeloaders and illegal immigrants who are sinking their fangs in our wallets in an attempt to bleed us dry under the disguise of social awareness?

ACTUALLY someone at the CDC has decided to attempt to lighten up their usually rather dry posts about emergency readiness kits and personal disaster kits and get more young people to read and follow their advice in a humorous way.

Still the thought of an invasion of zombie liberals is going to give me nightmares for weeks to come, thanks CDC!

  Humm

Bizarre Newspaper Headlines

Cause of AIDS Found – Scientists
Doctor Testifies in Horse Suit
City May Impose Mandatory Time for Prostitution
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe
Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One
Kicking Baby Considered to Be Healthy
Why You Want Sex Changes With Age
Boys Cause As Many Pregnancies As Girls
Cemetery Allows People to be Buried by Their Pets
Man Held Over Giant L.A. Brush Fire
Antique Stripper to Demonstrate Wares at Store
Sudden Rush to Help People Out of Work
Deadline Passes for Striking Police

image_thumb11

THE TOILET SEAT

Charlie’s wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the
seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was
out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she
returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting
in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she
realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet
seat. About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.
They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in
desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet
around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room.
The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free
her (Try to get a mental picture of this.). Lucy tried to lighten the
embarrassment of it all by saying, “Well, Doctor, I’ll bet you’ve never
seen anything like this before.” The Doctor replied, “Actually, I’ve
seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed.”

DL Motivational Header

Motovational Onion Booty

 

motovational Barfing eggs

 

motovate Brazilian Wax

 

Leprechauns Libations 2

Absolut Lemonade

Ingredients:
3/4 oz. Amaretto
3/4 oz. Absolut Citron Vodka
2 oz. Sour Mix
1 splash Sprite
 
Glass to Use: Beer Pint
 
Directions:
Pour all ingredients into a pint glass filled with ice.

Wonder why you didn’t do this earlier.

image_thumb5

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, ‘Is It true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin people to git cancer?’

‘Yes, Bubba, sure is true,’ responded the lawyer.

‘And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants fer makin them fat an cloggin their arteries with all them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?’

‘Sure is, Bubba.’

‘And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?’

‘Yep.’

‘And that football player sued that university when he graduaided and still couldn’t read?’

‘That’s right,’ said the lawyer.’ ‘But why are you asking?’

‘Well, I was thinkin… What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?’

 image_thumb8

coollogo_com-10365867_thumb2

Today’s Last Word comes courtesy of a non reader friend of mine (gasp!) Yes, I know, its terrible that people should needlessly suffer in ignorance of this great blog. I have tried to get him to lay down his burden but he just won’t heed my advice. Sad a fact as it maybe there are just those out there who refuse to listen to the voice of reason, usually we call them liberals.

Last year Obama flew in Air Force One 172 times, almost every other day.

White House officials have been telling reporters in recent days that the Democrat doesn’t intend to hang around the White House quite so much in 2011. They explain he wants to get out more around the country because, as everyone knows, that midterm election shellacking on Nov. 2 had nothing to do with his health care bill, over-spending or other policies, and everything to do with Obama’s not adequately explaining himself to his countrymen and women.

And with only 673 days remaining in Obama’s never ending presidential campaign, the incumbent’s travel pace will not likely slacken.

At an Air Force-estimated cost of $181,757 per flight HOUR (not to mention the additional travel costs of Marine One, Secret Service, logistics and local police overtime), that’s a lot of frequent flier dollars going into Obama’s carbon footprint.

We are privy to some of these numbers thanks to CBS’ Mark Knoller, a bearded national treasure trove of presidential stats. According to Knoller’s copious notes, during the last year, Obama made 65 domestic trips over 104 days, and six trips to eight countries over 22 days. Not counting six vacation trips over 32 days.

He took 196 helicopter trips, signed 203 pieces of legislation and squeezed in 29 rounds of left-handed golf.

Obama last year gave 491 speeches, remarks or statements. That’s more talking than goes on in some entire families, at least from fatherly mouths.

In fact, even including the 24 days of 2010 that we never saw Obama in public, his speaking works out to about one official utterance every 11 waking hours. Aides indicate the “Real Good Talker” believes we need more.

Related: Obama spends nearly half his presidency outside Washington, plans to travel more

Related: Vacationer-in-Chief Spends $1.75 Million to Visit Hawaiian Chums

Obama has spent over $100 million taxpayer dollars flying around in Air Force One, and probably another $100 million on his entourage. Obama is just another tin-pot dictator living lavishly at the expense of his subjects.

And we seniors have to “tighten our belts” because we aren’t getting a COLA again this year… and none last year!

THANKS TO ALL WHO HELPED PUT THIS GREEDY WINDBAG IN OFFICE!! BE MORE CAREFUL NEXT TIME!!

Not Tax with foolish

DL Closing Credits

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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2 Responses to LeprechaunLaffs #66 for Monday 5/23

  1. Don says:

    President Bush recently spent his 879th day at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, on March 11, 2008 according to http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/03/1…

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Way to use figures out of context Don.
      Did you point out you were comparing apples and oranges? NO. Just used figures so far out of skew that there is no basis for direct comparison to make your Democratic point seem valid right?

      What do I mean? The tactic of comparing the numbers for someone on who at that point cited was in office for over 2200 days with someone who has been in office (as of today) 854 days.

      There are other facts that skew your comparison as well that you conveniently ignored, forgot or failed to take into account because they make your side look good as well which I will now be forced to get into in my next last word to show just how big a turd you tried to pass off as the truth.

      You want to debate us come with HONEST AND ACCURATE facts figures and information like a gentleman of integrity.

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