Good Morning Campers!
Thirsty Thursday is here!
I love Thursdays. Thursdays our the days that we drink all day. We start off in the morning and Lethal shares his secret coffee mixture that he calls “brown gold” with the staff. Now, personally, I think that he’s not sharing the REAL “brown gold” but it’s still better than the usual coffee we use. Then for lunch on Thirsty Thursday, we have either a wine tasting or micro-brew beer tasting or something like that. Today, from what I understand, the dwarves are presenting us with several different ale and mead samples for us to taste and judge. After work, we have a buffet dinner with the winners of the tasting contest set out as barrels to enjoy with the dinner. It’s really a great day.
What does your office due to celebrate Thirsty Thursday every week?
Today’s issue needs to be put out before the tasting begins or it won’t really be worth reading. So…. Let’s get started:
become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest
hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on
NO baby talk. “You need to use ‘Big People’ words,”
she was always reminding them.
She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend?
“I went to visit my Nana.”
“No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use ‘Big People’ words.”
She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
“I took a ride on a choo-choo.”
She said “No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must
remember to use Big People’ words.”
She then asked little Alex what he had done.
“I read a book,” he replied.
“That’s WONDERFUL!” the teacher said.
“What book did you read?”
Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his
chest with great pride, and said, “Winnie the SH*T.”
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
- The day after daylight-saving time is supposed to be the worst day of the year for car accidents, because the lower sun in the sky makes it hard for people to read their tweets while driving.
- Singer George Michael told a judge this week that he deserved to go to jail for his behavior as a celebrity. To which Lindsay Lohan said, “Will you shut up? You’ll ruin it for everybody.”
- Lindsay asked the judge if she could be excused from court this Thursday because of what she called “the holiest day of the year.” Saint Patrick’s Day.
Lethal Leprechaun spied a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND”.
Lethal spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up.
Things to Say on a First Date That Will Guarantee It is Also Your Last:
” You’re 31? I’m sorry, it’s my dyslexia’s fault… I thought you were 13.”
” My mom has that same dress.”
“That pill I put in your drink was just Splenda.”
“Finally, someone else who doesn’t care about their looks!”
“My dad has that same dress.”
“You’re a twin? Cool… So, do you guys, like, do it together?”
“This body has served me well, but is rapidly succumbing to the rigors of mortality; yours will be a fitting replacement.”
“You’re paying for all this, right?”
“Shit! That’s my wife at the next table over!”
“Could you please pass the butterface?”
“Sorry I’m late, those house-arrest anklets look flimsy, y’know?”
“I have that same dress.”
“I don’t know what my frat bros were talking about; I’ve seen plenty of people uglier than you.”
“Speaking of conjoined twins, please don’t scream when I take this off…”
“-Oh the camera? Don’t worry, it’s nothing kinky; it’s just for proof you actually went out with me so my roommate will give me the fifty bucks.”
“…AMERICAN President my red, white and blue ass! If that boy weren’t born an Ay-rab, I’m Karl freakin’ Marx!”
“Thanks for coming; the coven was really getting on my ass about finding a sacrifice by Solstice.”
“You’re so cute! you look just like my dog when he eats!”
“Mother said if I brought any more filthy whores home, she’d start to kill again—do you have your own place?”
“Your brother is a better lay than you.”
“My brother is a better lay than you.”
“Gosh, I wish I’d been as pretty as you when I was a woman.”
“And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.”
Whatever happened to our favorite Disney characters?
MICKEY MOUSE:Died of venereal disease after visiting multiple
prostitutes because Minnie said “No” for 50 years.
DONALD DUCK:Served as a main course at Epcot’s China Pavilion.
PLUTO:Caught by dogcatchers, put to sleep after he was never claimed.
GOOFY:Assassinated during first term as President of the United States.
SCROOGE McDUCK:Died in extreme poverty after being audited by the IRS.
HUEY, DEWEY & LOUIE:Involved in an underground child pornography ring.
CHIP & DALE:Extracted from Richard Gere’s colon.
SNOW WHITE:Fell for the “apple trick” again.
SNEEZY:Died of pneumonia with Jim Henson.
GRUMPY:Executed after gunning down 15 people in a local McDonalds.
HAPPY:Killed by insane gunman at a local McDonalds.
DOC:Was sued for malpractice, lived the rest of his life living under
bridges and eating out of used cat food cans.
SLEEPY:Never woke up.
BASHFUL:Now a stripper with the Chippendales.
MARY POPPINS:Shot down over Iraqi airspace.
CHRISTOPHER ROBIN:Male prostitute, died of a heroin overdose.
WINNIE THE POOH:Had a heart attack caused by a cholesterol level of 570.
PIGLET:Gunned down in a mafia hit.
RABBIT:Died of an aneurism while watching over his garden.
TIGGER:Accidentally bounced off the edge of a cliff.
PETER PAN:Christopher Robin’s lover, committed suicide in despair.
TINKERBELL:Caught by some kid who forgot to punch holes in the lid.
Thanks to Molly for this one!
This is why cops are using cameras. This camera turns on when police activate a Taser gun at defendants. Note the difference between what the defendants, their mothers and their wives, say to the Judge BEFORE the video plays! Look at the size of the last guy.
If for some reason you can’t see the above video, since I’m still new at adding them myself, try going here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTuBx0yrJGg
An Arizona couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist’s office. The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?’ The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?’ The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse..’
He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.
The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row.
The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, ‘I’m sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?’
The man says, ‘We’re not trying to find out anything.
She’s married; so we can’t go to her house.
I’m married; and we can’t go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $98.
The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50, and Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7.
On second glance, with our special cameras that can see into the fantasy realm, you can see that the fire actually had a bit of help…
Now, before you go thinking that one of my brethren was causing trouble somewhere, be assured that the fire dept and dragonkind have worked together for years on training exercises and such. This picture was taken at just such an exercise where Horatio (the Dragon) lit up an abandoned building so that the fire dept could put it out. With the high intensity of Horatio’s fire, he could set the same building on fire three or four times before the building was completely wiped out. Here we’re looking at the third time that he set it on fire and the Fire Dept was going to put it back out. You can see that there isn’t much left standing so this was the last time they could use this building. The nice part about using dragon fire on an exercise like this is that when it’s all over, there isn’t much clean up since there isn’t much left.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.
“Discreet? I’m the most discreet person you’ll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me.”
Goldberg goes over to the Meyer’s condo and knocks on the door. The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants? Goldberg declares: “Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home.”
“Tell him he should drop dead!” yells the wife.
“I’ll go tell him,” says Goldberg.
Thanks to George for this one…. You know… I was with you, right up to the twenty-two cents…
This story was published in the Columbus Dispatch on Tuesday, March 22. I thought you may get a laugh out of it. That has to be one large cavity and a lot of loose change.
Scranton, Pa. (AP)- Police in northeastern Pennsylvania say they recovered more than 50 bags of heroin, plus cash and loose change from a woman in a cavity search.
Authorities say that 27-year-old Karin Mackaliunas was detained last weekend after a crash, Scranton police say they found three bags of heroin in her jacket. After being taken to the police station, she told investigators that she had more hidden in her vagina.
Adoctor performed a search and recovered 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags vsed to package heroin, prescription pills and $51.22.
Mackaliunas was jailed in lieu of $25,000 bail on charges including possession with intent to deliver a controlled substance.
Take care George
One of my favorite jokes of all time!
Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner. Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother what she wanted. ‘Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.’
Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Carol’s mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did. Carol’s mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter.
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Carol
Carol knew this wasn’t true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over.
———————————————————- LETTER 2:
This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you, Carol
Carol knew this wasn’t true either. She tore up the letter and started again.
Dear God: I know I haven’t been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you, Carol
Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted to go to church. Carol’s mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad. ‘Just be home in time for dinner,’ her mother said.
Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter to God.
I GOT YOUR MAMA.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed, YOU KNOW WHO
What a fantastic Article! You will probably see some of my, humble comments sprinkled into this piece….I hope you can easily pick them out!
From a Korean war era fighter pilot
Think about this when you read the rest of the letter below. What happened
to our Air Force? We used to go to the Officers Club Stag Bar on Friday
afternoons to drink, smoke and swap lies with our comrades.
Drinking became frowned on. Smoking caused cancer and could “harm you”.
Stag bars became sexist. Gradually, our men quit patronizing their clubs
because what happened in the Club became fodder for a Performance Report.. Same
thing at the Airman’s Club and the NCO and/or Top 3 clubs.
Now we don’t have separate clubs for the ranks. Instead we have something
called “xxx” Air Force Base Club. It’s open to men and women of all
ranks….from Airman Basic to General Officer. Still, no one is there. Gee, I
The latest brilliant thought out of Washington is that the “pilots?”
flying remote aircraft in combat areas from their duty station in Nevada or
Arizona should draw the same combat pay as those real world pilots actually on
board a plane in a hostile environment. The Politically Correct Logic? The
remote vehicle operator is subject to the same stress levels as the combat
pilot actually flying in combat. REALLY!!!???
Now that I’ve primed you a little, read on.
Where Have All The Fighter Pilots Gone?
There are many who will agree with these sentiments, but they apply to
more than just fighter pilots. Unfortunately, the ones with the guts to speak
up or push for what they believe in are beaten down by the “system.”
Unfortunately there is a lot of truth here.
Supposedly, Secretary Gates has a force beating the bushes to learn who
Subject: Where Have All The Fighter Pilots Gone?
Answer: Good Question.
Here is a rant from a retired fighter pilot that is worth reading:
It is rumored that our current secretary of defense recently asked the
question, “Where are all the dynamic leaders of the past?” I can only assume,
if that is true, that he was referring to Robin Olds, Jimmy Doolittle,
Patton, Ike, Boyington, Nimitz, etc.
I’ve got the answer. They were fired before they made Major.
Our nation doesn’t want those kinds of leaders anymore. Squadron
commanders don’t run squadrons and wing commanders don’t run wings. They are
managed by higher ranking dildos with other esoteric goals in mind.
Can you imagine someone today looking for a LEADER to execute that
Doolittle Raid and suggesting that it be given to a dare-devil boozer-his only
attributes: he had the respect of his men, an awesome ability to fly, and the
organizational skills to put it all together. If someone told me there was
a chance in hell of selecting that man today, I would tell them they were
either a liar or dumber than shit.
I find it ironic that the Air Force put General Olds on the cover of the
company rag last month. While it made me extremely proud to see his face, he
wouldn’t make it across any base in America (or overseas) without ten
enlisted folks telling him to zip up his flight suit and shave his mustache
off. I have a feeling that his response would be predictable and for that
crime he would probably get a trip home and an Article 15. We have lost the war
on rugged individualism and that, unfortunately, is what fighter pilots
want to follow; not because they have to but because they respect leaders of
that ilk. We’ve all run across that leader that made us proud to follow
him because you wanted to be like him and make a difference. The individual
who you would drag your testicles through glass for rather than disappoint
We better wake the hell up! We’re asking our young men and women to go to
shitty places, some with unbearable climates, never have a drink, have
little or no contact with the opposite sex, not look at magazines of a
suggestive nature of any type, and adhere to ridiculous regs that require you to
tuck your shirt into your PT uniform on the way to the porta-shitter at
night in a dust storm because it’s a uniform. These people we’re sending to
combat are some of the brightest I’ve met but they are looking for a little
sanity, which they will only find on the outside if we don’t get a friggin’
clue. You can’t continue asking people to live for months or years at a time
acting like nuns and priests. Hell, even they get to have a beer. Who
are we afraid of offending? The guys that already hate us enough to strap C4
to their own bodies and walk into a crowd of us? Think about it.
I’m extremely proud of our young men and women who continue to serve. I’m
also very in tune with what they are considering for the future and I’ve
got news for whoever sits in the White House, Congress, and our so-called
Much talent has and will continue to hemorrhage from our services, because
wanna-be warriors are tired of fighting on two fronts–
One with our enemies,
Another against our lack of common sense.
The “make nice-nice” concept that has helped ruin the military is not confined thereto. I’ve seen it degrade many a corporation & college. If your employer tells you they want leaders & want people to “tell it like it is,” assume they lie.
The insanity is nearly complete, & those who should be inmates are in charge. Combat pay for U.S.-based remotes?????
It appears that a form of “multiculturalism” has developed within the AF over the past several decades and probably other services as well — an attitude of submission to bureaucratic dictates from bookeepers and bureaucrats secure in bunkers, promoted and promoting only those who display a “balanced” and regimented attitude, one that stymies and limits “unorthodox displays”, aggressive attitude or discordant behavior that might infect the qualities of the current “management” style of operation and social behavior within the military.
Leadership qualities of individuals are determined by how one blends into the social fabric among associates regardless of rank, insignia or function.
America has not really won a war since WW II, despite being involved in many…none of which had a real purpose other than to further the schemes and line the pockets of the international banksters who profited the most from them. Our blood and money littered those areas wherein we were involved, but what has it profited America for its involvement? Our former enemies and allies, Germany, Japan, Korea as well as other regions now produce product such that America no longer can sustain its own workforce or produce even the goods necessary to maintain an army…Even our uniforms come from other nations.
But then it appears that this may have been the Plan after all..as those hiding behind the curtain formed the attitude that alien politicians like Henry Kissinger considered proper as regards the use of America’s military…Simply a tool for the use of the elites..
That old Marine General Smedley Butler who saw through this misuse of our military considered that it was being done to further the goals of the banking internationalists. He said that “War is a Racket”. Probably the best summary analysis of them all. JRN