Leprechaun Laffs #53


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I figured  being  Easter Weekend we needed a little something with Pizazz and some Easter eggs and of course todays issue features lots Easter jokes! Impish will also be doing an Easter issue which will likely prove the more dignified and respectful look at Easter tomorrow. I decided hey its FRIDAY, it’s the WEEKEND, who wants to be respectful and dignified on Friday night?

Am I right?

Oh, by the way, before Impish tries to get too much mileage off being the respectful dignified one this time around? I might mention that I know for a fact all week long he has tried (to no avail) to order a chocolate covered Playboy Bunny!

Now Let’s Laugh!

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Why the Easter Bunny Brings Eggs

10. Big tax write-off.

9. Who ever heard of Easter Bricks?

8. Consider all of the varieties: scrambled, over easy, hard boiled.

7. He gets a good deal from the local chickens.

6. Secret plan to eliminate human race by cholesterol overdose.

5. Pressure from the Egg Marketing Board.

4. Because if it brought bottle rockets it would be the Independence Bunny.

3. Would you want to hunt for waffles?

2. He thinks guys should get chicks at least once a year.

1. Because the Energizer rabbit got the good job.

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Older - Funnier

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While on a road trip, Harry and Martha stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, Martha unknowingly left her glasses on the table. She
didn’t miss them until they had been driving about twenty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they
could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, Harry became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed, complained and scolded Martha relentlessly during the entire return trip. The more he chided her the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t
let up one minute. To Martha’s relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.As Martha got out of the car and hobbled inside to retrieve her
glasses the old geezer shook his fist and yelled …
” While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat, and the credit card.”

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Top 10 Signs the Easter Bunny is Nuts

 

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10. Neighbors describing him as “a quiet loner.”

9. Removed from a department store last December after screaming at Santa, “You’re going to die up there, fat man!”

8. Can’t stop washing his paws.

7. Colorful eggs now filled with Prozac.

6. Apartment walls covered with photos of Sharon Stone.

5. Met with Dr. Kevorkian about the possibility of a “suicide egg.”

4. Rotting corpse of Energizer bunny recently discovered in his crawl space.

3. Won’t come out of his compound in Waco, Texas.

2. He’s hippity-hopped up on crack.

1. Keeps rubbing himself for good luck.

 

DL Introspection Header

 

This week marks the one year anniversary of the accident leading to the BP Oil Spill in the Gulf. BP marked the anniversary by suing the maker of the blowout preventer and the rig owner. They also claim that environmental conditions in the Gulf have already returned to near pre-spill conditions.

Well as a person who lives near the Gulf I can tell you that when it comes our beaches…

THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAN OIL ON THE BEACH!

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Unseen Warning

 

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Think that’s bad? It gets worse, there’s more!

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This next example of beach damage might even be a Hurricane Ike remnant

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Previously once scenic vistas still exhibit hideous natural beauty marring scars

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Even the tourist industry is being hit hard by the damage

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Fish and wildlife are still not recovering and may species show signs of gross abnormalities like the Texas mullethead shown here missing most of its tail area covering.

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Even the water fowl still suffer lingering effect like these bearded dorks storks..

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Whales still beach themselves regularly…

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You even occasionally still find an occasional oil covered animal like this nipple ringed  beach baboon

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SO BP STOP TELLING ME OUR TEXAS BEACHES ARE PRESTINE ONCE AGAIN ‘CAUSE IT JUST AIN’T SO!

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The Night Before Easter

‘Twas the night before Easter. All was calm and laid back.
Impish the Dragon in the kitchen, snarfed down a late snack.
The eggs were all dyed but still drippy and sticky…
To be honest, they looked just a little bit icky.

There were big jelly beans, chocolate bunnies and such,
And as Impish stuffed his face, he sighed, “This is too much!”
Lethal and Molly were in bed watching late night TV,
While munching saltines with low-sodium Brie.

Then a sudden commotion rang out in the night.
It shook Lethal and Molly, really gave them a fright.
Lethal’s hair stood on end, and his eyes bugged out fat…
Molly whipped off the covers and knocked off her cat.

They lunged to the window, yanked open the blinds…
What they saw was amazing; it boggled their minds:
Across the night sky, with a noise like the dickens,
Soared a minivan drawn by eight overgrown chickens!

At the wheel sat a bunny — cute, fuzzy and fat —
In designer blue jeans and a Panama hat.
Like a speeding space shuttle, those chickens they flew,
As the van driver called to each hen in his crew:

“Now, Ashley! Now, Sheila! Now, Kelsey and Bo!
On Bethany, Liza! On Daphne, on Flo!”
The van made its landing lickety-split …
Nearly wiped out the shrubs and the barbecue pit!

Then up on the roof, much toLethal’s consternation,
They squawked of egg prices and space navigation.
They made so much noise that Lethal started to stammer,
“If you guys don’t shut up, I’m dropping the hammer!”

Fuzzy hopped down the chimney, amidst all this racket,
And emerged from the fireplace, adjusting his jacket.
This bunny was chic, he had class, he had flair ..
Not your average bozo, not your typical hare.

His ears were enormous; his huge overbite
Was right under a nose like a pink neon light.
His manner was smooth, he was hip, he was cool;
This floppy-eared bunny was no fuzzy fool.

“While I’m here,” he smiled, “Everybody relaxes …
I’m not selling storm windows, won’t audit your taxes.
I’m just here to bring you some fun and delight.
Eat, drink, and be merry! Let’s party tonight!”

So they sipped diet soda and swapped silly jokes,
Those birds and their bunny just being plain folks.
Then flop-ears said, “Hey, friends, we’ve had quite a ball,
But my chickens and I are now due in St. Paul!”

He crossed both his eyes. Then he wiggled one ear,
And he yelled to his chicken team, “We’re outta here!”
As the minivan rose in the 3 a.m. sky,
He called out, “Later, Lethal and Molly! And to you, Impish, good-bye!”

As he sped out of sight, his three friends heard him say,
“Happy Easter to all! Have a beautiful day!”

Author Unknown With poetic license & liberties taken by LethalLeprehaun

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It’s so nice to see Impish getting modeling gigs again! He let himself go so bad when he got depressed after losing the title role in Eragon, I was afraid he’d never get modeling work again. Pretty good likeness too, they really caught his wide side!

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1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class.  She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.  It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.  Their insight may surprise you.   While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

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Gabriel goes to the Lord and says, “I have to talk to you.

We have some Texans up here who are causing some real problems.

They’re swinging on the Pearly Gates; my horn is missing; they’re wearing T-shirts instead of their robes; there’s barbecue and Picante sauce all over everything—especially their T-shirts; their dogs are riding in the chariots and chasing the sheep; they’re wearing baseball caps and cowboy hats—instead of their halos; they refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clean; their boots are marking and scuffing up the halls of Wisdom; there are tortilla chip crumbs and watermelon seeds all over the place; some of them are walking around with just one wing; and they insist on bringing their darn horses with them.”

The Lord said, “Texans are Texans, Gabriel. Heaven is home to all of my children.          .  If you want to hear about some real problems, call the Devil.”                             .

So Gabriel calls up the Devil. When he answers the phone and says, “Hello—hold on a minute . . .”

When he returns to the phone, the Devil says, “O.K., I’m back. What can I do for you?”

Gabriel replies, “I just want to know what kinds of problems you are having down there with the Texans.”

The Devil says, “Hold on again—I need to check on something . . .”

After about 5 minutes, the Devil returns to the phone and says, “I’m back. Now what is the question?”

“Gabriel says, “What kind of problems are you having down there with the Texans?”

The Devil says, “Man, I don’t believe this! Hold on . . . .”

This time, the Devil is gone 15 minutes. When he returns, he says, “I’m sorry Gabriel—I can’t talk right now! Red Adair just put out the fire down here—and now Brown & Root is installing air conditioning!”

It’s wise to recall . . . we TEXANS survive . . . despite the odds!

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Short Easter Jokes

When one breeds an angora rabbit with an Easter Bunny is that a cross hair?

Good Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter.
Bad Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Xmas.

Alzheimer’s Advantage #2 :- You can hide your own Easter eggs.

Q. What do Easter Bunny helpers get for making a basket?
A. Two points, just like anyone else.

Q. What’s invisible and smells like carrots?
A. The Ether Bunny

Q. Why did the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
A. He doesn’t want the other bunnies to know that he was fooling around with the chickens.

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Psalm 2011

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Obama is the shepherd I did not Want.
He leadeth me beside the still factories.

He restoreth my faith in the Republican Party.
He guideth me in the path of unemployment for his party’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the Valley of The Bread Line,
I shall fear no hunger, for his bailouts are with me.

He has anointed my income with taxes,
My expenses runneth over.

Surely, poverty and hard living will
Follow me all the days of my life,
And I will live in a mortgaged home forever.

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Sure beats where jelly beans come from!

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All I need to know I learned from the Easter Bunny!

  • Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
  • Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
  • There’s no such thing as too much candy.
  • All work and no play can make you a basket case.
  • A cute tail attracts a lot of attention.
  • Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
  • Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
  • Some body parts should be floppy.
  • Keep your paws off of other people’s jelly beans.
  • Good things come in small, sugar coated packages.
  • The grass is always greener in someone else’s basket.
  • To show your true colors, you have to come out of the shell.
  • The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.

May the joy of the season fill your heart.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU!

And from those of us here at DragonLaffs who won’t be getting any candy because Impish will eat or swipe it all… Happy Easter!

DL Closing Credits

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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3 Responses to Leprechaun Laffs #53

  1. Jerry Moore says:

    Just curious, did you buy the multicolored plastic Easter eggs, that are all produced in China or did you support the American farmer and use real eggs :>) Funny how easy they make it for us to support China isn’t it.

    • impishdragon says:

      Jerry, Personally, I re-used the same plastic eggs that I’ve had for several years now that I know I bought special because they were made in the USA. I’ve been checking labels religiously for years now and will go out of my way and spend more to buy American if I can. I even do it at work with the products that I buy for the government. You have to look at descriptions very closely, but in almost every website the government is allowed to buy from, it will say where the product was originally made. I have spent up to 40% more for a product because it’s American made because I figure, in the long run, it’s government money staying here instead of going to some other country and it’s going to be better for the government, and all of us, since we ARE the government….as far as Lethal goes…… I know that he supported SEVERAL farmers this year. But, I’ll let him answer for himself on this one. LOL.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      I had a cottage industry thing going here with highly decorated USDA blessed hard boiled real eggs and supported the local farmers to the tune of over 25 dzn. (I actually lost count of how many dzn I made now and don’t want to another dyed egg for quite some time.

      And we don’t even have kids! That good enough Jerry?

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