Dragon Laffs #1183


Good Morning Campers! 

Today is Tuesday, from the English word two meaning…um…two. Right or the second crappiest day of the week.  (Monday maintaining it’s first place distinction with a record unbroken in several hundred years.)  There is some argument that the English translation is actually the way to go, since the Viking’s came to America first, many1 years before that Columbus dude and they held out that Tuesday was a special day for drinking special ale.  It’s true.  Where do you think the Tuborg Gold company got it’s name from?  Tu = Tuesday and borg = beer.  And when looked at another way, it means that Captain Picard and crew were being harassed by being that was not only a mixture of man and machine, but were alcoholics as well!

Okay, so I’ve now done my level best (which, granted, isn’t the greatest, but it is only Tuesday, after all) to completely screw with your mind this morning and since we’re all a bunch of screwballs anyway, it would seem that my job is done here!  So, let’s all take our marshmallows and our morning coffee and get to laughing!

Let’s Laugh!

 

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Answers we have been looking for…. as guys, of course!

What are the small bumps around a woman’s breast for?
It’s braille for “suck here”.

What is an “Australian Kiss”?
It’s the same as a “French Kiss”, but “down-under”!

Why do girls rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
Because they don’t have any balls to scratch.

What is a man’s ultimate embarrassment?
Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.


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Lewis & Clark air rifle

Interesting engineering in the 18th century. 

O.K. how many of you very knowledgeable folks out there even knew that a rifle like this even existed, especially back then? Seriously, I would like to know, because I sure didn’t. A must watch.

This is an interesting bit of information. Would like to get one now, but I believe it would cost too much.

The phrase “Peace through Strength” is shown here!!

http://www.network54.com/Forum/451309/thread/1296928404/This+is+just+to+cool+not+to+spread+around


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Nominated as the world’s best short joke….
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
”Mom”, he asked, “are these my brains?”
”Not yet,” she replied

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This one speaks for itself. It’s amazing that it’s an advertisement for a bank.

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Blue Angel fans?  Aren’t we all?
http://www.neptunuslex.com/2010/12/10/good-day-at-the-patch/
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Look deeply into my eyes……
You’re getting sleepy….sleepy….
Now, you will go to the kitchen and open tuna fish cans….
Lots and Lots of tuna fish cans!

This is cool.  Well done…
 
 
then watch this…
The Making of Batelco INFINITY

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468x60_bcs-oneclick42
Take one minute….just one click, every day, helps more than you can imagine!

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Recently I was asked to play in a golf tournament.

At first I said, “Naaahhh! Not interested.”

Then they said to me “Come on, it’s for handicapped and blind kids.”

Then I thought… 


Shit, I could win this thing

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Donate212

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The Five Toughest Questions for Men:

The 5 toughest questions for men are:

1. What are you thinking about?

2. Do you love me?

3. Do I look fat?

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?

5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly ( i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.”

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, “If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!”)

—————————————-

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: “YES!” or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, “Yes, dear.”

Inappropriate responses include:

a. Oh Yeah, loads.

b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?

c. That depends on what you mean by love.

d. Does it matter?

e. Who, me?

————————————-

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of course not!”

Among the incorrect answers are:

a. Compared to what?

b. I wouldn’t call you fat, but you’re not exactly thin.

c. A little extra weight looks good on you.

d. I’ve seen fatter.

e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

—————————————————————–
Question # 4: Do you think she’s prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is always: “Of course not!”

Incorrect responses include:

a. Yes, but you have a better personality.

b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.

c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.

d. Define pretty..

e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

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Question# 5: What would you do if I died?

This is the all-time, no-win question. There is no good answer. No matter how you answer, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

Woman: Would you get married again?

Man: Definitely not!

Woman: Why not? Don’t you like being married?

Man: Of course I do.

Woman: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?

Man: Okay, I’d get married again.

Woman: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

Man: Yes, I would.

Woman: (After a long pause) Would you sleep with her in our bed?

Man: Where else would we sleep?

Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

Man: She can’t use them; she’s left-handed.

(The real answer, of course, is “Buy a Corvette.”)


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Now, I’ve heard this next one several times, but this is the first time I’ve seen an actual company name associated with it.  So, what does that mean?  That it’s true this time?  Probably not.  Just means someone took the time to try to add a little reality to an obvious “Old Tale.”

If you’ve ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.  The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall.  The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.  He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $400 a week. Why?”
The CEO said, “Wait right here.”
He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”
From across the room a voice said, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”

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And speaking of oldies…

The   inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle,  Arthur Davidson , died and  went to  heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur.  ‘Since  you’ve been such a good man and your   motorcycles   have   changed the world, your reward is, you can  hang out with anyone you  want to in  heaven.’

Arthur thought about it for a minute  and  then said, ‘ I want to hang out with  God.’

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne  Room, and  introduced him to God.

God  recognized Arthur and commented,  ‘Okay, so you  were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson   motorcycle?

‘Arthur said, ‘Yeah, that’s  me…’

God commented:  ‘Well, what’s the  big deal in inventing something that’s pretty   unstable, makes noise and pollution and can’t  run without a  road?’

Arthur was a bit  embarrassed, but finally spoke, ‘Excuse  me,  but aren’t you the inventor of woman?’  

God   said, ‘Ah, yes.’

‘Well,’ said Arthur,  ‘professional to  professional, you have some  major design flaws in your invention  !

1  There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension

2.   It chatters constantly at high speeds

 

3.   Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much

4.   The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

5. The  maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!


‘Hmmmmm,   you may have some good points there,’ replied  God, ‘hold  on.’


God went to his  Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few  words  and waited for the results.

The computer  printed out a  slip of paper and God read  it.

‘Well, it may be true that my   invention is flawed,’ God said to Arthur, ‘but  according to these  numbers,  more   men  are  riding my invention than yours’.


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I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy, Gary, arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car. He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my driveway, the car broke down.

Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of replacement parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Responses ranged from “Mas-a-what?” to “You’ve got to be kidding.” One guy just laughed.

I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when I dialed Victor’s Garage. “Vic,” I said, “you’re my last hope. Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?”

There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat. “Yes,” he replied. “Oil.”

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Way cool optical illusion advertisement.  A GREAT way to advertise a printer.
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/cool-optical-illusion-commercial-samsung/

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Motivational Advice

Motivational Agony

It’s simply called, “It’s a trap!” Brothers, can I hear a “No kidding!” This dumb ass deserves everything he gets!
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And people wonder why I don’t have a facebook account…..

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And this car was advertised with “Fully Electric Windows”…that’s why I bought it!

 

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