Good Morning Campers! Hmm, I only see about half of you, are the rest still abed? Rough night last night celebrating St. Patrick’s Day? Well, we are having a similar problem here at Dragon Laff Studios. Seems our resident Leprechaun decided he was going to take some of the staff and “celebrate St. Patrick’s Day the way the good lord himself intended it to be celebrated.” Well, after making that comment and marching off with about 30 staff members, humans and mythicals, it wasn’t long afterward that the police started calling and asking if certain individuals belonged to us and can we please come and pick them up. Seems as though none of them were being charged with anything. Lethal wouldn’t let any of them drive or anything like that. Everyone was magically transported from one pub to another around the world. But, that’s where the problems began. I understand that he lost almost half the Mountain Dwarves when the went from the first Dublin Pub to the second one. Less than a mile away and right off…5 (or so, we’re not really sure) chunky-assed dwarves, didn’t make it to the second pub. I understand at one point they ran into Santa and due to some past history between Santa and the ownership of Dragon Laffs Enterprises, Santa didn’t take too kindly to drinking in the same pub as Lethal. Well, long story short, Lethal arranged for Santa to be found…um… drunk in the back alley of a pub in London, in a compromising position with a reindeer.
Anyway, most of the human staff have been found and returned to either their homes or the clinic for alcohol overdose and addiction, some of the mythical creatures have come back, but there is at least a slim possibility that some of them are still with Lethal. The last we heard was that they were going to follow the time line around the world and make St. Patrick’s Day last as long as possible. He’s probably somewhere in search of another pint. But, please. If you find him, mail him back to us.
Now, let’s laugh! (as if you weren’t already)
More Breaking News
From our own Jeannie….
A new childhood anti-obesity initiative is set to become law later this year. Experts in the field of childhood obesity are excited at the prospect of curbing and reversing the out of control rising level of obesity in young children and teens. The initiative called F.W.A.T. (Feed, Weigh And Tax) is the brainchild of a childhood obesity think tank committee formed by the current administration.
F.W.A.T. creators believe that the new law’s implementation will be simple and easy to understand for parents. Through coordinated efforts of local schools and the federal government, every school age child will be weighed monthly at their school. The individual weight data will then be entered into a federal data base which will be overseen by a new obesity czar. The data will be tracked and the parents of children who are found to be overweight or obese will be taxed on a per pound basis. The tax will be added to the parent’s annual income tax and will be monitored by federal obesity agents to ensure prompt payment. While the exact cost of the new fat tax has not yet been declared, obesity experts predict that the per pound cost of the offending youngsters will fall somewhere between the per pound cost of butter and boneless pork roast.
In addition to the monthly weigh-in, schools will be expected to help with the initiative in other ways. All educators will receive special adipose surveillance training from Homeland Security. According to a department spokesman, the most important concept for all teachers to remember is that “if you see something, say something.”
Parents who believe that their circumstances present a hardship may apply for a F.W.A.T. waiver which will relieve them of any tax liability in their child’s obesity. Failure to pay the F.W.A.T. tax under the new guidelines may result in garnishing of the parent’s or child’s wages and or relocation of the entire offending family to any of several new federal Weight Re-education Camps.
More information can be found online at fwat.org.gov.
YES, it’s satire, folks!! The way this administration operates, it’s believable though, isn’t it.
And the real shame is that she felt obligated to TELL you that it was satire.
“That way,” she said innocently, “you can kill two birds with one stone.”
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sorry to hear about the global warming.
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WHAT happened?!
Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
I feel your pain…..no one wants to run with me either.
Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.
What was your power again?
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Nail Salon Ladies
Dear Global Warming,
You’re the best imaginary friend ever!
Dear Mr. Gump
What are you talking about? There’s a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you’re gonna get….
Is it too early to ask what’s shakin’?
Seriously Going To Hell
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Every iPhone User
At least you get picked up…
The Girls of Jersey Shore
It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there’s only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Could a Japan-like mega-tsunami hit America? Yes, and there’s proof.
It is likely that the U.S. will be hit with a devastating tsunami within the next 50 years.
Okay, now really….this could be about ANY political party, so feel free to substitute your choice in at the end…
The flight was coming into Washington D.C. when a combination of mechanical errors and unstable weather caused the plane to start plummeting towards the ground!
The pilot feverishly worked his controls, and finally the engines roared back to life in time to prevent the plane from going splat on the ground!
As the plane landed, airport officials rushed to the disembarking gate and were stunned to see 200 midgets shakily get off the plane. Finally the crew got off the plane and the local manager of the airline came up to congratulate the pilot on his
perseverance under extreme conditions.
As the official and the pilot were talking, the official commented how unusual it was that there were so many midgets on the flight.
“Those weren’t midgets,” the pilot replied. “Those were Democrats with the shit scared out of them!”
A Cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night
recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in
his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in
the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. “Do you think you could give me some tips?” he asked.
The old man looked him up and down and said,
“Well, for one thing, you’re wearing your gun too high.
Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.”
“Will that make me a better gunfighter?” asked the young man.
“Sure will,” replied the old-timer.
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
“That’s terrific!” said the hot shot. “Got any more tips for me?”
“Yep,” said the old man. “Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That’ll give you a smoother draw”
“Will that make me a better gunfighter?” asked the younger man.
“You bet it will,” said the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood
up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off
the piano player “Wow!” exclaimed the cowboy, “I’m learnin’ somethin’ here. Got any more tips?”
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the
saloon. “See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.”
The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
“No,” said the old-timer, “I mean smear it all over the
gun, handle and all.”
“Will that make me a better gunfighter?” asked the young man.
“No,” said the old-timer, “but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he’s gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won’t hurt as much.”
A very well groomed young man walked into an army recruiting
office. After answering numerous questions, he was finally
asked if he was a homosexual. The guy admitted that he was.
“Gay, huh?” the brawny recruiter growled. “Do you think you
could kill a man?”
“My, yes,” the man giggled, “but it would take days and days.”
Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, “Did you see that?”
“No,” the second guy says.
“Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead,” the first guy says.
“Oh,” says the second guy.
A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, “Did you see that?”
“See what?” the second guy asks.
“Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there.”
A few minutes later the first guy says: “Did you see that?”
By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, “Yes, I did!”
And the first guy says: “Then why did you step in it?”
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front
of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, “Hey lady, you are really
She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey
lady, you are really ugly.”
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the
store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, “That’s not good,” and promised
he wouldn’t say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her,
She paused and said, “Yes?”
The bird said, “You know.”