Leprechaun Laffs – St. Patrick’s Day Spectacular Extravaganza


DL - Leprechaun Laffs

BANNER-HSPLINE

 

Welcome sprite green

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BEGORRAH! ‘Tis finally come around again to me favorite holiday a day when all true sons of Erie don their beloved green and proudly proclaim “Erin Go Braugh!” More on that in a second.‘Twas my original plan to have a post today mostly about what St Patrick’s Day REALLY is an how it is celebrated in Ireland. However judging by the number of ‘helpful submissions’ arriving both in my inbox and secretly being supplied to Impish a great number of you ‘loyal readers’ see it as the day I should take my turn in the barrel and allow Impish his revenge for all of my True Tales of Impish Dragon editions.

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Ok I can take a hint and man up for my turn in the barrel…but can you please empty the barrel out first give it a proper pressure washing and then refill it with Guinness please? I don’t want to say too much, but every time I saw Impish in the barrel there were bubbles and its not Jacuzzi jet equipped so I’m a wee suspicious of where the bubbles were coming from. No don’t fill it only half way fill ‘er right to the top full measure. I’ll either hold me breath or just drink it down while enduring all these stereotypical Irish jokes in a stoic fashion. So with out further ado I say…

Mair, Gáire, Grá!

(Gaelic for Live, Laugh, Love)

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An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?”
“Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”
“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

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McTavish a Scotsman and lover of the drink, …especially fine Scotch whiskey has dropped in on his old friend, Paddy, an Irishman of the same inclination, …though of course preferring Irish whiskey.
After and hours chat, McTavish allows he must be going…
“Och & damn ,”says Paddy, “I have forgotten me manners… now before ye go off, ye’ll be havin’ a wee dram with me, won’t you?”
“Ah..weel, since ye ask, I winna say no,” nods McTavish.
So Paddy gets a bottle of Connemara Single Malt from the shelf,
pours some into a glass, adds some water and hands it to McTavish.
McTavish sips at the drink, runs his tongue around his lips…
takes another sip and stares at the glass as if contemplating it.
“So..how is the drink?”, asks Paddy.
“Ah,it’s fine… fine…”, replies McTavish, taking a third, tentative sip.
“But, I dinna see the smile o’ a man enjoying good Irish whisky,” says Paddy…”…the drink… is it not to yer likin’?”
“No, no… it’s fine,” repeats McTavish, “I do have one wee question, though… when ye poured the drink, did ye put in the whisky, or the water first?”
“Why, ye were right here… ye know full weel I poured the whisky first!”
“Ah,” says McTavish, nodding “…good…I’ll be comin’ to it soon then!”

 

Ireland 4 provinces crest

Erin go braugh is a phonetic version of Éirinn go brách,” which in Irish (Gaelic) means “Ireland Forever.” It was an Irish blessing used to express allegiance to Ireland. It could also translate as “Ireland ’till doomsday,” “Ireland until eternity,” “Ireland until the end (of time)” or “Ireland until the Day of Judgment.” (Éire and Éirinn are both used as names for Ireland.)

 

 

Now a days with so many Irish folk spread so far and wide however its taken on the additional connotation of preserving Ireland’s true heart, the magical, mystical, mirthful and merry way we Irish look at and approach life.

Different Irish Blessing

 

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A fellow was talking to Lethal Leprechaun and said, “I gotta stop drinking that Irish whiskey.”

“How come?” asked Lethal.

“Because every Saturday night I go out and drink a fifth of the stuff, come home, make mad passionate love to the wife, wake up Sunday morning, and go to church.”

bushmill 10 yr single

“What’s wrong with that?” Lethal asked. “A lot of good Irishmen go out on Saturday night, drink a fifth of good Irish whiskey, come home, make love to the wife, and go to mass on Sunday.”

“I know,” said his friend, “but I’m Jewish!”

 

 

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I switched him from Jameson’s to Bushmills and now every Sunday he’s off with them Orange Boys. We’ll try him out on Tullamore Dew next and see if we can’t bring him ‘round to the Church of Ireland at least!

 

 

 

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An  Irishman moved into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry.  He walks into the local pub orders three pints of Guinness, takes them to a table and proceeds to drink them taking his time. He repeats this two times and then leaves the pub.
A few nights later he returns to the pub, orders three pints of Guinness, takes them to a table and drinks them taking his time. He repeats this two times and leaves the pub. He continues this for several weeks. Soon the entire town is talking about the “Three Pint Man.”
Finally, one day the pub owner on behalf of the entire town broaches the subject to the man. “I don’t mean to pry, but folks are quite curious why you order three pints each time you come in.”
The man replied, “I have two brothers – one in America and one in Australia. When we parted ways we all promised that each time we had a drink, we would order an extra two pints as a way of keeping up with each other.”
The pub owner and the entire town thought this was wonderful and were pleased that the brothers meant so much to each other. “The Three Pint Man” became a celebrity not only to the town but to the surrounding area.
One day the man came into the pub and orders only two pints of Guinness. The pub owner poured them with a heavy heart knowing in his soul that something dreadful must have happened. The news spreads around town and people are offering prays for the “Three Pint Man.”
This went on for a few weeks and the pub owner says to the man, “I want to offer our condolences due to the death of your brother. We are all heart broken.”
The man gave him a quizical look, and the bartender explained ” You know the two pints and all.”
The man ponders this for a few minutes, smiles with realization and replies, “You’ll be glad to hear that my brothers are alive and well. It’s just that I, meself, have decided to give up Guinness for Lent.”

Origon of Riverdance

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Saint Patrick’s Day    

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(Irish: Lá Fhéile Pádraig) is a religious holiday celebrated internationally on 17 March. It is named after Saint Patrick (c. AD 387–461), the most commonly recognized of the patron saints of Ireland. It originated as a Catholic holiday and became an official feast day in the early 17th century. It has gradually become more of a secular celebration of Ireland’s culture.

It is a public holiday in the Republic of Ireland, Northern Ireland,[one of the few things both places have always managed to agree on] Newfoundland and Labrador and in Montserrat. It is also widely celebrated by the Irish diaspora, especially in places such as Great Britain, Canada, the United States, Argentina, Australia, New Zealand, and Montserrat, among others.

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In this picture I’m celebration Impish paying his legal fees and betting losses finally!

What It Means To Be Irish

You think you sing very well. (Are you kidding? Dogs and Cats join in ta try and help me carry a tune!)

You’re strangely poetic after a few beers. (I leave the poetry to others…I’m a pub philosopher!)

You have no idea how to make a long story short.  (Ok this one ‘tis true)

You do the total opposite of what the doctor says. (Bah! What do they know?)

Your skin’s ability to tan not so much. (But all them freckles make up of the lack of a tan and last year round!)

You have never hit your head on a ceiling. (Wanna bet? I’m 6’ 2”!)

You have great respect for the truth, and you only use it in emergencies. (True, true it’s too boring  and usually incriminating otherwise)

At least one of your cousins holds political office. ( Only one? Must have been one of those rare honest families you hear stories of he’s talking about! I know Irish families where politics IS the family business! Can you say Kennedy?)

You swear very well. (Often, at great length, creatively, in at least half a dozen languages and with great feeling and conviction too!)

I'm Irish Whats Ur Excuse  Irish American Blessing

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Saint Patrick

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Little is known of Patrick’s early life, though it is known that he was born in Roman Britain in the 4th century, into a wealthy Romano-British family. His father and grandfather were deacons in the Church. At the age of sixteen, he was kidnapped by Irish raiders and taken captive to Ireland as a slave. It is believed he was held somewhere on the west coast of Ireland, possibly Mayo, but the exact location is unknown. According to his Confession, he was told by God in a dream to flee from captivity to the coast, where he would board a ship and return to Britain. Upon returning, he quickly joined the Church in Auxerre in Gaul and studied to be a priest.

In 432, he again said that he was called back to Ireland, though as a bishop, to Christianize the Irish from their native polytheism. Irish folklore tells that one of his teaching methods included using the shamrock to explain the Christian doctrine of the Trinity to the Irish people. After nearly thirty years of evangelism, he died on 17 March 461, and according to tradition, was buried at Downpatrick. Although there were other more successful missions to Ireland from Rome, Patrick endured as the principal champion of Irish Christianity and is held in esteem in the Irish Church.

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Paddy is passing by Mick’s barn one day when through a gap in the door he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson.
Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right rubber boot, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers .
Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.
‘What on earth are you doing Mick’ says Paddy
‘Jayzuz Paddy, ye frightened the livin’ shite out of me’ says an obviously embarrassed Mick.  ‘Me and the missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor.’

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Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?

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Paddy visited his parents the day after his wedding.
His father took him aside and asked, “How did it go last night, son?”
Paddy winked and elbowed his dad. “Gee, great. You know, the way she was acting, I think I could have screwed her.”

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The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night.
“Please, you have to come right over,” pleaded the distraught young mother. “My child has swallowed a contraceptive.”
The physician dressed quickly; but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again. “You don’t have to come over after all,” the woman said with a sigh of relief. “My husband just found another one.”

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 Wearing o’ the Green

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Originally, the color associated with Saint Patrick was blue. Over the years the color green and its association with Saint Patrick’s day grew. Green ribbons and shamrocks were worn in celebration of St Patrick’s Day as early as the 17th century. He is said to have used the shamrock, a three-leaved plant, to explain the Holy Trinity to the pagan Irish, and the wearing and display of shamrocks and shamrock-inspired designs have become a ubiquitous feature of the day. In the 1798 rebellion, in hopes of making a political statement, Irish soldiers wore full green uniforms on 17 March in hopes of catching public attention,  The phrase “the wearing of the green”, meaning to wear a shamrock on one’s clothing, derives from a song of the same name.

Being Proud of Being Irish Used To Be A Capitol Offense!

 

 

 Saint Patrick’s Day In Ireland

Ireland counties map

 

Saint Patrick’s feast day, as a kind of national day, was already being celebrated by the Irish in Europe in the ninth and tenth centuries. In later times he become more and more widely known as the patron of Ireland. Saint Patrick’s feast day was finally placed on the universal liturgical calendar in the Catholic Church in the early 1600s. Saint Patrick’s Day thus became a holy day of obligation for Roman Catholics in Ireland. The church calendar avoids the observance of saints’ feasts during certain solemnities, moving the saint’s day to a time outside those periods. Saint Patrick’s Day is occasionally affected by this requirement, when 17 March falls during Holy Week.

Greeting from Ireland Map

In 1903, Saint Patrick’s Day became an official public holiday in Ireland. This was thanks to the Bank Holiday (Ireland) Act 1903, an act of the United Kingdom Parliament introduced by Irish MP James O’Mara. O’Mara later introduced the law that required that pubs and bars be closed on 17 March after drinking got out of hand, a provision that was repealed in the 1970s. The first Saint Patrick’s Day parade held in the Irish Free State was held in Dublin in 1931 and was reviewed by the then Minister of Defense Desmond Fitzgerald. Although secular celebrations now exist, the holiday remains a religious observance in Ireland, for both the Roman Catholic Church and the Church of Ireland.

 

 

In the mid-1990s the Irish government began a campaign to use Saint Patrick’s Day to showcase Ireland and its culture.  The government set up a group called St. Patrick’s Festival, with the aim to:

    — Offer a national festival that ranks amongst all of the greatest celebrations in the world and promote excitement throughout Ireland via innovation, creativity, grassroots involvement, and marketing activity.
    — Provide the opportunity and motivation for people of Irish descent, (and those who sometimes wish they were Irish) to attend and join in the imaginative and expressive celebrations.
    — Project, internationally, an accurate image of Ireland as a creative, professional and sophisticated country with wide appeal, as we approach the new millennium.[14]

The first Saint Patrick’s Festival was held on 17 March 1996. In 1997, it became a three-day event, and by 2000 it was a four-day event. By 2006, the festival was five days long; more than 675,000 people attended the 2009 parade. Overall 2009’s five day festival saw close to 1 million visitors, who took part in festivities that included concerts, outdoor theatre performances, and fireworks.

As well as Dublin, many other cities, towns, and villages in Ireland hold their own parades and festivals, including Cork, Belfast, Derry, Galway, Kilkenny, Limerick, and Waterford.

The biggest celebrations outside Dublin are in Downpatrick, County Down, where Saint Patrick is rumored to be buried. In 2004, according to Down District Council, the week-long St. Patrick’s Festival had more than 2,000 participants and 82 floats, bands, and performers and was watched by more than 30,000 people.

The shortest St Patrick’s Day parade in the world takes place in Dripsey, Cork. The parade lasts just 100 yards and travels between the village’s two pubs. < To be fair it should be explained… Dripsey (Irish: Druipseach, meaning “Muddy river”) is a village in County Cork on the R618 regional road. It is situated on a tributary of the River Lee, the Dripsey River. It is in the Catholic parish of Inniscarra. Other areas in this parish are Berrings, Cloghroe, Tower and Mathey. The village has two pubs (The Lee Valley Inn and The Weigh Inn) , one shop (Mary Lars) which also doubles as the post office. Dripsey has one primary school and one play school with many of the children attending secondary education in the nearby village of Coachford. So basically if you are coming up on Dripsey on the R618 and suffer a case of the sniffles you’ll have past it by the time they are over! >

Christian leaders in Ireland have expressed concern about the secularization of St Patrick’s Day. In The Word magazine’s March 2007 issue, Fr. Vincent Twomey wrote, “It is time to reclaim St Patrick’s Day as a church festival.” He questioned the need for “mindless alcohol-fuelled revelry” and concluded that “it is time to bring the piety and the fun together [IMHO piety and fun are mutually exclusive terms regardless of the presence or not of alcohol. Especially when you heap the fun sucking Roman Catholic Church into the mix, to say nothing of their hand into your pocket! When you stop to consider in the history of the Catholic Church just how many non-Catholic Festivals, Events and Holidays they have deliberately bulldozed, paved over and obliterated, one would think they could tolerate the slight side tracking of one MINORLY religious holiday in the name of cultural pride.]
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‘Tis the Gospel truth! I’ve always been able ta find one where e’er I go!

 

Kiss the Blarney

This offer good for females only…Impish don’t go getting no ideas!

Max2504                Max2505

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“Ya know” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a little bar called McTavish’s. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks, he will buy the fifth drink for you.”
“Well” said the Englishman, “at my local, The Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”
“Ahhhhh, that’s nothing,” said the Irishman. “Back home in Dublin there’s Ryan’s Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house.”
The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman’s claims, but he swears every word is true.
“Well,” asked the Englishman, “did this actually happen to you?”
“No, not me meself, personally, no,” said the Irishman. “…but it did happen to me sister.”

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Murphy said to his daughter, “I want you home by eleven o’clock.”
She said, “But Father, I’m no longer a child!”
He said, “I know, that’s why I want you home by eleven.”

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Maureen O’Murrah had taken a Manhattan taxi home from work, since both of the ladies she usually carpooled with had taken sick. In the confusion of the short-handed office staff, and hurrying downstairs to meet the cab, she had left her purse behind. As the cab pulled up to her apartment building, she was looking about the seat for her purse when the driver told her the price of her ride.
In great embarrassment, she said, “Ach. I’m not believin’ I did this, Sir, but me purse isn’t here. I must have left behind. I’m sorry, but I’m not havin’ the money to pay you just now.”
The driver was… well, he was a Manhattan taxi driver. He said, “That’s all right Missy, I’ll just pull down into that dark street ahead, and get back there with you, and I’ll just take your panties off.”
Maureen chuckled, and said “Shure, an’ it’s the poor end of the trade that you’ll be gettin’. These panties only cost eighty-nine cents.”

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All this joke telling ‘tis thirsty work. Since none o’ the likes of ya have offered me a pint or a dram ‘tis me own I’ll be getting. Be right back in a quick shake. PUBLICAN! A GUINNESS IF YA PLEASE!

Ah! Now that’s the ticket!

Now where were we?

Dl - Hazmat Groaner

Seems as though even St. Patrick’s Day humor is not immune to groaners!
Being I’m of a generous mind today here’s 3 to suffer through!

They’re making a new XXX movie.
It’s about an anorexic Irish prostitute who hops from bed to bed.
Her name’s Tramp O’Lean

Did you hear about the Irish gay couple? Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael.

Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm.
It was a disaster!
Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!

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Castle Blarney

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The famous Blarney Castle in Ireland was built in 1446. Over the years, it has become a world landmark and one of Ireland’s most popular attractions. Many travelers believe that a trip to the medieval Blarney Castle can’t be missed; it’s on par with the Guinness Brewery and other attractions as an intrinsic symbol of Ireland and Irish heritage. It is located in Blarney Village, about 8 km northwest from Cork City in the southern Ireland.

Blarney Castle history is an intriguing one. It was the third structure to be built on this site. The first one was a wooden structure built in the 10th century, and a stone structure replaced it in 1210 A.D. This building was torn down because of foundation problems, and the final, medieval Blarney Castle was built by Dermot McCarthy in 1446. At one time, the castle was occupied by Cormac McCarthy, King of Munster, who allegedly sent 4,000 Munster men to held Robert the Bruce at the battle of Bannockburn. According to legend, Robert the Bruce gave half of the Stone of Scone to McCarthy in gratitude, which was incorporated into the structure of the castle, becoming the Blarney Stone. The Blarney Castle history includes stories about Cromwell, Queen Elizabeth, and other famous figures, which visitors can read about during their tour of the castle.

Blarney stone & location

The Blarney Stone is without a doubt the most famous part of Blarney Castle. Also called the legendary Stone of Eloquence, it is located at the top of the castle’s tower. Legend has it that if you kiss it, you’ll be struck with eternal eloquence and you will never be at a loss for words.

Aye afore ye ask, kissed it have I, thrice. Once each time I’ve been in the Auld Sod. There’s even some say I‘ve so much the gift o’ Gab I must have French-kissed the bloody thing!

 

 

Castle Blarney House

Besides the fabulous medieval Blarney Castle in Ireland, visitors can check out the Blarney House. It was built at the beginning of the 18th century by St. James St. John Jefferyes. It is a Georgian gothic house located against the keep of the castle. The Rock Close, a landscape garden, was created at the same time. In 1820, the house was destroyed by fire, but the wings remain. In 1874, the family decided to build the new house in Scottish baronial style, south of the present keep. It has been the family home ever since.

 

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Rock Close is certainly worth a visit, although many people find it rather creepy at night and wait to explore it in the light of day. There are many interesting things to see, including many Druid-related structures. For instances, a sacrificial stone is situated so the first rays of the sun strike it at the appointed time for sacrifice. Other sights to see are the Wishing Steps, the Witches Kitchen, the Head Druid’s Cave, the Witches Stone, the Fairy Glade, and the Druids Circle.

 

The Poison Garden

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One of the most intriguing features of the castle grounds of Blarney Castle for a scientist is the castle’s “Poison Garden”. A collection of plants embracing the world’s most deadliest toxins, one can walk amongst danger and see, smell, and view from close proximity what plants take the lives of hundreds of thousands of human lives annually. The garden has been active since the 18th century and a popular tourist attraction along with the other gardens on the grounds as the estate extends to over 1,000 acres of gardens (the poison garden is just a small tiny yard). Some of the more noted species in the garden are:

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    American Mandrake
    Camellia sinensis Tea
    Castor Oil
    Deadly Nightshade
    Delphinium
    European Mandrake
    Foxglove
    Henbane
    Love Lies Bleeding
    Oleander
    Opium Poppy
    Poison Hemlock
    Rhubarb

    Wolfsbane   Wormwood,    Yew Tree

The Blarney Castle in Ireland should be at the top of any traveler’s itinerary. With the intriguing, somewhat eerie Rock Close, the beautiful castle, and the entertaining Blarney Castle history, visitors leave feeling like they’ve touched (even kissed) a genuine part of Irish history and tradition.

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The Top 5 St. Patrick’s Day Pick-Up Lines

5> “Well, lass, we’re the only ones still standing. How about it?”

4> “I named my pee-pee ‘Guinness’ Ye can see ‘e’s ‘angin’ out. And when ‘e saw ye with ‘is eye, ‘e went from pale to stout!”

3> “Lassie, it’s your ancestral duty to drive the snake out of my pants!”

2> “I work for Aer Lingus Culinary Department. Do the math.”

and The Number 1 St. Patrick’s Day Pick-Up Line…

1> “You’ve already had seven Guinness draughts? Brilliant!”

[ Copyright 2007 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

generious leprechuan

Suckers! They’ll buy that ‘converted my gold to stocks or debit card’ shtick every time!

 

It’s just not St Patrick’s Day without hearing Oh Danny Boy!

 

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.
Paddy ordered a whisky.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he’d like a drink.
He replied in disgust “I’d rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!”
Paddy handed his drink back and said “Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice!”

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Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says “You know what I want, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” says Paddy. “The whole feckin’ bed by the looks of it!”

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Q. What’s a Catholic priest and a pint of Guinness got in common?
A. A black coat, white collar and you’ve got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!

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Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar.
After a while, one looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to ya, that you’re from Ireland .’
The other woman responds proudly, ‘Yes, I sure am!’
The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?’
The other woman answers, ‘I’m from Dublin , I am.’
The first one responds, ‘So, am I!! And what street did ya live on in Dublin ?’
The other woman says, ‘A lovely little area. It was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.’
The first one says, ‘Faith and Begorrah, tis a small world it is! So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?’
The other woman answers, ‘Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course.’
The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I! Tell me, what year did ya graduate?’
The other woman answers, ‘Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.’
The first woman exclaims, ‘The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight! Can you believe it? I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self!’
About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters, ‘It’s going to be a long night tonight.’
Michael asks, ‘Why do you say that, Brian?’
Brian answers, ‘The Murphy twins are drunk again.’

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K-squared tag

Only one thing wrong with being a Leprechaun:

When it rains, they’re the last to know!

Et tu Karl? Really?

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THE  IRISH PROSTITUTE

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her heavily.
“Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?”

The girl, crying, replied, ‘Sniff, sniff… Dad…. I became a prostitute.’

‘Ye what!!? Get outta here, ye shameless harlot!   Sinner!  You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.

‘OK, Dad… As ye wish.   I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that’s parked outside, plus a membership to the country club… (takes a breath)… And an invitation for ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.’

‘Now what was it ye said ye had become?’ says Dad.

Girl, crying again, ‘Sniff, sniff… a prostitute, Daddy! Sniff, sniff.’

‘Oh!  bloody hell!    Ye scared the bejaisus out of me girl! I  thought ye said a  Protestant. Come here and give yer old Da a hug!!!’

St-Pats-blink-Line6

Celebrating St. Patrick’s Day In the Traditional Irish Manner

 

WD_GUI~18Damian McGarvey left Donegal, Ireland, and came to New York in 2004 to work for the now-closed Harp & Fiddle.

He recently talked about how St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated in his homeland.

“It is a religious holiday in Ireland,” he said. “St. Patrick was the patron saint of Ireland, and everyone goes to church on that day. You put on a shamrock before you go to church. After church, you come home and have lunch, usually the same as a Sunday dinner, maybe a roast beef,” he said.

The meal might also include champ, which is mashed potatoes with chopped spring onions or scallions, he said.

McGarvey said the meal would not be corned beef and cabbage. “That’s an Irish American thing. I never had corned beef until I came here.”

Some grow shamrocks in the garden while others buy them, and as a youngster it was fun to see who could find the biggest shamrock, he said.

“They wear an item of green clothing, but we don’t dress all in green like a leprechaun,” McGarvey said.

Then there are the parades.

“Most towns have a parade. There is a huge one in Dublin every year,” he said.

After lunch, the family often sits down to watch television coverage of the St. Patrick’s Day parades all over the world, and most folks usually go out in the afternoon or evening and “drown the shamrock,” meaning they have a few beers at the local pub, he said.

“Everyone around the world celebrates St. Patrick’s Day and that makes the Irish people proud. On St Patrick’s day everyone is Irish,” McGarvey said.

St-Pats-blink-Line6

Funny-Irish-Leprechaun-Computer-Virus-Email-1

Actually the bit about Ireland not being technologically advanced is a misnomer these days. In fact Ireland is fact becoming the leader in the E.U. when it comes to computers software and programing. In actuality more than 2 in 5 of those ‘help me get money out of a poor African nation’ spam e-mails now originate in Ireland according to Interpol’s Cyber Crimes Division!

chainmailbkrnd   chainmailbkrnd   chainmailbkrnd   chainmailbkrnd   chainmailbkrnd   chainmailbkrnd   chainmailbkrnd   chainmailbkrnd   chainmailbkrnd  chainmailbkrnd

 

9e5c

OK, now we’ve had a pint’ (or 15 in the Dragon’s case) a wee bit of a lesson on the reality and history behind  an authentic St. Patrick’s Day, told a few jokes and my expense (just wait ‘til Monday- ‘tis back to the True Tales of Impish Dragon I am with a vengeance!) and we’ve sung a few proper St. Patrick’s Day songs. ‘Tis high time I’m on me way as it’s a big day for me with lots doing ta be sure! So lets observe one final proper Irish custom and have The Parting Glass!

 

bowinglep

Thank ya for your kind attention on this best of all days to be an Irishman! ‘Tis a wonderful audience ya’ve been. IF you plan on drinking today until ya think you’re Irish, please walk (stagger?), take public transportation, a cab or have a designated driver! Oh! And would someone see that Impish remembers ta pick up the tab for all this and gets driven home safely? I’ve called for a flat tow for him in place of a cab. he’d wind up ruining a cab in the condition he’s in. And if we could just let him discover the green eye shadow, lipstick and nail polish on his own that would be grand too.

Slainte Kitty lg

 

DL Closing Credits

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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7 Responses to Leprechaun Laffs – St. Patrick’s Day Spectacular Extravaganza

  1. Summer says:

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  2. Pingback: Leprechaun Laughs – ALMOST St. Patrick’s Day Issue 2012 | Dragon Laffs

  3. toni says:

    Great issue! A lot of stuff I didn’t have so I ‘stole’ it. Hope your evening was an enjoyable one and remember, don’t let the road meet you in the face (or something like that)

    Hugs,

    • impishdragon says:

      Theft….the third highest form of flattery. Glad you liked the issue Toni. I think it was one of the best, if not THE best issue the e-zine has had in a LONG time.

      • impishdragon says:

        And nobody asked what the first two higher forms of flattery are! Sheesh! Wake up people! Drink some coffee! Recover from St. Patrick’s Day already, it was 3 days ago!

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        OK FINE! Even though you don’t pay me enough to be Ed McMahon to your exceptionally bad and unfunny Johnny Carson (actually you don’t pay me at all!) I’ll set you up JUST so you stop your whining!

        PRAY TELL Impish what are the two higher forms of flattery?

      • impishdragon says:

        Why, thank you for asking Lethal. The two highest forms of flattery after theft are sexual and monetary. and that really would have been a MUCH better joke if someone had been just a little bit more on the ball. Sheesh!

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