Good morn’ ta ya all
The best day of the year is right around the corner. What day is that you ask? Why Saint Patrick’s Day you heathen non –Irish wretches! I mean REALLY come on! It’s NOT like they celebrate a Dragon’s day annually! Look for a fun and fact filled special issue on Thursday!
Mean Time Let’s Guffaw!
Damn! And all mine does is wake you to fill the food dish and goes
klepto for anything shiny jingly or crinkly objects!
excerpted from newsletters of & with thanks to http://www.komando.com/
Protect your laptop from thieves
LAlarm is like a car alarm for your laptop. It’s pretty easy to use. When you get up for that coffee, lock your computer. Just press Windows Key + L. If your power adapter is unplugged, an alarm sounds at full volume. It can’t be turned off without logging back in.
Now, not everyone plugs in their laptop everywhere they go. You can also use a thumb drive as the trigger. If it’s removed while the laptop is locked, the alarm sounds. Of course, a thief could take the laptop and thumb drive. You’ll have to attach the drive to something else. Go here for instructions.
System: Windows XP, Vista and 7
Prey – This free program tracks your laptop should anyone try and steal it. As soon as the thief turns on the laptop, Prey will try to broadcast its location. The location data is sent to Prey’s computers. You must log in to see the location information. No one else can see where your laptop is located. Once you have the information, you can contact the police.
System: Windows XP, Vista and 7
An Apple MacBook is a sleek and stylish laptop. It’s hard not to look cool carrying one around. That cool factor also makes them attractive to thieves.
A simple solution is to keep an eye on your MacBook. But you can’t do that every minute of every day. A cable lock will help you lock down your laptop. But those are a pain to use at hotspots like cafes and airports. So, is there another way to scare off criminals?
That’s where iAlertU comes in handy. It’s like a car alarm for your laptop. It works with your Apple remote. Just hold the Menu button until you hear a single beep. Your Mac will display the message Protected by iAlertU. To deactivate it, hold the Menu button until you hear two beeps.
While activated, the alarm can be set off several ways. If anyone touches the keyboard or trackpad, the alarm will sound. If anyone closes the screen, the alarm will sound. iAlertU also uses the MacBook’s built-in Sudden Motion Sensor. If someone moves the laptop, you’ll know about it.
The alarm is very loud. In fact, it forces your speakers to their loudest volume. It can’t be muted or turned off. You can set the length of the alarm. It will stay on between 10 seconds and two minutes. The screen will also flash while the alarm sounds.
Now, the loud alarm should scare away most thieves. But a determined thief may just run down the street, alarm blaring. But iAlertU can help catch that thief, too. It can work with your built-in iSight camera. When the alarm sounds, it will snap a photo of the criminal.
But a photo on your stolen computer won’t do much good. So, iAlertU will e-mail that photo to any address you’d like. You may end up with a great mug shot to show police.
Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?
Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?
Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years. Boss: Yes.
Employee: I won’t beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.
Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.
Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.
Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don’t want to start a brain drain, I’m willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?
Employee: Great! It’s a deal! Thank you, sir!
Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?
Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!
St. Patrick’s Day is right around the corner, so I thought I’d post an easy recipe for Bailey’s Irish Cream Fudge. This recipe is adapted from Fantasy-Ireland.com and brought to me by me darlin’ wife Molly where she found it on: http://dyingforchocolate.blogspot.com/2011/03/baileys-irish-cream-fudge.html.
Bailey’s comes in different ‘flavors’, and your fudge can change, too, if you use their Mint Bailey’s Irish Cream or the Coffee Irish Cream or Creme Caramel Irish Cream. Try them all.
BAILEY’S IRISH CREAM FUDGE
2-12 oz milk chocolate (35-45% cacao), chopped, or 2-12 oz packages of milk chocolate chips
12 oz. dark chocolate (65-85% cacao), chopped or a 12 oz. package semisweet chocolate chips
2-7oz. jars of marshmallow creme
2 teaspoons of Madagascar vanilla extract
2/3 cups of Bailey’s Irish Cream
2 cups of chopped nuts (optional)
4 1/2 cups of granulated sugar
1-12oz. can of evaporated milk
1/2 pound of unsalted butter, softened
1. In a very large bowl, combine the milk chocolate chips, semisweet chocolate chips, marshmallow cream, vanilla extract, Irish Cream, and nuts (if you are adding them). Set this mixture aside.
2. Line a 10 X 15 baking pan with foil and spread lightly with butter.
3. In a medium saucepan, combine granulated sugar, evaporated milk, and butter. Bring to a gentle boil over medium heat and cook slowly, stirring constantly for about 10 minutes.
4. Pour the milk mixture into the the chocolate chip mixture. Stir slowly by hand to combine. It is very important to do this by hand and NOT use any kind of mixer.
5. Pour the fudge into the prepared pan and chill until set.
SETTLING IT THE OLD FASHIONED WAY:
Dale G. Robertson, 25, was driving through Sunnyside, Wash., when he spotted a familiar pickup backing out of a driveway. According to police spokeswoman Charlotte Hinderlider, the two drivers had been having a long-running dispute. Police said Robertson decided to settle the dispute by ramming the unnamed 27-year- old victim’s truck. Robertson then allegedly got out with a weapon — a sword, of all things — and started swinging at the man. Thinking fast, the victim grabbed a machete that just happened to be lying in his yard and defended himself. The victim’s mother, who was still in the car, called 911, and Robertson fled in his vehicle shortly after. Police caught him and held him on assault charges. (MS/Yakima Herald, Bellingham Herald)
The victim’s mother only heard the assailant say one thing: “Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
taken from http://www.thisistrue.com/
Type in only the year of your birth.
Click your mouse here: Year of your birth
Thanks to Betty for that one. Its really quite well done.
The Idiot’s Guide to Internet Success!
Let’s begin (Please take note of the sarcasm in these):
Q: How long will it take me to get insanely rich?
A: Depends on you. Probably two weeks. Some people take as long as a month.
Q: Does it take hard work or long hours to get insanely rich?
A: No. This is the Internet.
Q: Can just anybody get insanely rich?
A: Yes. This is the Internet.
Q: How do I proceed?
A: As you’re surfing around the net you’ll see banners and links that say things like “Make Fourteen Million Dollars in Ninety Days, Click Here to See How!” Simply click the link to get started.
Q: It won’t really take ninety days though, will it?
A: Of course not. They just say that so you’ll be pleasantly surprised and so it doesn’t sound like hype.
Q: Okay, I’ve found one that says “Retire to Your Own Caribbean Isle in One Month!” Is that good?
Q: What does MLM mean?
A: Nobody really knows. Morons Lose Money has been snidely suggested by the little-brains.
Q: I signed up and now I sell low phone rates. They say it’s the easiest thing to sell because everyone uses a phone. And since it’s MLM, by the time my third level is operating I’ll be making $345,915.45 per week.
Q: They say the first step is to get my mother into the program. Why is my sponsor happy that Mom has Alzheimers?
A: Your sponsor is a shrewd business person. People with any sort of memory disorder make the best targ… uh, clients. You can switch your mother’s long distance carrier for her, and then start calling the other members of her support group.
Q: That sounds a little fishy.
A: The ends justify the means. You are offering people substantial savings on long distance. It’s for their own good.
Q: How else can I get new business?
A: Spam. Spam. Spam.
Q: I thought spam was bad.
A: No, spam is good. Anyone who says it’s bad is just jealous because their brains are too small.
Q: But won’t I lose my web host and ISP?
A: In the get-rich-quick business, it’s important to cultivate a zen-like non-attachment to service providers.
Q: What else can I do to promote my new business?
A: Here’s a list of suggestions:
–Sign up with a free website provider and fill your site with zany colors and flashy banners.
–Join every free banner exchange.
–Get your own free-for-all links page.
–Join every opt-in email list with the word Money, Rich or Lackwit in the title.
–Buy software that submits your site URL to the 15,000 most important search engines. –Buy software that submits your ad to the 50,000 most-read free classified sites.
–Hire a bulk emailer.
–Sponsor a golf tournament.
Q: Okay, I’ve done all that and I’m still not rich. I haven’t even driven my hit counter to its knees yet. What am I doing wrong?
A: It’s possible that you’re not very bright. Consult one of your friends who has retired on their Internet earnings.
Q: What if I don’t have any friends who have retired on their Internet earnings?
A: Then contact someone on the Internet who has retired on their Internet earnings.
Q: What if I’ve never heard of anyone retiring from their Internet earnings?
A: Well, then maybe you can be the first.
Must be Stevie Wonder’s also blind sister. Let’s not tell her the truth either.
Not since the Piggly Wiggly started charging me for paper bags anyway! (Brown paper shopping bag + Playmate picture taped to it (with duct tape of course) + 12 pack of Bud Lite = Redneck version of Plastic Surgery on a budget but requires daily maintenance.)
You might be in the minority on that one darlin’!
In the Don’t Mess with Texans/Local Boy Defeats Muslims category comes this News piece about the revenge a guy near me the Muslims tried to steam roll and just pissed off.
The way I see it this is further evidence its high time we stopped playing Mr. Nice Considerate and Tolerant Guy with Muslims and started playing “Cowboys & Towelheads”, especially here in the USA.