Leprechaun Laffs #33


DL - Leprechaun Laffs

Good morn’ ta ya all

The best day of the year is right around the corner. What day is that you ask? Why Saint Patrick’s Day you heathen non –Irish wretches! I mean REALLY come on! It’s NOT like they celebrate a Dragon’s day annually! Look for a fun and fact filled special issue on Thursday!

Mean Time Let’s Guffaw!

jameson-shroyer-cat-coffee-comic

 

Damn! And all mine does is wake you to fill the food dish and goes

klepto for anything shiny jingly or crinkly objects!

 

DL PSA Header

excerpted from newsletters of & with thanks to http://www.komando.com/

Protect your laptop from thieves

LAlarm is like a car alarm for your laptop. It’s pretty easy to use. When you get up for that coffee, lock your computer. Just press Windows Key + L. If your power adapter is unplugged, an alarm sounds at full volume. It can’t be turned off without logging back in.

Now, not everyone plugs in their laptop everywhere they go. You can also use a thumb drive as the trigger. If it’s removed while the laptop is locked, the alarm sounds. Of course, a thief could take the laptop and thumb drive. You’ll have to attach the drive to something else. Go here for instructions. 

Cost: Free

Link: http://www.lalarm.com

System: Windows XP, Vista and 7

===========

Prey – This free program tracks your laptop should anyone try and steal it. As soon as the thief turns on the laptop, Prey will try to broadcast its location. The location data is sent to Prey’s computers. You must log in to see the location information. No one else can see where your laptop is located. Once you have the information, you can contact the police.

Cost: Free

Link: http://preyproject.com/

System: Windows XP, Vista and 7

===========

An Apple MacBook is a sleek and stylish laptop. It’s hard not to look cool carrying one around. That cool factor also makes them attractive to thieves.

A simple solution is to keep an eye on your MacBook. But you can’t do that every minute of every day. A cable lock will help you lock down your laptop. But those are a pain to use at hotspots like cafes and airports. So, is there another way to scare off criminals?

That’s where iAlertU comes in handy. It’s like a car alarm for your laptop. It works with your Apple remote. Just hold the Menu button until you hear a single beep. Your Mac will display the message Protected by iAlertU. To deactivate it, hold the Menu button until you hear two beeps.

While activated, the alarm can be set off several ways. If anyone touches the keyboard or trackpad, the alarm will sound. If anyone closes the screen, the alarm will sound. iAlertU also uses the MacBook’s built-in Sudden Motion Sensor. If someone moves the laptop, you’ll know about it.

The alarm is very loud. In fact, it forces your speakers to their loudest volume. It can’t be muted or turned off. You can set the length of the alarm. It will stay on between 10 seconds and two minutes. The screen will also flash while the alarm sounds.

Now, the loud alarm should scare away most thieves. But a determined thief may just run down the street, alarm blaring. But iAlertU can help catch that thief, too. It can work with your built-in iSight camera. When the alarm sounds, it will snap a photo of the criminal.

But a photo on your stolen computer won’t do much good. So, iAlertU will e-mail that photo to any address you’d like. You may end up with a great mug shot to show police.

Cost: Free

Link: sourceforge.net

Celtic-Knot-Divider

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?
Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years. Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won’t beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.
Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.

Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.
Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don’t want to start a brain drain, I’m willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?

Employee: Great! It’s a deal! Thank you, sir!
Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?

Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!

hurt

DL Larder Header

St. Patrick’s Day is right around the corner, so I thought I’d post an easy recipe for Bailey’s Irish Cream Fudge. This recipe is adapted from Fantasy-Ireland.com and brought to me by me darlin’ wife Molly where she found it on: http://dyingforchocolate.blogspot.com/2011/03/baileys-irish-cream-fudge.html.

Bailey’s comes in different ‘flavors’, and your fudge can change, too, if you use their Mint Bailey’s Irish Cream or the Coffee Irish Cream or Creme Caramel Irish Cream. Try them all.

BAILEY’S IRISH CREAM FUDGE

Ingredients:
2-12 oz milk chocolate (35-45% cacao), chopped, or 2-12 oz packages of milk chocolate chips
12 oz. dark chocolate (65-85% cacao), chopped or a 12 oz. package semisweet chocolate chips
2-7oz. jars of marshmallow creme
2 teaspoons of Madagascar vanilla extract
2/3 cups of Bailey’s Irish Cream
2 cups of chopped nuts (optional)
4 1/2 cups of granulated sugar
1-12oz. can of evaporated milk
1/2 pound of unsalted butter, softened

Directions:
1. In a very large bowl, combine the milk chocolate chips, semisweet chocolate chips, marshmallow cream, vanilla extract, Irish Cream, and nuts (if you are adding them). Set this mixture aside.
2. Line a 10 X 15 baking pan with foil and spread lightly with butter.
3. In a medium saucepan, combine granulated sugar, evaporated milk, and butter. Bring to a gentle boil over medium heat and cook slowly, stirring constantly for about 10 minutes.
4. Pour the milk mixture into the the chocolate chip mixture. Stir slowly by hand to combine. It is very important to do this by hand and NOT use any kind of mixer.
5. Pour the fudge into the prepared pan and chill until set.

 

DL Introspection Header

SETTLING IT THE OLD FASHIONED WAY:

Dale G. Robertson, 25, was driving   through Sunnyside, Wash., when he spotted a familiar pickup backing out of a driveway. According to police spokeswoman Charlotte Hinderlider, the two drivers had been having a long-running dispute. Police said Robertson decided to settle the dispute by ramming the unnamed 27-year- old victim’s truck. Robertson then allegedly got out with a weapon — a sword, of all things — and started swinging at the man. Thinking fast, the victim grabbed a machete that just happened to be lying in his yard and defended himself. The victim’s mother, who was still in the car, called 911, and Robertson fled in his vehicle shortly after. Police caught him and held him on assault charges. (MS/Yakima Herald, Bellingham Herald)

The victim’s mother only heard the assailant say one thing: “Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

taken from http://www.thisistrue.com/

smsword

Type in only the year of your birth.

Click your mouse here:  Year of your birth

Thanks to Betty for that one. Its really quite well done.

Celtic-Knot-Divider

The Idiot’s Guide to Internet Success!

Let’s begin (Please take note of the sarcasm in these):

Q: How long will it take me to get insanely rich?
A: Depends on you. Probably two weeks. Some people take as long as a month.

Q: Does it take hard work or long hours to get insanely rich?
A: No. This is the Internet.

Q: Can just anybody get insanely rich?
A: Yes. This is the Internet.

Q: How do I proceed?
A: As you’re surfing around the net you’ll see banners and links that say things like “Make Fourteen Million Dollars in Ninety Days, Click Here to See How!” Simply click the link to get started.

Q: It won’t really take ninety days though, will it?
A: Of course not. They just say that so you’ll be pleasantly surprised and so it doesn’t sound like hype.

Q: Okay, I’ve found one that says “Retire to Your Own Caribbean Isle in One Month!” Is that good?
A: Perfect.

Q: What does MLM mean?
A: Nobody really knows. Morons Lose Money has been snidely suggested by the little-brains.

Q: I signed up and now I sell low phone rates. They say it’s the easiest thing to sell because everyone uses a phone. And since it’s MLM, by the time my third level is operating I’ll be making $345,915.45 per week.
A: Conservatively.

Q: They say the first step is to get my mother into the program. Why is my sponsor happy that Mom has Alzheimers?
A: Your sponsor is a shrewd business person. People with any sort of memory disorder make the best targ… uh, clients. You can switch your mother’s long distance carrier for her, and then start calling the other members of her support group.

Q: That sounds a little fishy.
A: The ends justify the means. You are offering people substantial savings on long distance. It’s for their own good.

Q: How else can I get new business?
A: Spam. Spam. Spam.

Q: I thought spam was bad.
A: No, spam is good. Anyone who says it’s bad is just jealous because their brains are too small.

Q: But won’t I lose my web host and ISP?
A: In the get-rich-quick business, it’s important to cultivate a zen-like non-attachment to service providers.

Q: What else can I do to promote my new business?
A: Here’s a list of suggestions:

–Sign up with a free website provider and fill your site with zany colors and flashy banners.

–Join every free banner exchange.

–Get your own free-for-all links page.

–Join every opt-in email list with the word Money, Rich or Lackwit in the title.

–Buy software that submits your site URL to the 15,000 most important search engines. –Buy software that submits your ad to the 50,000 most-read free classified sites.

–Hire a bulk emailer.

–Sponsor a golf tournament.

Q: Okay, I’ve done all that and I’m still not rich. I haven’t even driven my hit counter to its knees yet. What am I doing wrong?
A: It’s possible that you’re not very bright. Consult one of your friends who has retired on their Internet earnings.

Q: What if I don’t have any friends who have retired on their Internet earnings?
A: Then contact someone on the Internet who has retired on their Internet earnings.

Q: What if I’ve never heard of anyone retiring from their Internet earnings?
A: Well, then maybe you can be the first.

dragoninglass

dl you-aint_thumb2_thumb1

a97417_g208_7-blonde

Must be Stevie Wonder’s also blind sister. Let’s not tell her the truth either.

 

a97417_g208_5-cant-afford

Not since the Piggly Wiggly started charging me for paper bags anyway! (Brown paper shopping bag + Playmate picture taped to it (with duct tape of course) + 12 pack of Bud Lite = Redneck version of Plastic Surgery on a budget but requires daily maintenance.)

a97417_g208_12-brains

You might be in the minority on that one darlin’!

DL - LastWord 2

In the Don’t Mess with Texans/Local Boy Defeats Muslims category comes this News piece about the revenge a guy near me the Muslims tried to steam roll and just pissed off.

The way I see it this is further evidence its high time we stopped playing Mr. Nice Considerate and Tolerant Guy with Muslims and started playing “Cowboys & Towelheads”, especially here in the USA.

 

DL Closing Credits

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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2 Responses to Leprechaun Laffs #33

  1. Alan says:

    Hey mister leperkorn,
    great mail as always, but I must comment on something here.
    The links you send that begin with watch?v= don’t work for me. Any idea why that is?
    I can’t copy them to my browser either.
    Please, knowing that whats behind them is usually awesome (flattery, hopefully, will get me everywhere), any ideas as to how I can see them?

    Alan, a brit in holland
    keep up the good work

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      First of all let me say thank you for the kind words. Seems that usually the Dragon gets fawned over with the kudos and I get all the whines and complaints or worse yet my efforts are totally ignored. Your comments were a pleasant change of pace. I’m sorry to hear you are having a bit of a problem seeing the videos embedded in the blog postings.

      The only link in the last issue that you could possibly be referring to is the one in The Last Word. The full link is:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUr1NxJDC94&feature=player_embedded However the thing is we’re not sending a link, but rather using a feature of the blog that allows us to embed the video right there so you can play it without having to go to Youtube and come back.

      Being unfamiliar with Internet access in Holland, unfamiliar with your operating system configuration (your settings of security maybe blocking something), unfamilar with where you are attempting to access the links from (some businesses have sites like Youtube, Facebook & My Space deliberately blocked from access) and lastly unpaid for solving the problem, truthfully I’m not even going to try. Especially since we peddle humor not computer advice.

      However I would suggest that an easy enough work around would be to simply place “http://www.youtube.com/” in front of what you are seeing and see if that doesn’t allow you to access. Your success or failure in doing that or accessing the full URL shown above for the latest video should tell you volumes.

      Pip-pip, Cheerio and all that wot! Best of luck solving the issue.

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