Good Monday Morning Campers! I hope everyone is doing well and had a great weekend. Did everyone remember to set their clocks forward by one hour? For those of us who do that sort of thing. Growing up on the east coast where we had Day Light Savings Time, we got used to having it, but you never really thought about it. Joined the Air Force, moved all over the world, some places had it, others didn’t. Still didn’t really think about it. Moved to Indiana where, at first they didn’t have it. Well, most of them didn’t have it, some counties did and some counties didn’t and some counties were on eastern time and some were on central and they thought about it all the time, and after a long battle, the state adopted DST and now there is STILL a huge debate and they talked about it all the time……..
it was much easier as a child…..
now, as an adult, I have children asking me …. “Why do we have daylight saving time?” “Why do we change the clock?”
and you know, they don’t take it very well when you, as an adult representative, the one they look up to for answers, the god of their short existence, they look to you and ask the questions and your response is intoned, with deep regard for the truth, “How the heck should I know?”
It doesn’t go over very well….
and you lose credibility.
So, instead……………. Let’s Laugh!
Q: Where can you find giant snails?
A: At the end of giant’s fingers.
Because I’m a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option.
I will win.
Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.”
We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like “cumin” or “tofu.”
For all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator instead (applies to engineers only)
Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so just don’t ask.
Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t… and if you are feeling amorous afterwards . . then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. It does not make your ass look too big. It was the pasta and potatoes and margaritas that did that. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?______________________________________________________________
Because I’m a man, and this is, after all, the year 2011, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest. Like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
Tommy is attending a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump and chest. After a few minutes of watching, Tommy asked his father: “Dad, why are you doing that?” His father replied: “Because when I’m buying horses I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy them.” Tommy gets a worried look on his face and says to his dad: “Dad, I think the Fedex guy wants to buy mom.”
I was eating lunch today with my 12 year old grandson when his mom asked him
“What is tomorrow?” He said “It’s President’s Day”
She asked “What does that mean?” …. I was waiting for something profound…
He said, “President’s Day is when Obama steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow,
we have 2 more years of unemployment.”
I almost snorted my iced tea.
A couple of REALLY cool weather videos
The Weather Channel Video
We are in trouble…
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal
Leaving 20 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 17.2
million to do the work.
Take from that total the 15.8
million people who work for state and city Governments. And that
leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are, Sitting on your ass, At your computer, reading jokes..
Nice. Real nice.
What a great piece this is…
One bitterly cold winter’s day a police patrolman came across a motorcyclist, who was swathed in protective clothing and helmet, stalled by the roadside. “What seems to be the problem?” asked the policeman.
“Carburetor’s frozen.” was the terse reply.
“Pee on it. That’ll thaw it out.”
“Sure you can. Watch, I’ll show you.”
The constable lubricated the carburetor, as promised. The bike started and the rider drove off waving. A few days later, the chief constable received a note of thanks from the father of the motorbike rider.
It began: “On behalf of my daughter, who was recently stranded……….”
This little guy is GREAT! All enthusiasm! You can’t help but get some of it by watching him! I hope you enjoy and thanks to Mike (and now, several others) for sharing this one:
Today’s last word in in the form of a
And something I’m sure you can all get on board with…. Let’s tune in and see how Impish is doing, shall we? Make sure you keep your head covered, stay low, and use available cover and protection. Everybody have their flame-retardant undies on? Good, let’s go!
Oh, this REALLY pissed me off:
Please, take the time to watch the video and then read on: (Special Thanks to Mike Richard for bringing this to our attention)
This should put the government of California and every other state who has similar problems (which I’m quite sure is ALL of them) to SHAME!!!!!
How can you allow this to go on! HOW CAN YOU ALLOW THIS TO GO ON! I’m busting my ass day after day, going to work in pain, every single day, to pay taxes so that people who are at best, malingering and too damn lazy to get a job and at worst, stealing and defrauding those of us who DO work for a living.
And again, let me state, right up front, that I’m NOT talking about those people who have paid their dues, who really CAN’T work and need the assistance that this money is actually designed for. That being said….
This is another example of where our “Urinalysis for State Support” should have some affect. But, come on! Why are we paying for them to go on a vacation we can’t even afford to take ourselves???? My tax dollars are paying for a cruise that I’ll never get to go on? WTF!
State support is for those who can’t get by to help them get by. Get by is not gambling in Las Vegas. Getting by is being able to buy food AND medicine out of the same pay check! And how many of us have had to make THAT crappy decision? “Beans and rice and macaroni and cheese AND blood pressure, diabetes, (whatever) medicine OR let’s splurge this payday and get some ground beef, but we’re gonna have to cut back on your blood pressure meds….just don’t get excited about anything for two weeks, okay?”