Leprechaun Laffs #31


DL - Leprechaun Laffs

It’s about time! Dang the service here is slow, my coffee cup has been empty for 30 seconds…..oh, its YOU guys! Sorry about that, don’t suppose any of you happened to snag the coffee pot on the way by? No? SIGH!

Ok, FINE! If I’m not getting anymore coffee then we might as well….

START LAUGHING!

wally on coffee

If You Need Further Proof You’re Not Smarter Than A Fifth Grader…

TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find    North America  .
MARIA:         Here it  is.
TEACHER:    Correct.  Now class, who discovered    America ?
CLASS:          Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER:    John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:          You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER:  No, that’s wrong
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.  
(I  love this child) 
____________________________________________
TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:   What are you talking about?
DONALD:    Yesterday you said it’s H to O.  
__________________________________
TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE:     Me!
__________________________________________  
TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:          Well, I’m a  lot closer to the ground than you are.  
_______________________________________
TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘  I.  ‘
MILLIE:         I is..
TEACHER:     No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I  am.’
MILLIE:         All right…  ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’ 
________________________________
TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it.  Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS:           Because George still had  the axe in his hand…. 
______________________________________  
TEACHER:    Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:        No sir, I don’t have to, my Mum is a good cook.  
______________________________
TEACHER:        Clyde , your  composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your  brother’s.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE  :         No, sir. It’s the same dog.  
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:     A teacher (When he gets older he’ll come to realize this question also can be answered with ‘politician’)

Okay………here it is. A test to see if your brain is still working.

Which one do you think is the blonde?

 

find the blonde 1

 

Scroll down….

Amazing I did not see it before..

 

 

 

find the blonde 2

 

The Blonde is the one with the wrong leg up.
That is OK I did not Pass the test EITHER!!!!
(actually, I got this one right… )

people with big feet

Now I don’t want to brag or embarrass Impish but I wear a size 13-5E to his paltry 10.5 D width…this should say something right there.

mickey snicker

DL Introspection Header

New Pistol

Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honor of Obama.  It will be named the “Union Worker”

It doesn’t work and you can’t fire it.


The skunk has replaced the Eagle as the new symbol of the American Presidency.

It is half black, half white, and everything it does stinks!

 

Ode to our less than beloved President.

 

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The Vietnam Era (Tribute to Vets-60s 70s Music)

Y’all will live this one!!  Over 100 songs here.

(Only works with Internet Explorer. Sorry! Not our fault and nothing we can do about it)

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The instructor in an Air Force basic training course asked an Airman,
“If you were on night sentry duty and saw a figure crawling toward camp, what procedure would you follow?”

“Well, sir,” the private answered, “I’d help the officer to his quarters.”
===========================================

An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning. An
electric company worker handed him a piece of paper stating
that the electric company would like to run a power line
through his pasture. The Amish man said, “No.”

“Legally, that paper says we can.” replied the worker.
Then he turned and left, returning to his co-workers.  After
they drove into the field, the Amish man went to his barn and
turned his bull into the pasture.

As the bull rumbled toward  the workers in the field, the
Amish man hollered, “Show HIM your paper!”
============================================

“Skipper,” the sailor said to his captain as he saluted, “a special
message just came in for you from the admiral.  I have it right here.”

“Read it to me,” the captain ordered.

The sailor read, “You are without a doubt the most idiotic, lame-
brained officer ever to command a ship in the United States Navy.”

The skipper responded, “Have that communication decoded at once!”
===========================================

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of
her mathematic classes:
“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his
wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to
charity. Now, what does each get?”

After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The
teacher called on Little Morris for his answer.

With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, “A lawyer!”

(that kid is going to go far in this life I can tell!)

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DL Motivational Header

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i_haz_a_gun[1]

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A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other in an airplane.

After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, ‘Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?’

The rabbi responded, ‘Yes, that is still one of our laws.’ The priest then asked, ‘Have you ever eaten pork?’

To which the rabbi replied, ‘Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.’

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, ‘Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?’

The priest replied, ‘Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.’

The rabbi then asked him, ‘Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?’

The priest replied, ‘Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.’

The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.

Finally, the rabbi said, ‘Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?


I hadn’t recorded a greeting yet on my new answering machine, so when my mother came to visit, I asked her to tape one.

“This is Marcia’s mother,” my machine announced. “Marcia is an only child; she never writes, she never calls. So why not give me a buzz? I’d be happy to talk to you. My number is…”

Everyone called my mother. She loved the attention.

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Why the iPad will never replace the newspaper totally

DL - Animal Chatter HEader

CAt tell me ur problems

 

cat shrunk me

 

I Swear To God

Ok I see your point! Now point that at the dragon please!

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A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting Sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.

A woman walks past and says, snickering, “If you were a gentleman you’d lift your hat.”

He raised an eyebrow and replied, “If you were better looking it would lift itself.”

 

DL Closing Credits

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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