Dragon Laffs #1173


Good Morning My Bright and Shiny Campers!  Don’t you all look absolutely luscious this morning…. such tasty looking morsels…
um…
sorry, wait.
Haven’t had my breakfast yet.
I’m really sorry.
Go ahead and start laffing and I’ll catch up with you in a couple of minutes.
<gawd, I’m so embarrassed!>

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This is what my contrail looks like when the humidity and weather are just right.  Neat, huh?

 

 

 

 

Okay, so I have NO idea just what the hell this is, but, this is what Jeannie sent in:

Robot Endhiran (India) / Kollywood (Tamil – Russia)

KOLLYWOOD MATRIX – The most exciting action sequence produced in years.  Just when you think they’re going to pull back from the edge
of silliness, they crank it up another notch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svOlz2ei4Yk&feature=player_embedded

So….any guesses?  Anybody?

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Amazing GPS WILL find you!

It found me in 10 seconds.  It’s amazing.  Must have been devised by the guys out at Lockheed in California . Give this a try. It’s truly amazing. It will give your location immediately!

Check out the link below. I was shocked to find EXACTLY where I am right now on Google Earth… NOT a house or street but where I AM right now! It’s really unbelievable! I was surprised to know such a system exists. It is a GPS and will find the exact location of any Internet user in a second, using a sophisticated algorithm to do so.

http://www.darnay.com/iec/features/locator/index.html

I’ll bet it has something to do with IP addresses…

 

I really could’ve used this a few weeks ago…51

Sent to me with the auspicious title of “A Satisfactory Ending!”3

Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque. They called the bomb squad for help on what to do with it.

The squad sent two detectives. After a couple minutes of investigation, they came back and reported to the Brits: “Tell the public not to panic. We’ve managed to push it inside.”

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Now I’ll tell you a real story that happened in our Sunday school. The Kindergarten class was discussing “prayer”, and the children seemed aware that the way you end a prayer was with “amen.” Does anyone know what “amen” means, the teacher asked. There was a long silence. Then one little boy piped up, with appropriate, computer-age gestures, and said, “Well, I think it means, like, “send”

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You Type…She speaks…Turn up the volume.
She will say anything you type. When you move the mouse around, her eyes follow the pointer. When you write something in the left space and then click on ‘Say it,’ she says it!
You can also change persons doing the talking and the language they speak.
Technology! Wow !!

Have fun!!

CLICK HERE

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Good Morning Campers!
Sorry about that.  When I don’t eat a good breakfast, it tends to make me do some really silly things.  Yes LL, even more so than usual.  Anyway, I didn’t mean to scare anyone and I sure hope I didn’t get any spittle on anyone from my drooling mouth. 
We’ve got a great issue lined up for you today, as you can already tell since you are half way through it already. 
I won’t hold you up anymore except to say thanks…thanks very Much to all of you who have more than generously donated your time, jokes, riddles, comments, pictures and (I hate to say it, but it’s true) most of all, your money.
Now……

Let’s Laugh!
(some more!)

This is cool

This football field looks pretty small.
I’m sure we’ve all seen a military parachutist drop in to a stadium with the game ball.  We know what it looks like from the stadium looking up.  Here’s what it looks like for the parachutist coming down.
<
http://www.wired.com/playbook/2010/10/michigan-parachute-game-ball/

The part that surprised me the most is how BUSY he was on the way down.  I always kind of thought it was just hang in there, steer a little bit and enjoy the ride down.

time
ATT3

ATT4

Diaman Puns

The medical student was shocked when he received a failing grade in radiology. Approaching the professor, he demanded to know the reasons for the grade.
“You know the self-X-ray you took?” asked the professor.
“I do.”
“A fine picture,” he said, “of your lungs, stomach, and liver.”
“If it’s a fine picture, then why did you give me an F?”
“I had no choice,” said the professor. “You didn’t put your heart into it.”

Hmm, I do believe we are beginning to stray into Zack’s area of speciality….and become groaners instead of puns.  Okay, but what is the difference?

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Should title this one…”Just Think About It”

One rainy evening, my husband, John, and I emerged from a restaurant only to find that he had locked the keys in the car.  He insisted he could open the door with a wire coat hanger, so we went back to the restaurant to get one. 
There were none to be found.
John then ran to a department store a quarter-mile away and returned with a hanger.  After a few attempts, he got the door open and we climbed in.  As we sat there, soaked
and cold, John stuck the hanger under his seat.  With a smug grin, he said, “Now, if this ever happens again, I’ll have one.”

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FANTASTIC!!!!

Harbin International Ice Festival 2011

 

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Okay, so this one is a week or so out of date….

Bitter cold temperatures were the norm this week
throughout the middle of the U.S. as an arctic cold
front brought single-digit temperatures and heavy
snow from North Dakota all the way down to Texas.

Looking for a silver lining to all this winter?

The Top 10 *Good* Things About the Snowpocalypse

10. You had enough raw material to build a snowman, his snow
    wife, two snow kids, a three-bedroom snow house, and a snow-
    foreclosure agent to take it away from them.

9. Roadkill, my ass — if it’s frozen when you find it, it’s
    a Hungry Man meal.

8. A much-needed respite from dodging those pesky Girl Scouts
    and their diabolically addictive cookies.

7. Icicles are mighty hard to trace as murder weapons.

6. All these snow days have made it abundantly clear:
    Home schooling is clearly not for YOUR family.

5. Ginormous front-yard cooler for your Super Bowl kegs.

4. It may be July before your neighbors see the last of your
    “Washington MANument.”

3. Quicker to knit a pair of mittens now that you have fewer
    fingers to cover.

2. “Hey, it’s Bob. Guess what finally froze over? Time to
    booty-up, sweetheart. See ya tonight, and don’t forget
    the condoms.”

and Topfive.com’s Number 1
*Good* Thing About the Snowpocalypse…

1. Mmmmmm, Groundhogcicles.

 

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GEICO’s R. Lee Ermey, appearing on behalf of Toys 4 Tots & USO unloads on President Obama

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gym clothes

hair cuts

harry potter

I’m NOT one that believes that scaring someone is funny, ever.  Unless….you are set up by a buddy.  Then all bets are off.  But, you also have to remember, pay back is a BITCH!  Now, having said all that…this is one funny clip:

Scare Tactics Hall of Fame

 

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This guy is bloody brilliant!

The Translations:
 
Cat vs. Printer
 
Two Kittens Chattering in Unison
 
Booba’s New Shoes

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y8

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I’ll bet I’ve seen this one a hundred times, but I LOVE it every time I see it!

TURN SOUND UP….. Click on Full Screen!!!

The first 30 seconds shows a clip from the Top Gun movie when Tom Cruise does a fly-by of the control tower. The rest shows actual LOW PASS FLY-BYS.
Total time:  3:29
Pay attention to the last one.  It is numbered (#1) and it happened during a
Blue Angels event over San Francisco. It was the pilots’ last show.
Many of the boats lost windows to the sonic blast.  Some of these planes
were probably no more than 10 feet off the ground.
http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=19448*

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CHANGES ARE COMING —-

Whether these changes are good or bad depends in part on how we adapt to them.

But, ready or not, here they come

1. The Post Office. Get ready to imagine a world without the post office. They are so deeply in financial trouble that there is probably no way to sustain it long term. Email, Fed Ex, and UPS have just about wiped out the minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive. Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills.  I think all of us can agree with this one and see it in action.  I can see the next change coming about will be cutting down on delivery to 3 times a week.  That’s just my guess, though.  But, honestly, how many out there can honestly say that it would hurt them to go to 3 day a week delivery?  Hurt you enough that you wouldn’t be able to adapt?  I know!  Right?

2. The Check.  Britain is already laying the groundwork to do away with checks by 2018. It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process checks. Plastic cards and online transactions will lead to the eventual demise of the check. This plays right into the death of the post office. If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail, the post office would absolutely go out of business.  I’m not sure that this one will ever truly come to pass.  We are slowly inching towards a paperless society, and I can’t say that this is a bad thing, but there will always be some form of check.  I think.

3. The Newspaper. The younger generation simply doesn’t read the newspaper. They certainly don’t subscribe to a daily delivered print edition. That may go the way of the milkman and the laundry man. As for reading the paper online, get ready to pay for it. The rise in mobile Internet devices and e-readers has caused all the newspaper and magazine publishers to form an alliance. They have met with Apple, Amazon, and the major cell phone companies to develop a model for paid subscription services.  I think I’m going to forgo my comments on this one to lump it in with number 4 below.

4. The Book. You say you will never give up the physical book that you hold in your hand and turn the literal pages. I said the same thing about downloading music from iTunes. I wanted my hard copy CD. But I quickly changed my mind when I discovered that I could get albums for half the price without ever leaving home to get the latest music. The same thing will happen with books. You can browse a bookstore online and even read a preview chapter before you buy. And the price is less than half that of a real book. And think of the convenience! Once you start flicking your fingers on the screen instead of the book, you find that you are lost in the story, can’t wait to see what happens next, and you forget that you’re holding a gadget instead of a book. I so agree with the author on this one…..almost.  As some of you know, there are times when I travel quite a bit.  Also, as some of you may or may not know, I’m an avid reader.  Depending on what I’m doing, there are times when I can go on a 10 day trip and read 10 books.  That is not an exaggeration.  Normally, when I go on a trip, I’m packing 3 or 4 books or more with me.  They take up a lot of room and now with most airlines charging by the bag, well …. you get the idea.  I was also one of those people who went, dragging my feet saying that I would NEVER give up holding a book in my hands, that an electronic device could never be the same.  Well, boy was I wrong.  I was given a Kindle as a gift and it is now my favorite possession….well, almost.  But, we’ll let that one go.  In less than the space of two books before, I can now easily carry 1500.  I currently (thanks to friends mostly) have 500 or so books on my Kindle.  I’m in pig heaven!  One the one thing that I do disagree with the author is that I don’t believe that the electronic books are always half price or even close. The other day, I was looking for a book as a gift for someone on amazon.com and noticed that the price was $5.99 for the paperback.  (It was an older book, but this price was for a new copy) and then on the side it said, “Save money by downloading to your Kindle!” and do you know what the price was?  $5.98.  You saved money, but is sure as heck wasn’t half.  Even using “new math” it wasn’t half.  But, I still love my Kindle.

5. The Land Line Telephone. Unless you have a large family and make a lot of local calls, you don’t need it anymore. Most people keep it simply because they’ve always had it. But you are paying double charges for that extra service. All the cell phone companies will let you call customers using the same cell provider for no charge against your minutes. This is one that we are struggling with at my house right now.  Since we both carry cell-phones, why should we have a land line?  But it’s just so hard to cut that last string….What if, what if, what if?  I suppose so long as there are kids in the house or so long as us older kids continue to suffer from medical dilemmas, there will always be a land line phone in our home….or until they do away with them completely.

6. Music. This is one of the saddest parts of the change story. The music industry is dying a slow death. Not just because of illegal downloading. It’s the lack of innovative new music being given a chance to get to the people who would like to hear it. Greed and corruption is the problem. The record labels and the radio conglomerates are simply self-destructing. Over 40% of the music purchased today is “catalog items,” meaning traditional music that the public is familiar with. Older established artists. This is also true on the live concert circuit. To explore this fascinating and disturbing topic further, check out the book, “Appetite for Self-Destruction” by Steve Knopper, and the video documentary, “Before the Music Dies.”

7. Television. Revenues to the networks are down dramatically. Not just because of the economy. People are watching TV and movies streamed from their computers. And they’re playing games and doing lots of other things that take up the time that used to be spent watching TV. Prime time shows have degenerated down to lower than the lowest common denominator. Cable rates are skyrocketing and commercials run about every 4 minutes and 30 seconds. I say good riddance to most of it. It’s time for the cable companies to be put out of our misery. Let the people choose what they want to watch online and through Netflix.   I say “amen” to that …. to a point.  I like Netflix, and watching the shows I want to watch on “On Demand” and what not.  I HATE commercials (which is why we’ve tried very hard over the years to keep Dragon Laffs as close to ad free as is humanly possible and financially feasible.) and being able to skip them or fast forward through them is the best way to watch TV.  Three minutes of commercials (or more) every four and a half minutes means that your one hours show is now only 40 minutes long.  It’s crazy!  It’s a wonder they (and by they, I mean the big broadcasting companies) show any TV at all anymore.  “We’ll be right back to our commercials after this short break for our show.”  I ALWAYS find other ways to watch my favorite shows, that don’t involve so many commercials.  It’s to the point now that if a show doesn’t come out on On Demand, then I don’t watch it.  I’ll just wait for it to come to Netflix in a year. [So, if you are interested in keeping Dragon Laffs ad free, hit that donate button.  It’s just a little bit north of where you are reading, right now!]

8. The “Things” That You Own. Many of the very possessions that we used to own are still in our lives, but we may not actually own them in the future. They may simply reside in “the cloud.” Today your computer has a hard drive and you store your pictures, music, movies, and documents. Your software is on a CD or DVD, and you can always re-install it if need be. But all of that is changing. Apple, Microsoft, and Google are all finishing up their latest “cloud services.” That means that when you turn on a computer, the Internet will be built into the operating system. So, Windows, Google, and the Mac OS will be tied straight into the Internet. If you click an icon, it will open something in the Internet cloud. If you save something, it will be saved to the cloud. And you may pay a monthly subscription fee to the cloud provider. (Of course, because we should be pay for EVERYTHING!  There will be a charge for the air we breath next! TANSTAAFL!)

In this virtual world, you can access your music or your books, or your whatever from any laptop or handheld device. That’s the good news. But, will you actually own any of this “stuff” or will it all be able to disappear at any moment in a big “Poof?” Will most of the things in our lives be disposable and whimsical? It makes you want to run to the closet and pull out that photo album, grab a book from the shelf, or open up a CD case and pull out the insert.

9. Privacy. If there ever was a concept that we can look back on nostalgically, it would be privacy. That’s gone. It’s been gone for a long time anyway. There are cameras on the street, in most of the buildings, and even built into your computer and cell phone. But you can be sure that 24/7, “They” know who you are and where you are, right down to the GPS coordinates, and the Google Street View. If you buy something, your habit is put into a zillion profiles, and your ads will change to reflect those habits. And “They” will try to get you to buy something else. Again and again.  Okay, so that last bit is leaning just a tiny bit toward big brother in a new, upscale Orwellian 1984.  Soon, we’ll be talking about those living “off the grid” and dodging the Federation, the Empire or the Brown Shirts.  Our world may be crumbling around us, but I refuse to believe that it can’t ALL be cured with a very simple project….
Laughter!
That’s all we need campers.
To Live, Love and Laugh and the world will continue to spin on its axis and God will live in our hearts forever.

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1173

  1. Lynn fux says:

    All I can say is ,if there is a bettert way to start a Monday the greatest minds in the world have yet to discover it!!!! Well done guys!!! Lynn

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