Dragon Laffs #1168


Good…er…evening campers.  Yes, it’s night-time for those of you in the United States and associated time zones, and why, you may ask, am I getting this HUGE friggin’ Dragon Laffs in the middle of the night?  Okay, so it’s not really the middle of the night, but it is dark outside and that’s good enough for some of us.
That doesn’t really answer the question as to why…

Well, there are several reasons really…

  • I got started and I just couldn’t stop
  • It was just so much fun I just kept going
  • I wanted to get my pictures and stuff straightened out and the best way to do that was to put them in an issue
  • I just couldn’t wait to get to issue #1169 because the thought of having eleven 69’s is just too titillating
  • Um… I’m running out of stupid things to say here
  • Okay, so this week is going to be a crazy week and I want to get out ahead and give all you wonderful campers something to smile about while I remind you all about contributing to the finest e-zine on the web. (Just click on the donation box towards the bottom of the e-zine or click on this web link: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=P894L2VX896HN )

Okay, so anyway…the truth of the matter is that when I’m in as much pain as I’m in right now, and the pain meds aren’t working, then I have to have something to take my mind off things and if there is anything that is more mind sucking than a Saturday afternoon science fiction B rated, black and white movie, it’s this stuff and you guys.  Thanks for being there, thanks for helping out and now, for your payback….probably the biggest Dragon Laffs issue EVER published….

Let’s Laugh!!!!

Here’s one I just had to show you, since our own dear Leprechaun wrote about this not too long ago…here it is…in cartoon format…
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For those of you that had this experience may it bring back fond memories.  To those of you that hadn’t, might make you wish you had.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3818238173215551629#

I don’t know about any of the rest of it, but it sure would be a hell of a ride!

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DragonPapa1 (97)

How limber are you?  Sure as hell not this limber!  I’ll bet I couldn’t have fit in that box, EVER!  Even as a baby I was bigger than that!  Keep watching to the end.  It gets even better. http://www.jokeroo.com/bin/player.swf?5f9f_f369

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Here’s an oldie….and one of my absolute favorites…thanks Lucille.  Glad to see you back.

A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.
The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred… “I’ll die for you!”
The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, “How many times?”

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One of my favorite pictures of all times…it’s just so cool looking…
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A Muslim was sitting next to Lethal Leprechaun on a plane.
Lethal ordered a whisky.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he’d like a drink.
He replied in disgust “I’d rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!”
Lethal handed his drink back and said  “Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice!”

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Lethal calls Jetstar to book a flight.
The operator asks “How many people are flying with you?”
Our Leprechaun replies “I don’t know! It’s your f***ing plane!”

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Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says “I wonder how the girls are getting on”.
(I wasn’t going to use Lethal’s name for this one…we are friends, after all.)

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Lethal Leprechaun takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says “You know what I want, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” says Lethal “The whole feckin’ bed by the looks of it!”

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Lethal Leprechaun, the electrician, got sacked from the U…S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair.
He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!

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Lethal, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on the beach was asked to identify her.
A detective held up the head to which point LL said “I don’t think that’s her, she wasn’t that tall!”

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Lethal Leprechaun and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbors’ dog is barking like mad in the garden. LL says “To hell with this!” and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks “What did you do?”
Lethal replies “I’ve put the dog in our garden. Let’s see how they like it!”

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Lethal Leprechaun is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.
“Be Jeysus!” he said, “I didn’t even know they had mobile phones!”

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Impish Dragon and Lethal Leprechaun are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Impish says “Holy Cow! There’s a guy here who was 152!”
Lethal says “What’s his name?”
Impish replies “Miles, from London !”

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A question that is often asked of someone with a new car is “what will it do?”
The answer is usually something like “zero to 60 in 5.3 seconds,” or something along those lines.
Well, here’s the brand new 2011  Ferrari “458 Italia”
First, here’s what it looks like:
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And here is what it can do…

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13 Funny School Names!
http://www.oddee.com/item_97530.aspx?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Oddee+%28Oddee%29

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Groaner Zack
A groaner and a blonde joke.  We’re definitely gonna piss somebody off with this one

This blonde was really down on her luck, needed some big time cash quick so she decided that she was going to have to become a kidnapper.
She goes to a playground and grabs a ten year old boy.
Then she writes out the ransom note, saying…
“I’ve kidnapped your son. Place ten thousand dollars in small bills in a paper bag and place it under the slide at the playground by 9 tomorrow morning.”
    ….signed, “The Blonde Kidnapper”
She pins the ransom note to the boy’s shirt and sends him home.
The next morning she shows up at the playground shortly after 9, and sure enough there’s a paper bag under the slide. She opens the bag containing the ten thousand in cash and a note: “How could you do such a thing to another
blonde!?!”

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A university professor is lecturing a class, the subject for the day being the mating habits of the alligator. The professor says, “The female alligator lays three million four hundred thousand eggs at one time. The male alligator eats three million, three hundred and ninety-five of those eggs.”
From the back of the room, a student raises his hand and asks, “Sir, why does the male alligator eat all those eggs?”
The professor answers, “Because if he didn’t, we’d be up to our asses in alligators!”

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And here ends the photojournal display of bedspreads…We hope you enjoyed them.
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Late Show With David Letterman

  • A new study shows that taxicabs in New York City are harder to find during rush hour. Really?
  • Also, barstools are harder to find during happy hour. The study was conducted by the “American Council of Stuff We Already Know.”
  • Mayor Bloomberg wants to pass a law to make food carts serve healthier foods. He’s trying to reduce the cholesterol of the rats.

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The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson

  • Snooki’s first novel has made the New York Times Best Sellers list. The other three horsemen of the apocalypse are riding close behind.
  • Snooki spent the day celebrating, drinking champagne and tequila — and then she found out about her book’s success.
  • Anne Hathaway has been cast as Catwoman in the next Batman movie. I guess I took all those photos wearing the leather bodysuit for nothing.

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holy fing wow

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

  • Oprah was in Australia for a week. She liked it so much that she’s putting it on a boat and having it shipped to her house.
  • Oprah gave away many gifts to her audience, and each person even went home with their own Aborigine.
  • A Tucson taco shop is going to start selling tacos with lion meat. Just when you think Arizona is tapped out on crazy, they roar back with a vengeance.
  • Maybe we should be eating the more dangerous animals. Nobody has ever had a chicken chase them down and snap their neck.

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Public Service 1
Special Thanks to Jeannie for this FANTASTIC site!  If you need something and can’t find it here, you really ain’t looking!

WOW!  What a goldmine of software!

The Best Of: Windows Software

On this page you will find the best 90 free Windows programs for all your needs. We’ve taken the effort to categorize the apps and picked only those we believe to be the best ones and which will most likely be useful to you.

 

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And this one could be titled, “You are doin’ it right!”
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Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye . After a while his teacher got worried and asked him about it. John’s answer was: “Our house is very small miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep On the same bed. Every night my father asks, ‘John, are you sleeping?’ Then I say ‘No’ and then he slaps my face and gives me a Black eye.”
So the teacher says to him, “Tonight when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don’t answer”. The following morning John comes to school and his eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. But the day after that John comes back with a severe black eye again. “My goodness John, why the black eye again?” He tells her: “Mam, Dad asked me again, ‘John are you sleeping?… and I shut up and kept dead still. Then my father and my mother started moving{you know} at the same time Mom was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a demented hyena on the bed”… Then my father asks my mother: ‘Are you coming?’ Then my mom says, ‘Yes I’m coming, are you coming too?’ and my dad answered ‘Yes’. They don’t usually go anywhere without me so i said ‘Wait for me……

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And here’s a good one from our dear friend, the Old Country Boy

DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?
More people are killed by bee stings than by shark attacks.

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One of the coolest stories to come out of World War II…it’s also worth doing some investigating on your own, if you are interested…

 

It’s a story that will forever change the way you think of the phrase, “Get Out of Jail Free.”

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(I had to blow the picture up a little and you have to look very close, but you can see the hidden tools and stuff)

A red dot on the free parking space signified to captured soldiers that
the Monopoly boards delivered by humanitarian groups contained escape kits including a compass, small metal tools and a map.
(Courtesy Philip Orbanes)
 

During World War II, as the number of British airmen held hostage behind enemy lines escalated, the country’s secret service enlisted an unlikely partner in the ongoing war effort: The board game Monopoly.

It was the perfect accomplice.

Included in the items the German army allowed humanitarian groups to distribute in care packages to imprisoned soldiers, the game was too innocent to raise suspicion. But it was the ideal size for a top-secret escape kit that could help spring British POWs from German war camps.

The British secret service conspired with the U.K. manufacturer to stuff a compass, small metal tools, such as files, and, most importantly, a map, into cut-out compartments in the Monopoly board itself.

“It was ingenious,” said Philip Orbanes, author of several books on Monopoly, including “The World’s Most Famous Game and How it Got That Way.” “The Monopoly box was big enough to not only hold the game but hide everything else they needed to get to POWs.”

British historians say it could have helped thousands of captured soldiers escape.

So how did a simple board game end up in a position to help out one of the most powerful military forces on the planet? Silk and serendipity.

Silk Maps Were Key Escape Kit Elements

Of all the tools in a military-grade escape kit, the most critical item was the map. But paper maps proved too fragile and cumbersome, said Debbie Hall, a cataloguer in the map room at the Bodleian Library at the University of Oxford in Oxford, England.

For hundreds of years, even before World War II, silk was the material of choice for military maps, Hall said, because it wouldn’t tear or dissolve in water as easily as paper and was light enough to stuff into a boot or cigarette packet. Unlike maps printed on paper, silk maps also wouldn’t rustle and attract the attention of enemy guards, she said.

“Initially, they had some problems printing on silk,” Hall said. “It’s quite technically challenging.”

But then MI9, the British secret service unit responsible for escape and evasion, found the one British company that had mastered printing on silk: John Waddington Ltd., a printer and board game manufacturer that also happened to be the U.K. licensee for the Parker Bros. game Monopoly.

“Waddingtons in the pre-war era was printing on silk for theater programs. For celebration events for royalty and that kind of thing,” said Victor Watson, 80, who retired as chairman of the company in 1993. “It made a name for itself for being able to print on silk.”

He was just a child during the war but said his father Norman Watson, president of the company at the time, worked with British secret service to embed the maps in Monopoly games.

He said a secret service officer named E.D. Alston (known around Waddington as “Mr. A.”) used to come by to place the orders in person.

“Because he was in the secret service, I never knew who he was,” Watson said.

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Maps, Compasses, Tools Hidden in Monopoly Boards

Watson said his father formed a small division of the company that first printed silk and rayon maps for the British military and later embedded escape kits in hundreds of Monopoly games.

Before leaving for missions, British airmen were told that if they were captured, they should look for escape maps and kits in Monopoly boards and other games delivered by charity groups. They were told that “special edition” Monopoly sets would be marked with a red dot on the free parking space.

Watson said that in addition to the concealed compass, tools and maps, real bank notes were hidden under the fake money.

During the war, the Official Secrets Act prevented anyone involved from disclosing the plan, and Watson said his father was concerned that the company could be targeted by the Germans if they were tipped off

“It was very special and very secretive,” Watson said, adding that he didn’t learn about the company’s role helping the military until years later.

Different Maps for Different Regions

Waddington printed six different maps that corresponded with regions surrounding six different German camps, Orbanes said. Monopoly kits bound for a camp in Italy, for example, would include a map of Italy and Italian currency (lira).

To make sure each set reached its destination, the secret service devised another code.

“Each game was pinpointed as to the camp it would go to,” Orbanes said. To innocuously tag each board game, a period was added after different locations on the board.

A period after “Mayfair,” for example, meant that the game was intended for Norway, Sweden and Germany. And a period after Marylebone Station meant it was a game destined for Italy. (It being a British version of game, London streets replaced the Atlantic City streets used in the original American version.)

For more information, here’s another great article from CNN on line.  I know, I know…there are some of you out there who think that you can’t put the words “great article” and “CNN” in the same sentence, that it then becomes an oxymoron, but get over it!  It’s a good article!  lol
http://articles.cnn.com/2007-12-05/living/mf.waropoly_1_allied-pows-monopoly-maps?_s=PM:LIVING

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