Grr! Arrrgh! Leprechaun need cauldron of coffee. Had late night working. Morning come too soon with more work. Wicked not get rest. Dragon speak now.
Good Morning Campers!
I had to share this with everyone….right off the bad, Dreamweaver wrote back and called bullshit on my Last Word from Dragon Laffs #1167…and referenced this snopes article: http://www.snopes.com/science/microwave/plants.asp NICE JOB Dreamweaver! Calling Bullshit on us is a GOOD thing. ( what’s this US thing Impish? It was totally YOUR issue!) We like it when people disagree with us and find us wrong. (not really that’s more Dragon bullshit, we actually get pretty annoyed with ourselves and feel pretty stupid) We just don’t like it when they do it meanly or by name calling. Thanks for straightening us out Dreamweaver. Maybe we need the golden bullshit ( more like the golden dragon meadow muffin since he is usually the one that doesn’t check before publishing!) award or something….
How about this:
It’s Friday. The day of the week we all look forward to…that is…if you have the weekend off. If you are in a service industry job, whether it’s police or cook, fireman or waitress, you guys tend to work when the rest of us don’t. Having been there before and, to a degree, still am, we here at Dragon Laffs Enterprises salute you and your dedication to working while we are playing. And our military camper friends are working all the time. So, here’s to you guys! Thanks for your service!
Now, let’s laugh!
It’s Friday once again and here at Dragon Laffs Headquarters recently that’s meant two things, the posting of the weekend edition and Impish at his desk in his ‘Casual Friday’ attire. NOT a pretty sight I assure you. You scoff? Well see for yourself and don’t say I didn’t warn you!!
TOLD YOU it wasn’t pretty! Now if you’ll excuse me while you good folks continue to laugh I’m going to go bleach my eyeballs and pickle my brain in Irish Whiskey in hopes of removing that image from them again this week.
Occasionally even we mythical and fairie folk find ourselves getting hoodwinked by an Urban Legend or incorrectly quoting or misattributing something. It’s bound to happen sooner or later because even us magical creatures are bound by some of the same inconvenient universally constant laws as you mere mortals. Murphy’s Law(s), the Laws of Probability and such things pop immediately to mind.
Now in our defense I have to say as a Leprechaun and a
conniving, I mean contriving, I mean ENTERPRISING business man I have to say I know more than a little about the Con Game and making things look so legit that someone doesn’t feel the need to do more than take it at face value and ever I am occasionally impressed by some of the malarkey that crosses my desk.
Apparently such was the occasion yesterday when Impish posted his bit about the evils of microwaving food and drink.
( I had this portion mostly set last night to go before the Dragon decided to try and redeem himself so I didn’t take it out. Personally if you ask me he was afraid of what I was going to say about his shoddy journalism practices)
A woman’s husband comes home hammered every night
and she always yells at him before going to bed alone.
One day she decides to try some reverse psychology.
When her husband staggers in that night, she’s waiting
for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair
and gives him a backrub.It’s getting late, big boy, she
says after a few minutes. Why don’t we go upstairs to bed.
We might as well, slurs the husband. I’m going to be in
trouble when I get home, anyway.
The couple ahead of me at the swanky hotel desk, were
asking for a room with a king, queen or double bed. The
clerk apologized and said that the only rooms available
had twin beds.Disappointed, the man remarked, “I don’t
know. We’ve been sharing the same bed for 44 years.”
“Could you possibly put them close together?” the wife asked.
Several people nearby smiled, and someone commented,
“How romantic.”Then the woman finished her request with,
“Because if he snores, I want to be able to punch him.”
The great USA where:
1-Where the greatest modern intelligence coups are achieved via Wikileaks.
2-Printing money goes wrong
3-We worship “freedom” and don’t know what it means
4-There is no need for immigration laws
5-We give half of our working class jobs overseas, and don’t say anything about it
6-Where we give other countries billions of dollars in aid annually, while our economy, children and senior citizens suffer.
7-We criticize every president we ever had and every politician, even if they did not do anything!
8-We protest over anything largely because our media does anything BUT report the news truthfully.
9-We are the most divided country in existence and we call ourselves the United States, maybe out of irony
…..and yet we are surprised and indignantly shocked to be laughed at by most of the rest of the world!
FAIRLY certain that violates the “No Torture” aspects of the Geneva convention and opens him to war crimes charges! It sure as HELL isn’t going to do anything positive for our image abroad either!
Graciemj writes us:
Just goes to show you how disgusted America is with what’s-her-name’s performance at the Super Bowl…
Saturday Night Live – National Anthem
A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”
“Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try little fine sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, “How’s the girlfriend?”
Pinocchio replied, “Who needs a girlfriend?”
Be alert next Monday.
ALIENS ARE COMING TO EARTH ON MONDAY!
THEIR MISSION IS TO ABDUCT ALL GOOD LOOKING &
I JUST EWANTED TO SAY “GOODBYE”.
DON’T WORRY, IMPISH WILL STILL BE HERE FOR YOU
Seems as though it all comes down to genetic predisposition!
A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer’s ball beside him.
Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.
‘Arrgh! What happened?’ the Leprechaun asked.
‘I’m afraid I hit you with my golf ball,’ the golfer says.
‘Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?’
‘Thank God, you’re all right!’ the golfer answers in relief. ‘I don’t want anything, I’m just glad you’re OK, and I apologize.’
And the golfer walks off.
‘What a nice guy,’ the Leprechaun says to himself. ‘I have to do something for him. I’ll give him the three things I would want… a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.’
A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
‘Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,’ the little guy says. ‘I just want to ask ye, how’s yer golf game?’
‘My game is fantastic!’ the golfer answers. I’m an internationally famous golfer now.’ He adds, ‘By the way, it’s good to see you’re all right.’
‘Oh, I’m fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how’s yer money situation?’
‘Why, it’s just wonderful!’ the golfer states.. ‘When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn’t even know were there!’
‘I did that fer ye also.’ And tell me, how’s yer sex life?’
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, ‘It’s OK.’
C’mon, c’mon now,’ urged the Leprechaun, ‘I’m wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?’
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, ‘Once, sometimes twice a week.’
‘What??’ responds the Leprechaun in shock. ‘That’s all? Only once or twice a week?’
‘Well,’ says the golfer, ‘I figure that’s not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.’
A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, ‘If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’
With even greater emphasis he said, ‘And if I had All the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he Said, ‘And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’
Sermon complete, he sat down..
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced With a smile, nearly laughing, ‘For our closing song, Let us sing Hymn #365, ‘Shall We Gather at the River.
You all can sing, me I’m heading down to the river to drown me sorrows!