Dragon Laffs #1166


Good Morning Campers!Donate2
Well, it’s that time again.  The time of the year where we throw ourselves on the mercies of our wonderful campers, prostrate ourselves on the ground of generosity and ask you wonderful people to help us out with our costs and expenses.  Bandwidth isn’t free (nor is it cheap), overhead, advertising, dollar-signelectricity, coffee for the break room, graft, bribes, payoffs, gratuities, lap dances, equipment update, maintenance, repair, replacement….the list goes on and on.  None of us hear at Dragon Laffs Enterprises are independently wealthy, we have to do this for free.  We love what we do, truly we do, but what we do costs us money.  We would hate to have to stop doing what we love simply because we could no longer afford it, so we ask for help.  And the wonderful campers that you are, you always come through for us.  So, help us pay the bills.  Click on the little blue guy above, click on the dollar sign to the left or go here and donate (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=P894L2VX896HN) Thank you ever so much!  You are the best!

Now, let’s laugh!

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Not really sure what to make of this… I can’t imagine this really working…unless it has something to do with the forward momentum of the subway car.  Any ideas?  Explanation?

 

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New Doll
The latest toy has hit the shops – a talking Muslim doll.
Nobody knows what it says because no one has the guts to pull the cord.

 

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This was sent to me by a good female friend….so does that let me off the sexist hook?

THE PERFECT DAY – FOR HER
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed – Freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents – expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo condition, blow dry
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12:45 Catch sight of boyfriend’s ex and notices she has gained 7kg
13:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
15:00 Nap
16:00 3 dozen roses delivered by florist – card is from secret admirer
16:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
17:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror
19:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers
22:00 Hot shower [alone]
22:50 Carried to bed…[Freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen]
23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
23:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.

THE PERFECT DAY – FOR HIM
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast – rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked buxom wench
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several Whiskeys en-route to airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet
9:30 Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club [Blow job en-route]
9:45 Play front nine [2 under]
11:45 Lunch – Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine [4 under]
14:15 Limo back to airport
14:30 Fly to Monte Carlo
15:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew [all nude]
16:30 Land world record Marlin [1234lbs] on light tackle
17:00 Fly home – massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson
18:45 Shit, shower, shave
19:00 Watch news – Brad Pitt assassinated; marijuana and porn legalized
19:30 Dinner – Lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon, big juicy fillet steak followed by Ice cream served on a pair of tits
21:00 Napoleon Brandy and Cohiba cigar in front of wall size TV as you watch Match of the Day
21:30 Sex with three women [all with lesbian tendencies]
23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and cleansing ale
23:30 Night cap blow job
23:45 In bed alone
23:50 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

 

 

“Did somebody lose a cat?”

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There was a preacher in a church down South who was getting more and more distressed by all the “Sunday” Christians who showed up for church on Sunday but were not good Christians the rest of the week. A fire-and-brimstone kind of guy, he got up in the pulpit one Sunday morning and laid into his congregation.

There is SIN in this Church!” he hollered. “You people are all sinners and I’m getting tired of it! Its time to confess to your sins before God and your fellow sinners. We are going to have a cleansing. Right here! Right now! CONFESS you sinners. Tell us your sins and clean yourself in the eyes of the Lord! Who’s first?”

He walks down the aisle pointing at first one then another still hollering “Confess” and “Who will be first?”

One man in the back couldn’t take it any longer and stood up. “I will preacher. I’m a sinner. I’ve been spending all my money drinking and whoring instead of taking care of my family.” and the preacher yells back “Good! God will forgive you if you mend your ways.”
And to the audience, C’mon! Who’s next? I want to hear it all!”

And another broke and stood. “I’ve hit my wife and children. Forgive me God!” and the preacher replied. “Yes! Yes! That’s the way! Let me hear it all. Give it all to me.” And then another man stood and said “I’ve taken money from my boss and then used that money to gamble.” And again the preacher shouts out in ecstasy, “Yes! Yes! That’s the way! Let me hear it all. Give it all to me. I want to hear EVERYBODY! Give it ALL to me!”

And still another man stood and said in a firm voice: “I’ve had sex with a goat.”

And the preacher replies in a calm voice “Damn, brother! I don’t think I would confess to that.”

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Now this is a gun show!  Dan, are you watching?
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=OQnU1t7UzgM

 

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Stupid Amazon Products With Impressively Sarcastic Reviews…

http://tinyurl.com/25wgbv6

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Buddy Hackett – Baby Elephant Trunk Penis

 

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So many Zack wanna-be’s….this one is really pretty bad.  The young lady who sent this in even said she was embarrassed to send it….but it didn’t seem to stop you, did it?

Miguel Rodriquez long suffered from insomnia. It was a rare night that he slept more than an hour. He had consulted numerous physicians in Mexico and the United States but none had been able to help him. Even the strongest sedatives could not give him a restful night of sleep.
One day, Miguel met and fell in love with a beautiful senorita named Esta Gonzales. Now when he wants to sleep he just looks at her picture. Miguel has known from his childhood that when you see Esta, you sleep.

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Thanks to Mike for this great one.  Watch full screen and turn the music WAY up!  Okay, then turn it back down when the neighbors start to complain.  Enjoy!

30 minutes compressed into 4 minutes. Landing LAX at night. The last minute of the video made me a bit dizzy, LOL
Twilight Landing At Los Angeles LAX (Cockpit View)

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Okay, I just read this and I’ve got to put it in the e-zine, right now.  This if from Doug, and as you will read, he’s from Canada.  You can read the original comment in the comments section to the right of the e-zine on the main page, but here it is so EVERYONE can read it and so that we can start the conversation back up.  For the record, I agree with Doug’s thinking 100% and he very eloquently expresses his opinions, doesn’t get nasty with the opposing views, doesn’t have to resort to name calling, etc.  Nice job Doug!  I’m with you, bud!  Here it is:

OK, I wasn’t gonna comment on the ‘open carry’ concept, but if most people are against, I gotta weigh in. First of all, I’m Canadian. There’s no possibility of an open carry law here in the foreseeable future. We just spent upwards of a billion dollars to register all the hunting rifles and shotguns in the country (with an economy based on about 10% of the US population).
That being said, I am strongly in favor of the US 2nd amendment, the rights it guarantees and specifically the open carry concept.
A full explanation of why would be too lengthy for this forum; an incomplete one is likely to be unconvincing. Suffice it to say that I believe that there IS such a thing as deterrence. Crime rates are simply lower where there is police presence, the likelihood of being caught, or the possibility of personal harm (and in small towns: a sense of anonymity contributes directly to the crime rate). Sure, if everyone carried a gun, ‘crimes of passion’-type deaths could go up, because a readily available mortal weapon would allow confrontations to escalate. OTOH, those crimes are usually solved in a matter of minutes, and there would almost certainly very quickly be a movement toward emotional control in society, if the consequences of a momentary loss thereof were so drastic.
Accidental gun discharges are rarer than most people believe, and a gun that is always on your person (like your cellphone) is difficult for a child to access.
So what other arguments against are there?.. that it is ‘uncivilized’ to carry a weapon? Tell that to the police, the armed forces and most of the societies in history. Or maybe it’s that guns are evil and/or frightening? Frankly, EVERY person on the planet has a seriously skewed assessment of risk. For just one example, how else could we enter a car every day without a care, and fear airplanes which are statistically far safer. This is not about fact, it’s about emotion. The fact is that an armed population is safer… but most people don’t FEEL that way. Maybe TV is to blame. After all, there’s gotta be a murder an hour on the TV every hour of the day and night.. and gun violence makes the news, too. It’s rather difficult to look past all that at the real risks and statistics. So frankly, I don’t think open carry is likely to fly very many places… which is too bad. Because a gun equalizes the force equation between a 120lb woman and a 200lb man, or even a group. As the old saying goes, ‘God created man, but Samuel Colt created him equal’.
Or maybe the other old adage is even more appropriate: ‘The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing’. It is not possible to take the guns away from the criminals. Ceding the field to them unopposed is insane. Police simply cannot be everywhere. Good men should also be armed. It just makes sense.

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A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?”
“Ever go fishing?” the policeman suddenly asked the man.
“Um, yeah…” the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, “Did you ever catch all the fish?”

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Three elderly ladies were at the doctor for a cognitive reasoning test. The doctor says to the first gal, “What is three times three?”
“297,” was her prompt reply. “Ummm humm,” says the doc.

The doctor says to the lady, “It’s your turn now. What is three times three?”
“Friday,” replies the second lady. “Ummm humm…”

Then the doc says to the third, “Okay, mam, your turn. What’s three times three?”
“Nine,” says she. “That’s wonderful!” says the doc. “Tell me, how did you get that?” “Simple,” she says, beaming… “I subtracted 297 from Friday!”

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Don’t tell your friends about your indigestion.
“How are you” is a greeting, not a question.
~Arthur Guiterman

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“Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking
they hit a triple.” –Barry Switzer

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w (3)

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It’s those right-wing wackos’ fault!
They’re a bunch of Nazi fascists!

It’s those left-wing loonies’ fault!
They’re all Marxist communists!
Political discussion in America is nothing
more than a shouting match at this point.

The Top 5 Signs American Politics  Has Become Too Divisive

5.  Capitol rotunda to be replaced by a steel-cage octagon.

4.  Against the strain of trying to reconcile his left side with
    his right side, Independent Joe Lieberman’s body subdivides
    like an amoeba.

3.  Even the decision to recess for lunch is filibustered.

2.  Your 7th-grader was elected class president, but can’t take
    office until you produce an original birth certificate.

and The Number 1 Sign
American Politics Has Become Too Divisive…

1.  At the Senate swearing-in ceremonies, there were 14 Bibles,
    six Torahs, two Qur’ans, a Book of Mormon, a Boy Scout
    Handbook and a copy of the 2011 NASCAR schedule.

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The Old Country Boy’s:
DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?
Early in the history of telephones, there were about 300 com-
peting phone companies in America. You could call only the
people who did business with the same company as you.

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My buddy Smitty sent this to me, just as a way to say hi, and he even told me that he remembered when I sent it to him, but you know, it could just as easily have been from a couple of other “friends” that I have from “those days” and some “friends” that I have from now.  Veteran’s are friends who’ve had the same life experiences as you, even if you never met until after…  the last little bit says it all, and puts all of us in a different category from all of them….at one point in our lives we wrote that check….that blank check….
and that made all the difference.  To ALL my veteran friends, even those I haven’t met yet, this is for you:

Veteran to Veteran…..
When a Veteran leaves the ‘job’ and retires, many are jealous, some are pleased, and others, who may have already retired, wonder if he knows what he is leaving behind, because we already know.
1. We know, for example, that after all of the camaraderie that few experience, it will remain as a longing for those past times.
2. We know in the Military life there is a fellowship which lasts long after the uniforms are hung up in the back of the closet.
3. We know even if he throws them away, they will be on him with every step and breath that remains in his life. We also know how the very bearing of the man speaks of what he was and in his heart still is.

These are the burdens of the job. You will still look at people suspiciously, still see what others do not see or choose to ignore and always will look at the rest of the Military world with a respect for what they do; only grown in a lifetime of knowing.

Never think for one moment you are escaping from that life. You are only escaping the ‘job’ and merely being allowed to leave ‘active’ duty.

So what I wish for you is that whenever you ease into retirement, in your heart you never forget for one moment that you are still a member of the greatest fraternity the world has ever known.

Civilian Friends vs. Veteran Friends Comparisons……
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Get upset if you’re too busy to talk to them for a week,
VETERAN FRIENDS: Are glad to see you after years, and will happily carry on the same conversation you were having the last time you met.
—————-
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
VETERAN FRIENDS: Have cried with you.
—————–
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.
VETERAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
———- ——-
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
VETERAN FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.
—————–
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that’s what the crowd is doing.
VETERAN FRIENDS: Will stand by you no matter what the crowd does.
——————-
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Are for a while.
VETERAN FRIENDS: Are for life.
——————–
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Have shared a few experiences…
VETERAN FRIENDS: Have shared a lifetime of experiences no citizen could ever dream of…
——————–
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
VETERAN FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, “You better drink the rest of that before you spill it!” Then carry you home safely and put you to bed…
——————
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
VETERAN FRIENDS: Will forward this.
——————
A veteran – whether active duty, retired, served one hitch, or reserve – is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to ‘The Government of the United States of America ‘ for an amount of ‘up to and including my life’.

From one Veteran to another, it’s an honor to be in your company.

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