And now a word from our very own C3PO (Chief Pontification, “Prattlelation” and Procrastination Officer):
Good Morning Campers…
Wow, that’s amazing to me. And the thing is, you guys have all hung in there through thick and thin.
Through good posts and bad and through prolific laffs (gotta love the way that little phrase rolls off the tongue…
and through …. um … not so prolific laffs…
Okay, so that kind of ruined the whole thing.
Anyway, thanks for being there guys.
No news on the health front, I’ll let you know what the doctor has to say when I go.
Gearing up for a possible nother winter storm, should be great fun. We’re kinda due one more
before the end of the winter. We’ll have to see whether it pans out or not.
Anyway, what do you say we stop listening to me prattle and get to the fun stuff?
Terms to Know
TRAFFIC LIGHT — apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.
DIVORCE — postgraduate in School of Love.
PIONEER — early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.
PEOPLE — some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what’s happened.
SWIMMING POOL — a mob of people with water in it.
SELF-CONTROL — the ability to eat only one peanut.
SALESMAN — man with ability to convince wife she’d look fat in mink.
CANNIBAL — person who likes to see other people stewed.
EGOCENTRIC — a person who believes he is everything you know you are.
FOREIGN FILM — any movie shown in Texas theater that isn’t a western.
OPTIMIST — girl who regards a bulge as a curve.
MAGAZINE — bunch of printed pages that tell you what’s coming in the next issue.
COLLEGE — The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.
EMERGENCY NUMBERS — Police station, fire department and places that deliver.
OPERA — When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.
BUFFET — A French word that means “Get up and get it yourself.”
BABY-SITTER — A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.
TATTOO — Permanent proof of temporary insanity.
The Top 5 Things Overheard at Jack LaLanne’s Funeral
(Fitness guru Jack LaLanne, who guilted us all from our TV screens for decades, died Sunday January 23rd at age 96.)
5> “Per Mr. LaLanne’s request, his remains were juiced this morning. Now, if everyone would take a seat, we will each
have a shot of Jack.”
4> “So I guess in the end, all that exercising didn’t do one damn bit of good. Who’s up for pizza?”
3> “I’m sure at this very moment, he’s on the Stairmaster to Heaven.”
2> “Calm down, everyone! That’s just reflexive muscle contractions from a lifetime of doing sit-ups.”
and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Thing Overheard at Jack LaLanne’s Funeral…
1> “If this guy ever comes back as a zombie, we are are all SOOOO f$%^ed!”
[ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]
The more you think about this one, the funnier it gets.
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour
shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of
her purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she
looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says:
‘Well, that’s great….that’s just great….Some asshole’s got my pen!’
From our Loyal Camper K-Squared.
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then – just to loosen up and be a part of the crowd.
Inevitably, though, one thought led to another and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone — “to relax,” I told myself — but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother’s.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix, but I couldn’t help myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius, Camus and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, “What is it exactly that we are doing here?”
One day the boss called me in. He said, “Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job, you’ll have to find another job.”
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. “Honey,” I confessed, “I’ve been thinking…”
“I know you’ve been thinking,” she said, “and I want a divorce!” “But Honey, surely it’s not that serious.” “It is serious,” she said, her lower lip aquiver.
“You think as much as college professors and college professors don’t make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won’t have any money!”
“That’s a fallacious syllogism,” I said impatiently.
She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.
“I’m going to the library,” I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some John Locke. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.
They didn’t open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night..
Leaning on the unfeeling glass and whimpering for Emerson, a poster caught my eye, “Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?” it asked. Stop before it’s too late for you.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.
This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was “Porky’s.” Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
Today I took the final step… I joined the Democratic Party
Impish and I are looking for those of you willing to help out with Karl’s Intervention before its too late to return him to common sense and rational thought.
Josh Groban Sings Kanye West Tweets
Opinion: Patriotism decried as civil rights violation
Written by: William Lutz 12/21/2010 11:27 AM
Earlier this year, the elected State Board of Education passed new social studies standards that insist that children learn why America is unique and special among nations. The State Board of Education wants kids to know more about Thomas Jefferson and George Washington than just the fact that they owned slaves.
But that doesn’t sit well with the Obama administration. The U.S. Department of Education is mad at Texas because Gov. Rick Perry refuses to hand over the authority to decide what Texans learn in schools to unelected bureaucrats in Washington DC. Specifically, the Texas Education Agency declined to participate in the federal government’s “Race to the Top” program that required adopting federal government curriculum standards.
It’s not terribly surprising, therefore, that Obama’s friends at left-wing civil rights organizations such as the National Organization for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) and the League of United Latin American Citizens (LULAC) are playing the race card on this. They raise money by finding racism everywhere. According to today’s Houston Chronicle, these groups have filed a complaint with the civil rights division at the U.S. Department of Education alleging discrimination. This complaint gives the Obama administration opportunity to try and harass Texas officials for insisting that our school curriculum get adopted by our elected State Board of Education, not the federal government. Hanging in the balance is whether schoolchildren in Texas public schools will learn about America’s founding fathers or get force-fed the same liberal, race-baiting garbage taught as multiculturalism at most major state universities.