Leprechaun Laffs # 16 – The Weekend Edition


 

 

DL HEader

And now a word from our very own C3PO (Chief  Pontification, “Prattlelation” and Procrastination Officer):

Good Morning Campers…

403 Subscribers…

Wow, that’s amazing to me.  And the thing is, you guys have all hung in there through thick and thin. 

Through good posts and bad and through prolific laffs (gotta love the way that little phrase rolls off the tongue…

prolific laffs”

“prolific laffs”

“prolific laffs”)

and through …. um … not      so      prolific      laffs…

Okay, so that kind of ruined the whole thing.

Anyway, thanks for being there guys.

No news on the health front, I’ll let you know what the doctor has to say when I go.

Gearing up for a possible nother winter storm, should be great fun.  We’re kinda due one more

before the end of the winter.  We’ll have to see whether it pans out or not.

Anyway, what do you say we stop listening to me prattle and get to the fun stuff?

Let’s Laugh!

Nugent-Norris 2012

Terms to Know

TRAFFIC LIGHT — apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.
DIVORCE — postgraduate in School of Love.
PIONEER — early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.
PEOPLE — some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what’s happened.
SWIMMING POOL — a mob of people with water in it.
SELF-CONTROL — the ability to eat only one peanut.
SALESMAN — man with ability to convince wife she’d look fat in mink.
CANNIBAL — person who likes to see other people stewed.
EGOCENTRIC — a person who believes he is everything you know you are.
FOREIGN FILM — any movie shown in Texas theater that isn’t a western.
OPTIMIST — girl who regards a bulge as a curve.
MAGAZINE — bunch of printed pages that tell you what’s coming in the next issue.
COLLEGE — The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.
EMERGENCY NUMBERS — Police station, fire department and places that deliver.
OPERA — When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.
BUFFET — A French word that means “Get up and get it yourself.”
BABY-SITTER — A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.
TATTOO — Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

 ABCs of Tech Age

The Top 5 Things Overheard at Jack LaLanne’s Funeral

(Fitness guru Jack LaLanne, who guilted us all from our TV screens for decades, died Sunday January 23rd at age 96.)

5> “Per Mr. LaLanne’s request, his remains were juiced this morning. Now, if everyone would take a seat, we will each
     have a shot of Jack.”
4> “So I guess in the end, all that exercising didn’t do one damn bit of good. Who’s up for pizza?”
3> “I’m sure at this very moment, he’s on the Stairmaster to Heaven.”
2> “Calm down, everyone! That’s just reflexive muscle contractions from a lifetime of doing sit-ups.”
                 and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Thing Overheard at Jack LaLanne’s Funeral…
1> “If this guy ever comes back as a zombie, we are are all SOOOO f$%^ed!”

[ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

IF size dont matter

 

Sell clubs

The more you think about this one, the funnier it gets.

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour
shift.  Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of
her purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she
looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says:
‘Well, that’s great….that’s just great….Some asshole’s got my pen!’

Crock%2098

From our Loyal Camper K-Squared.

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then – just to loosen up and be a part of the crowd.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another and soon I was more than just a  social thinker.

I began to  think alone — “to relax,” I told myself — but I knew it wasn’t true.   Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was  thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home.  One evening I turned off the TV  and asked my wife about the meaning of life.  She spent that  night at her mother’s.

I began to  think on the job.  I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix,  but I couldn’t help myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius,   Camus and Kafka.  I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, “What is it exactly that we are doing here?”

One day the  boss called me in.  He said, “Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem.  If you  don’t stop thinking on the job, you’ll have to find another job.”

This gave me a  lot to think about.  I came home early after my conversation with  the boss. “Honey,” I confessed, “I’ve been thinking…”

“I know you’ve  been thinking,” she said, “and I want a divorce!”  “But Honey,  surely it’s not that serious.”  “It is serious,” she said, her lower lip aquiver.

“You think as much as college professors and college professors don’t make any  money, so if you keep on thinking, we won’t have any money!”

“That’s a  fallacious syllogism,” I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.

“I’m going to  the library,” I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some John Locke.  I roared into the  parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass  doors.

They didn’t open.  The library was closed.

To this day, I  believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night..

Leaning on the  unfeeling glass and whimpering for Emerson, a poster caught my eye,  “Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?” it asked. Stop before it’s too late for you.

You probably recognize that line.  It comes from the standard Thinkers  Anonymous poster.

This is why I  am what I am today: a recovering thinker.

I never miss a  TA meeting.  At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was “Porky’s.” Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.  Life just seemed  easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.  I think the road  to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I took  the final step… I joined the Democratic  Party

Impish and I are looking for those of you willing to help out with Karl’s Intervention before its too late to return him to common sense and rational thought.

Josh Groban Sings Kanye West Tweets

 

DL LAst Word Header

Opinion: Patriotism decried as civil rights violation

Written by: William Lutz 12/21/2010 11:27 AM

Earlier this year, the elected State Board of Education passed new social studies standards that insist that children learn why America is unique and special among nations. The State Board of Education wants kids to know more about Thomas Jefferson and George Washington than just the fact that they owned slaves.

But that doesn’t sit well with the Obama administration. The U.S. Department of Education is mad at Texas because Gov. Rick Perry refuses to hand over the authority to decide what Texans learn in schools to unelected bureaucrats in Washington DC. Specifically, the Texas Education Agency declined to participate in the federal government’s “Race to the Top” program that required adopting federal government curriculum standards.

It’s not terribly surprising, therefore, that Obama’s friends at left-wing civil rights organizations such as the National Organization for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) and the League of United Latin American Citizens (LULAC) are playing the race card on this. They raise money by finding racism everywhere. According to today’s Houston Chronicle, these groups have filed a complaint with the civil rights division at the U.S. Department of Education alleging discrimination. This complaint gives the Obama administration opportunity to try and harass Texas officials for insisting that our school curriculum get adopted by our elected State Board of Education, not the federal government. Hanging in the balance is whether schoolchildren in Texas public schools will learn about America’s founding fathers or get force-fed the same liberal, race-baiting garbage taught as multiculturalism at most major state universities.

Location: Blogs Description: Parent SeparatorLone Star Report: Will Lutz’s Blo

Proud Country - Appalled Government DL Closing Credits

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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