Leprechaun Laffs #15


DL HEader

Leprechaun here Campers~

I had a brilliant idea yesterday, brilliance and ideas being my forte rather than the Dragon’s and after confiring with the Dragon he decided upon due and careful consideration (read that half an hour in the Little Dragon’s Room with a copy of Mad magazine) to give my idea a try. I’m going to do the heavy lifting with regard to assembling issues and he’s going to be responsible for the opening comments. This makes things easier on both of us and he doesn’t have as much to do and I don’t have to struggle with opening remarks which I find difficult. We’ll still probably be sticking to my original plan of an every other day posting with slightly longer posts however.

So without further preamble I give you the founder of DragonLaffs our C.P.O. (Chief Pontificating Officer), ImpishDragon!

Good Morning campers!

We hope everyone is doing well or as well as can be expected on a cold and windy Thursday.
What?  You say it’s not cold and windy where you are?  Well, isn’t that odd.  And here I thought that where ever I was, was the center of the world and all other places derived from there.  Hmm….I’ll have to give that some thought.  That alone ought to take most of a day.
I wish to thank EVERYONE (and I do mean about everyone) for all the wonderfully kind messages and emails sent on my behalf.  Right now I don’t know anything more than I did the last time I wrote you.  I’m just waiting on the doctor to get a hold of me and set up an appointment.  The good news is….or would seem that the longer it takes them to make me an appointment, the less likely it is to be important.
Nah!
They’re just screwin’ with me!
LOL.
Anyway, what do you say, we get on with the laughter and jokes?

 

Why Patience Virtue

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”

“Very good,” said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

“I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”

“Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn.

The teacher held her breath …

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said.

“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”

“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny.

“Toothbrushes!” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample.”

They all said the same thing, “Hey, this tastes like dog poop!”

Then I would say,”It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush?”

“I used the progressive liberal government’s strategy of giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get that taste out of your mouth.”

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The 100 MPH Goat

Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.

The  first hunter says, “Wow, that’s some hole; I can’t even see the bottom; wunder how deep it is.”

The  second redneck says,” I don’t know, let’s throw somethin’ in, then listen and see how long it takes to hit  bottom.”

The  first guy says, “There’s an old transmission over there in the grass, give me a hand and we’ll throw it in and see”.

So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, two, three, and throw it in the hole.

They’re standing by the hole listening and looking over the edge, and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them.

As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and with no hesitation, jump in head  first.

While standing there looking at each other and looking in the hole trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.

“Say there,” says the farmer, “you fellers didn’t happen to see a goat around here anywhere, did you?”

One of the rednecks says, ” Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin’ about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this here hole!”

The old farmer says, “That’s impossible, I had him tied to an old transmission!”.

 DL - groaner-zack_thumb

 

 I’m guessing Zack is none too happy abut all the competition for a daily groaner because I have received quite a few from him. In truth I practically had to steal Mr. Peabody’s Way Back Machine to find the last time we used one of his. He’s brought his A game to the table this time though!

A university professor is lecturing a class, the subject for the day being the mating habits of the alligator. The professor says, “The female alligator lays three million four hundred thousand eggs at one time. The male alligator eats three million, three hundred and ninety-five of those eggs.”
From the back of the room, a student raises his hand and asks, “Sir, why does the male alligator eat all those eggs?”
The professor answers, “Because if he didn’t, we’d be up to our asses in alligators!”

DL LAst Word Header

President Barack Obama said in Turkey : “We do not consider ourselves a Christian nation or a Jewish nation or a Muslim nation. We consider ourselves a nation of citizens who are bound by ideals and a set of values.”

I  found this, (if not like most of the things that spill from his lips ill informed and grossly misstated) very interesting .
Do you know the Preamble for your state?

Alabama 1901, Preamble We the people of the State of   Alabama , invoking the favor and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish the following Constitution.

Alaska 1956, Preamble We, the people of   Alaska , grateful to God and to those who founded our nation and pioneered this great land.

Arizona 1911, Preamble We, the people of the State of  Arizona , grateful to Almighty God for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution. 

Arkansas 1874, Preamble We, the people of the State of   Arkansas , grateful to Almighty God for the privilege of choosing our own form of government.. .

California 1879, Preamble We, the People of the State of   California , grateful to Almighty God for our freedom…

Colorado 1876, Preamble We, the people of   Colorado , with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of Universe….

Connecticut 1818, Preamble.. The People of Connecticut , acknowledging with gratitude the good Providence of God in  permitting them to enjoy.

Delaware 1897, Preamble Through Divine Goodness all men have, by nature, the rights of worshiping and serving their Creator according to the dictates of their consciences. ..

Florida 1885, Preamble We, the people of the State of   Florida , grateful to Almighty God for our constitutional liberty, establish this Constitution. ..

Georgia 1777, Preamble We, the people of   Georgia , relying upon protection and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish this Constitution. ..

Hawaii 1959, Preamble We , the people of   Hawaii , Grateful for Divine Guidance … Establish this Constitution.

 Idaho 1889, Preamble We, the people of the State of   Idaho, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings..

Illinois 1870, Preamble We, the people of the State of Illinois, grateful to Almighty God for the civil , political and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.

Indiana 1851, Preamble We, the People of the State of   Indiana , grateful to Almighty God for the free exercise of the right to choose our form of government.

Iowa 1857, Preamble We, the People of the State of Iowa , grateful to the Supreme Being for the blessings hitherto enjoyed, and feeling our dependence on Him for a continuation of these blessings, establish this Constitution.

Kansas 1859, Preamble We, the people of Kansas , grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious privileges establish this Constitution.

Kentucky 1891, Preamble.. We, the people of the Commonwealth are grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties..

Louisiana 1921, Preamble We, the people of the State of   Louisiana , grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties we enjoy.

Maine 1820, Preamble We the People of Maine acknowledging with grateful hearts the goodness of the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe in affording us an opportunity .. And imploring His aid and direction.

Maryland 1776, Preamble We, the people of the state of   Maryland , grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberty…

Massachusetts 1780, Preamble We….the people of Massachusetts, acknowledging with grateful hearts, the goodness of the Great Legislator of the Universe In the course of His Providence, an opportunity and devoutly imploring His direction

Michigan 1908, Preamble..   We, the people of the State of   Michigan , grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of freedom, establish this Constitution.

Minnesota, 1857, Preamble We, the people of the State of Minnesota, grateful to God for our civil and religious liberty, and desiring to perpetuate its blessings:

Mississippi 1890, Preamble We, the people of Mississippi in convention assembled, grateful to Almighty God, and invoking His blessing on our work.

Missouri 1845, Preamble We, the people of   Missouri , with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, and grateful for His goodness . Establish this Constitution. ..

Montana 1889, Preamble. We, the people of   Montana , grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty establish this Constitution .

Nebraska 1875, Preamble We, the people, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom . Establish this Constitution.

Nevada 1864, Preamble We the people of the State of Nevada, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, establish this Constitution. ..

New Hampshire 1792,   Part   I. Art. I. Sec. V Every individual has a natural and unalienable right to worship God according to the dictates of his own conscience.

New Jersey 1844, Preamble We, the people of the State of New Jersey, grateful to Almighty God for civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.

New Mexico 1911, Preamble We, the People of New Mexico, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty..

New York 1846, Preamble We, the people of the State of   New York , grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, in order to secure its blessings.

North Carolina 1868, Preamble We the people of the State of North Carolina, grateful to Almighty God, the Sovereign Ruler of Nations, for our civil, political, and religious liberties, and acknowledging our dependence upon Him for the continuance of those…

North Dakota 1889, Preamble We , the people of   North Dakota , grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, do ordain…

Ohio 1852, Preamble We the people of the state of   Ohio , grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings and to promote our common.

Oklahoma 1907, Preamble Invoking the guidance of Almighty God, in order to secure and perpetuate the blessings of liberty, establish this

Oregon 1857, Bill of Rights, Article I Section 2. All men shall be secure in the Natural right, to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their consciences

Pennsylvania 1776, Preamble We, the people of Pennsylvania, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, and humbly invoking His guidance….

Rhode Island 1842, Preamble. We the People of the State of Rhode Island grateful to Almighty God for the civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing…

South Carolina 1778, Preamble We, the people of the State of South Carolina grateful to God for our liberties, do ordain and establish this Constitution.

South Dakota 1889, Preamble We, the people of  South Dakota , grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberties …

Tennessee 1796, Art. XI..III. That all men have a natural and indefeasible right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their conscience.. .

Texas 1845, Preamble We the People of the  Republic of  Texas , acknowledging, with gratitude, the grace and beneficence of God.

Utah 1896, Preamble Grateful to Almighty God for life and liberty, we establish this Constitution.

Vermont 1777, Preamble Whereas all government ought to enable the individuals who compose it to enjoy their natural rights, and other blessings which the Author of Existence has bestowed on man ..

Virginia 1776, Bill of Rights, XVI Religion, or the Duty which we owe our Creator can be directed only by Reason and that it is the mutual duty of all to practice Christian Forbearance, Love and Charity towards each other

Washington 1889, Preamble We the People of the State of Washington, grateful to the Supreme Ruler of the Universe for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution

West Virginia 1872, Preamble Since through Divine Providence we enjoy the blessings of civil, political and religious liberty, we, the people of West Virginia reaffirm our faith in and constant reliance upon God .

 Wisconsin 1848, Preamble We, the people of Wisconsin, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, domestic tranquility. ..

Wyoming 1890, Preamble We, the people of the State of  Wyoming, grateful to God for our civil, political, and religious liberties, establish this Constitution. ..

After reviewing acknowledgments of God from all 50 state constitutions, one is faced with the prospect that maybe, Obama, the ACLU and the out-of-control federal courts are wrong! God have mercy on their souls!

DL Closing Credits

About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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