Dragon Laffs

Good Morning Campers!
Yup, it’s a real, live issue of Dragon Laffs.  Full of fun and laughter, grace and wit and of course, the Recommended Minimum Daily Allowance (RMDA)of sarcasm, vitamin B-26, and informative, authoritative bovine excrement (High Powered B.S.). 
Thank you all for all your well wishes and prayers.  And speaking of prayers, I think I know what part of my problem is…I know, the list is so long…but I’m talking about my low blood sugars.  I’m eating properly, cutting down on my medication, losing weight and yet I’m still getting low blood sugars, why is that?  It’s because some of you out there are praying too hard and have got me practically healed of diabetes and now the medicine that is supposed to help me is trying to kill me.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I don’t want you guys to stop, but let’s start doing it slowly and together with the doctor and if that is the way the good Lord wishes it to be, then I will be more than happy to be miraculously healed.  I haven’t taken my insulin in two days (under doctor’s orders) and my fasting blood sugar this morning was 136.  Now, I know some of you won’t understand what that means, but it’s good. 
Anyway, back to the serious stuff for a minute…
on Tuesday, after the funeral, the Miami County Sherriff’s Office, Indiana State Police, Peru Police, all the area Fire Departments, etc, etc, etc.  Got together, in the snow, to say good bye to Sherriff Kenneth Roland.  Our dear friend will be sorely missed. 
The pictures are courtesy of the Peru Tribune Web site…

Now, let’s move on to the fun and mirth…

Let’s Laugh!

Under the topic of

http://www.zdnet.com/videos/new-tech/the-future-of-kitchen-counters/491855

That’s just plain weird!

Hungary is considering allowing solicitation
for prostitution in shopping malls, so long
as the act itself is performed elsewhere.

1. Twattery Barn

My big fantasy is being a pizza delivery boy making a delivery to a mansion where a porn film is being shot and arriving at the location at precisely the same moment as the actor playing the role of the pizza-delivery boy.
-Siva Kumar

Jeannie is so proud of herself….she now has a groaner!  And she gets a:

This is one funny protest prank:
http://wimp.com/protestprank/

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.”

–American comedian Groucho Marx

This is just great.  Just great.  Now the Leprechaun wants to get into the act, and I have to tell you, that there are very few people around with a sense of pun as bad as his….so, take heed….

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”

An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

And yet another one from our dear Leprechaun:
Bartenders and waiters have heard ’em all. But what we rarely hear is someone turning down a drink. “Nah, I better not have one,” said one man a after I offered him a glass of wine. “I have the world’s worst stomach. I eat so many antacids that if I were to keel over dead right this minute, I’d leave my own chalk outline.”

ORD Approach: “United 143 best forward speed to the marker, you are number one.”
United 143 (male): “Roger, balls to the wall.”
ORD Approach: “American 245, you’re number two behind a United 737,
follow him, cleared visual, at your best forward speed.”
American 245 (female): “Well, I can’t do balls to the wall, but I can
go wide open.”
-Radio silence-
Unknown male Pilot: “Is American hiring?”

From our great camper friend Bob, in Alaska:

Here is an amazing eclipse photo – this guy is pretty savy!

Bob

Pretty cool photo:
http://legault.perso.sfr.fr/eclipse110104_solar_transit.html
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/badastronomy/2011/01/04/insanely-awesome-solar-eclipse-picture/

Personally, I love my iPhone.  I’m pretty much to the point that I can’t live without it.  Sad, I know, but here is a great story about the day an iPhone saved the day…and recovered a stolen car:
http://www.timesrecordnews.com/news/2011/jan/04/iphone-dials-up-justice-in-case-of-stolen-car-n/

I’ve had a couple of requests for updates on Baby Jack.  He’s doing well, just growing up and getting ready for his next operation.  Not sure when that is going to happen, but here’s a couple of recent pics to keep all you “Aww, he’s so cute!” people satisfied…and yes, I’m one of those people, too.

Good Morning my dear campers.  Thank you for all the wonderful words of encouragement you have sent both as comments and as emails to my home.  Please know that I would answer each and everyone of them personally, if I could, if anyone was humanly able, lol.  What I will do is, as I get to each one, I will reply with a thank you, even if it’s a year from now.  lol.

Now, I’ve been threatened by the staff with bodily harm if I spend too much time and over stressing myself.  Since I still must continue my real job, although I’m sure my wonderful boss will personally and viciously protect me from undue stress and harm, I still have to be there.  (Do you know that he came to the hospital emergency room at midnight to visit me and see how I was doing?  They don’t come any better than that!  Most bosses would have said, at best, “Yeah, okay, let me know how he is in the morning.” or at worst, “What the hell are you doing calling me at this time of night?!”  Nope, not him, he was there wanting to know what he could do for me.  I’m very blessed.)

Well, and while we’re talking about wonderful people, our neighbor’s down the street and across the street.  I found this out later, of course.  First the lady across the street called the lady down the street and told her there was a fire truck (the base guys, my buddies!) and an ambulance out front of our house.  They were worried I had had a heart attack with the chest pain incident not too long ago.  Anyway, the dear wonderful sweet lady down the street (and of course her wonderful husband was involved as well) came down to our house, came inside and (after a short conversation with Mrs. Dragon) ended taking our littlest Dragonette back home with her to spend the night, feed her and make her a lunch for school and make sure she got on the bus the next day!  I’m so very blessed.

I could go on and on about the wonderful doctors and nurses that ran into.  The two very cute, very smart, and very forcefully insistent (don’t you just love that in a woman?) ambulance ladies from ….well, trying not to use names and places here … (only because I don’t have permissions and don’t want to try and get them…and yes, I’m being paranoid, but sometimes, they really ARE out to get you, lol) who did such a fantastic job of taking care of me, reassuring me, and keeping me alive long enough to get to the hospital.  Plus, the one in the back had a wicked sense of humor.  A top 5% attribute in my book.

Anyway, I do need to get the dragonette off to the bus stop and me off to work, we are on a two hour snow delay this morning, so again, thank you all VERY much for ALL the well wishes and wonderful comments.  Dragon Laffs will be back on track soon, albeit a bit less frequent than you are used to and perhaps we’ll make it more interesting with some different changes as well.

Now, have a great day and enjoy, until we talk again.

Good Afternoon campers,
I’m not sure how to go about this, but maybe if I just start writing, and telling the story, the words will come and all will be well.
I was taken to the hospital last night by ambulance.
Yeah, it really doesn’t come out well, no matter how you say it.
Anyway, last evening I started feeling poorly and thought my blood sugar was dropping so I checked it and found it pretty low.  For those of you who aren’t conversant in diabetes here’s a fast lesson:
High blood sugar can cause long term damage to many of the organs in your body, to your extremities and eventually, an early and quite painful death.  It is generally believed that at 200 mg/dl most of the population with diabetes are causing themselves some sort of physiological problems.  Although some are being hurt at levels of 150 or even less.
80 mg/dl to 120 mg/dl is considered “normal”.  Most diabetics try VERY hard to keep it at 100 but are normally pretty happy if it’s under 130.  Usually there are no adverse problems from being too high or too low at this point.
60 mg/dl to 70 mg/dl low blood sugar symptoms.  Sweating, shaking, lightheadedness, nausea, and other symptoms usually personalized to the individual.
40 mg/dl to 60 mg/dl worsening symptoms.  To possibly include unconsciousness and seizures
Below 40 mg/dl extremely dangerous.  Can include diabetic coma and death at very low levels.

Well, when I felt mine was getting low, as I went to check it my symptoms got very bad, very fast.  The reading on the meter said 26 mg/dl.  I texted my wife (she being on the other end of the cave complex) “Help” and immediately started putting sugar in my mouth.  Anything sweet I could find.  Two minutes later she took over that task and I took my blood reading again… 23 mg/dl.  Well, to make a very long and scary story short, I ended up at the hospital, in the Emergency Room and for all intents and purposes should’ve been in a coma. 

There are many other things involved in this problem, including the FMS, the deteriorating spine and hips and others. 

Things are going to be slow to pick back up again.  In the mean time, bear with us, have patience and understanding and know that we are doing the best that we possibly can. 

Until tomorrow my friends,

Impish

Good Morning Campers.  It’s good to be back.  Saying good bye to a friend is a hard thing to do, but it’s made easier when friends, such as you, are there to welcome you back and to give you support while you’re going through it. 

I want to publicly thank my good and dear friend Lethal Leprechaun for holding down the fort and continuing the entertainment while I was indisposed.  Some of the stuff that he (and you guys, too) find and come up with is amazing!  I am truly awed every time I start to put an issue together and go through the emails and sends that I get from you guys.  Wonderful stuff.

I like growing older.  It brings with it “old” friends, favorite places and things, fond remembrances.  It also tends to, have you lose your friends and loved ones on an increasing basis.  It happens.  We’ll all meet together on the other side for a beer and pizza.

Thank you for waiting patiently for me and my return.  I had some big excitement at my house last night, that I will share with you later.  So, there will be a further update sent out this afternoon, after I make a few phone calls, so stay tuned to this channel for even more and exciting information.

Cheers and thanks my friends,

Impish

Leprechaun here~

Impish is attending his friends funeral service today and will  be returning not a moment too soon for me tomorrow.

How to Negotiate Like Rick Harrison on Pawn Stars

Young Lethal was an absolute nut on physical fitness. Every morning before his early breakfast, unless the weather was unusually cold or foul, he put on his gym suit and jogged around the reservoir in the park. That done, he would indulge in calisthenics of some sort.

One morning, when the sun was peeping over the horizon and the dew lay refreshingly cool on the grass in the deserted park, Lethal, his jogging done, threw himself down behind a line of hedges and began a strenuous series of push ups.

That same morning Impish was also in the park, wending his way home; but for him it was still the evening before. His tuxedo was incredibly rumpled, his hat unimaginable askew; and there emerged from him in every direction a powerful aroma of some alcoholic beverage. His tottering footsteps somehow brought him behind the row of hedges, and he stopped short as he watched Lethal at his push ups.

After a few moments, he extended his cane uncertainly and managed to tap Lethal on the shoulder. “Yo Lethal,” he said, “I hate to be a bearer of ill tidings, but if you will take a close look, you will notice that your girl is no longer there.”

The Greatest Letter Ever Printed On NFL Team Letterhead

In 1974, a Clevelander wrote the Browns complaining of the menace posed by the then-fad of throwing paper airplanes, and implicitly threatened litigation.

The Browns’ response is just about the most awesome thing ever committed to paper!

A One-Wish Genie

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold ‘a genie’ appeared! The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.

The genie said, “Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I’m a one-wish genie. So… what’ll it be?”

The woman did not hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony.”

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, “Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I’m good but not THAT good! I don’t think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable.”

The woman thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve never been able to find the right man. You know, one that’s considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, gets along with my family, doesn’t watch sports all the time and is faithful. That’s what I wish for… a good man.”

The genie let out a sigh and said, “Let me see that map again…”

10 Part Irish Introspection/Extra – Oddest Stories of 2010 #4

The Taliban insurgents who were training Kalashnikov-armed macaques and baboons to shoot at US troops. (you just can’t make stuff like this up!)

A report in China’s People’s Daily indicated that the Taliban is creating an army of monkey mujahideen. The story that appeared in July 2010 in the Chinese People’s Daily suggested that insurgents used a reward-and-punishment system to train macaques and baboons to target soldiers wearing U.S. military uniforms. The Taliban supposedly “taught monkeys how to use the Kalashnikov, Bren light machine gun and trench mortars.” But a researcher who has spent his career studying the social life of non-human primates casted a highly critical eye on the story.

“They can be trained to do things like turn off lights and open faucets and so on, but eventually that breaks down,” said William Mason, a psychologist and professor emeritus at the University of California. The Chinese story cited unnamed British journalists and U.S. military sources when discussing the idea of insurgent monkeys. By contrast, the U.S. Stars and Stripes news source interviewed a NATO spokesman who said the notion had no basis in reality. (Link)

Today’s Last Word comes from reader Mike R. I had been waiting for the Dragon to use it, but since he’s away I don’t have to wait anymore. I fear that this scenario may prove too close to the truth for comfort one day.

The Ghost of Thanksgiving Yet to Come

<http://canadafreepress.com/index.php/article/30349>

By Arnold Ahlert Wednesday, November 24, 2010

“Winston, come into the dining room, it’s time to eat,” Julia yelled to her husband. “In a minute, honey, it’s a tie score,” he answered.  Actually Winston wasn’t very interested in the traditional holiday football game between Detroit and Washington .  Ever since the government passed the Civility in Sports Statute of 2017, outlawing tackle football for its “unseemly violence” and the “bad example it sets for the rest of the world,” Winston was far less of a football fan than he used to be.  Two-hand touch wasn’t nearly as exciting.

Yet it wasn’t the game that Winston was uninterested in.  It was more the thought of eating another TofuTurkey.  Even though it was the best type of VeggieMeat available after the government revised the American Anti-Obesity Act of 2018, adding fowl to the list of federally-forbidden foods, (which already included potatoes, cranberry sauce and mince-meat pie), it wasn’t anything like real turkey.  And ever since the government officially changed the name of “Thanksgiving Day” to “A National Day of Atonement” in 2020 to officially acknowledge the Pilgrims’ historically brutal treatment of Native Americans, the holiday had lost a lot of its luster.

Eating in the dining room was also a bit daunting.  The unearthly gleam of government-mandated fluorescent light bulbs made the TofuTurkey look even weirder than it actually was, and the room was always cold.  Ever since Congress passed the Power Conservation Act of 2016, mandating all thermostats-which were monitored and controlled by the electric company-be kept at 68 degrees, every room on the north side of the house was barely tolerable throughout the entire winter.

Still, it was good getting together with family.  Or at least most of the family.

Winston missed his mother, who passed on in October, when she had used up her legal allotment of live-saving medical treatment.  He had had many heated conversations with the Regional Health Consortium, spawned when the private insurance market finally went bankrupt, and everyone was forced into the government health care program.  And though he demanded she be kept on her treatment, it was a futile effort.

“The RHC’s resources are limited,” explained the government bureaucrat Winston spoke with on the phone. “Your mother received all the benefits to which she was entitled.  I’m sorry for your loss.”

Ed couldn’t make it either.  He had forgotten to plug in his electric car last night, the only kind available after the Anti-Fossil Fuel Bill of 2021 outlawed the use of the combustion engines-for everyone but government officials.

The fifty mile round trip was about ten miles too far, and Ed didn’t want to spend a frosty night on the road somewhere between here and there.

Thankfully, Winston’s brother, John, and his wife were flying in.  Winston made sure that the dining room chairs had extra cushions for the occasion.  No one complained more than John about the pain of sitting down so soon after the government-mandated cavity searches at airports, which severely aggravated his hemorrhoids. Ever since a terrorist successfully smuggled a cavity bomb onto a jetliner, the TSA told Americans the added “inconvenience” was an “absolute necessity” in order to stay “one step ahead of the terrorists.”

Winston’s own body had grown accustomed to such probing ever since the government expanded their scope to just about anywhere a crowd gathered, via Anti-Profiling Act of 2022.  That law made it a crime to single out any group or individual for “unequal scrutiny,” even when probable cause was involved.  Thus, cavity searches at malls, train stations, bus depots, etc., etc., had become almost routine.  Almost.

The Supreme Court is reviewing the statute, but most Americans expect a Court composed of six progressives and three conservatives to leave the law intact.  “A living Constitution is extremely flexible,” said the Court’s eldest member, Elena Kagan.  ” Europe has had laws like this one for years.  We should learn from their example,” she added.

Winston’s thoughts turned to his own children.  He got along fairly well with his 12-year-old daughter, Brittany, mostly because she ignored him.  Winston had long ago surrendered to the idea that she could text anyone at any time, even during Atonement Dinner.  Their only real confrontation had occurred when he limited her to 50,000 texts a month, explaining that was all he could afford. She whined for a week, but got over it.

His 16-year-old son, Jason, was another matter altogether.  Perhaps it was the constant bombarding he got in public school that global warming, the bird flu, terrorism or any of a number of other calamities were “just around the corner,” but Jason had developed a kind of nihilistic attitude that ranged between simmering surliness and outright hostility.

It didn’t help that Jason had reported his father to the police for smoking a cigarette in the house, an act made criminal by the Smoking Control Statute of 2018, which outlawed smoking anywhere within 500 feet of another human being.  Winston paid the $5000 fine, which might have been considered excessive before the American dollar became virtually worthless as a result of QE13.

The latest round of quantitative easing the federal government initiated was, once again, to “spur economic growth.”  This time they promised to push unemployment below its years-long rate of 18%, but Winston was not particularly hopeful.
Yet the family had a lot for which to be thankful, Winston thought, before remembering it was a Day of Atonement.

At least he had his memories.  He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized his children would never know what life was like in the Good Old Days, long before government promises to make life “fair for everyone” realized their full potential.  Winston, like so many of his fellow Americans, never realized how much things could change when they didn’t happen all at once, but little by little, so people could get used to them.

He wondered what might have happened if the public had stood up while there was still time, maybe back around 2010, when all the real nonsense began.  “Maybe we wouldn’t be where we are today if we’d just said ‘enough is enough’ when we had the chance,” he thought.

Maybe so, Winston.  Maybe so.