Okay, everyone have a seat please…thank you.
You guys are going to love this trick.
It’s truly amazing!
I am going to make a fairy laugh.  Guaranteed.
First, I’m going to tell you how I’m going to do it and then I’m going to tell you who I did it to, and you’ll understand completely.  But this fairy WILL laugh. 
Now, just a little background information on fairies, just so you know how amazing a trick this is, fairies don’t laugh!  Oh, they’ll titter and giggle with their girl-friend fairies and smile and point at the cute boy fairies, but none of them will ROFL (as they say).  Okay, this is me doing it…
We have an “Urgent – Winter Weather Message….
The National Weather Service in northern Indiana has issued a wind chill advisory, which is in effect from 11 PM EST/10 PM CST this evening to noon EST/11 AM CST Friday.
*Wind Chill values (15 below) to 20 below from late this evening through Friday Morning
*Other Impacts, wind chills at these values may cause frostbite to exposed skin within 30 minutes”
Now for the amazing trick… She is laughing right now….probably not even reading this any further because she lives in Northern Minnesota and they don’t issue warnings until the temperature is at least down to –20 regular with a –40 wind chill.  At our normal 20 to 30 degrees they are romping in shorts and tee shirts. 
Anyway, this was kinda fun, just teasing Ariel.  Good Morning All!!!!!!!

Let’s laugh!

 

Here’s an oldie but good……never mind.  It’s just an oldie.

Two old women lived way out in the country, only going into town on Sundays for church. One Sunday, there was a strange pastor, a very handsome man, in the pulpit, preaching away quite merrily. One of the women, quite deaf, had to turn her hearing aid up fully.
As the old women were returning home, the pros and cons of the new pastor was their main subject of conversation. “I thought he was lovely,” said one.
“He was, rather, wasn’t he?” said the other.
“He was very loud, wasn’t he?”
“Eh?” said the other, “what cloud?”
“I said he was very loud.”
“Eh?”
“I said, he was very loud,” shouted the other. “Bawls like a bull!”
“Has he?” said the first. “I never noticed. The pulpit was in the way.”

As some of you know, I used to do the 911/Police dispatch thing.  Honestly, it was the best job I EVER had.  Really felt like I did something everyday when I went home.  This next clip is SO NEAT!  I NEVER had anyone this calm on the phone before.  Everyone needs to watch this clip and to my dispatcher buddies who are still out there…die with envy guys that someone else got this call.  I would’ve loved to have gotten this call:

http://www.maniacworld.com/stay-calm-dad.html 

 

 

 

Sorry folks, that’s all we have time for this morning.  Have a great day!

Today’s Last Word is combined with a

Information you NEED to know to survive in the work place…

So, I really, really hope this was worth the wait!  It has been a long hard couple of days for me folks.  Bear with me and together we can get a tiny laugh out of life that puts us in these crazy situations.

Love you all, thanks for hanging in and thanks for Lethal stepping up and covering for me….again.

Now, let’s laugh!

I know we’ve seen this before…but it is just such the perfect Dragon Laffs answer to a mundane problem:

Cleaning

I don’t see what the fuss is about house cleaning. Seems easy enough to me.
1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it “Housework.”
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, “Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?”
6. Answer calmly, “Yes,” and press the mouse button firmly…..
7. Feel better?

 

What a great idea!  No drippy mess to clean up, just run a fast rinse cycle and it’s all done!

One heck of a slippery mess!
http://www.youtube.com/user/twisternederland7 

Now, that’s just not fair!
I happen to work with a bunch of engineers and they’re a great bunch of guys!
Fully half of them have a personality…
sorta…
maybe…

This is WAY COOL!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=DmrCuaZRO7A

There is no way that this sort of thing should’ve been allowed to happen!  Dear God!  Can you imagine the smell of that place?  And Lethal things MY den smells bad?

 

Okay, so this one’s bad…and it’s WAY TOO EASY to turn it around on Lethal…so of course, I won’t.  But LL…know the thought was there buddy.

A skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and
sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the
little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says: ‘7 feet tall, 350
pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.’

The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big
guy says, ‘What’s wrong with you?’

In a weak voice the little guy says, ‘What EXACTLY did you say
to me?’

The big dude says, ‘I saw your curious look and figured I’d just
give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me…… I’m 7
feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles
weigh 3 pounds each and my name is Turner Brown.’

The little white Irishman says:
‘Turner Brown?!….Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, ‘Turn around!

Weather information across the country at the tip of your pointer!  Amazing!
http://www.wrh.noaa.gov/zoa/mwmap3.php?map=usa

cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would

be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named

Christo, who identified himself as a

26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started.

The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. 

He is something of a Greek god – with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted

his aerobics class after my workout today.

the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week !!

________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy

iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.

His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT !! It’s a whole new life for me.

_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my

mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t

try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.

His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he 

scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster.

Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?
Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.

_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back

in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late – it took me that long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the

restroom. He sent some skinny little bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing
machine — which I sank.

_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other

human being in the history of the world.

Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body 

I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t
have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the
floor, don’t hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.

Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

__________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up

today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however,

I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up 

catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

________________________________
SUNDAY:
I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.

I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds !!!

Yeah, yeah, yeah…Politics!
Pick a side with this one. 
Doesn’t matter, it’s still funny!

Two women were bemoaning the state of Obamacare…
One said, “Do you know, my ninety-three-year-old mother has been waiting over a year for her operation?
“That’s appalling,” said the other woman. “What a terrible way to treat someone of that age.”
“I know,” said the first woman. “It got so bad that at one point I even said to her, ‘Mum, do you really need bigger boobs?’.”

This ought to get your blood boiling!  What the hell is going on with our financial system right now?  Good Lawd!

And we wonder who Really Pulls the Strings. Keep This going and going and going

This is Unbelievable!

Subject:  Foreclosure Video that will BLOW YOUR MIND!!!
Please take a moment to watch this video and get more informed about
  who the mortgage bailout is really helping…Its Unbelievable!!!
Click on the link below to get the real story, it will make you very mad.
http://www.youtube.com/user/fiercefreeleancer  

I STILL know all the words to this song.  My sister almost strangled me over playing this album over and over and over again!

Snoopy Vs. The Red Baron” The Royal Guardsmen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oxzg_iM-T4E

Things Babies Born in 2011 Will Never Know

by Stacy Johnson
Wednesday, January 5, 2011

                          

Huffington Post recently put up a story called You’re Out: 20 Things That Became Obsolete This Decade. It’s a great retrospective on the technology leaps we’ve made since the new century began, and it got me thinking about the difference today’s technology will make in the lives of tomorrow’s kids.

I’ve used some of their ideas and added some of my own to make the list below: Do you think kids born in 2011 will recognize any of the following?

Video tape: Starting this year, the news stories we produce here at Money Talks have all been shot, edited, and distributed to TV stations without ever being on any kind of tape. Not only that, the tape-less broadcast camera we use today offers much higher quality than anything that could have been imagined 10 years ago — and cost less than the lens on the camera we were using previously.

Travel agents: While not dead today, this profession is one of many that’s been decimated by the Internet. When it’s time for their honeymoon, will those born in 2011 be able to find one?

The separation of work and home: When you’re carrying an email-equipped computer in your pocket, it’s not just your friends who can find you — so can your boss. For kids born this year, the wall between office and home will be blurry indeed.

Books, magazines, and newspapers: Like video tape, words written on dead trees are on their way out. Sure, there may be books — but for those born today, stores that exist solely to sell them will be as numerous as record stores are now.

Movie rental stores: You actually got in your car and drove someplace just to rent a movie?

Watches: Maybe as quaint jewelry, but the correct time is on your smartphone, which is pretty much always in your hand.

Paper maps: At one time these were available free at every gas station. They’re practically obsolete today, and the next generation will probably have to visit a museum to find one.

Wired phones: Why would you pay $35 every month to have a phone that plugs into a wall? For those born today, this will be a silly concept.

Long distance: Thanks to the Internet, the days of paying more to talk to somebody in the next city, state, or even country are limited.

Newspaper classifieds: The days are gone when you have to buy a bunch of newsprint just to see what’s for sale.

Dial-up Internet: While not everyone is on broadband, it won’t be long before dial-up Internet goes the way of the plug-in phone.

Encyclopedias: Imagine a time when you had to buy expensive books that were outdated before the ink was dry. This will be a nonsense term for babies born today.

Forgotten friends: Remember when an old friend would bring up someone you went to high school with, and you’d say, “Oh yeah, I forgot about them!” The next generation will automatically be in touch with everyone they’ve ever known even slightly via Facebook.

Forgotten anything else: Kids born this year will never know what it was like to stand in a bar and incessantly argue the unknowable. Today the world’s collective knowledge is on the computer in your pocket or purse. And since you have it with you at all times, why bother remembering anything?

The evening news: The news is on 24/7. And if you’re not home to watch it, that’s OK — it’s on the smartphone in your pocket.

CDs: First records, then 8-track, then cassette, then CDs — replacing your music collection used to be an expensive pastime. Now it’s cheap(er) and as close as the nearest Internet connection.

Film cameras: For the purist, perhaps, but for kids born today, the word “film” will mean nothing. In fact, even digital cameras — both video and still — are in danger of extinction as our pocket computers take over that function too.]

Yellow and White Pages: Why in the world would you need a 10-pound book just to find someone?

Catalogs: There’s no need to send me a book in the mail when I can see everything you have for sale anywhere, anytime. If you want to remind me to look at it, send me an email.

Fax machines: Can you say “scan,” “.pdf” and “email?”

One picture to a frame: Such a waste of wall/counter/desk space to have a separate frame around each picture. Eight gigabytes of pictures and/or video in a digital frame encompassing every person you’ve ever met and everything you’ve ever done — now, that’s efficient. Especially compared to what we used to do: put our friends and relatives together in a room and force them to watch what we called a “slide show” or “home movies.”

Wires: Wires connecting phones to walls? Wires connecting computers, TVs, stereos, and other electronics to each other? Wires connecting computers to the Internet? To kids born in 2011, that will make as much sense as an electric car trailing an extension cord.

Hand-written letters: For that matter, hand-written anything. When was the last time you wrote cursive? In fact, do you even know what the word “cursive” means? Kids born in 2011 won’t — but they’ll put you to shame on a tiny keyboard.

Talking to one person at a time: Remember when it was rude to be with one person while talking to another on the phone? Kids born today will just assume that you’re supposed to use texting to maintain contact with five or six other people while pretending to pay attention to the person you happen to be physically next to.

Retirement plans: Yes, Johnny, there was a time when all you had to do was work at the same place for 20 years and they’d send you a check every month for as long as you lived. In fact, some companies would even pay your medical bills, too!

[Watch: Toddler Can Name U.S. Presidents]

Mail: What’s left when you take the mail you receive today, then subtract the bills you could be paying online, the checks you could be having direct-deposited, and the junk mail you could be receiving as junk email? Answer: A bloated bureaucracy that loses billions of taxpayer dollars annually.

Commercials on TV: They’re terrifically expensive, easily avoided with DVRs, and inefficiently target mass audiences. Unless somebody comes up with a way to force you to watch them — as with video on the Internet — who’s going to pay for them?

Commercial music radio: Smartphones with music-streaming programs like Pandoraare a better solution that doesn’t include ads screaming between every song.

Hiding: Not long ago, if you didn’t answer your home phone, that was that — nobody knew if you were alive or dead, much less where you might be. Now your phone is not only in your pocket, it can potentially tell everyone — including advertisers — exactly where you are.

Good Morning Readers! Leprechaun here once again~

I’m thinking when Leprechaun Laffs hits issue # 12 I should hold out for my own banner where I get the top banana spot!

Seems this morning finds the Dragon yet again under the weather abet THIS time literally. Snow fell on the Dragon aerie last night follow by a health dose of ice and freezing rain from what I gathered from his tersely grumbled comments. This resulted in of course closed schools and his being called in to man the Emergency Operations Center much early than his normally scheduled (nearly obscene to you civilian types) time. Since all I was confronted with this morning was the possibility of an impending migraine and a balky heating system (a minor problem quickly discovered and rectified with a screwdriver and 2 AA batteries) I graciously told him I would handle the situation again. When so informed the dragon ever quick and eloquent in his thanks grunted and ran off to discover the culprit behind to empty coffee pots in the Command Center, dunk him in water and bury him up to his neck in a snow bank as an example.

SO…left to our own devices let’s see how much humor we can get in to!

It’s always a good idea to start any major undertaking off with a prayer (or so I am reliably informed) This one comes from our good friend and loyal reader K-Squared:

Lord,

My prayer for 2011 is for a fat bank account & a thin body.

Please don’t mix these up like you did last year.

AMEN.

Impish asks this very question constantly!

SPEAKING of our not present favorite Dragon, yesterday he called me while in route to return some ancient computer hardware that had been replace to whatever an acronym the Air Force assigns to the storage area for antique technology. Seems that in addition to new computers the Dragon had scored a new and well padded chair for his office. I mentioned being interested in a photo of his office which he proudly sent me when he returned to it (fortunately before he sat down). I thought I should share that picture with you all so here it is:

Yup that sure is one heck of a padded seat! Can’t say much for his interior decorating skills however.

Should children witness childbirth? Good question. Here’s your answer.

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could See while he helped deliver the baby… Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed And pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, ‘He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place…..smack his ass again!’

Oddest Stories of 2010 Part 7

The man who fled hospital to avoid having his penis amputated after 27 hours erect

 

 

In May 2010, a man tried to escape from a hospital in the Dominican Republic where he had been hospitalized for priapism, a condition characterized by a prolonged and painful erection not associated with sexual desire after learning that doctors planned to amputate his penis because he may have gangrene.
Luis Rodríguez Taveras, 45, had been admitted more than three weeks in a hospital north of the Dominican Republic because of this problem, which was caused by eating a lot of sexual stimulants. In statements given to local journalists later, Rodriguez declared that he had ingested drugs. Rodríguez Taveras said he warned his wife not to sign the document authorizing the operation because “I could not live without my penis.” He argued that the erection began to subside gradually after treatment provided by an urologist at another hospital, who was defined as a good doctor and “very human.” (Link)

Remind me never to get an erection in the Dominican Republic much less go the the hospital! Sounds like they practice Obammacare there!

That’s our program for today folks! Tune in tomorrow to see if Impish can dig himself out of all that snow  or if I get my personal Leprechaun Laffs banner. Find out if Impish remembers how to publish an issue of DL or if Lassie can rescue that brat Timmy from the well!

Good Morning Campers.  Today’s issue of Dragon Laffs is about ready to go.  The problem is that we had an ice storm last night and I need to get right into work, and since my cell phone died last night, no alarm this morning, I’m already over two hours late. 

I’ll send out today’s issue when I get home tonight.

Cheers!

Leprechaun here folks~

By way of Introductory remarks and explanation as to why this is an issue of Leprechaun Laffs as opposed to a standard issue of Dragon Laffs let me post this behind the scenes at DL Corporate conversation between meself and our illustrious Dragon who’s luster was apparently quite dim and tarnished this morning, As usual I appear in green and him in blue:

LL: Since you apparently over did it lording the fact you had yesterday off  over all of us and were in no condition to do a Dragon Laffs this morning I will rescue you yet again and do a Leprechaun Laffs issue.

ID: (with much grumbling and groaning) I almost got one done this morning.

LL:  I keep telling you…Almost only counts in the games Horseshoes or Washers, hand grenades, artillery barrages and WMDs!
I’m sure the readers are almost laughing at your almost issue too.

ID: Very nice. I really don’t deserve an Administrator and Friend and good as you. I really SHOULD pay you more.

LL: Well on both of those accounts at least we agree.

And now…Let’s Get Our Laugh On!

10 Thoughts

Number 10. Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.  If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich . (better yet a NY Strip steak with mushrooms, onions and peppers in a red wine reduction, a fully loaded baked potato and a salad!)
Number 7. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.  Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
Number 6. Some people are like a Slinky-not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.
Number 4. All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3. Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
Number 2. In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Number 1. Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers–what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
– – – and, as someone recently said to me: “Don’t worry about old age–it doesn’t last!

Building on the #1 from our list of 10 thoughts…..

Bellamy Brothers – Jalapeno Video …….

This song/video is causing a major upset in the US.  People (politicians) are wanting it banned.

The Bellamy’s are on a bus tour right now in the states and are singing this on every stop & are getting ready to go overseas.

This has caused quite the uprising.  It’s even been said that it should be banned in the US and that if the Bellamy’s leave the US , they should not be allowed back. Plus people (politicians) are saying it offends them – guess the truth hurts!  Radio stations all over are playing this song & telling people to go to You Tube for the video.

Personally, I think its hilarious! Looks to me like it’s getting great reviews!  Go Bellamys!  Good Job!

Turn the sound Up:

Jalapeno

Oddest Stories of 2010 Part 6

The thief who tried to steal from a museum wearing an elaborate camouflaged “ghillie suit”

Gregory Liascos might have been an invisible man, but he still had an ill-conceived plan. According to police in Oregon, the 36-year-old suspect wore an elaborate camouflaged “ghillie suit” before attempting to break through the wall of a rock and mineral museum over the course of several nights in October in an attempt to snatch the museum’s quarter-million-dollar gold collection. Museum staff alerted police after spotting a half-chiseled hole that the Moss Man had allegedly carved into a bathroom wall, and though his grassy outfit was hard to spot, police dog had no trouble sniffing out the suspect. The animal found a large piece of ground interesting. The dog bit – the ground screamed. (Link)

Good thing he didn’t use a fire hydrant disguise! That would have been a  real pisser!

Here’s a handing little printable reference chart of all you men out there:

A True and Cautionary Tale Regarding Leprechauns

Little Lethal Leprechaun, a fifth grade student had a penis so large, his parents warned him not to have anything to do with girls.

They cautioned him he could easily kill someone.

Through the grapevine, his teacher learned about
his unusual size, and keeping him after school, suggested
they have sex.

Little Lethal Leprechaun refused, though greatly tempted, expressing concern he might kill her.

She laughs and scoffs at the idea and says she will elect to be on top, in complete control, so nothing bad can happen.

He reluctantly agreed but the teacher experiences such wonderful sensations, she faints from pure joy.

Thinking he’s killed her, Lethal runs from the class room sobbing and crying, “Oh bloody hell!… I killed her! I killed her!”

All at once he stops dead in his tracks, and look of dawning
comprehension appears on his face as he says, “Wait just a minute!  I didn’t kill her. She committed suicide!”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

I seem to be doing quite well judging from comment I received with my “a picture is worth a thousand words” Last Word philosophy of late so we’ll try it again today/ This one is SO good I don’t think I need to say anything at all after it.

That’s All For Today Folks!