Dragon Laffs #1140


Hi Campers!  Sorry this is going out so late today.  Part of the explanation for that you’ll find in today’s Last Word and part of it was that I had to be to work early today.  Oh well, gotta make a living I suppose.  Well, I’m not going to hold up your laughter any longer than I already have.  Please, enjoy yourselves and I look forward to hearing back from you.

Now, let’s laugh!

1b

Groaner Zack

Some Native Americans were sitting around the campfire one night telling stories and kicking back. One brave had a mug of tea that he was drinking from, one cupful after another. The brave sitting next to him said, “Hey, you drink too much tea.”

“No, I’m fine,” replied the guzzler.

As the night wore on, again, the concerned brave said to his drinking mate, “Hey, if you keep drinking all that tea, you will get very sick!”

“No, I’ll be fine,” replied the contented guzzler.

Finally, an hour or so later, again, the concerned friend said, “Hey, if you keep drinking like that, you will die!”

“No, really, I’m fine.” Well sure enough, the next morning they found him dead in his tea pee.

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DragonPapa1 (74)

Dear Santa…

 

1

I really love this one…

“Merlin, Inc. technical support. How can I help you?”

“Yesterday I’ve bought your sword…”

“Congratulations, sir, you’ve made the right choice!”

“It doesn’t work.”

“What does it mean – doesn’t work?”

“It doesn’t cut the dragon’s head.”

“Have you read the manual, sir?”

“A noble knight have not to know how to read! But my armour- bearer
has read it for me aloud twice.”

“Well, sir. Have you taken the sword out of the sheath?”

“Yes.”

“Is that really so? Check it again, please.”

“I’ve done it, I say to you!” “

Okay, sir. Now check the edge sharpness.”

“Ough!”

“You shouldn’t do it with your finger, sir.”

“What thinger? I’ve done it with my phongue! I always check a sharp
flavour of my dishes like that.”

“You see, sir, a sword has a bit different construction than your
dinner dishes. The term ‘sharp’ means here…”

“I’m not obliged to know you technical terms! I’m a user, not a
hardware specialist. You’d better answer why doesn’t it work!”

“Did it work before?”

“I don’t know, I’ve bought it only yesterday!” “Okay, sir. Have you
done anything with it?”

“No!”

“Are you sure?”

“Well, I only took it out of the sheath.”

“Did you try to grind it yourself?”

“What for?”

“You know better, sir. Maybe you tried to install new spells on it?”

“No, I use the default ones, which are supplied with the sword!”

“Maybe it’s the spoiling, sir? How long ago have you updated your
holy water?”

“I’ve downloaded the fresh version only two days ago!”

“I see, sir. Then look if there are unscreened sources of black
magic nearby. They may create hindrances for the sword.”

“What sources?! I’m in the desert!”

“Don’t be so nervous, sir.”

“I’m not nervous!”

“Then why do you pant?”

“Because the dragon is chasing me!”

“Oh, so the dragon is near you?”

“Yes, genius, he is already QUITE near!”

“Excellent, sir! Give him the receiver.”

“And what if he bites my arm off?”

“Sorry, sir, but medical issues are beyond our competence.”

“Next time I’ll buy a sword of Morgana, Ltd.!”

“Well… okay, sir. Describe at least how the dragon looks.”

“Well, he is such… yellow… with a red moustache…”

“It’s clear now. You should begin with it. It’s a non-licensed
dragon, a Chinese counterfeit.”fight

“And?”

“Read the license agreement, sir. Merlin, Inc. doesn’t guarantee any
compatibility with non-certified devices.”

“And what shall I do?”

“Don’t use cheap no-name dragons anymore, sir.”

“Looks like HE is going to use me right now! Aaagh! No!
Aaaaarrrgghhh!!!!…”

“Sir? Sir, are you okay?… Well, in any case, Merlin, Inc. thanks
you for your business.”

 

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303

The Labor Department reported Friday that the unemployment rate rose to near ten percent. The national mood is grim. It used to be fun to sit and watch Donald Trump tell people they’re fired but now it’s like watching capital punishment on live television.

1a

Believe it or not!!!!!
Wo
man has Man in it;
Mr
s. has Mr. in it;
Fe
male has Male in it;
S
he has He in it;
M
adam has Adamin it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!

Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman….
Why?

BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME

 
Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now…

I never looked at it this way before:

 
Ever notice how all of women’s problems start with
MEN?
 

MEN
tal illness
MEN
strual cramps
MEN
tal breakdown
MEN
opause
GUY
necologist
AND ..

When we have REAL trouble, it’s a

HIS
terectomy.

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a33

a35

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno

  • You have to be careful of political correctness this time of the year. You can’t call them “Santa’s elves” anymore. They’re “undocumented little people.”
  • Because of a printing error, a billion new $100 bills have to be destroyed. They’re going to burn $100 billion dollars — just like they did with the last stimulus program.
  • President Obama’s pledge to have the most transparent administration in history has come true. Thanks to WikiLeaks.
  • Charles Manson was busted for having a cell phone in his prison cell. He’s surrounded by concrete and metal bars. What carrier does he have?

1c

Apple is working on new 3-D technology that can be seen without special glasses. But it’s not ready yet, so if you want to experience 3-D without having to wear 3-D glasses, go outside and look at something.

120_bcs-jelly3222222

The biggest winner on Black Friday was Costco. So kids can look forward to running downstairs on Christmas morning to find a 12-gallon barrel of olives.

Donate3222222

Cold weather can cause fights over control of the thermostat. I like to keep the house cool, at 65 degrees, but my wife likes to keep it at 70 degrees. So we compromise — and keep it at 70 degrees.

Hallmarks_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_th[1]

hallmarks of felinity-57

Get ready to experience an hallucination

1.-
Click on the link below
2.-
Then “click me to get trippy”,
3.-
Look at the center of the screen for 30 seconds, and then.
4.- Look at your hand holding the mouse, without moving it away from the mouse…

NOT BEFORE!Cool

    ( it is called “cenesthetic hallucination“)

873

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skeptical

selling

Sally

People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED. But there is. When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE. And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED.

874

Unconditional Love: A boy and his dog.

You will be glad you clicked on this link.  This has got to be THE most understanding and patient dog ever!

http://www.angelfire.com/ak2/intelligencerreport/boy_dog.html 

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nano26

The Old Country Boy’s:

DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE?

This is an actual lawsuit filed in the US

THE DEFENDANT: The Joseph Company, makers
of The Clapper (a device that activates lamps when
someone claps)
THE LAWSUIT: The suit was filed because when the
goober had to clap so hard, she injured her hands trying
to get the light to go on. In fact, she was in so much pain,
she said, “I couldn’t peel potatoes,” adding: “I never ate
so many baked potatoes in my life”
THE VERDICT: Case dismissed. The judge ruled that
the Clapper owner “had merely failed to adjust the
sensitivity controls.”

 

875

A British World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force.
“In 1942,” he says, “the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, ” he continues, “one day I was protecting our bombers when suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared. I looked up, and one fokker was right above me. I aimed at him and shot him down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another fokker behind me.”
The teacher stands up and says, “I think I should point out that ‘Fokker’ was the name of the German-Dutch aircraft company”
“That’s true,” says the pilot, “but these fokkers were flying Messerschmidts.”

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Good Evening.

Today’s Last Word is going to be a little different.  Today’s last word is about Fibromyalgia Syndrome or FMS.  Fibro has been in the news a lot lately and is becoming more and more talked about and the more it is talked about the more, misunderstood and misbelieved it becomes.

FMS affects more woman than men, in fact, 3 out of every 4 sufferers are women.  Some doctors believe that this is because more men decide to “tough it out” or subscribe to the very common belief that, “It’s All In Your Head.” (IAIYH).   Fibromyalgia is NOT a psychological disorder, it is NOT “All In Your Head”.  It is a real, true, honest to goodness disease.  Progress has been very slow for Fibromyalgia Syndrome to be accepted within the medical community and even worse in the civilian community.   Imagine, just for a minute, having a handicap that no one can see, hear, or touch. 

mwfpnOkay, so then, what is it?  Well, it’s pain.  Here’s what the Men With Fibro website has to say about it:
  In 1987, the American Medical Association (AMA), recognized FMS as a true illness and a major cause of disability. Still, after all these years, the disease is a catchall diagnosis, when a doctor seemingly cannot attach a known disease to a patient. Fibro is very difficult for a doctor to diagnose, as most test all come back negative. Many doctors do not like to acknowledge fibro has a real criteria, in the sense it can be specific, it is chronic, it is non-degenerative, it is non-inflammatory as first suspected, and it is systemic as it effects the patient from head to toe.  Doctors will say fibro is not progressive, however every fibro patient will disagree with this statement wholeheartedly.

   FMS is considered a syndrome, which means it is a specific set of signs and symptoms which will show up together. Many people tend to think fibro is not a serious condition, however, they are incorrect.  It is a very disabling disease, in the same category as Lupus, Rheumatoid arthritis, and other very serious afflictions are also classified as syndromes.
 
   So don’t get the false idea it is not serious, as it is, and it will effect you for the rest of your life.

   Aching all over with the same pain as we all have had with the flu, is one of the more prominent symptoms of fibro, but there are more. Dry and watery eyes are common, excessive sweating is very common, especially in men with fibro.

   Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Irritable Bladder Syndrome are very common with fibro sufferers. Your body may feel warm, but your arms and legs or buttocks and thighs, are often cold to the touch. This is caused by tightness in the muscles which constrict the peripheral blood vessels — those close to the skin.

   Fibro causes changes in your sensory system.  People With Fibro (PWF) are often sensitive to light, smells, sounds, odors, pressure on the body, and even some forms of simply vibration.  Changes in their environment are quickly noticed by people with these sensitivities. Fluorescent lighting is often a distraction, and trigger to many fibro patients
.
   Sleep (or the lack of…) plays a crucial role in PWF. PWF often sleep, but due to the pain, wake up exhausted. PWF often have the alpha-delta sleep anomaly. As soon as we reach that deep delta level sleep, alpha waves (awake) intrude and either jolt us to an awakening or to a lighter stage of sleep. Our body heals and many neurotransmitters are restored during delta sleep, so we soon suffer from the effects of sleep deprivation.


So….one more bit for you guys to read.  I was going to write up something myself, but I found this … and, well, it expresses everything PERFECTLY. 

Several years ago, someone ask me what it is like to be a man, and have fibromyalgia.  I said, “Well, it is like Samson, when Delilah cut off his hair.”  Later on that night, I wrote this in my journal:  (Journaling is a good way to get emotions out, and to realize things, to accept, to understand….)
Surely, someone gave this disease to me. I know they did. If I ever find out who did this to me, I want to make sure I pound them into the soil.  Any more it seems like anger is all I can feel.

What happened to the other emotions? When did love and compassion get replaced with anger and irritation? Who did this to me? Sometimes I get so irritable; I just know that hitting something would help. 

Hey, I am a man, the center of my universe; I am supposed to be able to do anything. The head of my family, the warrior, the hunter, and the king of the hill.  People used to respect me, and now, how can anyone respect what I have become? Weak, frail, in pain night and day, tired all of the time, and not enough energy to do anything.  Who could respect anything like that?  Who could love anyone like that? 

This pain, it never goes away. When does it end?  Night and day, never ending, relentless in its endeavor to take me down.  I thought at one time, I could take anything, I could fight anything, how can you fight something that is all in your head?  Or that is what the doctors say.

Why do the doctors treat me like I am almost some type of subhuman genetic freak of nature?  And why do they treat me like some drug addict, just trying to get more pain pills? I am not a drug addict; I am not some piece of worthless flesh, bone, and blood. I am a human being, why, oh why, can’t the doctors and other people see this?  Sometimes when the pain is so great, I lash out in anger and almost hate, at the very people that are left that care about me.  This is not me. What happened? And when did it happen? 

I used to have friends but now, it seems like I have said “Well, I don’t feel good today, so I am going to have to stay at home” one time to many.  Everyone assumes I am “sick” so they never call anymore.  I feel so alone, and at the same time I don’t want anyone around me.

Afraid?  Yes, I am afraid. It is a word I never thought I would use, but I am afraid. I am afraid of being alone, being forgotten, being unloved and unwanted, and I am terrified that I will never be needed again, for anything.

As you may have guessed, I was diagnosed with FMS a couple of years ago.  I fought and denied pretty well for quite a while, but like my doctor warned me, it was likely to catch up with me sooner or later.  Well, later has arrived.  It’s a lot harder to do things than it used to be.  I have good days and bad, but the bad seem to happen a bit more frequently now.  My doctor hates to tell me I told you so, but she told me so….
So, why am I writing this?  You that know me know that it is not for your sympathy or your pity.  Screw that stuff!  I just want you to understand, when you don’t get your Dragon Laffs as often as you’re used to, or it seems a bit longer of a break between issues, you’ll know why.  You, my camping friends, are (one of) the lifeline that I hold on to.  I’ll continue to hang in there as long as you continue to want to laugh.  Let’s hope for both our sakes that’s a good, long time.

Cheers,
Impish Dragon

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1140

  1. Jeff Laws says:

    I’m not one that ever expected your (ezine) blog to be put out at a certain time. You have a life outside of this and I would expect you to take care of it before you entertain us. But I wanted to tell you that my wife has FMS, she suspected she had it years ago but couldn’t get any doctor’s to listen, she is now officially diagnosed with it. The journal post you put in your last word kinda hit home because there are days when she is short with the kids or I at getting angry or just lashing out a bit. I’ve never pushed it because I knew she was just having a “bad day,” but reading the journal part really hit home with why she does that and has possibly helped me be a better husband to her. So I just wanted to say thanks. And I hope you find something that helps with the pain so you can live your life the way you want too.

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