Good morning my camper family,

I don’t even know what day I’m dealing with anymore.  Today, for me, is Friday the 11th.  For you guys I think it’s going to be Saturday the 19th…a week from now.  Easter Saturday.  So, this would be the Easter issue!  So, I guess I need to change the header to something like this:

Good morning my camper family,

How’s that?  So, before we get into the Easter stuff, I have an email that I want to share with you that is somewhat important in the fact that it has been niggling at me.  He called me out on something.  Now, it’s not the first time a reader has called me out on something (not by far!) but this guy gets and deserves my special attention.  He has clout.  You’ll see.  I haven’t asked him if I could use his email, so I won’t use his name.

Impish,

With your background in the military and working with the military, I am confused as to why you have not had any comments or put in any toons about the huge security breach. President Trump’s top defense and intelligence staff  discussed plans to bomb Yemen’s Houthi rebels over Signal, a popular private messaging app. And the national security adviser accidentally invited a reporter into the chat group?

I can recall the many comments and toon about Hillary using a personal email server and she never put military secrets at risk. If this current one happened under Biden, you would have a field day.

And that’s not to mention the “alliance” with Putin and saying the whole thing was initiated by Ukraine.

Navy Vet

Purple Heart recipient

And he’s right.  While some toons did appear in recent issues, I never castigated the current administration for the grammar school behavior that I should have.  As I explained in my last issue, I’ve been in a bit of a … I’m not sure what the right word is … cloud … fog … of depression for quite some time now and it is affecting me in more ways than I like to admit.  But, this pretty grammar schoolish on my own part.  I should have ripped these guys a new one.  THEY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.  People have asked me if there aren’t some super secret chat apps that us military types use.  My response has always been to laugh and say, “not that I know about.”  Everything that goes over the air can be compromised.  EVERYTHING.

Which is why you NEVER, EVER, EVER talk about classified on a phone.  Even a “secure” phone isn’t really secure.  Why couldn’t this have been a face to face?

Completely and totally amateur.  But then to have the complete stupidity … no, that’s not a strong enough word, the complete and total asinine stupidity (bordering on purposeful treason) of inviting a reporter into the conversation?!  

Stupidity should hurt.  It certainly should hurt more than it does for most people. 

So, moving on to other things.

This is SO OUTSTANDING!

That would scare me to death!!!  And I’m not afraid of heights!!

And Blue Dragons are a little larger than Red Dragons.

Little Mary was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony. 

When it was over, she asked her mother, “Why did the lady change her mind?” 

Her mother asked, “What do you mean?” 

“Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another one.” 

I took my daughter to the doctor for her 2-year-old check up. 

They had her do coordination tests, like stacking blocks, and they watch and see if they walk properly.  

And then the doctor said, “Brianna, can you stand on one foot for me?”  

And she walked over and stood on his foot. 

This is so very true for me every single solitary time.  Maybe not the way I want, but ALWAYS the way I need.

A little while ago, in answer to a question from one of my jail guys, I wrote a quick paper that I thought I’d share with you.  Let’s see if it fits…

What’s the Difference Between an Apostle and a Disciple? ~ Just Bob

I was recently asked the difference between an Apostle and a Disciple.  So, I did a little research and I found out that all Apostles are Disciples, but not all Disciples are Apostles.  Clear as mud so far, right?  So, let’s dig a little deeper.

The Greek word for “disciple” μαθητής (mathētēs) means “learner” or “pupil”.  In the context of Jesus’ followers, it signifies a dedicated follower and learner, someone who emulates the teachings and life of Jesus.  Notice that is present tense.  “A dedicated follower, someone who emulates …” not someone who once did.  Which means that any of us can be and are Disciples. 

The New Testament refers to people who believed in Jesus and followed Him as Disciples.  Another definition could be that anyone who simply follows and devotes themselves to learning from Jesus as a Disciple.

Right, all of us.

Now, on the other hand, the Greek word for Apostle ἀπόστολος (apostolos), which translates to “one who is sent out” or “messenger”, signifies a person officially commissioned on a mission, often with authority from the sender.  The twelve Apostles were Jesus’ closest Disciples and were given authority to perform signs, share revelations, and do other astounding things. 

It was in Luke 6 starting in verse 12 that He first calls them as Apostles.  Read it with me.

¹²One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God.  ¹³When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles: ¹⁴Simon (whom he named Peter), his brother Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, ¹⁵Matthew, Thomas, James son of Alphaeus, Simon who was called the Zealot, ¹⁶Judas son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.

So, bottom line, unless you were specifically called of Jesus AND given authority to perform wonderous signs, share revelation, and preach His Word, then you can’t be an Apostle.

But!

(And it’s a pretty good but…)

As a Disciple, you still get to do some pretty cool stuff, just look at the Great Commission for example.

Wait…What’s the Great Commission you ask?

It’s the final instruction that Jesus gave to all the Disciples before He went back up to Heaven until He returns again.  And it goes like this…

Oh wait… turn to Matthew 28:18 and read with me to the end.  ¹⁸Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  ¹⁹Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

So, yeah…some pretty cool stuff.  As Disciples, that’s what all of us are supposed to do.

Yeah, not too long.  That’s one typewritten sheet of paper.  If you are of a mind, you can comment by email at:

This issue comes out on Saturday.  Yesterday was Good Friday, the day Jesus Christ was crucified, tomorrow is Easter, the day He was resurrected.  

One of the things I never understood was how they could say that he was “buried for three days” or that “after three days he rose again” and things like that, when if he was crucified on Friday and resurrected on Sunday, well … Friday to Saturday is one day and Saturday to Sunday is two days…where’s the third day.  But we find out that by the Jewish way of keeping time, that since he was interred before sundown on Friday, that counts as one day, all of Saturday counts as one day, and since sundown on Saturday actually starts Sunday, that’s the third day, so according to Jewish time keeping, he was buried for three days.

More importantly is all the pain and the suffering He went through for us. 

Only perfection is allowed in Heaven.  No sin is allowed, which means that all of us, because we are ALL sinful creatures, deserve to go to hell.  We are all born in sin because of the sin we inherit from Adam, we inherit our sinful nature.  We can NEVER get to heaven on our own.

In order for sin to be forgiven it requires a blood sacrifice.  That’s why all the Old Testament laws required animal sacrifices on a regular basis for so many different things because they weren’t perfect sacrifices.  

So Jesus comes along to be the perfect sacrifice for everyone.  He is sinless.  He isn’t born with the assumed Adamic sinful nature because He wasn’t born of man.  He was born of woman and the Holy Spirit.  He remained sinless throughout His short life.  He was also God, so He was perfection.  He was the only one who could atone for everyone’s sin.  That’s past, present and future sin.

And He suffered the pain for ALL those sins.  For three hours he was separated from the Father while he paid the price for all that sin…I could go on and on.  Like how before His death  there was no one who died and went to Heaven.  Everyone went to either hades or Abraham’s Bosom also called Paradise.  And maybe we’ll talk about that some other time.

But what do we say on Friday?  Sunday is coming!

Glorious Sunday!  

He rises and spends time with His Apostles and others.  Teaching and giving marching orders… for then and for now.

Why am I telling you all of this?  Because, I too, am a disciple of Jesus and it’s my job.

A five year old boy sat in front of the television, intently watching a documentary about the Civil War. 

When the show ended, he asked his father, “Daddy, what’s a slave?” 

“A slave is someone who works real hard, all day long, for other people,” his dad replied, “without getting paid for it.” 

“Oh, I know!” the boy replied with wisdom. “You mean like mommy.” 

Me too!  I really didn’t think it was big enough to eat me!

Oh come on!  How many of you out there know what that is?

As much as I like Peeps, that sounds disgusting.

A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing “wedding.” The wedding vows went like this: 

“You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride.” 

And that’s it my dear friends.  I hope you enjoyed this issue as much as I did.  I think it’s time for me to get a bit more creative and the next issue may be a little more crazy then usual.  Who knows.

I want to be honest with you. 

I’m not doing well and I don’t know why. 

I  have bouts of depression (and who can blame me, I’m in constant pain, I miss my wife, I’m lonely all the time, I have reasons) but they are usually short lived and of no significant consequence.

But, I have been stuck in a dark hole for over a week now and instead of getting better, I think I’m actually getting worse.  I texted my buddy Wheats, who at this point is about my longest friend I’m still in contact with and I told him that “I can’t seem to get motivated to be happy about anything.”  Buddy Wheats is my blood brother from long back.  He understands.  He was my roommate in Germany.  1980.  That’s over 45 years now.  

I can usually find something to be happy about.  Find something to get motivated over.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I know I am still blessed by God and I take huge comfort in that.  I know my ministry is important and I find joy in the preparation and the enactment of that.  But in my life…it’s not there. 

I need to spend more time in prayer, I’m sure of that.  I’m just not doing that.

I counsel others in how they need to spend more time counseling with the Father and I can be honest enough with myself that I need to follow my own prescription.  

And writing is my best outlet for my feelings and my thoughts.  Sadly, I can’t just write.  I have to write TO somebody.  I have never been able to have a diary.  Never worked for me.  So, you guys get it.

Sorry about that.

So let’s move on, and I’ll let you know how it works out.

 

What a GREAT meme to start with!  Consider this in relation to my opening paragraphs…

We learned that cats make lousy pets!  Dogs don’t do that kind of crap!

Truth little buddy.  But girls are fun in other ways…when you get a bit bigger.

I’m not sure why the author of this particular meme picked out Gretchen Whitmer to call out, but there you have it.

I’m not sure if I used this video in the last episode or not…same with the next video I use, but they are funny enough that they are worth repeating.  This one is just super cute.

Ain’t that the truth…

This is from our brother Stephen B.  This is an AI generated picture of the train movements for the NYC Subway System.  Each movement is supposed to be a 3 minute time lapse.  I have no idea if it is factual or not, but it is interesting to watch.

Hence Dragon Laffs!

Take that to heart, campers.  That is a really tough lesson to learn the hard way.

Welcome to modern medicine.  If you think this isn’t done on purpose you are one of the deceived.  

That is so very true.  I didn’t realize it would last so long.

Except a lot of them aren’t.

We took a friend to dinner at a restaurant that offered free refills of nonalcoholic drinks. 

Before the main course arrived, she kept the waitress scurrying for refills. 

When our friend asked for yet another, the waitress raised an eyebrow and asked, 

“What did you have for lunch–a sponge?

When I was managing restaurants, I actually had one of my servers tell me that a customer asked to speak to the manager.  When I went to the table the customer complained to me that the waitress had been rude to him.  When I asked how, that’s exactly what he said to me!!!  Of course I said I’d take care of it.  I pulled her in the back and we laughed and laughed.

More truth.

I laughed so hard at that one!

Mrs.  Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: 

“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars.  One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity.  Now, what does each get?” 

After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. 

The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. 

With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, “A lawyer!” 

Wow!  So much truth in today’s issue.

Izzy tells me the new Snow White movie is bombing really bad.  Hmmm, I wonder why?

Remember, we talked about this…the grain of sand out in the midst of the universe.

Okay, here’s the other video that I wasn’t sure if I played last episode or not…

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. 

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. 

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. 

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. 

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write “Spaghetti” on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin. 


One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.”Honey,” she said, “you received a very strange post card today.” 

Flustered, he said “Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it.” 

The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. 

On the card was written: 

“Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.” 

NO DOUBT!!

In the middle of his sermon, the visiting Minster stopped, and called one of the ushers. He pointed to a man in the 5th row. “That man is sound asleep, go and wake him.” 

The usher shook his head and said, “Wake him yourself, you put him to sleep!”

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result, they seldom had guests. Johnny was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. 

When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. 

This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, “It’s no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size.”

That’s it for this one my friends.  May you all be blessed by God until we meet again.  My love to you all.

Well, I really thought I had started this issue earlier, but then I couldn’t find it, so I’m starting it again.  Or maybe I’m just getting old and confused.  Who knows.

So, let’s start this one either here or again, and who cares, right?

Today, for me is Sunday, 6 April.  I’m not really sure when this is going to be for you guys.  I think I’m at least a week ahead.  It’s got to be Easter week, so let’s throw some Easter stuff in there as well.  So, let’s get started, shall we?

Love math humor.

I told Izzy that I was going to give this to her as her new window sticker.

Now that they are retired, my mother and father are discussing all aspects of their future. “What will you do if I die before you do?” Dad asked Mom. 

After some thought, she said that she’d probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age. 

Then Mom asked Dad, “What will you do if I die first?” 

He replied, “Probably the same thing.”

No kidding.  Now there’s a tradition that probably could use a resurgence.  

That is so true.  And says so much more about the truth of things than anything else.

A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn’t sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need but he knew that the Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size. 

“Murphy,” he asked, “How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?” 

“Ten” said Murphy.

So the fellow bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job. It looked wonderful, but he had 2 rolls of wallpaper left over. 

“Murphy,” he said. “I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I’ve got 2 left over!” 

“Dat’s funny,” said Murphy. “So did I.”

This is the coin that I carry in my pocket all the time.  It is my touchstone.  My “reach in my pocket and know my God is with me all the time.

And actually, I always carry two of them (and I always keep several of them in a drawer at home) so that I always have an extra one to give to someone who needs it.  The 23rd Psalm is my favorite passage for so many different reasons.  It promises so many different blessings.  One of these days I’ll write a real essay, or even maybe a book on this, but let me give you a very quick break down.

PSALM 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.  If the Lord is my shepherd, than I am a sheep and sheep are some of the stupidest creatures ever created.  The shepherd does everything for them.  The only thing he doesn’t do is eat for them, but he has to lead them to food, protect them, gather them, keep them safe at night, EVERYTHING.  And the Lord does that for us…if we let Him, we will want for nothing.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.  Green pastures and still waters.  The most peaceful and perfect place for a sheep and for us.  Rest and relaxation, comfort in the protective arms of our Lord.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.  All of these things restores my soul by following Him.  Following God’s righteous path, keeps our souls safe.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:  for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.  You know, the valley is not necessarily the bad place.  The valley is protected from the storms and the winds.  The good shepherd uses his rod and his staff to guide and protect his sheep, and Jesus tells us that He will always be beside us, so why should we ever fear anything?

And that’s just the first four verses, and just very, very minor interpretations of those verses.  What they mean to mean on the surface level.  You see what I mean about writing a real essay some day…or maybe something even longer.

Two men were discussing cars and one of them mentioned he had once owned a Rolls-Kinardly. 

“What is a Rolls-Kinardly?” his friend asked.

“That is a car that rolls down one hill and kin hardly get up the next.”

Really need to check for typos before they post those things.

43 Hilarious Parents Who Made It Their Life’s Mission To Embarrass Their Kids

My wife is scared of thunderstorms. The constant rattling of the windows is pretty frightening, but if I let her in now, she’ll just get everything wet.

That’s it my friends, until next time!

Well, we just went through a severe thunderstorm watch and warning, and a tornado warning, had said severe thunderstorm come through (storm line #1) and we are waiting for line #2 and #3 to come through.  It’s going to be an interesting night. 

Just another night in Northern Indiana.  This stuff happens around here all the time. 

And … just now they cancelled the tornado watch, the thunderstorm watch and warning and now all is right with the world!

Just like that.

And it’s just like they say, “If you don’t like the weather in Indiana, just wait a minute.”

But, from here, we’ll move on to … 

 

It should say BRB if you REALLY believed.

Definitely a niche market for that last one.

And a small market for that one, too…although I could help with that one.

One of my favorite albums of all time!  1971… I was not quite 13 years old.  Going on 54 years old.  I wonder if any of those guys are still alive.  Here’s what Google had to say:

And EVERYONE should get that one!

To anyone who has ever worked in retail or food service, you have got to read this next one because it is OH SO TRUE!

75 Times Customers Proved Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt That They Are The Dumbest People On Planet Earth

I read it and then had to go back and read it to Izzy to remind her of her Dollar General days.  We both got a great laugh out of it.  Well worth the read.

This next one really messes with your head.  Works exactly as it says.

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. 

She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.  

Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things. What am I?” 

A little boy on the front row proudly said, “You’re a mother!” 

The evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t. 

And that’s it my friends, until next time.

I want to start by answering some mail. 

This is from our dear friend Wouter in South Africa who writes:
Good morning Bob and fellow campers. A few years ago I saw a Calvin & Hobbes cartoon that really touched me. (I unfortunately deleted it) It was a 2 panel cartoon if I remember correctly. In the first one Calvin is really very old and Hobbes says to him that his time has come and he came to fetch him. The second panel shows them walking of (to heaven I presume) hand in paw. Is there anybody that has this cartoon?
Well brother, I did a search and this is all I could come up with.  It’s not by the original artist, but still…

Anybody got anything else?

Well, the next message is from Puckmeister and it’s just short and sweet…

My sincere Gratitude for your Posts

Stay Safe……Be Blessed

Semper Fi

Thank you brother
Semper Fi

Now, let’s get into the laughter.  I’m ready, how about you?

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks…. Rufus and Clarence. 

They lived on opposite sides of the river, and they hated each other. Every morning, just after sun-up, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other. 

“Rufus!!” Clarence would shout. “You better thank yor lucky stars I cain’t swim….er I’d swim this river and whup your arse!!” 

“Clarence!!!” Rufus would holler back. “You better thank YOUR lucky stars that I can’t swim…er I’d swim this river and whup your skinny arse!!!” 

This happened every morning for twenty years. 

One day the Army Corps of Engineers comes along and build a bridge. 

Still, every morning, every day for another five years this yelling across the river ! goes on, even with the bridge. 

Finally … Mrs. Rufus had had enough. “Rufus!” she squallers one day. “I cain’t take no more!! Ever’ day for 25 years you’ve been threatenin’ to whup Clarence. Well, there’s the bridge … have at it.” 

Rufus thought for a moment. Chewed his bottom lip for another moment. “Woman!” he declared, snapping his suspenders into place, “I’m gonna cross that thar bridge and I’m gonna whup Clarence’s arse!!!” 

He walked out the door, down to the river, along the riverbank, came to the bridge, stepped up onto the bridge, walked about halfway over the bridge, looked up…. TURNED TAIL AND RAN SCREAMING BACK TO THE HOUSE, SLAMMED THE DOOR, BOLTED THE WINDOWS, GRABBED THE SHOTGUN AND DOVE, PANTING AND GASPING, UNDER THE BED!!!!! 

“Rufus!” cried the missus. “I thought you wuz gonna whup Clarence’s butt!!!” 

“I was, woman, I was!!” he whispered. 

“Rufus!” cried the missus. “What in tarnation is the matter?” 

“Well,” muttered the terror-stricken Rufus, ” I went to the bridge…… I stepped up on the bridge…..walked halfway over the bridge…. looked up…..” 

“And?” asked Mrs. Rufus, breathless with suspense. 

“And,” continued Rufus, “I saw a sign that said ‘Clearance, 13 feet, 6 inches’.  Shit he ain’t never looked that big from the other side of the river!!!!!!!”

Two Jewish businessmen met at a resort. 

One who had recently retired was describing his life, “I get up late in the morning. I have a fantastic breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda and relax. I go inside for lunch, have great salads, the best coffee, and I go out and lie on my veranda again. When it gets dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again.” 

The other Jewish gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She asked, “What’s his wife’s name?” 

Her husband said, “I’m not sure, but I think its Veranda.” 

I want to go there, so bad!

 “Let’s just walk up the hill to the terminal, rather than wait for the bus,” I suggested to my two young sons.  Much to their displeasure, we began our walk. 

After a while, my seven-year-old son asked: “Mom, why do you always make the decisions?” 

“Because I’m an adult,” I said.  “When you become an adult, you’ll make the decisions.” 

He thought for a few seconds, then said, “No, I won’t.  Then I’ll have a wife.” 

A young woman, feeling morning dizziness and strange cravings, goes to see a gynecologist. 

After a thorough examination, the Doctor tells her: “Well, my dear, I am puzzled; the test shows that you are pregnant, but when I examined you, I found that you are still a virgin. I mean, your hymen is not ruptured, except for seven tiny holes, a little more than pinpricks, actually…. by the way, what did you say your name was?” 

“My name is Snow White”, replies the girl.

I told my wife I feel old, fat, bald, useless, and stupid. 

She said, “Don’t be silly you re not old.”

Nebraska Law 

If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested. 

And that’s it my friends.  My love and blessings to you all.