Issue #2,400… incredible. I can’t believe it. 

In June it will be 19 years.  That averages to 128 episodes a year … not bad. 

ROFLMAO!!! 

I just thought of something … harsh! 

And now I feel terrible about thinking about it and most especially about laughing about it.

But, really, only about that much…

Okay, so here’s my thought…

Dragon Laffs has lasted significantly longer than my previous marriage did.  I know, right?  Funny, but still….  moving on to other things.

Two-thousand, four-hundred episodes…I can’t believe it.  So, let’s get this extra-special show started, shall we?

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their  way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting  there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,  “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky,  deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you  tell that joke, you should know something. The  bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a  6’tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate.  What’s more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde  and she’s a weightlifter. The lady to your right is a  blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it  seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde  joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to  explain it five times.”

Okay, you can get there…
King James says: casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
(My preferred) ESV: casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
The other versions are similar.  Cast all your cares, worries, anxieties, doubts and such on God.  How do we do that?  By prayer.  We leave it to God.  Why?  Because He cares for us.  The meme gets there, but it’s kind of a weird translation.

“The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That’s where we come in; we’re computer professionals. We cause accidents. ” 

Nathaniel Borenstein (1957 – ) 

God uses all of us, where we are.

This one is from Joe in NJ and he is correct in how true this is.

The average man’s life consists of – 

– Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going; 

– Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; 

– And at the end, the mourners wondering too.

The mourners may wonder, but if you know Jesus as your Savior, then you needn’t wonder.

I always found it counter productive when a teacher would say, ‘Don’t get smart with me”.

I really used to like my psychic, until I threw her a surprise party and it worked 

I’m always on the edge of my seat when I’m at the circus. It’s just so in tents

I thought it would be cool to have Velcro shoes, but it turns out they’re a total rip off.

Are people born with a photographic memory or does it take time to develop?

 My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, you just wait.

The other day I yelled into a colander and I strained my voice.

 A five-dollar bill walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey. This is a singles bar.”

 I’m not saying that I’m a bad driver…but when I drive, my navigation device doesn’t speak, it prays in Latin.

Has anyone else used WD-40 to get rid of mice? It didn’t work for me, but it did stop the squeaking.

I gave my friend an apple, and she told me she preferred pears, so I gave her another apple.

 I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn’t water proof.

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married… I didn’t want him to.

What did the DNA say to the other DNA? Do these genes make me look fat?

 I was looking forward to going on one of those Viking River Cruises until I found out they don’t actually let you pillage anything.

 Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.

I was told that after a vasectomy I wouldn’t have kids anymore. But when I got home
they were still there…

Okay, this next one is really pretty cool!

I managed a pet store that specialized in sales of tropical fish. 

One afternoon shortly after Christmas a lady called with the astonishing report that her fish were drinking too much water. After a brief pause, I asked her how on earth she knew that. 

“Well,” she replied, “I noticed that they were gulping all the time and when I woke up this morning I discovered that the aquarium water was half gone.” 

I had to put down the phone and laugh for a good minute or two before I could summon the composure to tell her that she needed to check the floor for the water that had leaked out overnight and bring the tank back in for a replacement.

When Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana speaks, I listen. While I’ve often referred to him as “the Will Rogers of Congress,” Bruce Carlton called him “The Will Rogers of our time.”

This collection of his quips is priceless.

Bruce Carlson:

Southerners have a way with words, some better than others. Start the year with some Truthful Humor: Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy . The Will Rogers of our time.

Kennedy graduated Magna cum Laude from Vanderbilt, has a  Law degree from the University of Virginia and a degree from Oxford in England .  He is no country bumpkin; he is very insightful & a bit humorous.

Comment about Cuomo lecturing us. “It’s like a frog calling you ugly”.

–Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

This election in Ga will be the most important in history.  You have nothing to worry about unless you are a taxpayer, parent, gun owner, cop, person of faith, or an unborn baby!

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Senator John Kennedy from Louisiana describes Democrats as the “well-intended arugula and tofu crowd.”

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

You can only be young once, but you can always be immature.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Americans are thinking, there are some good members of Congress but we can’t figure out what they are good for.  Others are thinking, how did these morons make it through the birth canal.”

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

It’s as dead as four o’clock.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Always follow your heart…..but take your brains with you.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

The short answer is ‘No.’   The long answer is ‘Hell No.’

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

It must suck to be that dumb.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

When the Portland mayor’s IQ gets to 75, he oughta sell.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

I keep trying to see Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer’s point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Go sell your crazy somewhere else…we are all stocked up here.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

She has a Billy goat brain and a mockingbird mouth!

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Sen. John Kennedy (R., La.) said on Wednesday that he trusted most Middle Eastern countries as much as gas station sushi.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

You can get a goat to climb a tree, but you’d be better off hiring a squirrel.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

1. This has been going on since Moby Dick was a minnow.

2. Don’t stand between a dog and a fire hydrant.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Our country was founded by geniuses, but it’s being run by idiots.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

It appears that he might do the right thing, but only when closely supervised and cornered like a rat.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Dumb enough to be a twin of himself.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

This is why space aliens won’t talk to us.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Democrats are running around like they found a hair in their biscuit.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Chuck Schumer just moo’s and follows Nancy Pelosi into the cow chute.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

What planet did you parachute in from?

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Just because you CAN sing doesn’t mean you should.

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

Senator John Kennedy on Nancy Pelosi, “She can strut sitting down!”

– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

THE EVOLUTION POPULATION PROBLEM

Evolutionary scientists believe that man has existed for over a million years, and their belief has overwhelming issues. Using the assumption of 43 years, for the average human generation, the population growth over a million years would produce 23,256 consecutive generations. We calculate the expected population by starting with one couple one million years ago and use the same assumption of 43 year generation and 2.5 children per family. The evolutionary theory of a million years of growth would produce trillions and trillions and trillions of people that should be alive today on our planet. (Taking wars, famine, and natural disasters into account)

To help understand, the number is much greater than the total number of atoms in our expansive universe. Furthermore, if mankind lived on earth for millions of years, we would all be standing on an enormous mountain of bones from trillions of skeletons of those who had died in past generations. However, despite tremendous archaeological and scientific investigation in the last two centuries, scientists have not found a fraction of the trillions of skeletons predicted by the theory of evolutionary scientists. Where are all the bodies?

Funny enough, as Creationists, we have the expected population if the world started with 2 people, 6000 years ago, and then 8 people 4,500 years ago. Yes, it’s true!

Now the follow 0n article…

Billions of People in Thousands of Years?

Creationists are often asked, “How is it possible for the earth’s population to reach billions of people if the world is only about 6,000 years old and if there were just two humans in the beginning?” Here is what a little bit of simple arithmetic shows us.

A traveling salesman was driving through the country late one night when his car died. 

Seeing a farmhouse nearby, he knocked on the door. 

“My car broke down,” the salesman explained to the farmer who answered. “Could I possibly spend the night here?” 

“Yes,” said the farmer, “but you’ll have to share a bed with my son.” 

“Uh-oh,” the salesman replied, “I must be in the wrong joke.”

I hope you enjoyed this extra-long, extra-special edition of your favorite ezine.  It was fun putting it together.  Until we meet again, my love to you all.

Okay, I have no idea what day it is.  It’s Tuesday for me.  That’s Tuesday March 25th.  Yeah, THAT Tuesday.  Okay, I gotta figure it out.  Be right back.  

Okay, for you guys, it’s Monday … like two weeks from now.  April 7th.  So yeah, I’m a bit ahead, but that’s a good thing.  Because coming up, real soon, there is going to be another run of days where I’m not going to be able to do this, so it’s good to get ahead and stay ahead.  So … yeah … let’s keep doing this.

The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby.

Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.

“Was it my friend Sam”, he demanded.

“No !” his weeping wife replied.

“Was it my friend Jim then?” he asked.

“NO !!!” she said even more upset.

“Well which one of my no good friends did this then?” he asked.

“Don’t you think I have any friends of my own?” she snapped.

The last one is old…but appropriate.  

YES!  Yes, yes yes!!!!

A very thirsty man goes into a bar.

As he’s sitting down, he hears the man next to him tell the bartender, “I’ll have another waterloo.”

The bartender gives the fellow a tall, well-iced drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink.

Thinking the other man’s drink may be a specialty of the house, he says, “I’ll have a waterloo, too.”

The bartender gives him the tall, well-iced drink, and the customer takes a big drink.

“Hey,” he says, “this isn’t any good. It tastes just like water!”

The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, “Well, it is water.!

Right, Lou?”

Oh, come on!  That one’s easy!

I’m SO tired of being cold!

We have a new employee, Jose, at the local Home Depot and has proven to be very knowledgeable and helpful to the sawdust challenged like myself. 

Yesterday I needed his guidance after ruining several pieces of wood with my newly purchased belt sander.

A fast trip to the store led to the retro question,

“Can you tell me the way to sand, Jose?”

Pop Smith is gonna try to get me one of these!  I can hardly wait!

I have so many questions!

And Bob is brilliant!

That guy is incredible!  He looks to be like my age!

I laughed SO HARD!!

50 Extremely Common Things That Literally Every Person On Earth Has Been Calling The Wrong Name Their Entire Life

Very interesting article.  Of the fifty I knew … almost half … 24 of them.

1, 3, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 13, 14, 17, 18, 20, 21, 24, 25, 28, 32 (doesn’t everyone?), 33, 35 (that one, too?), 42, 44, 45, 46, 49 (although I wasn’t exactly sure of the measurement)

how many of you beat my total?

Yeah…that’s me…

Why is a dog’s nose in the middle of it’s face?

Because it’s the scenter.

48 Deathtraps — Um, I Mean Stupidly Dangerous Designs — That I Can’t Believe People Were Actually Paid To Make

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

– T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)

As I’ve said SO. MANY. TIMES. BEFORE.

Overheard in a computer shop:

Customer: “I’d like a mouse mat, please.”

Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we’ve got a large variety.”

Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”

Two guys were out walking their dogs, when one dog wanders off to pee against the wall. Like dogs do, it raised it’s leg and started to do his thing.

The second dog then goes up and starts to go exactly where the other dog did. But instead of raising his leg, he stood up on his hind legs, put both paws on the wall and relieved himself.

One guy says to the other, “Wow, how did you teach
him to pee like that?”

The second man replies, “I didn’t teach him. He’s done it ever since the wall fell on him.”

I’m getting further and further ahead.

Today is Monday, Mary’s birthday, and I’m just trying to stay busy.  So, since I don’t have anything to say right now, let’s just get to the fun stuff.

Sounds to me like you need one of these…

Oklahoma, Wynona Law

You can’t wash your clothes in a birdbath

The class had gone to lunch and the restroom and returned to class. 

The teacher did not see Johnnie.

She asked, “Where’s Johnnie?”

One of the students replied, “He’s in the bathroom, lying on the floor.”

She asked, “Why is he doing that?”

The child said, “I don’t know.  He’s been like that since he stuck the scissors in the light socket.”

Yup, I agree Joe.  That’ll do it.

Please, please, please tell me that you get that one.  

Well, don’t tell me, tell me.  I just hope there’s no one out there who doesn’t get that one.  That would be too much for me to bear.

As an estate agent, I deal with all types of people.

Recently, I showed a home to a couple who seemed eager to check out the fantastic view from the living room.

But when I dramatically pulled back the drapes, the disappointed husband asked, “Where  is the view? Those mountains must be blocking it.”

You know … that’s a really good point.  Just being you, being blessed by the Holy Spirit, is going to annoy the stuffing out of the demons that reside in SO MANY other people.  No wonder there are so many jerks out there.

A group of students was asked to list what they thought were the present Seven Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the following got the most votes:

1. Egypt’s Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter’s Basilica
7. China’s Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one quiet student hadn’t turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list.

The girl replied, “Yes, a little. I couldn’t quite make up my mind because there were so many.”

The teacher said, “Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help.”

The girl hesitated, then read, “I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:

1. to touch
2. to taste
3. to see
4. to hear

She hesitated a little,  and then added

5. to feel
6. to laugh!
7. and to love

The room was so full of silence you could have heard a pin drop.  Those things we overlook as simple and “ordinary” are truly wondrous.

A gentle reminder that the most precious things are before you: your family, your faith, your love, your good health and your friends.

I gotta say, that is about THE best answer I have ever read.

The stockbroker was nervous about being in prison because his cellmate looked like a real thug.

“Don’t worry,” the gruff looking fellow said, “I’m in here for a white collar crime too.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” sighed the stockbroker. “I was sent to prison for fraud and insider trading. How about you?”

“Oh, nothing fancy like that,” grinned the convict. “I just killed a couple of priests.”

I like that a lot!

Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger’s reservation that showed his name as “Cole, Pheven.”

“I’d like to be certain our information is correct,” I said to him. “What is your first name?”

“It’s Stephen,” he replied. “I hope the reservation agent got it right. I told him it’s spelled with a ph.”

Warning Signs of Inferior Cooking

 Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren.

Someone broke a tooth eating your homemade yogurt.

You have some idea what “peas porridge in a pot nine days old” tastes like.

When your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him.

Your kids’ favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.

You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle.

Your kids get even with neighborhood bullies by inviting them to dinner.

Your spouse refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.

No matter what you do to it, the gravy still turns bright purple.

A little girl and a little boy were at day care. The girl approaches the boy and says, “Hey Tommy, wanna play house?”

He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”

The girl replies, “I want you to communicate your thoughts.”

“Communicate my thoughts?” said a bewildered Tommy. “I have no idea what that means.”

The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”

That brings us to an end.  My love to you all.

Yeah, sometimes road rage be like that.  And if anyone knows anything about road rage, you can imagine that an ancient blue dragon can instruct anyone!

So…I’m a bit ahead of the game.  

It’s still Sunday.

No.

Not yesterday (for you guys).

A week ago yesterday.

I had some free time and I spent it with you guys.  I’m relaxing.  I have a bunch of homework to do, but that will come.  Right now, it’s me time.  Well, me and you time.

I am rewatching The Chosen, for like the fourth time, in preparation for season five coming out!  I have the first four seasons on DVD and they are OUTSTANDING!  For those of you out there who haven’t seen it, I can’t give it a higher recommendation!  

You know, that’s not really good enough…

There you go!  That’s better!  Go watch it!  And you know what’s even better?  If you download the Chosen App, you can watch all four seasons … FOR FREE!  Just mention Impish Dragon … no, I’m kidding.  Just download the app, go buy the DVDs, or go to some of the online sites like Netflix and such and you can watch them.  Maybe not Netflix, but Prime probably … I’m not sure, but I know I’ve seen it on some of them.

Anyway, I’m rambling, because I’m still not looking forward to Mary’s birthday tomorrow, so let’s get into the laughter while I binge on The Chosen.

I don’t know what it is, but for eighty bucks off, I gotta have it!

Puns and one-liners from Chris, some old, some new, all funny

To the person who stole my glasses…I will find you, I have contacts!

People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

 Woke up the other day in a cold sweat, terrified that I overslept for work, but quickly realized I was already at work so breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Dad: Son, you’re adopted. 
Son: Wow, I wonder who my real parents are. 
Dad: We are your real parents, your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.

Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, “Darn, I forgot to feed the dog.”

 Someone ripped the fifth page out of my calendar. I’m dismayed.

 A lot of women say their husband never listens to them. I am proud to say I have never heard my wife say that.

Got asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had a chip on my shoulder.

Just like the economy, my waistline has suffered from inflation over the years.

I asked if I could leave work early the other day, and the boss said yes, if I made up the time. I said “sure, it’s twenty past fourteen”.

Lately, coworkers have been writing names on the food in the office fridge. I’m currently eating a sandwich named Kevin.

Man who sneezes without tissues, takes the matters in his own hands.

A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period, it marks the end of his sentence.

My father worked 12 hours a day to put food on the table. He was a slow cook.

Dogs can’t operate MRI machines, but catscan.

After my job interview, the boss handed me a helmet, sword, and armor. I asked him why? He said I would be working the knight shift.

A truck driver, who had been delivering radioactive waste for the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job.  He decided to seek compensation for his ailment.

Upon his arrival at the workers’ compensation department, he is interviewed by an assessor. 

Assessor:  “I see you work with radio-active materials and wish to claim compensation.”

Trucker:  “Yeah, I feel really sick.”

Assessor:  “All right then, Does your employer take measures to protect you from radiation poisoning?”

Trucker:  “Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job.”

Assessor:  “And what about the cabin in which you drive?”

Trucker:  “Oh yeah. That’s lead lined, all lead lined.”

Assessor:  “What about the waste itself?  Where is that kept?”

Trucker:  “Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead.”

Assessor:  “Let me see if I get this straight.  You wear a lead suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept in a lead container.”

Trucker:  “Yeah, that’s right.  All lead.”

Assessor:  “Then I can’t see how you could claim against him for radiation poisoning.”

Trucker:  “I’m not suing for radiation poison.  I claiming for lead poisoning!”

Two robins were sitting in a tree.

“I’m really hungry,” said the first one. “Let’s fly down and find some lunch.”

They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more.

“I m so full, I don’t think I can fly back up into the tree,” said the first one.

“Let’s just lay back here and bask in the warm sun,” said the second.

“O K,” said the first.

So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat up and gobbled them up.

As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought……………..

  ………………”I JUST LOVE BASKIN ROBINS.”

This is is so very true!

A couple I know were discussing their wallpaper, which had just been hung.

Joe was annoyed at Debbie’s indifference to what he felt was a poor job.

“The problem is that I’m a perfectionist and you’re not,” he finally said to her.

“Exactly!” she replied. “That’s why you married me and I married you!”

That one was sent in by our good friend, Joe from NJ…and you’ll never guess what his dear wife’s name is…

One of the greatest bits of advice I’ve EVER read.

Lynn sends us the most interesting things, sometimes…

If by accident or curiosity, you’ve tasted sea water……

This image shows the microfauna that exists within a single drop of seawater, expanded 25 times.

The salty taste of the sea isn’t just salt: there are cyanobacteria, zooplankton, worms, fish eggs, crab larvae, and plenty of other insects.

This next little essay was also sent into us by Lynn…

While Joe and Debbie were shopping at a mall , a shapely young woman in a short form-fitting dress strolled by… Joe’s eyes followed her.

Without looking up from the item Debbie was examining, she asked, “Was it worth the trouble you’re now in?”

I’m not even going to bother telling you who that one is from.

The GREATEST gun ever invented.

Want to add one more thing…

I knew this was true, but now, after three years, I had no idea how MUCH this was true.  Every.  Single.  Thing.  HAS Changed.  None of it for the better.  The only thing in my life that is better, and that makes all the rest of it livable, is my Christian walk with God.  I can give you examples for every single point made in this meme.  For crying-out-loud, I’ve lost 150 pounds without trying!  Just because I stopped eating in grief.  

I’m not here to complain and I need to stop this RIGHT HERE or I’ll drop right into a pity party that is not only inappropriate, but wrong.  I have more blessings than I have any right to.  I am just really lonely and miss Mary.  So, let’s draw this issue to a close and I’ll go start my homework that I need to get to.  My love to all of you, until we speak again.

Today is Thursday and for me it’s still Saturday.  Late on Saturday, but still Saturday.  I, personally, still haven’t gone through Monday.  You might remember, Monday was Mary’s birthday.

I was going to take the day off, but we have an exercise on Tuesday … from your perspective, we had an exercise on Tuesday … this is weird … so I have to be at work on Monday because I have things I have to do.

Izzy also is working on Monday.  I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but it’s a thing.  We went through the whole look at eternity on Monday, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss her while I’m experiencing my dot.

So, while I sit here and try really had not to cry because I’m so incredibly lonely right now, let’s go ahead and 

This is the perfect spot to put in this story that Steve sent to me.  I’m going to put it in here exactly as it was sent to me.  If it doesn’t bring a tear to your eye, either you are not a fan or you are not human.

I know many of you are Calvin and Hobbs appreciators, and perhaps you will get as much satisfaction out of this little story as I did!

José Luiz Verta  Calvin and Hobbes

rnotpesdSo1r2tc0584:a1p7l8l8 u03PaM6i mAt96 hit0ui68gg0 4ga7  · 

‘

“Calvin? Calvin, sweetheart?”

In the darkness Calvin heard the sound of Susie, his wife of fifty-three years. Calvin struggled to open his eyes. God, he was so tired and it took so much strength. Slowly, light replaced the darkness, and soon vision followed. At the foot of his bed stood his wife. Calvin wet his dry lips and spoke hoarsely, “Did… did you…. find him?”

“Yes dear,” Susie said smiling sadly, “He was in the attic.”

Susie reached into her big purse and brought out a soft, old, orange tiger doll. Calvin could not help but laugh. It had been so long. Too long.

“I washed him for you,” Susie said, her voice cracking a little as she laid the stuffed tiger next to her husband.

“Thank you, Susie.” Calvin said.

A few moments passed as Calvin just laid on his hospital bed, his head turned to the side, staring at the old toy with nostalgia.

“Dear,” Calvin said finally. “Would you mind leaving me alone with Hobbes for a while? I would like to catch up with him.”

“All right,” Susie said. “I’ll get something to eat in the cafeteria. I’ll be back soon.”

Susie kissed her husband on the forehead and turned to leave. With sudden but gentle strength Calvin stopped her. Lovingly he pulled his wife in and gave her a passionate kiss on the lips. “I love you,” he said.

“And I love you,” said Susie.

Susie turned and left. Calvin saw tears streaming from her face as she went out the door.

Calvin then turned to face his oldest and dearest friend. “Hello Hobbes. It’s been a long time hasn’t it old pal?”

Hobbes was no longer a stuffed doll but the big furry old tiger Calvin had always remembered. “It sure has, Calvin.” said Hobbes.

“You… haven’t changed a bit.” Calvin smiled.

“You’ve changed a lot.” Hobbes said sadly.

Calvin laughed, “Really? I haven’t noticed at all.”

There was a long pause. The sound of a clock ticking away the seconds rang throughout the sterile hospital room.

“So… you married Susie Derkins.” Hobbes said, finally smiling. “I knew you always like her.”

“Shut up!” Calvin said, his smile bigger than ever.

“Tell me everything I missed. I’d love to hear what you’ve been up to!” Hobbes said, excited.

And so Calvin told him everything. He told him about how he and Susie fell in love in high school and had married after graduating from college, about his three kids and four grandkids, how he turned Spaceman Spiff into one of the most popular sci-fi novels of the decade, and so on. After he told Hobbes all this there was another pregnant pause.

“You know… I visited you in the attic a bunch of times.” Calvin said.

“I know.”

“But I couldn’t see you. All I saw was a stuffed animal.” Calvin voice was breaking and tears of regret started welling up in his eyes.

“You grew up old buddy.” said Hobbes.

Calvin broke down and sobbed, hugging his best friend. “I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry I broke my promise! I promised I wouldn’t grow up and that we’d be together forever!!”

Hobbes stroke the Calvin’s hair, or what little was left of it. “But you didn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“We were always together… in our dreams.”

“We were?”

“We were.”

“Hobbes?”

“Yeah, old buddy?”

“I’m so glad I got to see you like this… one last time…”

“Me too, Calvin. Me too.”

“Sweetheart?” Susie voice came from outside the door.

“Yes dear?” Calvin replied.

“Can I come in?” Susie asked.

“Just a minute.”

Calvin turned to face Hobbes one last time. “Goodbye Hobbes. Thanks… for everything…”

“No, thank you Calvin.” Hobbes said.

Calvin turned back to the door and said, “You can come in now.”

Susie came in and said, “Look who’s come to visit you.”

Calvin’s children and grandchildren followed Susie into Calvin’s room. The youngest grandchild ran past the rest of them and hugged Calvin in a hard, excited hug. “Grandpa!!” screamed the child in delight.

“Francis!” cried Calvin’s daughter, “Be gentle with your grandfather.”

Calvin’s daughter turned to her dad. “I’m sorry, Daddy. Francis never seems to behave these days. He just runs around making a mess and coming up with strange stories.”

Calvin laughed and said, “Well now! That sound just like me when I was his age.”

Calvin and his family chatted some more until a nurse said, “Sorry, but visiting hours are almost up.”

Calvin’s beloved family said good bye and promised to visit tomorrow. As they turned to leave Calvin said, “Francis. Come here for a second.”

Francis came over to his grandfather’s side, “What is it Gramps?”

Calvin reached over to the stuffed tiger on his bedside and held him out shakily to his grandson, who looked exactly as he did so many years ago. “This is Hobbes. He was my best friend when I was your age. I want you to have him.”

“He’s just a stuffed tiger.” Francis said, eyebrows raised.

Calvin laughed, “Well, let me tell you a secret.”

Francis leaned closer to Calvin. Calvin whispered, “If you catch him in a tiger trap using a tuna sandwich as bait he will turn into a real tiger.”

Francis gasped in delighted awe. Calvin continued, “Not only that he will be your best friend forever.”

“Wow! Thanks grandpa!” Francis said, hugging his grandpa tightly again.

“Francis! We need to go now!” Calvin’s daughter called.

“Okay!” Francis shouted back.

“Take good care of him.” Calvin said.

“I will.” Francis said before running off after the rest of the family.

Calvin laid on his back and stared at the ceiling. The time to go was close. He could feel it in his soul. Calvin tried to remember a quote he read in a book once. It said something about death being the next great adventure or something like that. He eyelids grew heavy and his breathing slowed. As he went deeper into his final sleep he heard Hobbes, as if he was right next to him at his bedside. “I’ll take care of him, Calvin…”

Calvin took his first step toward one more adventure and breathed his last with a grin on his face.

Credits: samuraitiger19 – from reddit

Note from the author – on reddit: “Wow… just wow… I am speechless here guys. I did not expect such a reaction to my story or prompt. I am not worthy of your praise or your gold. I am truly humbled. Thanks so much! I’m truly glad so my story touched so many people”.

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole — he would dig, dig, dig. The other would come behind him and fill the hole — fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.

A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn’t believe how hard these men were working, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.

He said to the hole digger, “I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!”

The hole digger replied, “Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today.”

16 Signs From This Week That Made Me Snort-Laugh, Shake My Head, And Faint

50 Terrible, Dark, And Shocking Things I Learned Not That Long Ago

Oh, dear Lord how true, how true!

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea – one called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, “I’m bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn’t have any worries about being eaten…”

As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, “Your wish is granted”, and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on (as it invariably does…) and Justin found himself Becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.

Justin didn’t realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can’t believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail – it’s much worse).

Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. “Where’s Christian?” he asked.

“He’s at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark”, came the reply.Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian’s house.

As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, “It’s me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.

“Christian replied “No way man, you’ll eat me. You’re a shark, the enemy and I’ll not be tricked. ”

Justin cried back “No, I’m not. That was the old me. I’ve changed.”…

…..”I’ve found Cod, I’m a prawn again Christian”.

That is true so much more often than we ever realize.

One night at an economy motel, a business man ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, he awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. “Good morning,” a young man said sheepishly. “This is your wake-up call.”

Annoyed, he let the hotel worker have it. “You were supposed to call me at 6:00 AM!…. he complained. “What if he had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?”

“Well, sir,” the desk clerk quickly replied, “if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you probably wouldn’t be staying in this motel!”

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day.

That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a hugh buck.

“Where’s Harry?”, asked another hunter.

“He fainted a couple miles up the trail,” Harry’s partner answered. “You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?”

“It was a tough decision,” said the hunter. “But I figured no one is going to steal Harry.”

I’ve heard of the difference between these two, but this little piece by Lynn lays it all out very nicely in words and pictures.  Thanks Lynn.  Quite scary really.

UK Fanta gets its color from carrots, pumpkins, and orange fruit, while the US version gets it from dyes (red 40 and yellow 6). 

Also about 3 times as much sugar in the US version versus the UK version, and the US Fanta has high fructose corn syrup while the UK version has sugar. 

Also there’s no orange juice in American Fanta.

I used to like Fanta, when I could still drink carbonated drinks (that’s a long story that we don’t need to go into right now), and I don’t believe I ever had a UK Fanta while I was stationed there, but I am really curious to try one now!

That’s it folks.  That puts Thursday’s issue in the box.  Let’s now get started on next Monday’s, shall we?